Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

As I've become older I've seen many situations. Finances, special needs kids, and health problem to name a few.

Many disengage and merely view the cheater as a pay check going forward. The cheater usually cheats themselves the most from what I've observed.

Does it all just really come down to money then? If you handed one of these women a couple million, do you think they'd still bail?

NP. I would assume that if the cheated on wife had all the money she wants, why would she stay on with a cheating husband? Company isn't there anyway since he's off with someone else anyway. Question is why would cheater stay with the wife if it isn't for money.

Fear? Of being alone, of the wrath of the wife and families? I mean, it takes guts on sone level to tell someone you’re done with a relationship and leave that person for someone else. And go through the divorce process which is grueling for most. As a PP said, it’s a cake and eat it too situation. I get the satisfying side piece and avoid the embarrassing fallout. The mistress is the drug habit that keeps them from facing their true misery.

I mean if you cheat, you're not concerned with your wife anyway. Why not go find someone else? Is there a fallout from divorce that can't be changed over time? It just seems like inertia/laziness.

Some of it might be inertia and laziness. It's a lot of work to upend your family's life and build new. I think a lot of it is financial though. Celebrities have a high divorce rate because they can easily afford to say to heck with this, and each person goes off into separate fully staffed mansions and splits the ginormous net worth.

Agreed. I think a lot of this is convenience for them/him. So it's selfish twice over: once for cheating and then for keeping it a secret because it's not the right time for him to seek a divorce. I think it becomes quite apparent that these people are just selfish people. I do feel bad for the wife because she's going to be surprised when he'll want a divorce when it's convenient for him. By this time, she will have lost so much of her time with a selfish jerk like him.

He's so strident about his cheating and unapologetically selfish about his actions. I don't think it's worth engaging with him anymore. I don't think he has it in him to do the right thing. It's too bad really, especially for his wife. This is the right thing for me to do at this time. I don't expect you to understand. As for selfish, I've admitted as much. I want sex, I'll have sex, I refuse to shut down my sex life as she has so I'll selfishly have sex with someone in the same situation.

Let me ask you this. Serious question. Wouldn't it also be selfish to divorce her over just this one issue? And it would be just sex. Take sex out of the picture and I'd never consider divorce. I'm not considering it now. So, is "doing the right thing" by divorcing her, just so I'm free to have sex as a single man who isn't cheating, selfish. That seems like a whole other level of selfish to me.

As for her losing her time with her selfish husband? She continues to make that choice. She has chosen spend our married days in a sexless marriage and she knows what that means to me. It's her time to waste. I'm not wasting her time. She wouldn't be blindsided or surprised at all if I talked divorce. I've been VERY clear with her that I don't accept this situation. She isn't some naive little girl who doesn't know how things work. Quite the opposite. She's chosen this for chapter of our marriage and she can make a choice to try to fix it.

Maybe she will come around some day. Maybe she will bump her head, or accidentally shock herself, or have a high fever that will re-wire her head and spark her desire again. I really believe it could happen but I'm not waiting for it to happen any longer. If it did, we could live happily ever after into old age. What I'm doing now, gets us through these times. I have no plans to divorce her but perhaps she will have enough of this marriage so lacking in passion that she pulls the plug. For now, that doesn't seem to bother her at all. We all do what we have to to get by.

So I'm the pp you were responding to.

Just because you are asking seriously, I'm writing this response. I don't think you get it at all. I've said that I somewhat get your situation but definitely don't have your mindset about actions.

So, you're selfish for cheating and then for not telling her. You make all the decisions for you (cheating) and her (not telling her). It's all about doing what's right for you. You married someone else for a reason and out of respect for that relationship, be fair to her. Now that you've cheated, tell her so that she can make her own decision on next steps. If she is as happy as you say she is with her current situation, she may not divorce you (physically but who knows about emotionally) but she may also decide it's unacceptable to her. She doesn't have options right now. You've take that away from her. That's sort of misogynistic according to me.

BTW, I did not know that men's reaction to any problem in their marriage (whether it's sexlessness or something else) is to cheat in some way (physically/financially depending on problem). So, I don't assume that men will cheat if there's no sex/low levels of sex/not exciting sex. I have had high respect for men and their ability to lead, not hide. My spouse is my partner, not my enemy and so I try to consider my spouse in actions/feelings and vice versa. Neither of us are perfect and know that we have had ups/downs and we have not always been nice to each other but respect for each other is important.

The fact that you thought that you think that your presumptive daughter being cheated on is OK if her husband were in the same situation is sickening to me on one hand and can't believe your mind contortions that get you to say that I would still support her. Do you see how you could be considered to be a hypocrite? Your daughter might think that as well and might not look to you for support (and may lose any respect for you at this point). Since you don't have a daughter, I guess it's OK if your sons behave like you because it doesn't actively hurt you/your offsprings./s

Anyway, your mind is where it is. I wish your wife well in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The women who never leave must either be afraid of having to downsize to a one bedroom and accept change or they really think their cheating spouse is a prize package worth the agony.

As I've become older I've seen many situations. Finances, special needs kids, and health problem to name a few.

Many disengage and merely view the cheater as a pay check going forward. The cheater usually cheats themselves the most from what I've observed.

Does it all just really come down to money then? If you handed one of these women a couple million, do you think they'd still bail?

NP. I would assume that if the cheated on wife had all the money she wants, why would she stay on with a cheating husband? Company isn't there anyway since he's off with someone else anyway. Question is why would cheater stay with the wife if it isn't for money.

Fear? Of being alone, of the wrath of the wife and families? I mean, it takes guts on sone level to tell someone you’re done with a relationship and leave that person for someone else. And go through the divorce process which is grueling for most. As a PP said, it’s a cake and eat it too situation. I get the satisfying side piece and avoid the embarrassing fallout. The mistress is the drug habit that keeps them from facing their true misery.

I mean if you cheat, you're not concerned with your wife anyway. Why not go find someone else? Is there a fallout from divorce that can't be changed over time? It just seems like inertia/laziness.

Some of it might be inertia and laziness. It's a lot of work to upend your family's life and build new. I think a lot of it is financial though. Celebrities have a high divorce rate because they can easily afford to say to heck with this, and each person goes off into separate fully staffed mansions and splits the ginormous net worth.

Agreed. I think a lot of this is convenience for them/him. So it's selfish twice over: once for cheating and then for keeping it a secret because it's not the right time for him to seek a divorce. I think it becomes quite apparent that these people are just selfish people. I do feel bad for the wife because she's going to be surprised when he'll want a divorce when it's convenient for him. By this time, she will have lost so much of her time with a selfish jerk like him.

He's so strident about his cheating and unapologetically selfish about his actions. I don't think it's worth engaging with him anymore. I don't think he has it in him to do the right thing. It's too bad really, especially for his wife.

This is the right thing for me to do at this time. I don't expect you to understand. As for selfish, I've admitted as much. I want sex, I'll have sex, I refuse to shut down my sex life as she has so I'll selfishly have sex with someone in the same situation.

Let me ask you this. Serious question. Wouldn't it also be selfish to divorce her over just this one issue? And it would be just sex. Take sex out of the picture and I'd never consider divorce. I'm not considering it now. So, is "doing the right thing" by divorcing her, just so I'm free to have sex as a single man who isn't cheating, selfish. That seems like a whole other level of selfish to me.

As for her losing her time with her selfish husband? She continues to make that choice. She has chosen spend our married days in a sexless marriage and she knows what that means to me. It's her time to waste. I'm not wasting her time. She wouldn't be blindsided or surprised at all if I talked divorce. I've been VERY clear with her that I don't accept this situation. She isn't some naive little girl who doesn't know how things work. Quite the opposite. She's chosen this for chapter of our marriage and she can make a choice to try to fix it.

Maybe she will come around some day. Maybe she will bump her head, or accidentally shock herself, or have a high fever that will re-wire her head and spark her desire again. I really believe it could happen but I'm not waiting for it to happen any longer. If it did, we could live happily ever after into old age. What I'm doing now, gets us through these times. I have no plans to divorce her but perhaps she will have enough of this marriage so lacking in passion that she pulls the plug. For now, that doesn't seem to bother her at all. We all do what we have to to get by.

REPOSTED for easier reading:
So I'm the pp you were responding to.

Just because you are asking seriously, I'm writing this response. I don't think you get it at all. I've said that I somewhat get your situation but definitely don't have your mindset about actions.

So, you're selfish for cheating and then for not telling her. You make all the decisions for you (cheating) and her (not telling her). It's all about doing what's right for you. You married someone else for a reason and out of respect for that relationship, be fair to her. Now that you've cheated, tell her so that she can make her own decision on next steps. If she is as happy as you say she is with her current situation, she may not divorce you (physically but who knows about emotionally) but she may also decide it's unacceptable to her. She doesn't have options right now. You've take that away from her. That's sort of misogynistic according to me.

BTW, I did not know that men's reaction to any problem in their marriage (whether it's sexlessness or something else) is to cheat in some way (physically/financially depending on problem). So, I don't assume that men will cheat if there's no sex/low levels of sex/not exciting sex. I have had high respect for men and their ability to lead, not hide. My spouse is my partner, not my enemy and so I try to consider my spouse in actions/feelings and vice versa. Neither of us are perfect and know that we have had ups/downs and we have not always been nice to each other but respect for each other is important.

The fact that you thought that you think that your presumptive daughter being cheated on is OK if her husband were in the same situation is sickening to me on one hand and can't believe your mind contortions that get you to say that I would still support her. Do you see how you could be considered to be a hypocrite? Your daughter might think that as well and might not look to you for support (and may lose any respect for you at this point). Since you don't have a daughter, I guess it's OK if your sons behave like you because it doesn't actively hurt you/your offsprings./s

Anyway, your mind is where it is. I wish your wife well in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: REPOSTED for easier reading:
So I'm the pp you were responding to.

Just because you are asking seriously, I'm writing this response. I don't think you get it at all. I've said that I somewhat get your situation but definitely don't have your mindset about actions.

So, you're selfish for cheating and then for not telling her. You make all the decisions for you (cheating) and her (not telling her). It's all about doing what's right for you. You married someone else for a reason and out of respect for that relationship, be fair to her. Now that you've cheated, tell her so that she can make her own decision on next steps. If she is as happy as you say she is with her current situation, she may not divorce you (physically but who knows about emotionally) but she may also decide it's unacceptable to her. She doesn't have options right now. You've take that away from her. That's sort of misogynistic according to me.

This is a totally disingenuous self serving response. HIS WIFE ALREADY KNOWS ALL THAT SHE WANTS TO KNOW. She knows he needs sex and she knows she isn't interested. If she cared to find out where he is meeting his normal sexual needs, she would find out more. She has never asked, because she does not want to know more. And she has chosen to stay. That is her choice, he has taken nothing away from her.

Anonymous wrote: BTW, I did not know that men's reaction to any problem in their marriage (whether it's sexlessness or something else) is to cheat in some way (physically/financially depending on problem). So, I don't assume that men will cheat if there's no sex/low levels of sex/not exciting sex. I have had high respect for men and their ability to lead, not hide. My spouse is my partner, not my enemy and so I try to consider my spouse in actions/feelings and vice versa. Neither of us are perfect and know that we have had ups/downs and we have not always been nice to each other but respect for each other is important.

Not sure how you extrapolated a sexless marriage to include men's reaction to financial problems? Leaving that alone... Clearly you (and all women) know that normal men need regular and frequent sex. Right? This is the worst kept secret in the history of humanity. So, based on that universal knowledge: what EXACTLY do you think men who are in a sexless marriage do about their sexual needs? I await your specific answer.

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you thought that you think that your presumptive daughter being cheated on is OK if her husband were in the same situation is sickening to me on one hand and can't believe your mind contortions that get you to say that I would still support her. Do you see how you could be considered to be a hypocrite? Your daughter might think that as well and might not look to you for support (and may lose any respect for you at this point). Since you don't have a daughter, I guess it's OK if your sons behave like you because it doesn't actively hurt you/your offsprings./s

You are the one who disrespects his presumptive daughter. His position is reasonable, that his daughter (because she has a brain... like his wife) ... decides to stay married despite the fact she's uninterested in sex ... which most certainly mean's he is getting it elsewhere. You on the other hand treat his presumptive daughter like a total idiot who either doesn't know that men need sex (really?!?) or thinks that men can somehow go without meeting that need.

[Anonymous]

^ will you please stop taking over every thread with your sexless marriage bs?!!! Men “need” food and water, and will die without it. Men do not “need” sex, and they will not die without it. You clearly believe that want=entitlement=need. Women must participate in sex no matter what because men deserve it. You suck and your misogynistic attitude towards women is why none want to sleep with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ his narcissism that has to put down all the women on this thread and feel justified and superior.

Narcissism. Plain and simple. His responses are so misogynistic.

Mommy didn’t love him or daddy was hard on him. Little bit acting out.

owwww! That's harsh. You really hurt my feelings. I didn't put down all the women in this thread. A lot of them understand this perfectly well. It's not a man against woman thing. Doesn't matter what your sex is If you deny your spouse sex you're going to have the same problems. I know it hurts some people here to believe otherwise and hold on to their denial but this is how it works.

She’s right about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ will you please stop taking over every thread with your sexless marriage bs?!!! Men “need” food and water, and will die without it. Men do not “need” sex, and they will not die without it. You clearly believe that want=entitlement=need. Women must participate in sex no matter what because men deserve it. You suck and your misogynistic attitude towards women is why none want to sleep with you.

I am not "taking over every thread". Did you even read the subject thread title?
You have totally misquoted me. To be clear: no woman (not even a wife) MUST participate in sex (no matter what). I never said anything like that.
What I said is that a wife who opts out of sex (which she is free to do) also opts out of any expectation of fidelity. This is the mindset of not only a cheater, but also of all reasonable people. Sexless wives will not die without monogamy and they ought not expect want=entitlement=need for fidelity.
My sex life is pretty great, thanks for your concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So I'm the pp you were responding to.

Just because you are asking seriously, I'm writing this response. I don't think you get it at all. I've said that I somewhat get your situation but definitely don't have your mindset about actions.

So, you're selfish for cheating and then for not telling her. You make all the decisions for you (cheating) and her (not telling her). It's all about doing what's right for you. You married someone else for a reason and out of respect for that relationship, be fair to her. Now that you've cheated, tell her so that she can make her own decision on next steps. If she is as happy as you say she is with her current situation, she may not divorce you (physically but who knows about emotionally) but she may also decide it's unacceptable to her. She doesn't have options right now. You've take that away from her. That's sort of misogynistic according to me.

BTW, I did not know that men's reaction to any problem in their marriage (whether it's sexlessness or something else) is to cheat in some way (physically/financially depending on problem). So, I don't assume that men will cheat if there's no sex/low levels of sex/not exciting sex. I have had high respect for men and their ability to lead, not hide. My spouse is my partner, not my enemy and so I try to consider my spouse in actions/feelings and vice versa. Neither of us are perfect and know that we have had ups/downs and we have not always been nice to each other but respect for each other is important.

The fact that you thought that you think that your presumptive daughter being cheated on is OK if her husband were in the same situation is sickening to me on one hand and can't believe your mind contortions that get you to say that I would still support her. Do you see how you could be considered to be a hypocrite? Your daughter might think that as well and might not look to you for support (and may lose any respect for you at this point). Since you don't have a daughter, I guess it's OK if your sons behave like you because it doesn't actively hurt you/your offsprings./s

Anyway, your mind is where it is. I wish your wife well in the future.

OK, so you won't answer my question, just repeat what has already been said. There is a good possibility that my W may not take that news too well (DUHH!). It could blow up her world to have that thrown in her face when she has chosen to live in denial about it. But seriously, do I REALLY have to explain that? Again? I don't care if I'm being selfish. I really don't. It's my solution to a problem that had no other solution for years. Selfish would be me telling her I want a divorce just so I can pursue sex elsewhere.

"So, I don't assume that men will cheat if there's no sex/low levels of sex/not exciting sex." You don't? Are you a child? You don't think that a person, man or woman, will at least consider cheating if they are denied sex? Are you Fing serious? And if that person considers it for years while still trying to solve the problem at home with no luck, what do you think is likely to happen? You can't be this naive.

"The fact that you thought that you think that your presumptive daughter being cheated on is OK if her husband were in the same situation is sickening to me " Nope, that's not what I said. Also, I never said if I have a daughter or not, or mentioned anything about children. I said, if my daughter treated her husband as my wife treats me, I would not be surprised if her husband cheats. Because....wait for it....I wouldn't be surprised no matter who we are talking about. But on this forum, we must always answer the "what if it were your daughter" question. So there you have it. It makes no difference who we are talking about. I really don't think most women are this naive. Not most women I know.

" I guess it's OK if your sons behave like you because it doesn't actively hurt you" It's up to any man to make that choice. It's not an easy choice for a man or a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: REPOSTED for easier reading:
So I'm the pp you were responding to.

Just because you are asking seriously, I'm writing this response. I don't think you get it at all. I've said that I somewhat get your situation but definitely don't have your mindset about actions.

So, you're selfish for cheating and then for not telling her. You make all the decisions for you (cheating) and her (not telling her). It's all about doing what's right for you. You married someone else for a reason and out of respect for that relationship, be fair to her. Now that you've cheated, tell her so that she can make her own decision on next steps. If she is as happy as you say she is with her current situation, she may not divorce you (physically but who knows about emotionally) but she may also decide it's unacceptable to her. She doesn't have options right now. You've take that away from her. That's sort of misogynistic according to me.

This is a totally disingenuous self serving response. HIS WIFE ALREADY KNOWS ALL THAT SHE WANTS TO KNOW. She knows he needs sex and she knows she isn't interested. If she cared to find out where he is meeting his normal sexual needs, she would find out more. She has never asked, because she does not want to know more. And she has chosen to stay. That is her choice, he has taken nothing away from her.

Anonymous wrote: BTW, I did not know that men's reaction to any problem in their marriage (whether it's sexlessness or something else) is to cheat in some way (physically/financially depending on problem). So, I don't assume that men will cheat if there's no sex/low levels of sex/not exciting sex. I have had high respect for men and their ability to lead, not hide. My spouse is my partner, not my enemy and so I try to consider my spouse in actions/feelings and vice versa. Neither of us are perfect and know that we have had ups/downs and we have not always been nice to each other but respect for each other is important.

Not sure how you extrapolated a sexless marriage to include men's reaction to financial problems? Leaving that alone... Clearly you (and all women) know that normal men need regular and frequent sex. Right? This is the worst kept secret in the history of humanity. So, based on that universal knowledge: what EXACTLY do you think men who are in a sexless marriage do about their sexual needs? I await your specific answer.

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you thought that you think that your presumptive daughter being cheated on is OK if her husband were in the same situation is sickening to me on one hand and can't believe your mind contortions that get you to say that I would still support her. Do you see how you could be considered to be a hypocrite? Your daughter might think that as well and might not look to you for support (and may lose any respect for you at this point). Since you don't have a daughter, I guess it's OK if your sons behave like you because it doesn't actively hurt you/your offsprings./s

You are the one who disrespects his presumptive daughter. His position is reasonable, that his daughter (because she has a brain... like his wife) ... decides to stay married despite the fact she's uninterested in sex ... which most certainly mean's he is getting it elsewhere. You on the other hand treat his presumptive daughter like a total idiot who either doesn't know that men and women need sex (really?!?) or thinks that men can somehow go without meeting that need.

It never ceases to amaze me just how clueless some of the women on this board appear to be by their comments. Do all the clueless ones end up here somehow? Because the women I know in real life are just not this dumb about men, or marital problems, or what happens in a sexless marriage. There are always just a few who post and say they get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ will you please stop taking over every thread with your sexless marriage bs?!!! Men “need” food and water, and will die without it. Men do not “need” sex, and they will not die without it. You clearly believe that want=entitlement=need. Women must participate in sex no matter what because men deserve it. You suck and your misogynistic attitude towards women is why none want to sleep with you.

Oh bullshit. The bar for what is needed is not whether you will die without it.

Women do not NEED: love, respect, kindness...shall I go on? Because they will not die without these things. I don't need a flat screen TV, a microwave, paper towels, or toilet paper. I won't die without these things.

Stop being ridiculous. A person is not an entitled asshole because they expect sexual relations with their spouse. And some people need that intimacy to feel wanted and desired. A part of you dies when you know that's now gone and there is no hope of getting it back.

"Women must participate in sex no matter what because men deserve it." Nope, you don't have to participate in your marriage at all, just because your man wants it. But it's probably a good idea if you want to keep him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So I'm the pp you were responding to.

Just because you are asking seriously, I'm writing this response. I don't think you get it at all. I've said that I somewhat get your situation but definitely don't have your mindset about actions.

So, you're selfish for cheating and then for not telling her. You make all the decisions for you (cheating) and her (not telling her). It's all about doing what's right for you. You married someone else for a reason and out of respect for that relationship, be fair to her. Now that you've cheated, tell her so that she can make her own decision on next steps. If she is as happy as you say she is with her current situation, she may not divorce you (physically but who knows about emotionally) but she may also decide it's unacceptable to her. She doesn't have options right now. You've take that away from her. That's sort of misogynistic according to me.

BTW, I did not know that men's reaction to any problem in their marriage (whether it's sexlessness or something else) is to cheat in some way (physically/financially depending on problem). So, I don't assume that men will cheat if there's no sex/low levels of sex/not exciting sex. I have had high respect for men and their ability to lead, not hide. My spouse is my partner, not my enemy and so I try to consider my spouse in actions/feelings and vice versa. Neither of us are perfect and know that we have had ups/downs and we have not always been nice to each other but respect for each other is important.

The fact that you thought that you think that your presumptive daughter being cheated on is OK if her husband were in the same situation is sickening to me on one hand and can't believe your mind contortions that get you to say that I would still support her. Do you see how you could be considered to be a hypocrite? Your daughter might think that as well and might not look to you for support (and may lose any respect for you at this point). Since you don't have a daughter, I guess it's OK if your sons behave like you because it doesn't actively hurt you/your offsprings./s

Anyway, your mind is where it is. I wish your wife well in the future.

OK, so you won't answer my question, just repeat what has already been said. There is a good possibility that my W may not take that news too well (DUHH!). It could blow up her world to have that thrown in her face when she has chosen to live in denial about it. But seriously, do I REALLY have to explain that? Again? I don't care if I'm being selfish. I really don't. It's my solution to a problem that had no other solution for years. Selfish would be me telling her I want a divorce just so I can pursue sex elsewhere.

"So, I don't assume that men will cheat if there's no sex/low levels of sex/not exciting sex." You don't? Are you a child? You don't think that a person, man or woman, will at least consider cheating if they are denied sex? Are you Fing serious? And if that person considers it for years while still trying to solve the problem at home with no luck, what do you think is likely to happen? You can't be this naive.

"The fact that you thought that you think that your presumptive daughter being cheated on is OK if her husband were in the same situation is sickening to me " Nope, that's not what I said. Also, I never said if I have a daughter or not, or mentioned anything about children. I said, if my daughter treated her husband as my wife treats me, I would not be surprised if her husband cheats. Because....wait for it....I wouldn't be surprised no matter who we are talking about. But on this forum, we must always answer the "what if it were your daughter" question. So there you have it. It makes no difference who we are talking about. I really don't think most women are this naive. Not most women I know.

" I guess it's OK if your sons behave like you because it doesn't actively hurt you" It's up to any man to make that choice. It's not an easy choice for a man or a woman.

Listen, you asked me to respond seriously and so I thought this was going to be a discussion.

This vitriolic posts that insults someone else is useless and doesn't foster any discussion. I am not a child or naive. I just have a different opinion from you. Be respectful in discussions.

I stand by the fact that not all women would assume a man would cheat in a given situation. I definitely wouldn't expect it of men in my family.

There's nothing more to be said. At least don't insult others who don't agree with you. Again, I wish your wife well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listen, you asked me to respond seriously and so I thought this was going to be a discussion.

This vitriolic posts that insults someone else is useless and doesn't foster any discussion. I am not a child or naive. I just have a different opinion from you. Be respectful in discussions.

I stand by the fact that not all women would assume a man would cheat in a given situation. I definitely wouldn't expect it of men in my family.

There's nothing more to be said. At least don't insult others who don't agree with you. Again, I wish your wife well.

Can you answer the question (that was previously asked): what EXACTLY do you think a man would do if his wife no longer wants sex AND she does not want to divorce over this? In other words, she’s unilaterally changed the terms of their relationship AND simultaneously she wants to stay married. What does your brother do in that situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Listen, you asked me to respond seriously and so I thought this was going to be a discussion.

This vitriolic posts that insults someone else is useless and doesn't foster any discussion. I am not a child or naive. I just have a different opinion from you. Be respectful in discussions.

I stand by the fact that not all women would assume a man would cheat in a given situation. I definitely wouldn't expect it of men in my family.

There's nothing more to be said. At least don't insult others who don't agree with you. Again, I wish your wife well.

Can you answer the question (that was previously asked): what EXACTLY do you think a man would do if his wife no longer wants sex AND she does not want to divorce over this? In other words, she’s unilaterally changed the terms of their relationship AND simultaneously she wants to stay married. What does your brother do in that situation?

As I said to you before, your prior post was vitriolic and there's no point in engaging with you. You do not want discussion and so no point discussing.

[Anonymous]

Can you answer the question (that was previously asked): what EXACTLY do you think a man would do if his wife no longer wants sex AND she does not want to divorce over this? In other words, she’s unilaterally changed the terms of their relationship AND simultaneously she wants to stay married. What does your brother do in that situation?

It has been said on this thread many times. You can choose to divorce before you cheat. You are the one that has unilaterally changed the terms by cheating and lying about it (and all the millions of lies that you have told to enable the cheating). Like you have been told and told and told, she may choose to divorce if she knew you were cheating. You know that so won’t tell her, likely because you don’t want to upset your cake-eating situation and ruin your image with family, friends, neighbors, etc. So to answer your question, in your situation I hope my brother would have an honest conversation with with his wife before cheating and make clear the options in that situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ will you please stop taking over every thread with your sexless marriage bs?!!! Men “need” food and water, and will die without it. Men do not “need” sex, and they will not die without it. You clearly believe that want=entitlement=need. Women must participate in sex no matter what because men deserve it. You suck and your misogynistic attitude towards women is why none want to sleep with you.

I'm sure that's a big reason his wife has pulled back. I couldn't stand a spouse that makes sex the priority in the relationship. No thanks!

The kids, bills, communication, etc. etc. will come before that if need be. If the other parts of the marriage are failing the sex will as well. That's the problem right there and that pp has made it worse by cheating with some nut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ will you please stop taking over every thread with your sexless marriage bs?!!! Men “need” food and water, and will die without it. Men do not “need” sex, and they will not die without it. You clearly believe that want=entitlement=need. Women must participate in sex no matter what because men deserve it. You suck and your misogynistic attitude towards women is why none want to sleep with you.

I'm sure that's a big reason his wife has pulled back. I couldn't stand a spouse that makes sex the priority in the relationship. No thanks!

The kids, bills, communication, etc. etc. will come before that if need be. If the other parts of the marriage are failing the sex will as well. That's the problem right there and that pp has made it worse by cheating with some nut.

Yes, I probably didn't do my share of housework. I've made what worse? The worst of this situation was before I cheated. It's only better now. I had zero sex before. There is nothing less than zero.