17 Year Old Custody Schedule

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: He's probably 18 now (op said 'spring) so hopefully the dc and the op don't have to worry about this anymore.

If not yet it's getting closer.

Hi. OP here:

Yes, my son turned 18 a little bit ago. The hell is over.

To the nasty other PP who said I “should be fined”: you’ll be happy to know the court ultimately ordered my ex to pay MY attorneys fees for bringing a frivolous motion. We did have one hearing. The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

I would not wish the last 9 months on my worst enemy, like I said earlier. It didn’t have to end up this way, and I’m pissed at my ex for it.

Let my experience be a cautionary tale to those parents who don’t want to listen to their 17.5 year old’s opinions and at least TRY to work out a compromise.

Of course your son is refusing visits. You've been clear all along that you don't want him to have visits except maybe an occasional dinner or meet up so he's doing it to make you happy.

OP here:

You clearly haven’t read a single one of my posts carefully, troll.

I read your version which was you were setting this all up by finding every way in terms of excuses to sever the relationship. You taught your son friends, parties and activities are more important than dad. Dad has no value to your child. You won. There is now no relationship. Move on. Let dad move on. Leave the man alone already. Stop pretending you want them to have a relationship as if you really do, you’ve already done too much damage.

Why are you such a cheerleader for this loser Dad? Even the judge saw through his crap.

This is all on BAD DAD.

He didn't prioritize his son. So now he is done-zo.

Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child? It is clear mom doesn't want the relationship. Why can't you see Mom is equally if not more the problem. No matter how much Dad tries he'll always be in the wrong. Child is 18/high school graduate. Hopefully child support is over and Mom can be the sole parent now - both physically and financially as that's what she wants.

No, kid doesn’t want a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: He's probably 18 now (op said 'spring) so hopefully the dc and the op don't have to worry about this anymore.

If not yet it's getting closer.

Hi. OP here:

Yes, my son turned 18 a little bit ago. The hell is over.

To the nasty other PP who said I “should be fined”: you’ll be happy to know the court ultimately ordered my ex to pay MY attorneys fees for bringing a frivolous motion. We did have one hearing. The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

I would not wish the last 9 months on my worst enemy, like I said earlier. It didn’t have to end up this way, and I’m pissed at my ex for it.

Let my experience be a cautionary tale to those parents who don’t want to listen to their 17.5 year old’s opinions and at least TRY to work out a compromise.

Of course your son is refusing visits. You've been clear all along that you don't want him to have visits except maybe an occasional dinner or meet up so he's doing it to make you happy.

OP here:

You clearly haven’t read a single one of my posts carefully, troll.

I read your version which was you were setting this all up by finding every way in terms of excuses to sever the relationship. You taught your son friends, parties and activities are more important than dad. Dad has no value to your child. You won. There is now no relationship. Move on. Let dad move on. Leave the man alone already. Stop pretending you want them to have a relationship as if you really do, you’ve already done too much damage.

Why are you such a cheerleader for this loser Dad? Even the judge saw through his crap.

This is all on BAD DAD.

He didn't prioritize his son. So now he is done-zo.

Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child? It is clear mom doesn't want the relationship. Why can't you see Mom is equally if not more the problem. No matter how much Dad tries he'll always be in the wrong. Child is 18/high school graduate. Hopefully child support is over and Mom can be the sole parent now - both physically and financially as that's what she wants.

No, kid doesn’t want a relationship.

Of course they don’t. Mom did a great job in coaching child dad not important. Mom put the priority on everything else and now acts surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: He's probably 18 now (op said 'spring) so hopefully the dc and the op don't have to worry about this anymore.

If not yet it's getting closer.

Hi. OP here:

Yes, my son turned 18 a little bit ago. The hell is over.

To the nasty other PP who said I “should be fined”: you’ll be happy to know the court ultimately ordered my ex to pay MY attorneys fees for bringing a frivolous motion. We did have one hearing. The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

I would not wish the last 9 months on my worst enemy, like I said earlier. It didn’t have to end up this way, and I’m pissed at my ex for it.

Let my experience be a cautionary tale to those parents who don’t want to listen to their 17.5 year old’s opinions and at least TRY to work out a compromise.

Of course your son is refusing visits. You've been clear all along that you don't want him to have visits except maybe an occasional dinner or meet up so he's doing it to make you happy.

OP here:

You clearly haven’t read a single one of my posts carefully, troll.

I read your version which was you were setting this all up by finding every way in terms of excuses to sever the relationship. You taught your son friends, parties and activities are more important than dad. Dad has no value to your child. You won. There is now no relationship. Move on. Let dad move on. Leave the man alone already. Stop pretending you want them to have a relationship as if you really do, you’ve already done too much damage.

Why are you such a cheerleader for this loser Dad? Even the judge saw through his crap.

This is all on BAD DAD.

He didn't prioritize his son. So now he is done-zo.

Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child? It is clear mom doesn't want the relationship. Why can't you see Mom is equally if not more the problem. No matter how much Dad tries he'll always be in the wrong. Child is 18/high school graduate. Hopefully child support is over and Mom can be the sole parent now - both physically and financially as that's what she wants.

No, kid doesn’t want a relationship.

Of course they don’t. Mom did a great job in coaching child dad not important. Mom put the priority on everything else and now acts surprised.

Absolutely. No HS senior would ever prioritize friends, sports, school activities and social events himself. It's unthinkable really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: He's probably 18 now (op said 'spring) so hopefully the dc and the op don't have to worry about this anymore.

If not yet it's getting closer.

Hi. OP here:

Yes, my son turned 18 a little bit ago. The hell is over.

To the nasty other PP who said I “should be fined”: you’ll be happy to know the court ultimately ordered my ex to pay MY attorneys fees for bringing a frivolous motion. We did have one hearing. The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

I would not wish the last 9 months on my worst enemy, like I said earlier. It didn’t have to end up this way, and I’m pissed at my ex for it.

Let my experience be a cautionary tale to those parents who don’t want to listen to their 17.5 year old’s opinions and at least TRY to work out a compromise.

Of course your son is refusing visits. You've been clear all along that you don't want him to have visits except maybe an occasional dinner or meet up so he's doing it to make you happy.

OP here:

You clearly haven’t read a single one of my posts carefully, troll.

I read your version which was you were setting this all up by finding every way in terms of excuses to sever the relationship. You taught your son friends, parties and activities are more important than dad. Dad has no value to your child. You won. There is now no relationship. Move on. Let dad move on. Leave the man alone already. Stop pretending you want them to have a relationship as if you really do, you’ve already done too much damage.

Why are you such a cheerleader for this loser Dad? Even the judge saw through his crap.

This is all on BAD DAD.

He didn't prioritize his son. So now he is done-zo.

Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child? It is clear mom doesn't want the relationship. Why can't you see Mom is equally if not more the problem. No matter how much Dad tries he'll always be in the wrong. Child is 18/high school graduate. Hopefully child support is over and Mom can be the sole parent now - both physically and financially as that's what she wants.

No, kid doesn’t want a relationship.

Of course they don’t. Mom did a great job in coaching child dad not important. Mom put the priority on everything else and now acts surprised.

Nope. Dad did a great job inflexibly prioritizing his own needs above the needs of his teen. Dad didn't see what his kid needed, and now acts surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: He's probably 18 now (op said 'spring) so hopefully the dc and the op don't have to worry about this anymore.

If not yet it's getting closer.

Hi. OP here:

Yes, my son turned 18 a little bit ago. The hell is over.

To the nasty other PP who said I “should be fined”: you’ll be happy to know the court ultimately ordered my ex to pay MY attorneys fees for bringing a frivolous motion. We did have one hearing. The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

I would not wish the last 9 months on my worst enemy, like I said earlier. It didn’t have to end up this way, and I’m pissed at my ex for it.

Let my experience be a cautionary tale to those parents who don’t want to listen to their 17.5 year old’s opinions and at least TRY to work out a compromise.

Of course your son is refusing visits. You've been clear all along that you don't want him to have visits except maybe an occasional dinner or meet up so he's doing it to make you happy.

OP here:

You clearly haven’t read a single one of my posts carefully, troll.

I read your version which was you were setting this all up by finding every way in terms of excuses to sever the relationship. You taught your son friends, parties and activities are more important than dad. Dad has no value to your child. You won. There is now no relationship. Move on. Let dad move on. Leave the man alone already. Stop pretending you want them to have a relationship as if you really do, you’ve already done too much damage.

Why are you such a cheerleader for this loser Dad? Even the judge saw through his crap.

This is all on BAD DAD.

He didn't prioritize his son. So now he is done-zo.

Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child? It is clear mom doesn't want the relationship. Why can't you see Mom is equally if not more the problem. No matter how much Dad tries he'll always be in the wrong. Child is 18/high school graduate. Hopefully child support is over and Mom can be the sole parent now - both physically and financially as that's what she wants.

Yup -- OP made it very clear that she knew dad was going to stop all support and didn't believe in providing anything for college either. Kid knows it too. Great job Dad, in being a self centered narcissist who didn't care for the developmentally normal needs of his teen, didn't want to support him, who made it clear it was all about the Dad's need s first second and last, and who refused to compromise. Guess he got what he wanted, which was zero relationship with his kid. Did OP say ex had a new child with new spouse? Maybe he'll have a relationship with that one.

So, basically you are supporting that she is trying to punish him. She got what she wanted so why complain about the lack of contact and visits now. It's much easier to have a relationship with a child who lives with you and the mother supports the relationship.

Dad has kid 4 days a month. That's not a lot and not being self centered. Now that he doesn't spend time with the kid, mom is complaining. Dad can't win.

Nope. Your reading comprehension is poor. Try again.

This was Mom's latest post. I see not one word of complaining about Dad.

The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

She isn't complaining at all and she is trying to encourage her son to keep contact with his dad. Not complaining that dad doesn't spend time with his son. What happened was ALL ON DAD. He was the cause of his son's alienation. HIS actions and attitude and inflexibility caused this. Pay attention so it doesn't happen to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: He's probably 18 now (op said 'spring) so hopefully the dc and the op don't have to worry about this anymore.

If not yet it's getting closer.

Hi. OP here:

Yes, my son turned 18 a little bit ago. The hell is over.

To the nasty other PP who said I “should be fined”: you’ll be happy to know the court ultimately ordered my ex to pay MY attorneys fees for bringing a frivolous motion. We did have one hearing. The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

I would not wish the last 9 months on my worst enemy, like I said earlier. It didn’t have to end up this way, and I’m pissed at my ex for it.

Let my experience be a cautionary tale to those parents who don’t want to listen to their 17.5 year old’s opinions and at least TRY to work out a compromise.

Of course your son is refusing visits. You've been clear all along that you don't want him to have visits except maybe an occasional dinner or meet up so he's doing it to make you happy.

OP here:

You clearly haven’t read a single one of my posts carefully, troll.

I read your version which was you were setting this all up by finding every way in terms of excuses to sever the relationship. You taught your son friends, parties and activities are more important than dad. Dad has no value to your child. You won. There is now no relationship. Move on. Let dad move on. Leave the man alone already. Stop pretending you want them to have a relationship as if you really do, you’ve already done too much damage.

Why are you such a cheerleader for this loser Dad? Even the judge saw through his crap.

This is all on BAD DAD.

He didn't prioritize his son. So now he is done-zo.

Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child? It is clear mom doesn't want the relationship. Why can't you see Mom is equally if not more the problem. No matter how much Dad tries he'll always be in the wrong. Child is 18/high school graduate. Hopefully child support is over and Mom can be the sole parent now - both physically and financially as that's what she wants.

Yup -- OP made it very clear that she knew dad was going to stop all support and didn't believe in providing anything for college either. Kid knows it too. Great job Dad, in being a self centered narcissist who didn't care for the developmentally normal needs of his teen, didn't want to support him, who made it clear it was all about the Dad's need s first second and last, and who refused to compromise. Guess he got what he wanted, which was zero relationship with his kid. Did OP say ex had a new child with new spouse? Maybe he'll have a relationship with that one.

So, basically you are supporting that she is trying to punish him. She got what she wanted so why complain about the lack of contact and visits now. It's much easier to have a relationship with a child who lives with you and the mother supports the relationship.

Dad has kid 4 days a month. That's not a lot and not being self centered. Now that he doesn't spend time with the kid, mom is complaining. Dad can't win.

Nope. Your reading comprehension is poor. Try again.

This was Mom's latest post. I see not one word of complaining about Dad.

The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

She isn't complaining at all and she is trying to encourage her son to keep contact with his dad. Not complaining that dad doesn't spend time with his son. What happened was ALL ON DAD. He was the cause of his son's alienation. HIS actions and attitude and inflexibility caused this. Pay attention so it doesn't happen to you.

No, it's not all on the Dad and she is spinning the story to make her look 100% good and him 100% bad. He doesn't need to be flexible. He has a court ordered visitation twice a month. She needs to stick to it. You need to pay attention. She was fine with child not visiting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: He's probably 18 now (op said 'spring) so hopefully the dc and the op don't have to worry about this anymore.

If not yet it's getting closer.

Hi. OP here:

Yes, my son turned 18 a little bit ago. The hell is over.

To the nasty other PP who said I “should be fined”: you’ll be happy to know the court ultimately ordered my ex to pay MY attorneys fees for bringing a frivolous motion. We did have one hearing. The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

I would not wish the last 9 months on my worst enemy, like I said earlier. It didn’t have to end up this way, and I’m pissed at my ex for it.

Let my experience be a cautionary tale to those parents who don’t want to listen to their 17.5 year old’s opinions and at least TRY to work out a compromise.

Of course your son is refusing visits. You've been clear all along that you don't want him to have visits except maybe an occasional dinner or meet up so he's doing it to make you happy.

OP here:

You clearly haven’t read a single one of my posts carefully, troll.

I read your version which was you were setting this all up by finding every way in terms of excuses to sever the relationship. You taught your son friends, parties and activities are more important than dad. Dad has no value to your child. You won. There is now no relationship. Move on. Let dad move on. Leave the man alone already. Stop pretending you want them to have a relationship as if you really do, you’ve already done too much damage.

Why are you such a cheerleader for this loser Dad? Even the judge saw through his crap.

This is all on BAD DAD.

He didn't prioritize his son. So now he is done-zo.

Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child? It is clear mom doesn't want the relationship. Why can't you see Mom is equally if not more the problem. No matter how much Dad tries he'll always be in the wrong. Child is 18/high school graduate. Hopefully child support is over and Mom can be the sole parent now - both physically and financially as that's what she wants.

No, kid doesn’t want a relationship.

Of course they don’t. Mom did a great job in coaching child dad not important. Mom put the priority on everything else and now acts surprised.

Nope. Dad did a great job inflexibly prioritizing his own needs above the needs of his teen. Dad didn't see what his kid needed, and now acts surprised.

You mean the job that paid mom child support? Most jobs don't have flexibility. You are lucky if yours does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: He's probably 18 now (op said 'spring) so hopefully the dc and the op don't have to worry about this anymore.

If not yet it's getting closer.

Hi. OP here:

Yes, my son turned 18 a little bit ago. The hell is over.

To the nasty other PP who said I “should be fined”: you’ll be happy to know the court ultimately ordered my ex to pay MY attorneys fees for bringing a frivolous motion. We did have one hearing. The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

I would not wish the last 9 months on my worst enemy, like I said earlier. It didn’t have to end up this way, and I’m pissed at my ex for it.

Let my experience be a cautionary tale to those parents who don’t want to listen to their 17.5 year old’s opinions and at least TRY to work out a compromise.

Of course your son is refusing visits. You've been clear all along that you don't want him to have visits except maybe an occasional dinner or meet up so he's doing it to make you happy.

OP here:

You clearly haven’t read a single one of my posts carefully, troll.

I read your version which was you were setting this all up by finding every way in terms of excuses to sever the relationship. You taught your son friends, parties and activities are more important than dad. Dad has no value to your child. You won. There is now no relationship. Move on. Let dad move on. Leave the man alone already. Stop pretending you want them to have a relationship as if you really do, you’ve already done too much damage.

Why are you such a cheerleader for this loser Dad? Even the judge saw through his crap.

This is all on BAD DAD.

He didn't prioritize his son. So now he is done-zo.

Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child? It is clear mom doesn't want the relationship. Why can't you see Mom is equally if not more the problem. No matter how much Dad tries he'll always be in the wrong. Child is 18/high school graduate. Hopefully child support is over and Mom can be the sole parent now - both physically and financially as that's what she wants.

No, kid doesn’t want a relationship.

Of course they don’t. Mom did a great job in coaching child dad not important. Mom put the priority on everything else and now acts surprised.

Nope. Dad did a great job inflexibly prioritizing his own needs above the needs of his teen. Dad didn't see what his kid needed, and now acts surprised.

You mean the job that paid mom child support? Most jobs don't have flexibility. You are lucky if yours does.

Your own bias is showing. I said nothing about flexibility with working hours. Flexibility referred to being flexible with how he maintained contact with, and developed a relationship with, his son, to allow his son to participate in all the activities he wanted to do on weekends. As a child grows, you need to adapt to their changing needs, not inflexibility insist on "MY TIME" and "MY WEEKENDS". You need to put the needs and interests of the older teen ahead of your desire to have the teen physically present in your home so you can "Get your time".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
No, it's not all on the Dad and she is spinning the story to make her look 100% good and him 100% bad. He doesn't need to be flexible. He has a court ordered visitation twice a month. She needs to stick to it. You need to pay attention. She was fine with child not visiting.

Yup, it's all on the Dad.

You are right, legally he did NOT need to be flexible. And he WASN'T. And get this - as a result of his lack of meeting his kid's need (because the LAW didn't say he HAD to) he now has no relationiship with his son.

At some point, you need to stop forcing your kid to do things because it is the LAW, and start being the kind of parent a kid wants to be around.

You need to pay attention. Mom was NOT FINE that the kid didn't want to go to his dad's. But she wasn't going to force the kid to go - at age 17. The judge said she did nothing wrong, too. Keep up. She was sad that the dad had screwed things up with his kid by refusing to be flexible and meet the kid's legitimate social needs and wants.

So sorry, but Dad screwed up. If you only have a relationship with your kid because the law requires him to be there with you... at age 17? That's no relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: He's probably 18 now (op said 'spring) so hopefully the dc and the op don't have to worry about this anymore.

If not yet it's getting closer.

Hi. OP here:

Yes, my son turned 18 a little bit ago. The hell is over.

To the nasty other PP who said I “should be fined”: you’ll be happy to know the court ultimately ordered my ex to pay MY attorneys fees for bringing a frivolous motion. We did have one hearing. The judge found that I did nothing wrong and that I made all efforts to comply with the schedule. I had to go deeper into debt to pay for a lawyer, so this was a relief. I could share more details as to how exactly this all went down, but I don’t want to be easily identified.

After all this, my son is no longer speaking to my ex. And believe it or not, even though he is now 18, I have encouraged my son to go up to his dad’s any time he wants. I’ve told him he can go spend as much time as he wants there this summer, to try and “start over” with his dad. My DS won’t do it. I sincerely hope that will change in time.

I would not wish the last 9 months on my worst enemy, like I said earlier. It didn’t have to end up this way, and I’m pissed at my ex for it.

Let my experience be a cautionary tale to those parents who don’t want to listen to their 17.5 year old’s opinions and at least TRY to work out a compromise.

Of course your son is refusing visits. You've been clear all along that you don't want him to have visits except maybe an occasional dinner or meet up so he's doing it to make you happy.

OP here:

You clearly haven’t read a single one of my posts carefully, troll.

I read your version which was you were setting this all up by finding every way in terms of excuses to sever the relationship. You taught your son friends, parties and activities are more important than dad. Dad has no value to your child. You won. There is now no relationship. Move on. Let dad move on. Leave the man alone already. Stop pretending you want them to have a relationship as if you really do, you’ve already done too much damage.

Why are you such a cheerleader for this loser Dad? Even the judge saw through his crap.

This is all on BAD DAD.

He didn't prioritize his son. So now he is done-zo.

Why is this bad dad if dad is trying to have a relationship and the mom is blocking it, including going to court for it. What kind of message does that send to the child? It is clear mom doesn't want the relationship. Why can't you see Mom is equally if not more the problem. No matter how much Dad tries he'll always be in the wrong. Child is 18/high school graduate. Hopefully child support is over and Mom can be the sole parent now - both physically and financially as that's what she wants.

No, kid doesn’t want a relationship.

Of course they don’t. Mom did a great job in coaching child dad not important. Mom put the priority on everything else and now acts surprised.

Nope. Dad did a great job inflexibly prioritizing his own needs above the needs of his teen. Dad didn't see what his kid needed, and now acts surprised.

You mean the job that paid mom child support? Most jobs don't have flexibility. You are lucky if yours does.

Your own bias is showing. I said nothing about flexibility with working hours. Flexibility referred to being flexible with how he maintained contact with, and developed a relationship with, his son, to allow his son to participate in all the activities he wanted to do on weekends. As a child grows, you need to adapt to their changing needs, not inflexibility insist on "MY TIME" and "MY WEEKENDS". You need to put the needs and interests of the older teen ahead of your desire to have the teen physically present in your home so you can "Get your time".

If you read her other posts he was flexible giving up Friday nights so the visit was really 24-36 hours from Saturday to Sunday and they still refused the visit. They just want Dad to 100% accommodate them and stand on the ceremony. There is a court order. Mom choose every other weekend per the court order and refused to even follow that.

My teens understand family is important and they know they will sometimes miss activities, sports and the other stuff they are in if there is something going on. It wouldn't even be an option in our home. Mom needed to be more flexible and support the visits with Dad. When you tell a teen that everything else is more important, they realize you don't want the visits and will agree to keep the peace.

Either way, Mom won. She wanted the visits terminated and now they are. So, the kid is 18, so it's all over. So, she shouldn't be surprised if Dad makes zero effort given she spent years blocking the visits. He's probably just glad he doesn't have to deal with her anymore giving how controlling and unsupportive she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No, it's not all on the Dad and she is spinning the story to make her look 100% good and him 100% bad. He doesn't need to be flexible. He has a court ordered visitation twice a month. She needs to stick to it. You need to pay attention. She was fine with child not visiting.

Yup, it's all on the Dad.

You are right, legally he did NOT need to be flexible. And he WASN'T. And get this - as a result of his lack of meeting his kid's need (because the LAW didn't say he HAD to) he now has no relationiship with his son.

At some point, you need to stop forcing your kid to do things because it is the LAW, and start being the kind of parent a kid wants to be around.

You need to pay attention. Mom was NOT FINE that the kid didn't want to go to his dad's. But she wasn't going to force the kid to go - at age 17. The judge said she did nothing wrong, too. Keep up. She was sad that the dad had screwed things up with his kid by refusing to be flexible and meet the kid's legitimate social needs and wants.

So sorry, but Dad screwed up. If you only have a relationship with your kid because the law requires him to be there with you... at age 17? That's no relationship.

Mom screwed up by not impressing that there is value in the relationship between father and son because she ultimately didn't want the relationship. Mom was fine or she would have been a parent and enforced the visits. He lives with her and she is ultimately responsible for him so she needs to stop blaming and playing the victim and own up to her part in all this.

He was flexible from her other posts and gave up Friday nights, etc. and it still wasn't good enough for her. What does flexibility mean when Dad was only getting 2 nights a month. If kid is scheduled to have something every day and when he doesn't see friends, no matter how much Dad is flexible, it will never be good enough for them.

[Anonymous]

Op, it's now the spring.

Is DS now 18? How has this worked out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, it's now the spring.

Is DS now 18? How has this worked out?

OP provided an update on 5/21.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
No, it's not all on the Dad and she is spinning the story to make her look 100% good and him 100% bad. He doesn't need to be flexible. He has a court ordered visitation twice a month. She needs to stick to it. You need to pay attention. She was fine with child not visiting.

Yup, it's all on the Dad.

You are right, legally he did NOT need to be flexible. And he WASN'T. And get this - as a result of his lack of meeting his kid's need (because the LAW didn't say he HAD to) he now has no relationiship with his son.

At some point, you need to stop forcing your kid to do things because it is the LAW, and start being the kind of parent a kid wants to be around.

You need to pay attention. Mom was NOT FINE that the kid didn't want to go to his dad's. But she wasn't going to force the kid to go - at age 17. The judge said she did nothing wrong, too. Keep up. She was sad that the dad had screwed things up with his kid by refusing to be flexible and meet the kid's legitimate social needs and wants.

So sorry, but Dad screwed up. If you only have a relationship with your kid because the law requires him to be there with you... at age 17? That's no relationship.

Mom screwed up by not impressing that there is value in the relationship between father and son because she ultimately didn't want the relationship. Mom was fine or she would have been a parent and enforced the visits. He lives with her and she is ultimately responsible for him so she needs to stop blaming and playing the victim and own up to her part in all this.

He was flexible from her other posts and gave up Friday nights, etc. and it still wasn't good enough for her. What does flexibility mean when Dad was only getting 2 nights a month. If kid is scheduled to have something every day and when he doesn't see friends, no matter how much Dad is flexible, it will never be good enough for them.

You are still so fixated on the "amount of time dad gets the kid" as being the relevant factor here. That's not the flexibility I am talking about. I am talking about being flexible in every way to meet the developmentally normal needs of a teenager. Be the kind of parent a kid *wants* to talk to.

I reread OP's posts and I saw that DS tried to talk to his dad about this but dad refused to discuss it with him. Dad refused to let DS drive his car, or to help DS buy an old beater car; he though DS should buy his own car, yet knew he had a custody schedule that meant he couldn't really hold down a part time job working weekends. So what was dad doing to help this situation exactly? Did he even sit down and empathize with the kid, and talk it out with him, and say "Hey, I understand having to come 1.5 hours away every weekend is a real drag since you can't do social things with your friends, how can we make this work?" No - he refused to even talk about it. Do you call that flexible?

Why would you think that kind of attitude gets you a teen who wants to have a relationship with you when it isn't court mandated? Don't you see focusing on "MY TIME WITH YOU IN THE HOUSE" at this age is detrimental to the relationship which should be about "What do you need and how can I help you achieve it?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Mom screwed up by not impressing that there is value in the relationship between father and son because she ultimately didn't want the relationship.

That is NOT how the importance of a relationship is impressed upon a person. You don't tell someone "Dad is important to you so you have to go be with him" and have that actually make the kid love his dad. Relationships are built by taking an interest in your child and talking to him, listening to what he has to say, empathizing with him; creative problem solving to meet his needs as well as your own. Dad didn't do that. That's on dad.