Support Group for middle aged husbands not having sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You only live once. That’s why I have my wife who wants sex once a month and a coworker who is willing to have sex anytime I want. She is also married so we both have the same liability if we get caught. It’s been working out for 2 years now since it’s just sex and nothing more.

So, tell us about all of the emotional work you're doing to spark the co-worker's interest in you. I've been informed that women don't want to have sex unless there is an emotional connection, they feel safe, etc.

Fun lunches.
Puns in emails.
Smiles and attention
Ask How she doing? Back and forth convo on it.
Ideas and recommendations for things she might like to do in the area.

Would if you end up really falling for her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not accept a sexless marriage. If she's not interested, declare the marriage open. Problem solved in 15 seconds.

No, we won’t care. Let’s just divorce.

If you are in a sexless marriage and don't care about getting divorced, why not just get divorced?

Well, obviously men care about divorce to some extent or they just would. It's more that when you get to the point you are sexless or near sexless, you know your marriage isn't sustainable so you cheat hoping you pull it off, but if you don't, you are no worse off if you just divorced.

I have been in this situation for 4 years. I could have divorced back then but I would have missed a lot of time with my kids.

NP. Wrong in the bolded. If the cheating is discovered, it affects your family in a worse way and by that family, it means your spouse (sounds like you don't care much about her anyway), your kids, perception of what your family/friends may think of you. I guess it comes down to your values and if you value honesty, trust, and ultimately how you view yourself and what values you want to pass down to you kids. If sex is more important than those values, then you might as well divorce and start over again. If you value what you think of yourself and values you want to pass down to your kids, find some other solution (e.g. marriage counselor, divorce).

But why would a woman who has no interest in sleeping with her husband, and has made clear that that’s not going to change, going to care about the husband sleeping around? Just because they want to control him?

In my experience in my sexless marriage, I don't think my wife would care that much. If you are sexless, you are basically indifferent to each other on a romantic level (even if you still care about each other). I believe the people who scream "EVIL CHEATER" are the ones who explained they were in passionate marriages and were blindsided. I get how that would drive raw emotions.

In my situation, it would anger my wife if I embarrassed her or spent family money on another woman but the sex part wouldn't be as big on an issue.

I do think the ones who care are about control and power. It's a way for a woman to deny a man what he wants and he can't get elsewhere. At that point, there is no love or marriage. Cheating is the least worst thing one does.

So if there is no love or marriage, what’s the obstacle to getting divorced?

Kids, finances. Mostly I want to see my kids every day.

See, I think it’s mostly about the finances. You’re just too cheap to get a divorce.

There’s lots of ways to get divorced and still see your kids almost every day, but you don’t want to have to split everything you have with your spouse, pay child support, and be totally in charge of taking care of your kids at least 50% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You only live once. That’s why I have my wife who wants sex once a month and a coworker who is willing to have sex anytime I want. She is also married so we both have the same liability if we get caught. It’s been working out for 2 years now since it’s just sex and nothing more.

So, tell us about all of the emotional work you're doing to spark the co-worker's interest in you. I've been informed that women don't want to have sex unless there is an emotional connection, they feel safe, etc.

Fun lunches.
Puns in emails.
Smiles and attention
Ask How she doing? Back and forth convo on it.
Ideas and recommendations for things she might like to do in the area.

Would if you end up really falling for her?

You could also do this stuff with the wife and it would greatly improve your odds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You only live once. That’s why I have my wife who wants sex once a month and a coworker who is willing to have sex anytime I want. She is also married so we both have the same liability if we get caught. It’s been working out for 2 years now since it’s just sex and nothing more.

So, tell us about all of the emotional work you're doing to spark the co-worker's interest in you. I've been informed that women don't want to have sex unless there is an emotional connection, they feel safe, etc.

Fun lunches.
Puns in emails.
Smiles and attention
Ask How she doing? Back and forth convo on it.
Ideas and recommendations for things she might like to do in the area.

Would if you end up really falling for her?

You could also do this stuff with the wife and it would greatly improve your odds.

Trying to get a sexual reaction out of your significant other is like chasing the dragon. "I used to do a little but a little wouldn't do, so the little got more and more."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not accept a sexless marriage. If she's not interested, declare the marriage open. Problem solved in 15 seconds.

No, we won’t care. Let’s just divorce.

If you are in a sexless marriage and don't care about getting divorced, why not just get divorced?

Well, obviously men care about divorce to some extent or they just would. It's more that when you get to the point you are sexless or near sexless, you know your marriage isn't sustainable so you cheat hoping you pull it off, but if you don't, you are no worse off if you just divorced.

I have been in this situation for 4 years. I could have divorced back then but I would have missed a lot of time with my kids.

NP. Wrong in the bolded. If the cheating is discovered, it affects your family in a worse way and by that family, it means your spouse (sounds like you don't care much about her anyway), your kids, perception of what your family/friends may think of you. I guess it comes down to your values and if you value honesty, trust, and ultimately how you view yourself and what values you want to pass down to you kids. If sex is more important than those values, then you might as well divorce and start over again. If you value what you think of yourself and values you want to pass down to your kids, find some other solution (e.g. marriage counselor, divorce).

But why would a woman who has no interest in sleeping with her husband, and has made clear that that’s not going to change, going to care about the husband sleeping around? Just because they want to control him?

In my experience in my sexless marriage, I don't think my wife would care that much. If you are sexless, you are basically indifferent to each other on a romantic level (even if you still care about each other). I believe the people who scream "EVIL CHEATER" are the ones who explained they were in passionate marriages and were blindsided. I get how that would drive raw emotions.

In my situation, it would anger my wife if I embarrassed her or spent family money on another woman but the sex part wouldn't be as big on an issue.

I do think the ones who care are about control and power. It's a way for a woman to deny a man what he wants and he can't get elsewhere. At that point, there is no love or marriage. Cheating is the least worst thing one does.

So if there is no love or marriage, what’s the obstacle to getting divorced?

Kids, finances. Mostly I want to see my kids every day.

See, I think it’s mostly about the finances. You’re just too cheap to get a divorce.

There’s lots of ways to get divorced and still see your kids almost every day, but you don’t want to have to split everything you have with your spouse, pay child support, and be totally in charge of taking care of your kids at least 50% of the time.

I would probably get divorced if I could get full custody. So you don't know me, and that's ok. Not that that would be best for kids either, they need mom in their life as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You only live once. That’s why I have my wife who wants sex once a month and a coworker who is willing to have sex anytime I want. She is also married so we both have the same liability if we get caught. It’s been working out for 2 years now since it’s just sex and nothing more.

So, tell us about all of the emotional work you're doing to spark the co-worker's interest in you. I've been informed that women don't want to have sex unless there is an emotional connection, they feel safe, etc.

Fun lunches.
Puns in emails.
Smiles and attention
Ask How she doing? Back and forth convo on it.
Ideas and recommendations for things she might like to do in the area.

Would if you end up really falling for her?

You could also do this stuff with the wife and it would greatly improve your odds.

NP, this is exactly the problem with a unilateral dance. Men flirt, charm, engage if the return is sexual response. If it's not, the incentive and motivation to do so is zero. When they find a woman who responds, the cheating starts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You only live once. That’s why I have my wife who wants sex once a month and a coworker who is willing to have sex anytime I want. She is also married so we both have the same liability if we get caught. It’s been working out for 2 years now since it’s just sex and nothing more.

So, tell us about all of the emotional work you're doing to spark the co-worker's interest in you. I've been informed that women don't want to have sex unless there is an emotional connection, they feel safe, etc.

Fun lunches.
Puns in emails.
Smiles and attention
Ask How she doing? Back and forth convo on it.
Ideas and recommendations for things she might like to do in the area.

Would if you end up really falling for her?

You could also do this stuff with the wife and it would greatly improve your odds.

NP, this is exactly the problem with a unilateral dance. Men flirt, charm, engage if the return is sexual response. If it's not, the incentive and motivation to do so is zero. When they find a woman who responds, the cheating starts.

you're forgetting about their other responsibilities that one of those women has: A house to take care of, children, two working parents, two sets of elderly parents, the school/sports/EC/vacation schedule, and friends.

the "falling for her woman" has no responsibilities tied to her. Just kissing her @$$ responsibility in exchange for getting one's ego (or more!) stroked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You only live once. That’s why I have my wife who wants sex once a month and a coworker who is willing to have sex anytime I want. She is also married so we both have the same liability if we get caught. It’s been working out for 2 years now since it’s just sex and nothing more.

So, tell us about all of the emotional work you're doing to spark the co-worker's interest in you. I've been informed that women don't want to have sex unless there is an emotional connection, they feel safe, etc.

Fun lunches.
Puns in emails.
Smiles and attention
Ask How she doing? Back and forth convo on it.
Ideas and recommendations for things she might like to do in the area.

Would if you end up really falling for her?

You could also do this stuff with the wife and it would greatly improve your odds.

NP, this is exactly the problem with a unilateral dance. Men flirt, charm, engage if the return is sexual response. If it's not, the incentive and motivation to do so is zero. When they find a woman who responds, the cheating starts.

you're forgetting about their other responsibilities that one of those women has: A house to take care of, children, two working parents, two sets of elderly parents, the school/sports/EC/vacation schedule, and friends.

the "falling for her woman" has no responsibilities tied to her. Just kissing her @$$ responsibility in exchange for getting one's ego (or more!) stroked.

All of those things are split responsibilities, are not that time consuming if you are the least bit competent, and are often self-inflicted wounds for the over-schedulers. Granted, some people have very tough situations -- extremely demanding jobs, very sick parents, kids with special needs. But for most, it should not be a crippling amount of work. If you cannot handle that and give some positive attention to your spouse, you're failing. This goes for both spouses/genders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You only live once. That’s why I have my wife who wants sex once a month and a coworker who is willing to have sex anytime I want. She is also married so we both have the same liability if we get caught. It’s been working out for 2 years now since it’s just sex and nothing more.

So, tell us about all of the emotional work you're doing to spark the co-worker's interest in you. I've been informed that women don't want to have sex unless there is an emotional connection, they feel safe, etc.

Fun lunches.
Puns in emails.
Smiles and attention
Ask How she doing? Back and forth convo on it.
Ideas and recommendations for things she might like to do in the area.

Would if you end up really falling for her?

You could also do this stuff with the wife and it would greatly improve your odds.

Haha. Do you REALLY think that's possible? You have nothing to go on at all in making that statement. Most guys are goiing to try everything, including all that and more before taking that step to cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You only live once. That’s why I have my wife who wants sex once a month and a coworker who is willing to have sex anytime I want. She is also married so we both have the same liability if we get caught. It’s been working out for 2 years now since it’s just sex and nothing more.

So, tell us about all of the emotional work you're doing to spark the co-worker's interest in you. I've been informed that women don't want to have sex unless there is an emotional connection, they feel safe, etc.

Fun lunches.
Puns in emails.
Smiles and attention
Ask How she doing? Back and forth convo on it.
Ideas and recommendations for things she might like to do in the area.

Would if you end up really falling for her?

You could also do this stuff with the wife and it would greatly improve your odds.

NP, this is exactly the problem with a unilateral dance. Men flirt, charm, engage if the return is sexual response. If it's not, the incentive and motivation to do so is zero. When they find a woman who responds, the cheating starts.

That's no big revelation for anyone. Women also, flirt, charm, and use their sexual prowess to get what they want. When they have what they want, and don't need to do any of those things anymore, they lose interest in the guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You only live once. That’s why I have my wife who wants sex once a month and a coworker who is willing to have sex anytime I want. She is also married so we both have the same liability if we get caught. It’s been working out for 2 years now since it’s just sex and nothing more.

So, tell us about all of the emotional work you're doing to spark the co-worker's interest in you. I've been informed that women don't want to have sex unless there is an emotional connection, they feel safe, etc.

Fun lunches.
Puns in emails.
Smiles and attention
Ask How she doing? Back and forth convo on it.
Ideas and recommendations for things she might like to do in the area.

Would if you end up really falling for her?

You could also do this stuff with the wife and it would greatly improve your odds.

NP, this is exactly the problem with a unilateral dance. Men flirt, charm, engage if the return is sexual response. If it's not, the incentive and motivation to do so is zero. When they find a woman who responds, the cheating starts.

you're forgetting about their other responsibilities that one of those women has: A house to take care of, children, two working parents, two sets of elderly parents, the school/sports/EC/vacation schedule, and friends.

the "falling for her woman" has no responsibilities tied to her. Just kissing her @$$ responsibility in exchange for getting one's ego (or more!) stroked.

All of those things are split responsibilities, are not that time consuming if you are the least bit competent, and are often self-inflicted wounds for the over-schedulers. Granted, some people have very tough situations -- extremely demanding jobs, very sick parents, kids with special needs. But for most, it should not be a crippling amount of work. If you cannot handle that and give some positive attention to your spouse, you're failing. This goes for both spouses/genders.

Well then h the Erie is quite the high failure rate amongst husbands, if one agrees with PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You only live once. That’s why I have my wife who wants sex once a month and a coworker who is willing to have sex anytime I want. She is also married so we both have the same liability if we get caught. It’s been working out for 2 years now since it’s just sex and nothing more.

So, tell us about all of the emotional work you're doing to spark the co-worker's interest in you. I've been informed that women don't want to have sex unless there is an emotional connection, they feel safe, etc.

Fun lunches.
Puns in emails.
Smiles and attention
Ask How she doing? Back and forth convo on it.
Ideas and recommendations for things she might like to do in the area.

Would if you end up really falling for her?

You could also do this stuff with the wife and it would greatly improve your odds.

NP, this is exactly the problem with a unilateral dance. Men flirt, charm, engage if the return is sexual response. If it's not, the incentive and motivation to do so is zero. When they find a woman who responds, the cheating starts.

you're forgetting about their other responsibilities that one of those women has: A house to take care of, children, two working parents, two sets of elderly parents, the school/sports/EC/vacation schedule, and friends.

the "falling for her woman" has no responsibilities tied to her. Just kissing her @$$ responsibility in exchange for getting one's ego (or more!) stroked.

All of those things are split responsibilities, are not that time consuming if you are the least bit competent, and are often self-inflicted wounds for the over-schedulers. Granted, some people have very tough situations -- extremely demanding jobs, very sick parents, kids with special needs. But for most, it should not be a crippling amount of work. If you cannot handle that and give some positive attention to your spouse, you're failing. This goes for both spouses/genders.

Well then h the Erie is quite the high failure rate amongst husbands, if one agrees with PP.

Yeah this poster continues to miss the glaring question of, if roles traditionally assigned to women are so easy, why do men complain about doing them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not accept a sexless marriage. If she's not interested, declare the marriage open. Problem solved in 15 seconds.

No, we won’t care. Let’s just divorce.

If you are in a sexless marriage and don't care about getting divorced, why not just get divorced?

Well, obviously men care about divorce to some extent or they just would. It's more that when you get to the point you are sexless or near sexless, you know your marriage isn't sustainable so you cheat hoping you pull it off, but if you don't, you are no worse off if you just divorced.

I have been in this situation for 4 years. I could have divorced back then but I would have missed a lot of time with my kids.

NP. Wrong in the bolded. If the cheating is discovered, it affects your family in a worse way and by that family, it means your spouse (sounds like you don't care much about her anyway), your kids, perception of what your family/friends may think of you. I guess it comes down to your values and if you value honesty, trust, and ultimately how you view yourself and what values you want to pass down to you kids. If sex is more important than those values, then you might as well divorce and start over again. If you value what you think of yourself and values you want to pass down to your kids, find some other solution (e.g. marriage counselor, divorce).

But why would a woman who has no interest in sleeping with her husband, and has made clear that that’s not going to change, going to care about the husband sleeping around? Just because they want to control him?

In my experience in my sexless marriage, I don't think my wife would care that much. If you are sexless, you are basically indifferent to each other on a romantic level (even if you still care about each other). I believe the people who scream "EVIL CHEATER" are the ones who explained they were in passionate marriages and were blindsided. I get how that would drive raw emotions.

In my situation, it would anger my wife if I embarrassed her or spent family money on another woman but the sex part wouldn't be as big on an issue.

I do think the ones who care are about control and power. It's a way for a woman to deny a man what he wants and he can't get elsewhere. At that point, there is no love or marriage. Cheating is the least worst thing one does.

So if there is no love or marriage, what’s the obstacle to getting divorced?

Kids, finances. Mostly I want to see my kids every day.

See, I think it’s mostly about the finances. You’re just too cheap to get a divorce.

There’s lots of ways to get divorced and still see your kids almost every day, but you don’t want to have to split everything you have with your spouse, pay child support, and be totally in charge of taking care of your kids at least 50% of the time.

Ding ding ding! It's about the money for most of the men and the ease of life with a wife at home. Kids are a convenient excuse but not the real reason. This means that there's no good excuse for cheating because there are other options: it's just that those options may require some sort of sacrifice which isn't easy for these men. Of course if they were really thinking about kids, they wouldn't cheat because they don't know if they will be found out and if they are found out, their kids will be affected even more than if it was just a divorce. It's not about kids folks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You only live once. That’s why I have my wife who wants sex once a month and a coworker who is willing to have sex anytime I want. She is also married so we both have the same liability if we get caught. It’s been working out for 2 years now since it’s just sex and nothing more.

So, tell us about all of the emotional work you're doing to spark the co-worker's interest in you. I've been informed that women don't want to have sex unless there is an emotional connection, they feel safe, etc.

Fun lunches.
Puns in emails.
Smiles and attention
Ask How she doing? Back and forth convo on it.
Ideas and recommendations for things she might like to do in the area.

Would if you end up really falling for her?

You could also do this stuff with the wife and it would greatly improve your odds.

NP, this is exactly the problem with a unilateral dance. Men flirt, charm, engage if the return is sexual response. If it's not, the incentive and motivation to do so is zero. When they find a woman who responds, the cheating starts.

you're forgetting about their other responsibilities that one of those women has: A house to take care of, children, two working parents, two sets of elderly parents, the school/sports/EC/vacation schedule, and friends.

the "falling for her woman" has no responsibilities tied to her. Just kissing her @$$ responsibility in exchange for getting one's ego (or more!) stroked.

All of those things are split responsibilities, are not that time consuming if you are the least bit competent, and are often self-inflicted wounds for the over-schedulers. Granted, some people have very tough situations -- extremely demanding jobs, very sick parents, kids with special needs. But for most, it should not be a crippling amount of work. If you cannot handle that and give some positive attention to your spouse, you're failing. This goes for both spouses/genders.

Well then h the Erie is quite the high failure rate amongst husbands, if one agrees with PP.

Yeah this poster continues to miss the glaring question of, if roles traditionally assigned to women are so easy, why do men complain about doing them?

+1000000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not accept a sexless marriage. If she's not interested, declare the marriage open. Problem solved in 15 seconds.

No, we won’t care. Let’s just divorce.

If you are in a sexless marriage and don't care about getting divorced, why not just get divorced?

Well, obviously men care about divorce to some extent or they just would. It's more that when you get to the point you are sexless or near sexless, you know your marriage isn't sustainable so you cheat hoping you pull it off, but if you don't, you are no worse off if you just divorced.

I have been in this situation for 4 years. I could have divorced back then but I would have missed a lot of time with my kids.

NP. Wrong in the bolded. If the cheating is discovered, it affects your family in a worse way and by that family, it means your spouse (sounds like you don't care much about her anyway), your kids, perception of what your family/friends may think of you. I guess it comes down to your values and if you value honesty, trust, and ultimately how you view yourself and what values you want to pass down to you kids. If sex is more important than those values, then you might as well divorce and start over again. If you value what you think of yourself and values you want to pass down to your kids, find some other solution (e.g. marriage counselor, divorce).

But why would a woman who has no interest in sleeping with her husband, and has made clear that that’s not going to change, going to care about the husband sleeping around? Just because they want to control him?

In my experience in my sexless marriage, I don't think my wife would care that much. If you are sexless, you are basically indifferent to each other on a romantic level (even if you still care about each other). I believe the people who scream "EVIL CHEATER" are the ones who explained they were in passionate marriages and were blindsided. I get how that would drive raw emotions.

In my situation, it would anger my wife if I embarrassed her or spent family money on another woman but the sex part wouldn't be as big on an issue.

I do think the ones who care are about control and power. It's a way for a woman to deny a man what he wants and he can't get elsewhere. At that point, there is no love or marriage. Cheating is the least worst thing one does.

So if there is no love or marriage, what’s the obstacle to getting divorced?

Kids, finances. Mostly I want to see my kids every day.

See, I think it’s mostly about the finances. You’re just too cheap to get a divorce.

There’s lots of ways to get divorced and still see your kids almost every day, but you don’t want to have to split everything you have with your spouse, pay child support, and be totally in charge of taking care of your kids at least 50% of the time.

Ding ding ding! It's about the money for most of the men and the ease of life with a wife at home. Kids are a convenient excuse but not the real reason. This means that there's no good excuse for cheating because there are other options: it's just that those options may require some sort of sacrifice which isn't easy for these men. Of course if they were really thinking about kids, they wouldn't cheat because they don't know if they will be found out and if they are found out, their kids will be affected even more than if it was just a divorce. It's not about kids folks!

He's already said that if he could get full custody, he would divorce. Try to keep up, rather than just reading what you want to advance your own agenda.