How do I find decent UMC guys to date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it so difficult to find men who are educated, mature, and have good careers? There are so many trashy men on the apps, they just want hookups or are working a “job” but don’t have a proper career. I really want to start a family and this is depressing. Just venting. UGH

I hear you.

The harsh truth is that you are going to have to broaden (note I did not say lower, I said BROADEN) your standards to include men that might not be your initial “type.” There are plenty of mature men, 25-45, with jobs and careers, dating with the intention of finding a partner to start a family with. These might include, however, men with:

Dadbods or super skinny
Under 5’9
Weird facial hair or tattoos
A different race/ethnicity/religion/nationality than you
Different political views than you
More introverted; less charismatic or outgoing
Might not live in your exact neighborhood


You are going to have to give more different kinds of people a chance. The fact is that there are more educated and eligible women than men.

White men are a dead end/time wasters IMO. Immigrant men from cultures that prioritize marriage are dating to get married, not to fool around. Of course you're going to need to find someone who isn't totally culturally incompatible but it can be done.

As a white woman I find this more true in theory than in reality. A lot of white men are dead end time wasters but I feel like I get a read on them better. Immigrant men, nonwhite men of very different cultural backgrounds, I'd be open to date and marry but I have trouble understanding whether they take me seriously or not. I've had too many experiences in my early 20s with immigrant/men of color assuming that white American women are for sex and nonserious relationships while they would ultimately marry "their own." This has unfortunately conditioned me to being skeptical of men of other cultural backgrounds and whether they are sincere and would consider a white american woman for marriage. This is probably racist and problematic in some way but it's unfortunately how it's turned out.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it so difficult to find men who are educated, mature, and have good careers? There are so many trashy men on the apps, they just want hookups or are working a “job” but don’t have a proper career. I really want to start a family and this is depressing. Just venting. UGH

What’s your definition of UMC?

OP here, I would say someone with a grad degree making at least around what a GS-15 makes. I know that might be a bit low here but I am planning on continuing to work so we'd have two incomes.

How physically attractive are you?

DH earns a seven figure income and everyone we know is UMC/UC. Most seem to have met in school or during their young professional days. Actually several of our friends met their spouse at a restaurant, bar or club. I think you have to be physically attracted first. If you have good chemistry, everything else falls into place.

[Anonymous]

My DH is this. UMC, he has some inherited family $$$ that is coming. He’s an engaged father, has a good job, 6’3” etc. Here’s my take, if the guys falling into this category aren’t complete tools, they’re totally off the market by the time they’re 30. We started dating when he was 26 and I was 34. All of his similar friends that are decent looking were already in relationships when we met or in serious relationships that led to marriage within two months of me meeting him. I’m now 35, and he’s almost 38. His only single friend left is lazy, short, gotten overweight, and not good looking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is this. UMC, he has some inherited family $$$ that is coming. He’s an engaged father, has a good job, 6’3” etc. Here’s my take, if the guys falling into this category aren’t complete tools, they’re totally off the market by the time they’re 30. We started dating when he was 26 and I was 34. All of his similar friends that are decent looking were already in relationships when we met or in serious relationships that led to marriage within two months of me meeting him. I’m now 35, and he’s almost 38. His only single friend left is lazy, short, gotten overweight, and not good looking.

PP, I should clarify, we started dating when I was 24, not 34. We have two kids now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is this. UMC, he has some inherited family $$$ that is coming. He’s an engaged father, has a good job, 6’3” etc. Here’s my take, if the guys falling into this category aren’t complete tools, they’re totally off the market by the time they’re 30. We started dating when he was 26 and I was 34. All of his similar friends that are decent looking were already in relationships when we met or in serious relationships that led to marriage within two months of me meeting him. I’m now 35, and he’s almost 38. His only single friend left is lazy, short, gotten overweight, and not good looking.

Yep. They’re all taken by now.

[Anonymous]

What were you doing in your 20s? You should not have wasted your prime years on bad boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is this. UMC, he has some inherited family $$$ that is coming. He’s an engaged father, has a good job, 6’3” etc. Here’s my take, if the guys falling into this category aren’t complete tools, they’re totally off the market by the time they’re 30. We started dating when he was 26 and I was 34. All of his similar friends that are decent looking were already in relationships when we met or in serious relationships that led to marriage within two months of me meeting him. I’m now 35, and he’s almost 38. His only single friend left is lazy, short, gotten overweight, and not good looking.

Yep. They’re all taken by now.

OP, are you open to divorced or dads?

Guys in their 30s are taken. The few good catches have their pick.

A woman in her early-mid 20s has a huge dating pool. Your best chance at finding a mate would have been in college, grad school, right out of college.

A single man with a high income and decent looks now had a huge dating pool. He can date anyone so you have to stand out to attract him.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP do you work for an agency that starts with O? You sound like one of my friends so I totally get it.

Best place will be the fed govt and single coworkers and others at other agencies go to a bunch of work events you’ll find folks!

Ignore the harpies in here that treat dating transactionally and marries at like 17.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP do you work for an agency that starts with O? You sound like one of my friends so I totally get it.

Best place will be the fed govt and single coworkers and others at other agencies go to a bunch of work events you’ll find folks!

Ignore the harpies in here that treat dating transactionally and marries at like 17.

I didn’t marry at 17. I got married at 29 and had 3 kids in my 30s.

[Anonymous]

What should a woman over 30 do then to find a quality guy? Besides go back in time…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is this. UMC, he has some inherited family $$$ that is coming. He’s an engaged father, has a good job, 6’3” etc. Here’s my take, if the guys falling into this category aren’t complete tools, they’re totally off the market by the time they’re 30. We started dating when he was 26 and I was 34. All of his similar friends that are decent looking were already in relationships when we met or in serious relationships that led to marriage within two months of me meeting him. I’m now 35, and he’s almost 38. His only single friend left is lazy, short, gotten overweight, and not good looking.

Yep. They’re all taken by now.

OP, are you open to divorced or dads?

Guys in their 30s are taken. The few good catches have their pick.

A woman in her early-mid 20s has a huge dating pool. Your best chance at finding a mate would have been in college, grad school, right out of college.

A single man with a high income and decent looks now had a huge dating pool. He can date anyone so you have to stand out to attract him.

Really bad advice. It is so much more difficult and complicated to start a family with a divorced dad with kids of his own. Op would be much better off broadening her search to include, say, a guy whi doesn’t have a graduate degree, or is making less than a GS-15, or a short guy, versus going for a guy in his 40s with a couple kids paying alimony to an ex and dealing with all of the baggage from his first marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is this. UMC, he has some inherited family $$$ that is coming. He’s an engaged father, has a good job, 6’3” etc. Here’s my take, if the guys falling into this category aren’t complete tools, they’re totally off the market by the time they’re 30. We started dating when he was 26 and I was 34. All of his similar friends that are decent looking were already in relationships when we met or in serious relationships that led to marriage within two months of me meeting him. I’m now 35, and he’s almost 38. His only single friend left is lazy, short, gotten overweight, and not good looking.

Yep. They’re all taken by now.

Yet you DCUM wives are always complaining about how much you hate your husbands.

[Anonymous]

Paris Hilton just got married at 40 to an affluent guy.

[Anonymous]

Work out, eat well, look your best all the time. Don’t ever look frumpy when you are out. You never know who you will meet.

You probably don’t look much different at 31 from 27 or 28. I would meet new people and go out all the time.

My friend got divorced at 35 and remarried at 39. She hung out with new youbger friends who went out all the time. They had tons of guys around all the time. All my friend’s previous friends were settle down, married with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Paris Hilton just got married at 40 to an affluent guy.

Yeah but he has a kid from a previous relationship that he's refused to raise so he's a bad guy.