17 Year Old Custody Schedule

[Anonymous]

https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/custody/ages/teenager.php

Here are some things you need to know about teenagers to make your parenting plan more effective.

Teenagers use the family as a base of support and guidance and they need parental nurturing and oversight. Your plan should allow both parents to be involved in your teenager's life.

Teenagers need to explore different activities and develop relationships outside of the family. Your plan should be flexible because activities may conflict with parenting time.

Teenagers prefer to spend time with friends and peers instead of family. Your plan should allow your teenager to have relationships and spend time with friends.

Teenagers get very busy with activities, jobs, friends and sports as they get older. Your plan should adapt to fit your teenager's schedule.

Teenagers want independence and control over their own schedule. Your plan should take your teenager's preferences into consideration.

As teenagers get older they will be able to figure out parenting time by talking directly with each parent. They may be angry or resentful if parents ignore their wishes.

Teenagers may have conflicts with parenting time because of their busy schedule. Parents can attend athletic, performance, academic and other activities to stay involved in the teenager's life.

As your teenager gets older, both parents need to discuss future goals about education, work and other post-high school plans with the teenager.

As you make your schedule, you should consider your teen's schedule and commitments, the distance between the parents' homes, the parents' work schedules, and your teen's need for unstructured time.

If your teenager wants to live primarily in one home (have a home base) because of the importance of their friends and other activities you can schedule time throughout the week for the teen to see the other parent. Both parents can attend a teenager's activities to see the teen more.


As your teenager gets older you may need to change your schedule to fit your teen's busy schedule. Parents should schedule phone calls and stay in contact other ways if they aren't able to see the teen as much.


You can make a holiday schedule with your teenager to show where your teen will spend the holidays. Holidays can be a good time to see a nonresidential parent. Your teenager may want to be able to spend some holiday time with friends and you should work with your teenager so that can happen.

Development from 13 to 18 years old

Understanding some of the development of teenagers from 13 to 18 can help you make a better parenting plan and custody schedule for your teen.

From 13 to 18 years old, teenagers develop a sense of personal identity within the rules and regulations of society, school, and friends. They gradually separate from parents and family and develop a sense of self.

Girls in this age group typically mature faster than boys. There is a wide range of abilities to make decisions and handle responsibility. Parents need to provide guidance and support to help their teen learn how to be independent.

13- to 18-year-olds prefer to spend time with friends than with family and parents. As they grow older they become able to handle their own scheduling of social activities, work, and other responsibilities.

There are many physical and emotional changes during this time. Parents must talk to their teenager about sexuality, relationships, and other important topics. Teenagers often lose control of their emotions and can have mood swings.

This is the time when parents must help their teen prepare for independent life after high school. Parents should talk with their teen about educational goals, work plans, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: If kid is scheduled to have something every day and when he doesn't see friends, no matter how much Dad is flexible, it will never be good enough for them.

Now you are finally understanding what it means to be a parent. You are happy that the 17 year old is so busy doing social, academic, work and athletic activities that he barely has time to see his parents, because he is living his good life, he is happy and engaged and busy with the life of a teen. A parent should be HAPPY for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Either way, Mom won. She wanted the visits terminated and now they are. So, the kid is 18, so it's all over. So, she shouldn't be surprised if Dad makes zero effort given she spent years blocking the visits. He's probably just glad he doesn't have to deal with her anymore giving how controlling and unsupportive she is.

Wrong. Dad lost. The visits weren't *terminated* when the boy turned 18. They were *no longer mandated* by court order. Dad was so stupid to fight over this. Instead of taking his son's resistance to traveling to his house to heart and working to meet his son's needs - he should have used that as a wake up call to realize he wasn't being a good father.

Here's a tip - IF YOU NEED A COURT ORDER TO FORCE YOUR 17 YEAR OLD SON TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE HALF THE WEEKENDS OF A MONTH WHEN IT IS 1.5 HOURS AWAY FROM WHERE HE LIVES - TRY SOMETHING ELSE INSTEAD. Try anything else. Try EVERYTHING else.

Why should Mom be surprised if Dad makes zero effort from now on, when he made zero effort before?

[Anonymous]

Flexibility Is Key

Friends, school, sports, activities, dating, and jobs are essential to teens. If you have a visitation schedule that severely restricts your child's ability to enjoy those essential activities, all you'll end up with is resentment. Instead, you need to try to create a balance in your teen's life. He or she should have plenty of time to do the things that matters to him, but he's also got to make some room for spending time with his parents.

When you all lived in one house you probably did not tell your daughter she had to skip the field hockey game because you wanted to spend time with her. You didn't tell your son he couldn't hang out with friends on Friday night because your spouse wanted to spend time with him.

As the divorced parent of a teen, you've got to flex the parenting schedule to incorporate the things that make your kid who he is. If your spouse has visitation this weekend, but your teen has a dance to go to, the parent whose scheduled time it is should take the teen to and from the dance, and spend the rest of the available time with him. You need to find a balance between your teen's need to be a kid and the need for him or her to have time with both parents.

Create a Minimum

Since teens schedules are busy and your and the other parent's schedules are also probably pretty packed, it's important to agree to some kind of minimum time per month with the non-custodial parent.

For example, decide that you'll try to arrange things so that the non-custodial parent sees your child for at least four overnights per month and 4 other evenings or afternoons - this is the flexible way to fit in the "every other weekend and one night a week" plan into a busy life. Fit parenting times in where they go the easiest.

Be creative with your time sharing. Take turns taking your daughter to basketball practice. Have one parent commit to teaching him how to drive. Have the other parent be involved with weekend band or cheerleader activities.

Some parents have a hard time being so flexible because it feels like a loss of control. In fact it is just the opposite - you set a minimum and then work with your child to make it work for everyone. It takes a bit more cooperation, but in the end, you will both have a better relationship with your child and he or she will feel more fulfilled and connected.

Stay Connected

Teens are big on technology, so the non-custodial parent can maintain a close relationship with text messaging, cell phone calls, and instant messaging. Non-custodial parents can have a difficult time staying connected during the teen years - teens certainly aren't known for being open with their parents! And, if a family divorced when the daughter was 7, she's a very different person at 15 and it can be hard to stay in the loop. Find out about her interests and activities and make yourself a part of them - either by showing up to cheer, by offering help, or just by asking friendly, non-intrusive questions.

Surviving the teen years requires a mutual understanding - you take your teen's life seriously and he or she will take both parents seriously as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If kid is scheduled to have something every day and when he doesn't see friends, no matter how much Dad is flexible, it will never be good enough for them.

Now you are finally understanding what it means to be a parent. You are happy that the 17 year old is so busy doing social, academic, work and athletic activities that he barely has time to see his parents, because he is living his good life, he is happy and engaged and busy with the life of a teen. A parent should be HAPPY for that.

A NCP can only be as much of a parent as the custodial parent allows them to be.

I would not be happy if my child is so busy they don't want to spend time with me. Maybe that speaks volumes to you but my teen still loves to spend time with me. And, they are heavily into sports, music, and much more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I would not be happy if my child is so busy they don't want to spend time with me. Maybe that speaks volumes to you but my teen still loves to spend time with me. And, they are heavily into sports, music, and much more.

They might like to spend time with you, but not if it means spending two whole weekends a month with you and only you, an hour and a half away from their school and activities and friends. I'm sure you don't require non stop 24 hours of time with you?

The problem here is that Dad doesn't live in the same town, where the teen can be there at Dad's house for some family time, but also have access to his activities. Yes, family is important, but being with family shouldn't mean you lose half your weekends all year long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I would not be happy if my child is so busy they don't want to spend time with me. Maybe that speaks volumes to you but my teen still loves to spend time with me.

It does mean a lot to me, but maybe my kids are older than yours? If a 17 year old just wants to hang out with mom most of the time, and doesn't have a lot of friends and a job and activities, I'd be concerned. It's time for them to move off into adulthood and separate from me and fly. They always know they can come home if they need a safe place and I am here for them, but I shouldn't be their course of social life at this stage. They should be off doing things with others their age - that's the whole goal of raising an emotionally healthy child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If kid is scheduled to have something every day and when he doesn't see friends, no matter how much Dad is flexible, it will never be good enough for them.

Now you are finally understanding what it means to be a parent. You are happy that the 17 year old is so busy doing social, academic, work and athletic activities that he barely has time to see his parents, because he is living his good life, he is happy and engaged and busy with the life of a teen. A parent should be HAPPY for that.

A NCP can only be as much of a parent as the custodial parent allows them to be.

I would not be happy if my child is so busy they don't want to spend time with me. Maybe that speaks volumes to you but my teen still loves to spend time with me. And, they are heavily into sports, music, and much more.

Just to clarify - you think it's desirable for a 17 year old to spend Saturday morning, afternoon and evening and Sunday morning, afternoon, and evening home with you (or out doing things only with you), the first and the third weekend of every month, all day and all evening long, just with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I would not be happy if my child is so busy they don't want to spend time with me. Maybe that speaks volumes to you but my teen still loves to spend time with me. And, they are heavily into sports, music, and much more.

They might like to spend time with you, but not if it means spending two whole weekends a month with you and only you, an hour and a half away from their school and activities and friends. I'm sure you don't require non stop 24 hours of time with you?

The problem here is that Dad doesn't live in the same town, where the teen can be there at Dad's house for some family time, but also have access to his activities. Yes, family is important, but being with family shouldn't mean you lose half your weekends all year long.

Spoken as someone who doesn't want Dad in their child's life. It's not a big deal for child to spend two nights a month with their parent. That speaks volumes of what you are teaching your child. Clearly family isn't important when that family is Dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If kid is scheduled to have something every day and when he doesn't see friends, no matter how much Dad is flexible, it will never be good enough for them.

Now you are finally understanding what it means to be a parent. You are happy that the 17 year old is so busy doing social, academic, work and athletic activities that he barely has time to see his parents, because he is living his good life, he is happy and engaged and busy with the life of a teen. A parent should be HAPPY for that.

A NCP can only be as much of a parent as the custodial parent allows them to be.

I would not be happy if my child is so busy they don't want to spend time with me. Maybe that speaks volumes to you but my teen still loves to spend time with me. And, they are heavily into sports, music, and much more.

Just to clarify - you think it's desirable for a 17 year old to spend Saturday morning, afternoon and evening and Sunday morning, afternoon, and evening home with you (or out doing things only with you), the first and the third weekend of every month, all day and all evening long, just with you?

Mine would... but then again we enjoy spending time together. I'm sorry that you don't have that kind of relationship where you want to spend that time with you. When mine even go away to camp, they insist we visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If kid is scheduled to have something every day and when he doesn't see friends, no matter how much Dad is flexible, it will never be good enough for them.

Now you are finally understanding what it means to be a parent. You are happy that the 17 year old is so busy doing social, academic, work and athletic activities that he barely has time to see his parents, because he is living his good life, he is happy and engaged and busy with the life of a teen. A parent should be HAPPY for that.

A NCP can only be as much of a parent as the custodial parent allows them to be.

I would not be happy if my child is so busy they don't want to spend time with me. Maybe that speaks volumes to you but my teen still loves to spend time with me. And, they are heavily into sports, music, and much more.

Just to clarify - you think it's desirable for a 17 year old to spend Saturday morning, afternoon and evening and Sunday morning, afternoon, and evening home with you (or out doing things only with you), the first and the third weekend of every month, all day and all evening long, just with you?

Mine would... but then again we enjoy spending time together. I'm sorry that you don't have that kind of relationship where you want to spend that time with you. When mine even go away to camp, they insist we visit.

So sad that you don't understand this isn't a good thing....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If kid is scheduled to have something every day and when he doesn't see friends, no matter how much Dad is flexible, it will never be good enough for them.

Now you are finally understanding what it means to be a parent. You are happy that the 17 year old is so busy doing social, academic, work and athletic activities that he barely has time to see his parents, because he is living his good life, he is happy and engaged and busy with the life of a teen. A parent should be HAPPY for that.

A NCP can only be as much of a parent as the custodial parent allows them to be.

I would not be happy if my child is so busy they don't want to spend time with me. Maybe that speaks volumes to you but my teen still loves to spend time with me. And, they are heavily into sports, music, and much more.

Just to clarify - you think it's desirable for a 17 year old to spend Saturday morning, afternoon and evening and Sunday morning, afternoon, and evening home with you (or out doing things only with you), the first and the third weekend of every month, all day and all evening long, just with you?

Mine would... but then again we enjoy spending time together. I'm sorry that you don't have that kind of relationship where you want to spend that time with you. When mine even go away to camp, they insist we visit.

So sad that you don't understand this isn't a good thing....

A strong relationship with both of your parents is a good thing. It’s sad you don’t get that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I would not be happy if my child is so busy they don't want to spend time with me. Maybe that speaks volumes to you but my teen still loves to spend time with me. And, they are heavily into sports, music, and much more.

They might like to spend time with you, but not if it means spending two whole weekends a month with you and only you, an hour and a half away from their school and activities and friends. I'm sure you don't require non stop 24 hours of time with you?

The problem here is that Dad doesn't live in the same town, where the teen can be there at Dad's house for some family time, but also have access to his activities. Yes, family is important, but being with family shouldn't mean you lose half your weekends all year long.

Spoken as someone who doesn't want Dad in their child's life. It's not a big deal for child to spend two nights a month with their parent. That speaks volumes of what you are teaching your child. Clearly family isn't important when that family is Dad.

Just to clarify - do you think that "two nights" = "two mornings, afternoons, evenings, and nights" ? Because those seem like different amounts of time, to me. Maybe we are miscommunicating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If kid is scheduled to have something every day and when he doesn't see friends, no matter how much Dad is flexible, it will never be good enough for them.

Now you are finally understanding what it means to be a parent. You are happy that the 17 year old is so busy doing social, academic, work and athletic activities that he barely has time to see his parents, because he is living his good life, he is happy and engaged and busy with the life of a teen. A parent should be HAPPY for that.

A NCP can only be as much of a parent as the custodial parent allows them to be.

I would not be happy if my child is so busy they don't want to spend time with me. Maybe that speaks volumes to you but my teen still loves to spend time with me. And, they are heavily into sports, music, and much more.

Just to clarify - you think it's desirable for a 17 year old to spend Saturday morning, afternoon and evening and Sunday morning, afternoon, and evening home with you (or out doing things only with you), the first and the third weekend of every month, all day and all evening long, just with you?

Mine would... but then again we enjoy spending time together. I'm sorry that you don't have that kind of relationship where you want to spend that time with you. When mine even go away to camp, they insist we visit.

Your older teens wants you to visit when they are away ....at camp? Like more than just for parents' day (couple hours)? That seems too clingy to me, like they are unhappy and have difficulty making friends and finding a social group. Have you stunted them socially and emotionally by making them dependent on you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If kid is scheduled to have something every day and when he doesn't see friends, no matter how much Dad is flexible, it will never be good enough for them.

Now you are finally understanding what it means to be a parent. You are happy that the 17 year old is so busy doing social, academic, work and athletic activities that he barely has time to see his parents, because he is living his good life, he is happy and engaged and busy with the life of a teen. A parent should be HAPPY for that.

A NCP can only be as much of a parent as the custodial parent allows them to be.

I would not be happy if my child is so busy they don't want to spend time with me. Maybe that speaks volumes to you but my teen still loves to spend time with me. And, they are heavily into sports, music, and much more.

Just to clarify - you think it's desirable for a 17 year old to spend Saturday morning, afternoon and evening and Sunday morning, afternoon, and evening home with you (or out doing things only with you), the first and the third weekend of every month, all day and all evening long, just with you?

Mine would... but then again we enjoy spending time together. I'm sorry that you don't have that kind of relationship where you want to spend that time with you. When mine even go away to camp, they insist we visit.

So sad that you don't understand this isn't a good thing....

A strong relationship with both of your parents is a good thing. It’s sad you don’t get that.

Building a strong relationship with dad requires effort on dad's part. Attend your kid's games or whatever. Let him bring a friend for a weekend. Go pick him up.

Or you could blame it all on Mom and take no responsibility.