Is our 23 y/o daughter being used and led on by her 23 y/o medical student boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

They met during college, we met him, the whole nine. Nice boy, handsome, charming, good family. She began her career this last year, he is a first year medical student at a state university about 1,000 miles away from the major city she works in. She flies out to see him on some weekends, which of course means having sex with him. Our daughter is cute and very sweet, often to a fault, and she is not dating or talking to any other young men where she lives. I hate to be cynical but is she supposed to carry this on for four years? In other words, waste her prime being a fly-in booty call hoping this young doctor doesn't meet someone else at his large state university?

[Anonymous]

Ask your daughter. We do NOT know.

[Anonymous]

She's 23. Not 12. Butt out.

[Anonymous]

I mean she can be a fly-in or she can relocate and then she can relocate again wherever he gets residency.

[Anonymous]

It’s very weird you’re so fixated on her having sex. She’s 23 with a career, not a child. And guess what, she probably quite enjoys having sex with him.

Maybe he is using her, maybe he isn’t. Early 20s are for going through those experiences and figuring things out. MYOB and let her live her life.

[Anonymous]

I'm not entirely cynical, I know one example of this dynamic working and they did marry. However, they were only about 1 hour apart after college, not 1,000 miles. And the medical student (female) seemed to visit her college boyfriend just as much as he visited her.

[Anonymous]

Or he can fly and meet her, perhaps?

I had a two year long-distance relationship with my husband, who was also my first boyfriend. Long distance as in across the Atlantic, so we didn't see each other very often!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not entirely cynical, I know one example of this dynamic working and they did marry. However, they were only about 1 hour apart after college, not 1,000 miles. And the medical student (female) seemed to visit her college boyfriend just as much as he visited her.

If he is living on loans, he may not be able to fly to her

[Anonymous]

Who knows. If she is inclined, she can find work near him. Or not…up to her. But he isn’t able to move medical schools and doesn’t have a whole lot of say where he does residency, so it will likely be on her to change locations if she wants to get more serious. I really think the ball is in her court on this.

I married my DH in residency while we lived in the same city, but then had to move several states away for work and he obviously couldn’t follow. We kept that up for 4 yrs and made it work. With a physician, depending on what area of specialty he picks, she will likely have to follow his career location choices. She will probably have more flexibility than he will

[Anonymous]

There is only one person in prime position to know whether this is suiting your daughter's needs and a good choice for her to make, and that is your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, what is your concern? That they have a long distance relationship which may not last? Or that he doesn't visit her (presumably because she has a more flex schedule)? Or that it would be better for her to have someone who lived in her town?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand your concern either. My DH and I long distance dated for 3 years while he was in law school. We're now married for 8 years and I'm embarrassed to think my parents wondered if I was just his weekend booty call while he was in law school lol.

[Anonymous]

My goodness, OP. Cut the cord.

[Anonymous]

Butt out. She's an adult.

[Anonymous]

I thought this was going to be about her supporting him, and being worried about him dumping her after he finished school/residency (which happened to a family member). But it's about her . . . having sex with him? Your alternative is for them to break up because . . . he is in medical school? Generations of mothers just gave you the side eye.