Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
So I'm the pp you were responding to.

Just because you are asking seriously, I'm writing this response.  I don't think you get it at all.  I've said that I somewhat get your situation but definitely don't have your mindset about actions.

So, you're selfish for cheating and then for not telling her.  You make all the decisions for you (cheating) and her (not telling her).  It's all about doing what's right for you.  You married someone else for a reason and out of respect for that relationship, be fair to her. Now that you've cheated, tell her so that she can make her own decision on next steps.  If she is as happy as you say she is with her current situation, she may not divorce you (physically but who knows about emotionally) but she may also decide it's unacceptable to her.  She doesn't have options right now.  You've take that away from her.  That's sort of misogynistic according to me.

BTW, I did not know that men's reaction to any problem in their marriage (whether it's sexlessness or something else) is to cheat in some way (physically/financially depending on problem).  So, I don't assume that men will cheat if there's no sex/low levels of sex/not exciting sex.  I have had high respect for men and their ability to lead, not hide.  My spouse is my partner, not my enemy and so I try to consider my spouse in actions/feelings and vice versa.  Neither of us are perfect and know that we have had ups/downs and we have not always been nice to each other but respect for each other is important.

The fact that you thought that you think that your presumptive daughter being cheated on is OK if her husband were in the same situation is sickening to me on one hand and can't believe your mind contortions that get you to say that I would still support her.  Do you see how you could be considered to be a hypocrite?  Your daughter might think that as well and might not look to you for support (and may lose any respect for you at this point).  Since you don't have a daughter, I guess it's OK if your sons behave like you because it doesn't actively hurt you/your offsprings./s

Anyway, your mind is where it is.  I wish your wife well in the future.  [/quote]OK, so you won't answer my question, just repeat what has already been said.  There is a good possibility that my W may not take that news too well (DUHH!).  It could blow up her world to have that thrown in her face when she has chosen to live in denial about it.  But seriously, do I REALLY have to explain that?  Again?  I don't care if I'm being selfish.  I really don't.  It's my solution to a problem that had no other solution for years.  Selfish would be me telling her I want a divorce just so I can pursue sex elsewhere.

"So, I don't assume that men will cheat if there's no sex/low levels of sex/not exciting sex."  You don't?  Are you a child?  You don't think that a person, man or woman, will at least consider cheating if they are denied sex?  Are you Fing serious?  And if that person considers it for years while still trying to solve the problem at home with no luck, what do you think is likely to happen?  You can't be this naive.

"The fact that you thought that you think that your presumptive daughter being cheated on is OK if her husband were in the same situation is sickening to me "  Nope, that's not what I said.  Also, I never said if I have a daughter or not, or mentioned anything about children.  I said, if my daughter treated her husband as my wife treats me, I would not be surprised if her husband cheats.  Because....wait for it....I wouldn't be surprised no matter who we are talking about.  But on this forum, we must always answer the "what if it were your daughter" question.  So there you have it.  It makes no difference who we are talking about.  I really don't think most women are this naive.  Not most women I know.

" I guess it's OK if your sons behave like you because it doesn't actively hurt you"  It's up to any man to make that choice.  It's not an easy choice for a man or a woman.[/quote]

Listen, you asked me to respond seriously and so I thought this was going to be a discussion.

This vitriolic posts that insults someone else is useless and doesn't foster any discussion.  I am not a child or naive.  I just have a different opinion from you.  Be respectful in discussions.

I stand by the fact that not all women would assume a man would cheat in a given situation.  I definitely wouldn't expect it of men in my family.

There's nothing more to be said.  At least don't insult others who don't agree with you.  Again, I wish your wife well.
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