Dad wouldn't pick up. |
Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child? It is clear mom doesn't want the relationship. Why can't you see Mom is equally if not more the problem. No matter how much Dad tries he'll always be in the wrong. Child is 18/high school graduate. Hopefully child support is over and Mom can be the sole parent now - both physically and financially as that's what she wants. |
Dad has four days a month with this kid. That's it. There is plenty of time for a social life, and many other things in the 26 other days we're not with Dad and we don't know Dad's side of the story. How would you feel if you get a few days a month with your child and are refused as the social life is more important. Mom set this up, just like you set it up with your children's father. Then, you turn around and complain Dad isn't involved or doesn't want to pay anything over child support and why should he when he's not a part of the child's life because of your choosing. Ever wonder why your kids don't want to spend time with you? Or, why they'd prefer to be with their friends over you? |
You insert all your own crazy prejudices into this. If Dad were that great son would want to spend time with him. Dad made the decision to move away and be inflexible. When I was a senior I was nonstop busy with activities. No I did not hang put with my parents then. I had school, a job, a boyfriend, friends, etc. I was in every club imaginable and was insanely busy Luckily my parents were mega proud of their kid and didn’t whine like Dad did. They wanted me to enjoy every minute of it. |
Because they are teens? And that's what teens do? Totally normal and expected for them to prefer being with their friends over their parents. |
The difference is you lived with both your parents. My teens like to hang out with us. Ever stop to think why yours don’t? |
Do your teens regularly hang out with you for 48 consecutive hours? My teen likes me. But there's never a weekend where he doesn't go to his job, or a sporting event, or out with friends, or anything else. He can like me, and also enjoy other things. |
No, the difference is my parents put my happiness above any selfishness on their part. I was ready to launch, and building my own life in my senior year was a big part of that. |
Nope- we've been through this earlier in the thread, but you still don't get it. Dad "has" his kid half of the weekends in the month, which is PRIME TIME for high school seniors to be doing high school senior things, which means they are out with friends and doing activities with other teens, not hanging around the home. It is developmentally NORAL for 17 year olds to spend most of their weekends with sports, clubs, girlfriends and boyfriends, jobs etc NOT at home in the house hanging out with parents. Now, if your 17 year old is a homebody and just wants to chill with you at home and do stuff with you, that's cool. But most high school seniors are not. So if dad has moved away from where his teen goes to school, and moved away from where his teen has his social life, and wants to "have" his teen 2 of those very valuable 4 weekends each month AND WANTS TO KEEP A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS TEEN - he needs to put the developmentally normal needs of his teen ahead of his own comfort and convenience and even preference. That might mean offering to drive his 17 year old to weekend events and hanging out and watching the games; it might mean helping 17 year old get a car so he can sleep at his dad's house but still participate in weekend things with his peers; it might mean being more flexible in which weekends he spends with his kid; it might mean spending more time in the old town; it might mean staying in touch more via texts and phone calls versus through physical proximity because THAT Is how your teen can best communicate right now. etc. etc. etc. Dad needs to be flexible. You put the KID'S developmental needs ahead of your own needs when someone has to lose out. If your kid understands that you made him miss out on two weekends a month of everything you cared about, just so you could "have your time" with him ... but you didn't provide anything your 17 year old actually wanted or needed during that time, you just cared that he was in your house, but you didn't make any attempt to meet his true needs as a high school senior - you can't be confused when that teen has ZERO relationship with you later, and you can't blame it on the Mom. This was all on you, Dad. |
Yup -- OP made it very clear that she knew dad was going to stop all support and didn't believe in providing anything for college either. Kid knows it too. Great job Dad, in being a self centered narcissist who didn't care for the developmentally normal needs of his teen, didn't want to support him, who made it clear it was all about the Dad's need s first second and last, and who refused to compromise. Guess he got what he wanted, which was zero relationship with his kid. Did OP say ex had a new child with new spouse? Maybe he'll have a relationship with that one. |
Can your son write a letter to the court, explaining his position and asking what he should do? |
I didn't write this but I lived it. By the time I graduated I felt stifled by my father. I could not wait to leave home so I didn't have to deal with his control any more. When I would come home on breaks I rarely saw him. I'm 50 now. I still don't have a real relationship with my father. He lives with me now but I do it out of obligation not out of desire which is what I would have done for my mom had she lived long enough to need/want to live with me. |
He wasn't trying to have a relationship with his child. A parent-child relationship is a lopsided one. The parent's needs and desires count very little compared with what the child needs. "I want you in my house so I can have my time with you" is a parent desire, not a child desire. The parent loves his child unconditionally, and moves heaven and earth to get what is right for that child, at that moment in time. If the parent moves an hour away from the child, and insists that the child spend half his weekends with the parent, when the child is now a TEEN, and refuses to compromise and allow the teen to have any access to his peers and sports and friends because it is "SO IMPORTANT to HAVE MY TIME with you". (mee mee mee, I must have MY needs met who cares about what YOU need..." that parent is being very self centered and focused only on what makes him feel good. That's not a proper parent-child relationship at all. |
So, basically you are supporting that she is trying to punish him. She got what she wanted so why complain about the lack of contact and visits now. It's much easier to have a relationship with a child who lives with you and the mother supports the relationship. Dad has kid 4 days a month. That's not a lot and not being self centered. Now that he doesn't spend time with the kid, mom is complaining. Dad can't win. |
The child is a high school graduate. Mom won. No relationship now per her posts, but she's now complaining about the lack of relationship, which she set up. |