Unhealed Betrayed Wives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a ton here. Ranting and raving about how awful cheaters are on every thread, name calling, immature snarkiness. My ex-husband had an affair, we separated, we reconciled, he did it again, we divorced. It was painful, it was ugly, but craps happens. Heal and get over it, and move on with your life. Giving non-useful advice isn't going to heal you. And all the AP/cheating husband name calling in the world isn't going stop them.

Do betrayed spouses get therapy, or is bleeding all over DCUM therapy for you?

Just wondering.

I can tell this thread is a bash women thread so we should ignore

Exactly. OP is not a "healed wife"

OP here. You are correct, I'm a healed EX-wife. The point is to make a choice, get some healing and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t get therapy because they don’t see that they are part of the problem in their own misery, and often feel like being a victim gets them some kind of social leverage.

I understand that being cheated on can be a very traumatic event to some people, but the choice to not heal and move on to real happiness is what baffles me.

This. But it's probably just a handful of women with too much time on their hands. They just show up in every thread because the whole world must know.

I find it odd to blame the victims. How about the nasty cheaters bragging about what crappy people they are.[b]

To be fair we are all here.....

The woman recently bragging about blowing her AP in a parking garage over a hundred times. OMG. These cheaters are insane and disgusting. Who brags about that? I'm sure everyone calls her D@@ck breath behind her back, you know, like the security guys watching it on their camera and the co-workers that watch her get in and out of the car. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


Please report, people. It's a troll.


I've been on DCUM for close to 15 years now, and there's been a recent uptick in such posts.

OP here. Wrong. It's something I've noticed in a lot of threads over the past several months. Just because someone has an observation or opinion you don't agree with doesn't make them a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a ton here. Ranting and raving about how awful cheaters are on every thread, name calling, immature snarkiness. My ex-husband had an affair, we separated, we reconciled, he did it again, we divorced. It was painful, it was ugly, but craps happens. Heal and get over it, and move on with your life. Giving non-useful advice isn't going to heal you. And all the AP/cheating husband name calling in the world isn't going stop them.

Do betrayed spouses get therapy, or is bleeding all over DCUM therapy for you?

Just wondering.

I'm glad for you if you are in a healthy place. For some people, the destruction of ones marriage has life long negative implications, and also for one's children. It's not easy to just shrug off the trauma when you still have to live it, for example, raising the cheater's children for about 20 years.

And I say that as someone who has forgiven my dad and step mom for cheating and wrecking our family, and who is friendly with my cheating, gaslighting ex, to the point where we do extended family vacations together.

But there are some wounds that take decades to heal. Decades.

OP here. I get it. I've been there. Was married for over 15 years, he moved in with the other woman, my child has been in therapy, he even brought AP to our final divorce hearing. I've been through hell. I know what that betrayal feels like. With that said, it's still a choice to rant and name call all over a public forum. It's not going to change the betrayed's situation. It's not going to make cheaters not cheat. Betrayed spouses are not going to change people's minds by calling them names. All it does is keep them stuck, unhealed and dare I say, bitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a ton here. Ranting and raving about how awful cheaters are on every thread, name calling, immature snarkiness. My ex-husband had an affair, we separated, we reconciled, he did it again, we divorced. It was painful, it was ugly, but craps happens. Heal and get over it, and move on with your life. Giving non-useful advice isn't going to heal you. And all the AP/cheating husband name calling in the world isn't going stop them.

Do betrayed spouses get therapy, or is bleeding all over DCUM therapy for you?

Just wondering.

What’s your question?

People can still divorce, heal and tell their truths wherever or whenever they want.

Last month I had dinner with an old high school coach of mine who was in town. While catching up he had an earful to say about his divorce 20 years ago. Did I complain or fault him for merely saying his truth? No.

Grow up OP. Esp for an anonymous chat board where all you have to do is go read something else. Your post is asinine.

Comprehension is your friend. My post was not about people posting about their affair pain. My post was about the name calling and immature attacks on people who have been in affairs. My post was asking do people get therapy to heal from their affair pain or do they just post hateful comments here attacking people as their way of healing.

It's ok if you don't agree. If you had to use an old high school coach as a reference for someone you know who has divorced, then obviously this post was not about you. I was a betrayed spouse. I was speaking to others who have been through it. Not people who know somebody who knows somebody who coached them in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say some people are going through the process you went through to heal, they just aren't there yet. They may be in the anger stage and that is completely normal.

Its nice to have compassion in life and realise that not everyone else is having a great day like you are. Its ok if they are sad, hurt or angry. Its probably still raw for them.

Just because you are over and done with it doesn't mean everyone else is. Imagine you told a friend you were getting a divorce because he cheated and they simply told you to get over it. I imagine its healthier to go through that rage stage, no point keeping it held inside.

ITA but after a while it's so unhealthy. My MIL is still not over it over 10 years later and frankly it is getting annoying for everyone, including her adult kids.

What you don’t understand about loss that destroys your life and life dream is that is does not ever resolve. It compounds over time. All the milestones all the would have beens the whole unfulfilled life runs alongside your actual lived life, mocking you, forever. To get over or past it you have to literally change who you are, lie to yourself about what you believed and wanted, adjust your values to your reality instead of the reverse; while all around you are people still living your dream. That’s why.

Currently in it (and no, I haven't started any of the recent threads), and this really sums it up well. I think it's different when kids aren't involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people can't adjust and move on.

Adults can, but it's difficult for kids when they are stuck with the AP and the APs kids etc. etc. New steps they didn't want and a lot of stuff that changes their life forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t get therapy because they don’t see that they are part of the problem in their own misery, and often feel like being a victim gets them some kind of social leverage.

I understand that being cheated on can be a very traumatic event to some people, but the choice to not heal and move on to real happiness is what baffles me.

This. But it's probably just a handful of women with too much time on their hands. They just show up in every thread because the whole world must know.

Yes there are a few who post a lot. Maybe it help them but I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a ton here. Ranting and raving about how awful cheaters are on every thread, name calling, immature snarkiness. My ex-husband had an affair, we separated, we reconciled, he did it again, we divorced. It was painful, it was ugly, but craps happens. Heal and get over it, and move on with your life. Giving non-useful advice isn't going to heal you. And all the AP/cheating husband name calling in the world isn't going stop them.

Do betrayed spouses get therapy, or is bleeding all over DCUM therapy for you?

Just wondering.

I can tell this thread is a bash women thread so we should ignore

Exactly. OP is not a "healed wife"

OP here. You are correct, I'm a healed EX-wife. The point is to make a choice, get some healing and move on.

Whatever you say, not do, OP. Yeah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a ton here. Ranting and raving about how awful cheaters are on every thread, name calling, immature snarkiness. My ex-husband had an affair, we separated, we reconciled, he did it again, we divorced. It was painful, it was ugly, but craps happens. Heal and get over it, and move on with your life. Giving non-useful advice isn't going to heal you. And all the AP/cheating husband name calling in the world isn't going stop them.

Do betrayed spouses get therapy, or is bleeding all over DCUM therapy for you?

Just wondering.

What’s your question?

People can still divorce, heal and tell their truths wherever or whenever they want.

Last month I had dinner with an old high school coach of mine who was in town. While catching up he had an earful to say about his divorce 20 years ago. Did I complain or fault him for merely saying his truth? No.

Grow up OP. Esp for an anonymous chat board where all you have to do is go read something else. Your post is asinine.

Comprehension is your friend. My post was not about people posting about their affair pain. My post was about the name calling and immature attacks on people who have been in affairs. My post was asking do people get therapy to heal from their affair pain or do they just post hateful comments here attacking people as their way of healing.

It's ok if you don't agree. If you had to use an old high school coach as a reference for someone you know who has divorced, then obviously this post was not about you. I was a betrayed spouse. I was speaking to others who have been through it. Not people who know somebody who knows somebody who coached them in high school.

You’re beyond dense or delusioned Op, or just super fake and it’s too obvious.

That is not what you previously posted nor your previous message during this thread. Don’t bother contorting yourself now to change your tune.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a ton here. Ranting and raving about how awful cheaters are on every thread, name calling, immature snarkiness. My ex-husband had an affair, we separated, we reconciled, he did it again, we divorced. It was painful, it was ugly, but craps happens. Heal and get over it, and move on with your life. Giving non-useful advice isn't going to heal you. And all the AP/cheating husband name calling in the world isn't going stop them.

Do betrayed spouses get therapy, or is bleeding all over DCUM therapy for you?

Just wondering.

I'm with you. My XH cheated, it was painful, we divorced and went on with life. Mine is pretty damn good now, don't know or care what his is like. I don't think every cheater is satan nor is every cheated on spouse a saint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say some people are going through the process you went through to heal, they just aren't there yet. They may be in the anger stage and that is completely normal.

Its nice to have compassion in life and realise that not everyone else is having a great day like you are. Its ok if they are sad, hurt or angry. Its probably still raw for them.

Just because you are over and done with it doesn't mean everyone else is. Imagine you told a friend you were getting a divorce because he cheated and they simply told you to get over it. I imagine its healthier to go through that rage stage, no point keeping it held inside.

ITA but after a while it's so unhealthy. My MIL is still not over it over 10 years later and frankly it is getting annoying for everyone, including her adult kids.

What you don’t understand about loss that destroys your life and life dream is that is does not ever resolve. It compounds over time. All the milestones all the would have beens the whole unfulfilled life runs alongside your actual lived life, mocking you, forever. To get over or past it you have to literally change who you are, lie to yourself about what you believed and wanted, adjust your values to your reality instead of the reverse; while all around you are people still living your dream. That’s why.

This is the kind of unhealthy obsession that OP is talking about.

+ 1. NP.

The OP was not being mean. The threads are constant, the misogynistic attacks by alleged betrayed wives are always vicious, the insults are non-stop, we’ve all seen it. The “parallel lives” post above just shows a deep need for help. It’s not required to live that way, and not everyone does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a ton here. Ranting and raving about how awful cheaters are on every thread, name calling, immature snarkiness. My ex-husband had an affair, we separated, we reconciled, he did it again, we divorced. It was painful, it was ugly, but craps happens. Heal and get over it, and move on with your life. Giving non-useful advice isn't going to heal you. And all the AP/cheating husband name calling in the world isn't going stop them.

Do betrayed spouses get therapy, or is bleeding all over DCUM therapy for you?

Just wondering.

What’s your question?

People can still divorce, heal and tell their truths wherever or whenever they want.

Last month I had dinner with an old high school coach of mine who was in town. While catching up he had an earful to say about his divorce 20 years ago. Did I complain or fault him for merely saying his truth? No.

Grow up OP. Esp for an anonymous chat board where all you have to do is go read something else. Your post is asinine.

Comprehension is your friend. My post was not about people posting about their affair pain. My post was about the name calling and immature attacks on people who have been in affairs. My post was asking do people get therapy to heal from their affair pain or do they just post hateful comments here attacking people as their way of healing.

It's ok if you don't agree. If you had to use an old high school coach as a reference for someone you know who has divorced, then obviously this post was not about you. I was a betrayed spouse. I was speaking to others who have been through it. Not people who know somebody who knows somebody who coached them in high school.

You’re beyond dense or delusioned Op, or just super fake and it’s too obvious.

That is not what you previously posted nor your previous message during this thread. Don’t bother contorting yourself now to change your tune.

You need real help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wonder what Op thinks about talking about the holocaust or racism…

Op here. I'm black. Again, because it seems that many of you here read to respond, and not to comprehend, I was betrayed by my ex-husband, but guess what, me coming to this forum raging against every cheater and OW doesn't change what happened in my life so I don't get the point of anyone doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say some people are going through the process you went through to heal, they just aren't there yet. They may be in the anger stage and that is completely normal.

Its nice to have compassion in life and realise that not everyone else is having a great day like you are. Its ok if they are sad, hurt or angry. Its probably still raw for them.

Just because you are over and done with it doesn't mean everyone else is. Imagine you told a friend you were getting a divorce because he cheated and they simply told you to get over it. I imagine its healthier to go through that rage stage, no point keeping it held inside.

ITA but after a while it's so unhealthy. My MIL is still not over it over 10 years later and frankly it is getting annoying for everyone, including her adult kids.

What you don’t understand about loss that destroys your life and life dream is that is does not ever resolve. It compounds over time. All the milestones all the would have beens the whole unfulfilled life runs alongside your actual lived life, mocking you, forever. To get over or past it you have to literally change who you are, lie to yourself about what you believed and wanted, adjust your values to your reality instead of the reverse; while all around you are people still living your dream. That’s why.

This is the kind of unhealthy obsession that OP is talking about.

+ 1. NP.

The OP was not being mean. The threads are constant, the misogynistic attacks by alleged betrayed wives are always vicious, the insults are non-stop, we’ve all seen it. The “parallel lives” post above just shows a deep need for help. It’s not required to live that way, and not everyone does.

OP here. Thanks, that's all I was saying.