17 Year Old Custody Schedule

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad picks up , mom drops off.

Dad wouldn't pick up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: He's probably 18 now (op said 'spring) so hopefully the dc and the op don't have to worry about this anymore.

If not yet it's getting closer.

Hi. OP here:

Yes, my son turned 18 a little bit ago. The hell is over.

To the nasty other PP who said I “should be fined”: you’ll be happy to know the court ultimately ordered my ex to pay MY attorneys fees for bringing a frivolous motion. We did have one hearing. The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

I would not wish the last 9 months on my worst enemy, like I said earlier. It didn’t have to end up this way, and I’m pissed at my ex for it.

Let my experience be a cautionary tale to those parents who don’t want to listen to their 17.5 year old’s opinions and at least TRY to work out a compromise.

Of course your son is refusing visits. You've been clear all along that you don't want him to have visits except maybe an occasional dinner or meet up so he's doing it to make you happy.

OP here:

You clearly haven’t read a single one of my posts carefully, troll.

I read your version which was you were setting this all up by finding every way in terms of excuses to sever the relationship. You taught your son friends, parties and activities are more important than dad. Dad has no value to your child. You won. There is now no relationship. Move on. Let dad move on. Leave the man alone already. Stop pretending you want them to have a relationship as if you really do, you’ve already done too much damage.

Why are you such a cheerleader for this loser Dad? Even the judge saw through his crap.

This is all on BAD DAD.

He didn't prioritize his son. So now he is done-zo.

Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child? It is clear mom doesn't want the relationship. Why can't you see Mom is equally if not more the problem. No matter how much Dad tries he'll always be in the wrong. Child is 18/high school graduate. Hopefully child support is over and Mom can be the sole parent now - both physically and financially as that's what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: She talks about everyone and everything being more important than dad as the reason to not have visits.

For a teenager in senior year of high school? Sports, social events, and school activities do take precedence over spending time with family, for most teenagers. At least, that is completely developmentally normal. Parents who don't realize this and refuse to change their lifestyle if they live far from their 17 year olds are setting themselves up to alienate their teen. This was not OP's doing; it was dad's refusal to be flexible and work with his teen. Fair enough - that was Dad's decision, and he has to live with the consequences of not putting his kid's perfectly normal developmental needs first.

+1. In what dual parent household is a 17.5yr old sitting at home with his parents on the weekend?

This isn't comparable to a dual-parent household and Dad has 2 weekends/4 days a month. However, it's over. The child is 18 and Mom accomplished what she wanted by severing the relationship and now playing victim to why the child doesn't want to see Dad. Child doesn't value the relationship as Mom taught him that Sports, social events, and school activities take precedence over seeing Dad. Soon she'll come on here complaining Dad will not pay for college, give her child support or extra's as why should he when they have no relationship anymore.

The parents made the decision to divorce. Why does the child’s social life and desires have to take second place to his dads wishes. Mom said dad could be involved and come to events but he choose not to. He wanted the relationship on his terms. There was nothing stopping dad from being with his son, inviting his sons friends over to hang out at dads house, showing up for football games—all the things a parent of a teen does. You don’t demand that a teen spent time with you and only you. It only build resentment which it looks like happened.

Dad has four days a month with this kid. That's it. There is plenty of time for a social life, and many other things in the 26 other days we're not with Dad and we don't know Dad's side of the story. How would you feel if you get a few days a month with your child and are refused as the social life is more important. Mom set this up, just like you set it up with your children's father. Then, you turn around and complain Dad isn't involved or doesn't want to pay anything over child support and why should he when he's not a part of the child's life because of your choosing.

Ever wonder why your kids don't want to spend time with you? Or, why they'd prefer to be with their friends over you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: He's probably 18 now (op said 'spring) so hopefully the dc and the op don't have to worry about this anymore.

If not yet it's getting closer.

Hi. OP here:

Yes, my son turned 18 a little bit ago. The hell is over.

To the nasty other PP who said I “should be fined”: you’ll be happy to know the court ultimately ordered my ex to pay MY attorneys fees for bringing a frivolous motion. We did have one hearing. The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

I would not wish the last 9 months on my worst enemy, like I said earlier. It didn’t have to end up this way, and I’m pissed at my ex for it.

Let my experience be a cautionary tale to those parents who don’t want to listen to their 17.5 year old’s opinions and at least TRY to work out a compromise.

Of course your son is refusing visits. You've been clear all along that you don't want him to have visits except maybe an occasional dinner or meet up so he's doing it to make you happy.

OP here:

You clearly haven’t read a single one of my posts carefully, troll.

I read your version which was you were setting this all up by finding every way in terms of excuses to sever the relationship. You taught your son friends, parties and activities are more important than dad. Dad has no value to your child. You won. There is now no relationship. Move on. Let dad move on. Leave the man alone already. Stop pretending you want them to have a relationship as if you really do, you’ve already done too much damage.

Why are you such a cheerleader for this loser Dad? Even the judge saw through his crap.

This is all on BAD DAD.

He didn't prioritize his son. So now he is done-zo.

Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child? It is clear mom doesn't want the relationship. Why can't you see Mom is equally if not more the problem. No matter how much Dad tries he'll always be in the wrong. Child is 18/high school graduate. Hopefully child support is over and Mom can be the sole parent now - both physically and financially as that's what she wants.

You insert all your own crazy prejudices into this. If Dad were that great son would want to spend time with him. Dad made the decision to move away and be inflexible.

When I was a senior I was nonstop busy with activities. No I did not hang put with my parents then. I had school, a job, a boyfriend, friends, etc. I was in every club imaginable and was insanely busy
Luckily my parents were mega proud of their kid and didn’t whine like Dad did.

They wanted me to enjoy every minute of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: She talks about everyone and everything being more important than dad as the reason to not have visits.

For a teenager in senior year of high school? Sports, social events, and school activities do take precedence over spending time with family, for most teenagers. At least, that is completely developmentally normal. Parents who don't realize this and refuse to change their lifestyle if they live far from their 17 year olds are setting themselves up to alienate their teen. This was not OP's doing; it was dad's refusal to be flexible and work with his teen. Fair enough - that was Dad's decision, and he has to live with the consequences of not putting his kid's perfectly normal developmental needs first.

+1. In what dual parent household is a 17.5yr old sitting at home with his parents on the weekend?

This isn't comparable to a dual-parent household and Dad has 2 weekends/4 days a month. However, it's over. The child is 18 and Mom accomplished what she wanted by severing the relationship and now playing victim to why the child doesn't want to see Dad. Child doesn't value the relationship as Mom taught him that Sports, social events, and school activities take precedence over seeing Dad. Soon she'll come on here complaining Dad will not pay for college, give her child support or extra's as why should he when they have no relationship anymore.

The parents made the decision to divorce. Why does the child’s social life and desires have to take second place to his dads wishes. Mom said dad could be involved and come to events but he choose not to. He wanted the relationship on his terms. There was nothing stopping dad from being with his son, inviting his sons friends over to hang out at dads house, showing up for football games—all the things a parent of a teen does. You don’t demand that a teen spent time with you and only you. It only build resentment which it looks like happened.

Dad has four days a month with this kid. That's it. There is plenty of time for a social life, and many other things in the 26 other days we're not with Dad and we don't know Dad's side of the story. How would you feel if you get a few days a month with your child and are refused as the social life is more important. Mom set this up, just like you set it up with your children's father. Then, you turn around and complain Dad isn't involved or doesn't want to pay anything over child support and why should he when he's not a part of the child's life because of your choosing.

Ever wonder why your kids don't want to spend time with you? Or, why they'd prefer to be with their friends over you?

Because they are teens? And that's what teens do? Totally normal and expected for them to prefer being with their friends over their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: He's probably 18 now (op said 'spring) so hopefully the dc and the op don't have to worry about this anymore.

If not yet it's getting closer.

Hi. OP here:

Yes, my son turned 18 a little bit ago. The hell is over.

To the nasty other PP who said I “should be fined”: you’ll be happy to know the court ultimately ordered my ex to pay MY attorneys fees for bringing a frivolous motion. We did have one hearing. The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

I would not wish the last 9 months on my worst enemy, like I said earlier. It didn’t have to end up this way, and I’m pissed at my ex for it.

Let my experience be a cautionary tale to those parents who don’t want to listen to their 17.5 year old’s opinions and at least TRY to work out a compromise.

Of course your son is refusing visits. You've been clear all along that you don't want him to have visits except maybe an occasional dinner or meet up so he's doing it to make you happy.

OP here:

You clearly haven’t read a single one of my posts carefully, troll.

I read your version which was you were setting this all up by finding every way in terms of excuses to sever the relationship. You taught your son friends, parties and activities are more important than dad. Dad has no value to your child. You won. There is now no relationship. Move on. Let dad move on. Leave the man alone already. Stop pretending you want them to have a relationship as if you really do, you’ve already done too much damage.

Why are you such a cheerleader for this loser Dad? Even the judge saw through his crap.

This is all on BAD DAD.

He didn't prioritize his son. So now he is done-zo.

Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child? It is clear mom doesn't want the relationship. Why can't you see Mom is equally if not more the problem. No matter how much Dad tries he'll always be in the wrong. Child is 18/high school graduate. Hopefully child support is over and Mom can be the sole parent now - both physically and financially as that's what she wants.

You insert all your own crazy prejudices into this. If Dad were that great son would want to spend time with him. Dad made the decision to move away and be inflexible.

When I was a senior I was nonstop busy with activities. No I did not hang put with my parents then. I had school, a job, a boyfriend, friends, etc. I was in every club imaginable and was insanely busy
Luckily my parents were mega proud of their kid and didn’t whine like Dad did.

They wanted me to enjoy every minute of it.

The difference is you lived with both your parents. My teens like to hang out with us. Ever stop to think why yours don’t?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: He's probably 18 now (op said 'spring) so hopefully the dc and the op don't have to worry about this anymore.

If not yet it's getting closer.

Hi. OP here:

Yes, my son turned 18 a little bit ago. The hell is over.

To the nasty other PP who said I “should be fined”: you’ll be happy to know the court ultimately ordered my ex to pay MY attorneys fees for bringing a frivolous motion. We did have one hearing. The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

I would not wish the last 9 months on my worst enemy, like I said earlier. It didn’t have to end up this way, and I’m pissed at my ex for it.

Let my experience be a cautionary tale to those parents who don’t want to listen to their 17.5 year old’s opinions and at least TRY to work out a compromise.

Of course your son is refusing visits. You've been clear all along that you don't want him to have visits except maybe an occasional dinner or meet up so he's doing it to make you happy.

OP here:

You clearly haven’t read a single one of my posts carefully, troll.

I read your version which was you were setting this all up by finding every way in terms of excuses to sever the relationship. You taught your son friends, parties and activities are more important than dad. Dad has no value to your child. You won. There is now no relationship. Move on. Let dad move on. Leave the man alone already. Stop pretending you want them to have a relationship as if you really do, you’ve already done too much damage.

Why are you such a cheerleader for this loser Dad? Even the judge saw through his crap.

This is all on BAD DAD.

He didn't prioritize his son. So now he is done-zo.

Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child? It is clear mom doesn't want the relationship. Why can't you see Mom is equally if not more the problem. No matter how much Dad tries he'll always be in the wrong. Child is 18/high school graduate. Hopefully child support is over and Mom can be the sole parent now - both physically and financially as that's what she wants.

You insert all your own crazy prejudices into this. If Dad were that great son would want to spend time with him. Dad made the decision to move away and be inflexible.

When I was a senior I was nonstop busy with activities. No I did not hang put with my parents then. I had school, a job, a boyfriend, friends, etc. I was in every club imaginable and was insanely busy
Luckily my parents were mega proud of their kid and didn’t whine like Dad did.

They wanted me to enjoy every minute of it.

The difference is you lived with both your parents. My teens like to hang out with us. Ever stop to think why yours don’t?

Do your teens regularly hang out with you for 48 consecutive hours?

My teen likes me. But there's never a weekend where he doesn't go to his job, or a sporting event, or out with friends, or anything else. He can like me, and also enjoy other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: He's probably 18 now (op said 'spring) so hopefully the dc and the op don't have to worry about this anymore.

If not yet it's getting closer.

Hi. OP here:

Yes, my son turned 18 a little bit ago. The hell is over.

To the nasty other PP who said I “should be fined”: you’ll be happy to know the court ultimately ordered my ex to pay MY attorneys fees for bringing a frivolous motion. We did have one hearing. The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

I would not wish the last 9 months on my worst enemy, like I said earlier. It didn’t have to end up this way, and I’m pissed at my ex for it.

Let my experience be a cautionary tale to those parents who don’t want to listen to their 17.5 year old’s opinions and at least TRY to work out a compromise.

Of course your son is refusing visits. You've been clear all along that you don't want him to have visits except maybe an occasional dinner or meet up so he's doing it to make you happy.

OP here:

You clearly haven’t read a single one of my posts carefully, troll.

I read your version which was you were setting this all up by finding every way in terms of excuses to sever the relationship. You taught your son friends, parties and activities are more important than dad. Dad has no value to your child. You won. There is now no relationship. Move on. Let dad move on. Leave the man alone already. Stop pretending you want them to have a relationship as if you really do, you’ve already done too much damage.

Why are you such a cheerleader for this loser Dad? Even the judge saw through his crap.

This is all on BAD DAD.

He didn't prioritize his son. So now he is done-zo.

Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child? It is clear mom doesn't want the relationship. Why can't you see Mom is equally if not more the problem. No matter how much Dad tries he'll always be in the wrong. Child is 18/high school graduate. Hopefully child support is over and Mom can be the sole parent now - both physically and financially as that's what she wants.

You insert all your own crazy prejudices into this. If Dad were that great son would want to spend time with him. Dad made the decision to move away and be inflexible.

When I was a senior I was nonstop busy with activities. No I did not hang put with my parents then. I had school, a job, a boyfriend, friends, etc. I was in every club imaginable and was insanely busy
Luckily my parents were mega proud of their kid and didn’t whine like Dad did.

They wanted me to enjoy every minute of it.

The difference is you lived with both your parents. My teens like to hang out with us. Ever stop to think why yours don’t?

No, the difference is my parents put my happiness above any selfishness on their part.

I was ready to launch, and building my own life in my senior year was a big part of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: She talks about everyone and everything being more important than dad as the reason to not have visits.

For a teenager in senior year of high school? Sports, social events, and school activities do take precedence over spending time with family, for most teenagers. At least, that is completely developmentally normal. Parents who don't realize this and refuse to change their lifestyle if they live far from their 17 year olds are setting themselves up to alienate their teen. This was not OP's doing; it was dad's refusal to be flexible and work with his teen. Fair enough - that was Dad's decision, and he has to live with the consequences of not putting his kid's perfectly normal developmental needs first.

+1. In what dual parent household is a 17.5yr old sitting at home with his parents on the weekend?

This isn't comparable to a dual-parent household and Dad has 2 weekends/4 days a month. However, it's over. The child is 18 and Mom accomplished what she wanted by severing the relationship and now playing victim to why the child doesn't want to see Dad. Child doesn't value the relationship as Mom taught him that Sports, social events, and school activities take precedence over seeing Dad. Soon she'll come on here complaining Dad will not pay for college, give her child support or extra's as why should he when they have no relationship anymore.

The parents made the decision to divorce. Why does the child’s social life and desires have to take second place to his dads wishes. Mom said dad could be involved and come to events but he choose not to. He wanted the relationship on his terms. There was nothing stopping dad from being with his son, inviting his sons friends over to hang out at dads house, showing up for football games—all the things a parent of a teen does. You don’t demand that a teen spent time with you and only you. It only build resentment which it looks like happened.

Dad has four days a month with this kid. That's it. There is plenty of time for a social life, and many other things in the 26 other days we're not with Dad and we don't know Dad's side of the story. How would you feel if you get a few days a month with your child and are refused as the social life is more important. Mom set this up, just like you set it up with your children's father. Then, you turn around and complain Dad isn't involved or doesn't want to pay anything over child support and why should he when he's not a part of the child's life because of your choosing.

Ever wonder why your kids don't want to spend time with you? Or, why they'd prefer to be with their friends over you?

Nope- we've been through this earlier in the thread, but you still don't get it. Dad "has" his kid half of the weekends in the month, which is PRIME TIME for high school seniors to be doing high school senior things, which means they are out with friends and doing activities with other teens, not hanging around the home. It is developmentally NORAL for 17 year olds to spend most of their weekends with sports, clubs, girlfriends and boyfriends, jobs etc NOT at home in the house hanging out with parents. Now, if your 17 year old is a homebody and just wants to chill with you at home and do stuff with you, that's cool. But most high school seniors are not. So if dad has moved away from where his teen goes to school, and moved away from where his teen has his social life, and wants to "have" his teen 2 of those very valuable 4 weekends each month AND WANTS TO KEEP A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS TEEN - he needs to put the developmentally normal needs of his teen ahead of his own comfort and convenience and even preference. That might mean offering to drive his 17 year old to weekend events and hanging out and watching the games; it might mean helping 17 year old get a car so he can sleep at his dad's house but still participate in weekend things with his peers; it might mean being more flexible in which weekends he spends with his kid; it might mean spending more time in the old town; it might mean staying in touch more via texts and phone calls versus through physical proximity because THAT Is how your teen can best communicate right now. etc. etc. etc. Dad needs to be flexible. You put the KID'S developmental needs ahead of your own needs when someone has to lose out. If your kid understands that you made him miss out on two weekends a month of everything you cared about, just so you could "have your time" with him ... but you didn't provide anything your 17 year old actually wanted or needed during that time, you just cared that he was in your house, but you didn't make any attempt to meet his true needs as a high school senior - you can't be confused when that teen has ZERO relationship with you later, and you can't blame it on the Mom. This was all on you, Dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: He's probably 18 now (op said 'spring) so hopefully the dc and the op don't have to worry about this anymore.

If not yet it's getting closer.

Hi. OP here:

Yes, my son turned 18 a little bit ago. The hell is over.

To the nasty other PP who said I “should be fined”: you’ll be happy to know the court ultimately ordered my ex to pay MY attorneys fees for bringing a frivolous motion. We did have one hearing. The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

I would not wish the last 9 months on my worst enemy, like I said earlier. It didn’t have to end up this way, and I’m pissed at my ex for it.

Let my experience be a cautionary tale to those parents who don’t want to listen to their 17.5 year old’s opinions and at least TRY to work out a compromise.

Of course your son is refusing visits. You've been clear all along that you don't want him to have visits except maybe an occasional dinner or meet up so he's doing it to make you happy.

OP here:

You clearly haven’t read a single one of my posts carefully, troll.

I read your version which was you were setting this all up by finding every way in terms of excuses to sever the relationship. You taught your son friends, parties and activities are more important than dad. Dad has no value to your child. You won. There is now no relationship. Move on. Let dad move on. Leave the man alone already. Stop pretending you want them to have a relationship as if you really do, you’ve already done too much damage.

Why are you such a cheerleader for this loser Dad? Even the judge saw through his crap.

This is all on BAD DAD.

He didn't prioritize his son. So now he is done-zo.

Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child? It is clear mom doesn't want the relationship. Why can't you see Mom is equally if not more the problem. No matter how much Dad tries he'll always be in the wrong. Child is 18/high school graduate. Hopefully child support is over and Mom can be the sole parent now - both physically and financially as that's what she wants.

Yup -- OP made it very clear that she knew dad was going to stop all support and didn't believe in providing anything for college either. Kid knows it too. Great job Dad, in being a self centered narcissist who didn't care for the developmentally normal needs of his teen, didn't want to support him, who made it clear it was all about the Dad's need s first second and last, and who refused to compromise. Guess he got what he wanted, which was zero relationship with his kid. Did OP say ex had a new child with new spouse? Maybe he'll have a relationship with that one.

[Anonymous]

Can your son write a letter to the court, explaining his position and asking what he should do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: She talks about everyone and everything being more important than dad as the reason to not have visits.

For a teenager in senior year of high school? Sports, social events, and school activities do take precedence over spending time with family, for most teenagers. At least, that is completely developmentally normal. Parents who don't realize this and refuse to change their lifestyle if they live far from their 17 year olds are setting themselves up to alienate their teen. This was not OP's doing; it was dad's refusal to be flexible and work with his teen. Fair enough - that was Dad's decision, and he has to live with the consequences of not putting his kid's perfectly normal developmental needs first.

+1. In what dual parent household is a 17.5yr old sitting at home with his parents on the weekend?

This isn't comparable to a dual-parent household and Dad has 2 weekends/4 days a month. However, it's over. The child is 18 and Mom accomplished what she wanted by severing the relationship and now playing victim to why the child doesn't want to see Dad. Child doesn't value the relationship as Mom taught him that Sports, social events, and school activities take precedence over seeing Dad. Soon she'll come on here complaining Dad will not pay for college, give her child support or extra's as why should he when they have no relationship anymore.

The parents made the decision to divorce. Why does the child’s social life and desires have to take second place to his dads wishes. Mom said dad could be involved and come to events but he choose not to. He wanted the relationship on his terms. There was nothing stopping dad from being with his son, inviting his sons friends over to hang out at dads house, showing up for football games—all the things a parent of a teen does. You don’t demand that a teen spent time with you and only you. It only build resentment which it looks like happened.

Dad has four days a month with this kid. That's it. There is plenty of time for a social life, and many other things in the 26 other days we're not with Dad and we don't know Dad's side of the story. How would you feel if you get a few days a month with your child and are refused as the social life is more important. Mom set this up, just like you set it up with your children's father. Then, you turn around and complain Dad isn't involved or doesn't want to pay anything over child support and why should he when he's not a part of the child's life because of your choosing.

Ever wonder why your kids don't want to spend time with you? Or, why they'd prefer to be with their friends over you?

Nope- we've been through this earlier in the thread, but you still don't get it. Dad "has" his kid half of the weekends in the month, which is PRIME TIME for high school seniors to be doing high school senior things, which means they are out with friends and doing activities with other teens, not hanging around the home. It is developmentally NORAL for 17 year olds to spend most of their weekends with sports, clubs, girlfriends and boyfriends, jobs etc NOT at home in the house hanging out with parents. Now, if your 17 year old is a homebody and just wants to chill with you at home and do stuff with you, that's cool. But most high school seniors are not. So if dad has moved away from where his teen goes to school, and moved away from where his teen has his social life, and wants to "have" his teen 2 of those very valuable 4 weekends each month AND WANTS TO KEEP A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS TEEN - he needs to put the developmentally normal needs of his teen ahead of his own comfort and convenience and even preference. That might mean offering to drive his 17 year old to weekend events and hanging out and watching the games; it might mean helping 17 year old get a car so he can sleep at his dad's house but still participate in weekend things with his peers; it might mean being more flexible in which weekends he spends with his kid; it might mean spending more time in the old town; it might mean staying in touch more via texts and phone calls versus through physical proximity because THAT Is how your teen can best communicate right now. etc. etc. etc. Dad needs to be flexible. You put the KID'S developmental needs ahead of your own needs when someone has to lose out. If your kid understands that you made him miss out on two weekends a month of everything you cared about, just so you could "have your time" with him ... but you didn't provide anything your 17 year old actually wanted or needed during that time, you just cared that he was in your house, but you didn't make any attempt to meet his true needs as a high school senior - you can't be confused when that teen has ZERO relationship with you later, and you can't blame it on the Mom. This was all on you, Dad.

I didn't write this but I lived it. By the time I graduated I felt stifled by my father. I could not wait to leave home so I didn't have to deal with his control any more. When I would come home on breaks I rarely saw him. I'm 50 now. I still don't have a real relationship with my father. He lives with me now but I do it out of obligation not out of desire which is what I would have done for my mom had she lived long enough to need/want to live with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child?

He wasn't trying to have a relationship with his child. A parent-child relationship is a lopsided one. The parent's needs and desires count very little compared with what the child needs. "I want you in my house so I can have my time with you" is a parent desire, not a child desire.

The parent loves his child unconditionally, and moves heaven and earth to get what is right for that child, at that moment in time.

If the parent moves an hour away from the child, and insists that the child spend half his weekends with the parent, when the child is now a TEEN, and refuses to compromise and allow the teen to have any access to his peers and sports and friends because it is "SO IMPORTANT to HAVE MY TIME with you". (mee mee mee, I must have MY needs met who cares about what YOU need..." that parent is being very self centered and focused only on what makes him feel good. That's not a proper parent-child relationship at all.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote: He's probably 18 now (op said 'spring) so hopefully the dc and the op don't have to worry about this anymore.

If not yet it's getting closer.

Hi. OP here:

Yes, my son turned 18 a little bit ago. The hell is over.

To the nasty other PP who said I “should be fined”: you’ll be happy to know the court ultimately ordered my ex to pay MY attorneys fees for bringing a frivolous motion. We did have one hearing. The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

I would not wish the last 9 months on my worst enemy, like I said earlier. It didn’t have to end up this way, and I’m pissed at my ex for it.

Let my experience be a cautionary tale to those parents who don’t want to listen to their 17.5 year old’s opinions and at least TRY to work out a compromise.

Of course your son is refusing visits. You've been clear all along that you don't want him to have visits except maybe an occasional dinner or meet up so he's doing it to make you happy.

OP here:

You clearly haven’t read a single one of my posts carefully, troll.

I read your version which was you were setting this all up by finding every way in terms of excuses to sever the relationship. You taught your son friends, parties and activities are more important than dad. Dad has no value to your child. You won. There is now no relationship. Move on. Let dad move on. Leave the man alone already. Stop pretending you want them to have a relationship as if you really do, you’ve already done too much damage.

Why are you such a cheerleader for this loser Dad? Even the judge saw through his crap.

This is all on BAD DAD.

He didn't prioritize his son. So now he is done-zo.

Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child? It is clear mom doesn't want the relationship. Why can't you see Mom is equally if not more the problem. No matter how much Dad tries he'll always be in the wrong. Child is 18/high school graduate. Hopefully child support is over and Mom can be the sole parent now - both physically and financially as that's what she wants.

Yup -- OP made it very clear that she knew dad was going to stop all support and didn't believe in providing anything for college either. Kid knows it too. Great job Dad, in being a self centered narcissist who didn't care for the developmentally normal needs of his teen, didn't want to support him, who made it clear it was all about the Dad's need s first second and last, and who refused to compromise. Guess he got what he wanted, which was zero relationship with his kid. Did OP say ex had a new child with new spouse? Maybe he'll have a relationship with that one.

So, basically you are supporting that she is trying to punish him. She got what she wanted so why complain about the lack of contact and visits now. It's much easier to have a relationship with a child who lives with you and the mother supports the relationship.

Dad has kid 4 days a month. That's not a lot and not being self centered. Now that he doesn't spend time with the kid, mom is complaining. Dad can't win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can your son write a letter to the court, explaining his position and asking what he should do?

The child is a high school graduate. Mom won. No relationship now per her posts, but she's now complaining about the lack of relationship, which she set up.