Reply to 17 Year Old Custody Schedule

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] She talks about everyone and everything being more important than dad as the reason to not have visits.[/quote]

For a teenager in senior year of high school? [b]Sports, social events, and school activities do take precedence over spending time with family, for most teenagers[/b]. At least, that is completely developmentally normal. Parents who don't realize this and refuse to change their lifestyle if they live far from their 17 year olds are setting themselves up to alienate their teen. This was not OP's doing; it was dad's refusal to be flexible and work with his teen. Fair enough - that was Dad's decision, and he has to live with the consequences of not putting his kid's perfectly normal developmental needs first.[/quote]

+1.  In what dual parent household is a 17.5yr old sitting at home with his parents on the weekend?[/quote]

This isn't comparable to a dual-parent household and Dad has 2 weekends/4 days a month.  However, it's over.  The child is 18 and Mom accomplished what she wanted by severing the relationship and now playing victim to why the child doesn't want to see Dad.  Child doesn't value the relationship as Mom taught him that Sports, social events, and school activities take precedence over seeing Dad.   Soon she'll come on here complaining Dad will not pay for college, give her child support or extra's as why should he when they have no relationship anymore.  [/quote]

The parents made the decision to divorce.  Why does the child’s social life and desires have to take second place to his dads wishes.  Mom said dad could be involved and come to events but he choose not to.  He wanted the relationship on his terms.  There was nothing stopping dad from being with his son, inviting his sons friends over to hang out at dads house, showing up for football games—all the things a parent of a teen does.  You don’t demand that a teen spent time with you and only you.  It only build resentment which it looks like happened.[/quote]

Dad has four days a month with this kid.  That's it.  There is plenty of time for a social life, and many other things in the 26 other days we're not with Dad and we don't know Dad's side of the story.  How would you feel if you get a few days a month with your child and are refused as the social life is more important.  Mom set this up, just like you set it up with your children's father.  Then, you turn around and complain Dad isn't involved or doesn't want to pay anything over child support and why should he when he's not a part of the child's life because of your choosing.

Ever wonder why your kids don't want to spend time with you?  Or, why they'd prefer to be with their friends over you?[/quote]

Nope- we've been through this earlier in the thread, but you still don't get it. Dad "has" his kid half of the weekends in the month, which is PRIME TIME for high school seniors to be doing high school senior things, which means they are out with friends and doing activities with other teens, not hanging around the home. It is developmentally NORAL for 17 year olds to spend most of their weekends with sports, clubs, girlfriends and boyfriends, jobs etc NOT at home in the house hanging out with parents. Now, if your 17 year old is a homebody and just wants to chill with you at home and do stuff with you, that's cool. But most high school seniors are not. So if dad has moved away from where his teen goes to school, and moved away from where his teen has his social life, and wants to "have" his teen 2 of those very valuable 4 weekends each month AND WANTS TO KEEP A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS TEEN - he needs to put the developmentally normal needs of his teen ahead of his own comfort and convenience and even preference. That might mean offering to drive his 17 year old to weekend events and hanging out and watching the games; it might mean helping 17 year old get a car so he can sleep at his dad's house but still participate in weekend things with his peers; it might mean being more flexible in which weekends he spends with his kid; it might mean spending more time in the old town; it might mean staying in touch more via texts and phone calls versus through physical proximity because THAT Is how your teen can best communicate right now. etc. etc. etc. Dad needs to be flexible. You put the KID'S developmental needs ahead of your own needs when someone has to lose out.  If your kid understands that you made him miss out on two weekends a month of everything you cared about, just so you could "have your time" with him ... but you didn't provide anything your 17 year old actually wanted or needed during that time, you just cared that he was in your house, but you didn't make any attempt to meet his true needs as a high school senior - you can't be confused when that teen has ZERO relationship with you later, and you can't blame it on the Mom. This was all on you, Dad.[/quote]

I didn't write this but I lived it.  By the time I graduated I felt stifled by my father.  I could not wait to leave home so I didn't have to deal with his control any more.  When I would come home on breaks I rarely saw him.  I'm 50 now.  I still don't have a real relationship with my father.  He lives with me now but I do it out of obligation not out of desire which is what I would have done for my mom had she lived long enough to need/want to live with me.[/quote]

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