Is our 23 y/o daughter being used and led on by her 23 y/o medical student boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Yep, agree: butt out. She is an adult. Let her make mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not entirely cynical, I know one example of this dynamic working and they did marry. However, they were only about 1 hour apart after college, not 1,000 miles. And the medical student (female) seemed to visit her college boyfriend just as much as he visited her.

If he is living on loans, he may not be able to fly to her

His family is well off.

[Anonymous]

Why are you so fixated on your daughter’s sex life, weirdo?

[Anonymous]

I'd be more concerned about the money she is pouring into this for flights than the sex. That is very young to meet your forever person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be more concerned about the money she is pouring into this for flights than the sex. That is very young to meet your forever person.

If financially independent, the money isn't Mom's business, either.

I met my "forever person" (really? I'm not a rescue pit bull) at 23, by the way.

[Anonymous]

If the arrangement does not include him flying to her sometimes(even if not as often), yes he is using her.

It's never good to be the one putting in all the work, especially for 4 years(medical school is not going to get any easier). If he cannot fly a few times, he is not worth it, and he is only doing this because she makes it easier by coming to him.

But there is truly nothing you can do(don't even try to mention it). As long as your daughter's career is not suffering because of this, it's ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be more concerned about the money she is pouring into this for flights than the sex. That is very young to meet your forever person.

If financially independent, the money isn't Mom's business, either.

I met my "forever person" (really? I'm not a rescue pit bull) at 23, by the way.

Then I'm sure you're well aware that it's unusual.

[Anonymous]

You should find a hobby. This is what happens when your entire identity becomes mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so fixated on your daughter’s sex life, weirdo?

OP is fixated on her daughter's lack of one. Long distance relationships suck in that department.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s very weird you’re so fixated on her having sex. She’s 23 with a career, not a child. And guess what, she probably quite enjoys having sex with him.

Maybe he is using her, maybe he isn’t. Early 20s are for going through those experiences and figuring things out. MYOB and let her live her life.

So weary of this they are “adults at 18, butt out” nonsense. The OP may lack guile in her wording, but most of us parents who nurtured, cosseted, coached and cherished our offspring 100 percent get the need for early 20s gentle guidance/advice without being overly intrusive. Like it or not, the world still operates in sexist and outdated ways: these are her prime years and she sacrifices a lot by not dating others. I don’t think it is a case of him “using” her, he is just in a difficult, labor intensive time in his life. I think she should date others casually, but if she is adamantly opposed I think she should be assured of exclusivity. If talks of engagement/marriage before residency don’t materialize in a year or so, she should re-evaluate.

[Anonymous]

The sex is worth it to her! 🤣 She might be the one using him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very weird you’re so fixated on her having sex. She’s 23 with a career, not a child. And guess what, she probably quite enjoys having sex with him.

Maybe he is using her, maybe he isn’t. Early 20s are for going through those experiences and figuring things out. MYOB and let her live her life.

So weary of this they are “adults at 18, butt out” nonsense. The OP may lack guile in her wording, but most of us parents who nurtured, cosseted, coached and cherished our offspring 100 percent get the need for early 20s gentle guidance/advice without being overly intrusive. Like it or not, the world still operates in sexist and outdated ways: these are her prime years and she sacrifices a lot by not dating others. I don’t think it is a case of him “using” her, he is just in a difficult, labor intensive time in his life. I think she should date others casually, but if she is adamantly opposed I think she should be assured of exclusivity. If talks of engagement/marriage before residency don’t materialize in a year or so, she should re-evaluate.

You don't have to like it but your child isn't your robot. They are entitled to live the life they choose even if that means making some mistakes. You Gen x parents are obsessed with your kids living " perfect" lives to their detriment. You and op need to butt out and get lives of your own.

[Anonymous]

Wondering is OP is jerking us around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so fixated on your daughter’s sex life, weirdo?

OP is fixated on her daughter's lack of one. Long distance relationships suck in that department.

Np here and it's still weird and none of ops business a huge boundary violation in my opinion. Her daughter can figure out this relationship for herself. She doesn't need mommy telling her what to do. Long distance relationships are hard but they can be managed.

[Anonymous]

Don't say anything UNTIL your daughter comes to you for advice. You can ask how she's doing, how the relationship is working out with the distance, give some tips if you've ever been in the same situation, etc.

Be a source of empathy. But don't criticize her or their relationship. She's got to figure it out for herself.