Unhealed Betrayed Wives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh yeah OP it sounds like you are super well-adjusted.

This! Someone who is really healed and well adjusted would not make such a thread. I agree with pps that the op is a troll who created this thread just to bash women

It’s like some A-hole posted and wants everyone to comply and shut up about what he did wrong for so many years. If everyone would just be quiet about him and his poor behavior, everything would be great…just don’t talk about it….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a ton here. Ranting and raving about how awful cheaters are on every thread, name calling, immature snarkiness. My ex-husband had an affair, we separated, we reconciled, he did it again, we divorced. It was painful, it was ugly, but craps happens. Heal and get over it, and move on with your life. Giving non-useful advice isn't going to heal you. And all the AP/cheating husband name calling in the world isn't going stop them.

Do betrayed spouses get therapy, or is bleeding all over DCUM therapy for you?

Just wondering.

What’s your question?

People can still divorce, heal and tell their truths wherever or whenever they want.

Last month I had dinner with an old high school coach of mine who was in town. While catching up he had an earful to say about his divorce 20 years ago. Did I complain or fault him for merely saying his truth? No.

Grow up OP. Esp for an anonymous chat board where all you have to do is go read something else. Your post is asinine.

Bitter after 20 years? No wonder the spouse left them. I can't imagine living with someone capable of such misery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say some people are going through the process you went through to heal, they just aren't there yet. They may be in the anger stage and that is completely normal.

Its nice to have compassion in life and realise that not everyone else is having a great day like you are. Its ok if they are sad, hurt or angry. Its probably still raw for them.

Just because you are over and done with it doesn't mean everyone else is. Imagine you told a friend you were getting a divorce because he cheated and they simply told you to get over it. I imagine its healthier to go through that rage stage, no point keeping it held inside.

ITA but after a while it's so unhealthy. My MIL is still not over it over 10 years later and frankly it is getting annoying for everyone, including her adult kids.

What you don’t understand about loss that destroys your life and life dream is that is does not ever resolve. It compounds over time. All the milestones all the would have beens the whole unfulfilled life runs alongside your actual lived life, mocking you, forever. To get over or past it you have to literally change who you are, lie to yourself about what you believed and wanted, adjust your values to your reality instead of the reverse; while all around you are people still living your dream. That’s why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a ton here. Ranting and raving about how awful cheaters are on every thread, name calling, immature snarkiness. My ex-husband had an affair, we separated, we reconciled, he did it again, we divorced. It was painful, it was ugly, but craps happens. Heal and get over it, and move on with your life. Giving non-useful advice isn't going to heal you. And all the AP/cheating husband name calling in the world isn't going stop them.

Do betrayed spouses get therapy, or is bleeding all over DCUM therapy for you?

Just wondering.

What’s your question?

People can still divorce, heal and tell their truths wherever or whenever they want.

Last month I had dinner with an old high school coach of mine who was in town. While catching up he had an earful to say about his divorce 20 years ago. Did I complain or fault him for merely saying his truth? No.

Grow up OP. Esp for an anonymous chat board where all you have to do is go read something else. Your post is asinine.

Bitter after 20 years? No wonder the spouse left them. I can't imagine living with someone capable of such misery.

Huh? He wasn’t bitter. He has a good life, remarried long ago, kids playing college sports and he has fantastic job in his field. And can still talk about his past like an adult and talk about feelings. Gasp.
Something you clearly can’t wo getting your knickers in a wad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not one of these wives but I assume they do all the things you’ve suggested in real life and an anonymous outlet gives them momentary freedom to be honest with the uglier side of their feelings.

Bingo. They can say everything they can’t say IRL. It’s an incredibly isolating and lonely thing to go through because to protect the kids and family they don’t share what happened with anyone. They suffer in incredible silence. With other tragedy or death, you have a village come supper you, check on you and it’s accepted that you are down, sad, can’t work well. With betrayal you are pretending every single day with a big smile on your face for your kids, neighbors, family while you are dying inside.

It’s a horribly unique trauma.

+1 and they feel shame and judged. Everyone always blames them for not having done something in the marriage which is why they were cheated on. They don’t do that to men when they’re wives are the cheaters like they do to women. It’s awful.

Well, yeah, look at what people (women!) say about them even on this forum.

Exactly. It’s the women on here who are the harshest critics.

I think the OP sounds smug which frankly isn’t helpful either.

[Anonymous]

What you don’t understand about loss that destroys your life and life dream is that is does not ever resolve. It compounds over time.

Been there, got cheated on. “Compounds over time”? That’s your choice. Choose otherwise. Or at least stop whining in public here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say some people are going through the process you went through to heal, they just aren't there yet. They may be in the anger stage and that is completely normal.

Its nice to have compassion in life and realise that not everyone else is having a great day like you are. Its ok if they are sad, hurt or angry. Its probably still raw for them.

Just because you are over and done with it doesn't mean everyone else is. Imagine you told a friend you were getting a divorce because he cheated and they simply told you to get over it. I imagine its healthier to go through that rage stage, no point keeping it held inside.

ITA but after a while it's so unhealthy. My MIL is still not over it over 10 years later and frankly it is getting annoying for everyone, including her adult kids.

What you don’t understand about loss that destroys your life and life dream is that is does not ever resolve. It compounds over time. All the milestones all the would have beens the whole unfulfilled life runs alongside your actual lived life, mocking you, forever. To get over or past it you have to literally change who you are, lie to yourself about what you believed and wanted, adjust your values to your reality instead of the reverse; while all around you are people still living your dream. That’s why.

This is the kind of unhealthy obsession that OP is talking about.

[Anonymous]

Op isn’t talking about that.

Op just wants to only read or hear about roses and unicorns.

They probably grew up with parents who never talked about anything and let school and other kids raise and teach their own children everything.
“Just be quiet, I don’t want to know.” Mentality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say some people are going through the process you went through to heal, they just aren't there yet. They may be in the anger stage and that is completely normal.

Its nice to have compassion in life and realise that not everyone else is having a great day like you are. Its ok if they are sad, hurt or angry. Its probably still raw for them.

Just because you are over and done with it doesn't mean everyone else is. Imagine you told a friend you were getting a divorce because he cheated and they simply told you to get over it. I imagine its healthier to go through that rage stage, no point keeping it held inside.

ITA but after a while it's so unhealthy. My MIL is still not over it over 10 years later and frankly it is getting annoying for everyone, including her adult kids.

What you don’t understand about loss that destroys your life and life dream is that is does not ever resolve. It compounds over time. All the milestones all the would have beens the whole unfulfilled life runs alongside your actual lived life, mocking you, forever. To get over or past it you have to literally change who you are, lie to yourself about what you believed and wanted, adjust your values to your reality instead of the reverse; while all around you are people still living your dream. That’s why.

This is the kind of unhealthy obsession that OP is talking about.

yeah we should all just let it go and move on! Like a man can!

[Anonymous]

Wonder what Op thinks about talking about the holocaust or racism…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wonder what Op thinks about talking about the holocaust or racism…

Not to rain on your parade, but your H's infidelity is not important to anyone else. It is not the Holocaust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t get therapy because they don’t see that they are part of the problem in their own misery, and often feel like being a victim gets them some kind of social leverage.

I understand that being cheated on can be a very traumatic event to some people, but the choice to not heal and move on to real happiness is what baffles me.

This. But it's probably just a handful of women with too much time on their hands. They just show up in every thread because the whole world must know.

I find it odd to blame the victims. How about the nasty cheaters bragging about what crappy people they are.

To be fair we are all here.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wonder what Op thinks about talking about the holocaust or racism…

Not to rain on your parade, but your H's infidelity is not important to anyone else. It is not the Holocaust.

What are people allowed to talk about OP? That isn’t met with your quick canned insults and illogical deflection?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What you don’t understand about loss that destroys your life and life dream is that is does not ever resolve. It compounds over time.

Been there, got cheated on. “Compounds over time”? That’s your choice. Choose otherwise. Or at least stop whining in public here.

Tell the kids that. I've seen families destroyed because of a cheater. My ex bil left his wife and kids after 25 years. Long story, but two of the kids stopped talking to the sister who cut off the dad. The one bother partially cut off the dad, and it affected the grand-kids because they didn't get to see the dad. It's certainly a domino effect for the family, and when one cheats on the spouse they equally cheat on their kids. They cheat them out of many things in life. I don't think pp was whining anymore than you, merely stating the obvious.

[Anonymous]

Some people can't adjust and move on.