Unhealed Betrayed Wives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s nothing specifically wrong with giving someone a bj in a public park as long as you’re not in public view, irrespective of the legitimacy of the relationship.

Ewwww no. I am very sex-positive and I love giving oral but in a public park? Where anyone could come trudging along at any moment? No absolutely not- we aren't teenagers anymore. Grow up and keep your parts to yourself.

It's also illegal.

So is jaywalking.

Gross no one wants to see some random dudes wrinkly, saggy balls while taking a nice walk. Jaywalking only puts you at risk not my poor retinas. Again, grow up.

Reading comprehension.

There is no place in a PUBLIC park where someone couldn't come across you in flagrante. Clearly this is an exhibitionist kink but you need to get consent before exposing yourself. Try a sex club instead.

And you can end up on the sex offender registry you dumb dumb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s nothing specifically wrong with giving someone a bj in a public park as long as you’re not in public view, irrespective of the legitimacy of the relationship.

Ewwww no. I am very sex-positive and I love giving oral but in a public park? Where anyone could come trudging along at any moment? No absolutely not- we aren't teenagers anymore. Grow up and keep your parts to yourself.

It's also illegal.

So is jaywalking.

Gross no one wants to see some random dudes wrinkly, saggy balls while taking a nice walk. Jaywalking only puts you at risk not my poor retinas. Again, grow up.

Reading comprehension.

There is no place in a PUBLIC park where someone couldn't come across you in flagrante. Clearly this is an exhibitionist kink but you need to get consent before exposing yourself. Try a sex club instead.

And you can end up on the sex offender registry you dumb dumb

Huh? You’re not ending up in any registry for consensual sex between two adults. And there are plenty of places where there is zero danger of getting found. Heck, in Central Park there is one area, the Ramble, that was at one time practically zoned for gay sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s nothing specifically wrong with giving someone a bj in a public park as long as you’re not in public view, irrespective of the legitimacy of the relationship.

Ewwww no. I am very sex-positive and I love giving oral but in a public park? Where anyone could come trudging along at any moment? No absolutely not- we aren't teenagers anymore. Grow up and keep your parts to yourself.

It's also illegal.

So is jaywalking.

Gross no one wants to see some random dudes wrinkly, saggy balls while taking a nice walk. Jaywalking only puts you at risk not my poor retinas. Again, grow up.

Reading comprehension.

There is no place in a PUBLIC park where someone couldn't come across you in flagrante. Clearly this is an exhibitionist kink but you need to get consent before exposing yourself. Try a sex club instead.

And you can end up on the sex offender registry you dumb dumb

Huh? You’re not ending up in any registry for consensual sex between two adults. And there are plenty of places where there is zero danger of getting found. Heck, in Central Park there is one area, the Ramble, that was at one time practically zoned for gay sex.

Sure honey, just keep telling yourself that.

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/having-sex-in-public-can-lead-to-a-year-in-jail-according-to-legal-experts-8550074

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there is one gift I wish I could give people, it is the understanding that everyone's experience is unique.

When you see someone in pain, who is doing things that you believe (or may even know) don't heal or might make it worse, it's so, so easy to say "why won't they just do what I did and then they could heal and move on." It's so easy! And if you struggled to move on, you will feel even stronger about it because it's like, yes, I know it's hard but I did it so you can too. So many people feel this way. It's really common among people with shared traumas.

But the truth is, you do not know or understand what the other person is going through. Even if you think you've been through the same thing. You don't know. Maybe their brain works different than yours. Maybe their childhood was different. Maybe this is the sixth time this has happened to them and it only happened to you once. Maybe they are over it 4 days out of 5 and you saw them on the 5th day, at their worst. Maybe they've been good for a year but they just found out their ex is marrying the person they cheated with. Maybe their dad cheated on their mom. Maybe the cheater was also an emotional abuser and they are still recovering from that trauma. Maybe they are a sexual assault survivor and the cheating simply re-triggered that trauma and that's what they are actually upset about. Maybe they have addiction issues and it's getting in the way of moving forward. Maybe their ex had addiction issues and they are still deep in the role of enabler and it's inhibiting their ability to move on.

And so on and so on. Everyone's situation is unique. Everyone comes to a certain experience with different baggage or emotional skills. People have varying levels of support from their families and communities. You just don't know. What worked for you might not work for them.

If something someone says bothers you or doesn't sit write with you, you can always just step away. Especially on a place like DCUM. You are not required to read any of these posts. The healthy thing to do (and I know it can be hard at times) is to just log off.

But raging against how other people feel will always be a fool's errand. You cannot change their feelings, you cannot alter the way they are processing their lived experience. If you are gentle and kind, you might offer insight that could help them, but it's up to them whether to use it and how (and it might just not be something that can reach them).

AMEN

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t get therapy because they don’t see that they are part of the problem in their own misery, and often feel like being a victim gets them some kind of social leverage.

I understand that being cheated on can be a very traumatic event to some people, but the choice to not heal and move on to real happiness is what baffles me.

This. But it's probably just a handful of women with too much time on their hands. They just show up in every thread because the whole world must know.

I find it odd to blame the victims. How about the nasty cheaters bragging about what crappy people they are.[b]

To be fair we are all here.....

The woman recently bragging about blowing her AP in a parking garage over a hundred times. OMG. These cheaters are insane and disgusting. Who brags about that? I'm sure everyone calls her D@@ck breath behind her back, you know, like the security guys watching it on their camera and the co-workers that watch her get in and out of the car. Gross.

That was just an incel posting as a woman. Women don't do that, there's nothing to gain from it.

I'm not a bitter ex wife- but I must disagree with the BJ thing. My ex used to get BJs in a public park from his AP. Part of the psychology is that they like to feel forbidden and naughty so doing stuff like that excites them. She was also desperately in love with him so she would have done anything to get him. Once I found out exactly how gross he was I was DONE.

I'm very happy to be divorced and I was able to heal from the trauma. It did take a while though b.c of my childhood issues but I got there.

Yes years ago there was a married male in our circle who openly stated his wife wouldn't give him BJ's so he would cheat to basically get a BJ. They are still married but I know there were other women throughout the years, sole purpose was to fill the sexual gap. There are definitely women that do that.

Yep. Someone blow with nothing in return. Some because they love it and many because they are looking to try and get the guy to marry them and then will no longer blow.

🤣🤣🤣 I'm the BJ giver. Not an incel, sorry to disappoint. But I want to reassure you all that he more than returned the favor in the backseat, so I got mine too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there is one gift I wish I could give people, it is the understanding that everyone's experience is unique.

When you see someone in pain, who is doing things that you believe (or may even know) don't heal or might make it worse, it's so, so easy to say "why won't they just do what I did and then they could heal and move on." It's so easy! And if you struggled to move on, you will feel even stronger about it because it's like, yes, I know it's hard but I did it so you can too. So many people feel this way. It's really common among people with shared traumas.

But the truth is, you do not know or understand what the other person is going through. Even if you think you've been through the same thing. You don't know. Maybe their brain works different than yours. Maybe their childhood was different. Maybe this is the sixth time this has happened to them and it only happened to you once. Maybe they are over it 4 days out of 5 and you saw them on the 5th day, at their worst. Maybe they've been good for a year but they just found out their ex is marrying the person they cheated with. Maybe their dad cheated on their mom. Maybe the cheater was also an emotional abuser and they are still recovering from that trauma. Maybe they are a sexual assault survivor and the cheating simply re-triggered that trauma and that's what they are actually upset about. Maybe they have addiction issues and it's getting in the way of moving forward. Maybe their ex had addiction issues and they are still deep in the role of enabler and it's inhibiting their ability to move on.

And so on and so on. Everyone's situation is unique. Everyone comes to a certain experience with different baggage or emotional skills. People have varying levels of support from their families and communities. You just don't know. What worked for you might not work for them.

If something someone says bothers you or doesn't sit write with you, you can always just step away. Especially on a place like DCUM. You are not required to read any of these posts. The healthy thing to do (and I know it can be hard at times) is to just log off.

But raging against how other people feel will always be a fool's errand. You cannot change their feelings, you cannot alter the way they are processing their lived experience. If you are gentle and kind, you might offer insight that could help them, but it's up to them whether to use it and how (and it might just not be something that can reach them).

See, it's the two or three raging bitter scorned women OP is referencing who need this lesson that everyone's experience is unique. They envision EVERY affair as being with an ugly redhead, met on Ashley Madison, only saw each other once a month, looking for a meal ticket, yada yada yada -- all the sad details of their own husband's affair. Oh, and all cheating men are having regular sex at home too don't ya know. 🙄 Over and over and over again, running every conversation with their generalizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there is one gift I wish I could give people, it is the understanding that everyone's experience is unique.

When you see someone in pain, who is doing things that you believe (or may even know) don't heal or might make it worse, it's so, so easy to say "why won't they just do what I did and then they could heal and move on." It's so easy! And if you struggled to move on, you will feel even stronger about it because it's like, yes, I know it's hard but I did it so you can too. So many people feel this way. It's really common among people with shared traumas.

But the truth is, you do not know or understand what the other person is going through. Even if you think you've been through the same thing. You don't know. Maybe their brain works different than yours. Maybe their childhood was different. Maybe this is the sixth time this has happened to them and it only happened to you once. Maybe they are over it 4 days out of 5 and you saw them on the 5th day, at their worst. Maybe they've been good for a year but they just found out their ex is marrying the person they cheated with. Maybe their dad cheated on their mom. Maybe the cheater was also an emotional abuser and they are still recovering from that trauma. Maybe they are a sexual assault survivor and the cheating simply re-triggered that trauma and that's what they are actually upset about. Maybe they have addiction issues and it's getting in the way of moving forward. Maybe their ex had addiction issues and they are still deep in the role of enabler and it's inhibiting their ability to move on.

And so on and so on. Everyone's situation is unique. Everyone comes to a certain experience with different baggage or emotional skills. People have varying levels of support from their families and communities. You just don't know. What worked for you might not work for them.

If something someone says bothers you or doesn't sit write with you, you can always just step away. Especially on a place like DCUM. You are not required to read any of these posts. The healthy thing to do (and I know it can be hard at times) is to just log off.

But raging against how other people feel will always be a fool's errand. You cannot change their feelings, you cannot alter the way they are processing their lived experience. If you are gentle and kind, you might offer insight that could help them, but it's up to them whether to use it and how (and it might just not be something that can reach them).

See, it's the two or three raging bitter scorned women OP is referencing who need this lesson that everyone's experience is unique. They envision EVERY affair as being with an ugly redhead, met on Ashley Madison, only saw each other once a month, looking for a meal ticket, yada yada yada -- all the sad details of their own husband's affair. Oh, and all cheating men are having regular sex at home too don't ya know. 🙄 Over and over and over again, running every conversation with their generalizing.

No. You missed the context of pps post completely. Completely. Try reading it again.

[Anonymous]

No. You missed the context of pps post completely. Completely. Try reading it again.

The context is this is the umpteenth thread started by a cheated-on wife. Give it a rest.

[Anonymous]

🤣🤣🤣 I'm the BJ giver. Not an incel, sorry to disappoint. But I want to reassure you all that he more than returned the favor in the backseat, so I got mine too.

Seriously, why are you so damaged? Did your parents not love you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

🤣🤣🤣 I'm the BJ giver. Not an incel, sorry to disappoint. But I want to reassure you all that he more than returned the favor in the backseat, so I got mine too.

Seriously, why are you so damaged? Did your parents not love you?

She's trashy and proud of it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there is one gift I wish I could give people, it is the understanding that everyone's experience is unique.

When you see someone in pain, who is doing things that you believe (or may even know) don't heal or might make it worse, it's so, so easy to say "why won't they just do what I did and then they could heal and move on." It's so easy! And if you struggled to move on, you will feel even stronger about it because it's like, yes, I know it's hard but I did it so you can too. So many people feel this way. It's really common among people with shared traumas.

But the truth is, you do not know or understand what the other person is going through. Even if you think you've been through the same thing. You don't know. Maybe their brain works different than yours. Maybe their childhood was different. Maybe this is the sixth time this has happened to them and it only happened to you once. Maybe they are over it 4 days out of 5 and you saw them on the 5th day, at their worst. Maybe they've been good for a year but they just found out their ex is marrying the person they cheated with. Maybe their dad cheated on their mom. Maybe the cheater was also an emotional abuser and they are still recovering from that trauma. Maybe they are a sexual assault survivor and the cheating simply re-triggered that trauma and that's what they are actually upset about. Maybe they have addiction issues and it's getting in the way of moving forward. Maybe their ex had addiction issues and they are still deep in the role of enabler and it's inhibiting their ability to move on.

And so on and so on. Everyone's situation is unique. Everyone comes to a certain experience with different baggage or emotional skills. People have varying levels of support from their families and communities. You just don't know. What worked for you might not work for them.

If something someone says bothers you or doesn't sit write with you, you can always just step away. Especially on a place like DCUM. You are not required to read any of these posts. The healthy thing to do (and I know it can be hard at times) is to just log off.

But raging against how other people feel will always be a fool's errand. You cannot change their feelings, you cannot alter the way they are processing their lived experience. If you are gentle and kind, you might offer insight that could help them, but it's up to them whether to use it and how (and it might just not be something that can reach them).

See, it's the two or three raging bitter scorned women OP is referencing who need this lesson that everyone's experience is unique. They envision EVERY affair as being with an ugly redhead, met on Ashley Madison, only saw each other once a month, looking for a meal ticket, yada yada yada -- all the sad details of their own husband's affair. Oh, and all cheating men are having regular sex at home too don't ya know. 🙄 Over and over and over again, running every conversation with their generalizing.

No. You missed the context of pps post completely. Completely. Try reading it again.

DP. The “context” was about the futility of raging about how others feel.

OP’s point was completely proven. She didn’t attack anyone. She commented on the frequency of vicious, out of control threads on this topic and a few crazy people jumped right in to attempt to drag her while engaging in that precise and pointless behavior. It doesn’t matter that she’s experienced the same damn thing and is giving another view, that view is an attack, while the actual attacks on her are just something that happens in a day ending in Y here. Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there is one gift I wish I could give people, it is the understanding that everyone's experience is unique.

When you see someone in pain, who is doing things that you believe (or may even know) don't heal or might make it worse, it's so, so easy to say "why won't they just do what I did and then they could heal and move on." It's so easy! And if you struggled to move on, you will feel even stronger about it because it's like, yes, I know it's hard but I did it so you can too. So many people feel this way. It's really common among people with shared traumas.

But the truth is, you do not know or understand what the other person is going through. Even if you think you've been through the same thing. You don't know. Maybe their brain works different than yours. Maybe their childhood was different. Maybe this is the sixth time this has happened to them and it only happened to you once. Maybe they are over it 4 days out of 5 and you saw them on the 5th day, at their worst. Maybe they've been good for a year but they just found out their ex is marrying the person they cheated with. Maybe their dad cheated on their mom. Maybe the cheater was also an emotional abuser and they are still recovering from that trauma. Maybe they are a sexual assault survivor and the cheating simply re-triggered that trauma and that's what they are actually upset about. Maybe they have addiction issues and it's getting in the way of moving forward. Maybe their ex had addiction issues and they are still deep in the role of enabler and it's inhibiting their ability to move on.

And so on and so on. Everyone's situation is unique. Everyone comes to a certain experience with different baggage or emotional skills. People have varying levels of support from their families and communities. You just don't know. What worked for you might not work for them.

If something someone says bothers you or doesn't sit write with you, you can always just step away. Especially on a place like DCUM. You are not required to read any of these posts. The healthy thing to do (and I know it can be hard at times) is to just log off.

But raging against how other people feel will always be a fool's errand. You cannot change their feelings, you cannot alter the way they are processing their lived experience. If you are gentle and kind, you might offer insight that could help them, but it's up to them whether to use it and how (and it might just not be something that can reach them).

See, it's the two or three raging bitter scorned women OP is referencing who need this lesson that everyone's experience is unique. They envision EVERY affair as being with an ugly redhead, met on Ashley Madison, only saw each other once a month, looking for a meal ticket, yada yada yada -- all the sad details of their own husband's affair. Oh, and all cheating men are having regular sex at home too don't ya know. 🙄 Over and over and over again, running every conversation with their generalizing.

No. You missed the context of pps post completely. Completely. Try reading it again.

DP. The “context” was about the futility of raging about how others feel.

OP’s point was completely proven. She didn’t attack anyone. She commented on the frequency of vicious, out of control threads on this topic and a few crazy people jumped right in to attempt to drag her while engaging in that precise and pointless behavior. It doesn’t matter that she’s experienced the same damn thing and is giving another view, that view is an attack, while the actual attacks on her are just something that happens in a day ending in Y here. Pathetic.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Do betrayed spouses get therapy, or is bleeding all over DCUM therapy for you?

Just wondering.

Bleeding over DCUM is therapy. Question answered. Moving along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No. You missed the context of pps post completely. Completely. Try reading it again.

The context is this is the umpteenth thread started by a cheated-on wife. Give it a rest.

I’m not a cheated upon spouse and still think that what OP wrote sounds sanctimonious. Please stop invalidating these women’s perspectives who are going through a tough time after finding out their husband cheated on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No. You missed the context of pps post completely. Completely. Try reading it again.

The context is this is the umpteenth thread started by a cheated-on wife. Give it a rest.

I’m not a cheated upon spouse and still think that what OP wrote sounds sanctimonious. Please stop invalidating these women’s perspectives who are going through a tough time after finding out their husband cheated on them.

But THEY invalidate the experiences of everyone else by dominating and ruining and shutting down every single thread where the subject of cheating comes up.