husband wants to keep baby and I don't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very much pro choice but, honestly, this is not a valid reason for termination.

Then you aren't pro choice. Pro choice means you believe it to be her right and her choice, not "permissible" if you agree with the reason.

Worth a bump

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also a therapist and many women deeply and permanently regret having more children than they wanted.

I was the unwanted child. Growing up I used to think about how my parents would have been better people if they had just had strength to get an abortion. My childhood was horrible. I knew and understood that I wasn’t wanted. I was neglected. It took a long time to move past my upbringing. As an adult I think abortion is the compassionate choice - for the child.

I have children of my own, and if one of them came to me with an unplanned pregnancy, I would fully support them in terminating.

Another unwanted child here - [phone]

You both need therapy if you wish you had been aborted instead.

Wow really? Have you walked in everyone's shoes? You have no idea what goes on in someone else's house behind closed doors. Your statement is so judgmental. Empathy much?


You must come from a very privileged background if you can’t understand that negative experiences - especially childhood experiences - influence your decisions. And I say that with no bitterness! I wish every child could be so ignorant of life’s unpleasant realities.

I was the evicted three times by 17 poster. And anyone who wishes they were aborted needs therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Skipped to the end here: OP originally said no kids. Then had one who is now 11, and has an accidental pregnancy. I can fully understand not wanting to start all over again with an infant that was unplanned. I think that OP would probably get over the regret of an abortion faster than the many many years ahead of raiding another child. It’s her body and we all know that the woman does both the pregnancy and the work of child rearing. Yes Dads help but the burden is on the woman. It’s ok OP to make a hard decision.

I am a therapist, and you will be surprised how many woman cannot get over past abortion, even 20+ years later. And this is not religious woman (for those I think is much easier to find a forgiveness and piece). A lot of women don't understand what mental damage it may cause in a long term.

I am also a therapist and many women deeply and permanently regret having more children than they wanted.

I was the unwanted child. Growing up I used to think about how my parents would have been better people if they had just had strength to get an abortion. My childhood was horrible. I knew and understood that I wasn’t wanted. I was neglected. It took a long time to move past my upbringing. As an adult I think abortion is the compassionate choice - for the child.

I have children of my own, and if one of them came to me with an unplanned pregnancy, I would fully support them in terminating.

Another unwanted child here - [phone]

You both need therapy if you wish you had been aborted instead.

They wouldn't know any differently so moot point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Your husband is very selfish indeed for moving the goalposts.

You have every right to abort.

One option is to give up the baby for adoption, but I understand you might not want to carry a baby to term in those conditions.

Carry a pregnancy to term in front of a 12 year old and the give the sibling away? I can’t think of much more cruel than that. Besides which, even if she relinquished the baby for adoption, she would still be a mother to another child. But most importantly why this is a straight up stupid suggestion, her husband WANTS her to carry the pregnancy to term. He would not give up his rights to his born child. It’s nuts to think adoption is at all a viable option here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your husband is very selfish indeed for moving the goalposts.

You have every right to abort.

One option is to give up the baby for adoption, but I understand you might not want to carry a baby to term in those conditions.

Carry a pregnancy to term in front of a 12 year old and the give the sibling away? I can’t think of much more cruel than that. Besides which, even if she relinquished the baby for adoption, she would still be a mother to another child. But most importantly why this is a straight up stupid suggestion, her husband WANTS her to carry the pregnancy to term. He would not give up his rights to his born child. It’s nuts to think adoption is at all a viable option here.

+!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of people would give anything to adopt your baby.

She has no obligation to be an incubator for adoption vultures. But more importantly, if there is a born child, the father has rights to it. No one is adopting a baby here. Give up your adoption fantasies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Skipped to the end here: OP originally said no kids. Then had one who is now 11, and has an accidental pregnancy. I can fully understand not wanting to start all over again with an infant that was unplanned. I think that OP would probably get over the regret of an abortion faster than the many many years ahead of raiding another child. It’s her body and we all know that the woman does both the pregnancy and the work of child rearing. Yes Dads help but the burden is on the woman. It’s ok OP to make a hard decision.

I am a therapist, and you will be surprised how many woman cannot get over past abortion, even 20+ years later. And this is not religious woman (for those I think is much easier to find a forgiveness and piece). A lot of women don't understand what mental damage it may cause in a long term.

I am also a therapist and many women deeply and permanently regret having more children than they wanted.

I was the unwanted child. Growing up I used to think about how my parents would have been better people if they had just had strength to get an abortion. My childhood was horrible. I knew and understood that I wasn’t wanted. I was neglected. It took a long time to move past my upbringing. As an adult I think abortion is the compassionate choice - for the child.

I have children of my own, and if one of them came to me with an unplanned pregnancy, I would fully support them in terminating.

Another unwanted child here - [phone]

You both need therapy if you wish you had been aborted instead.

They wouldn't know any differently so moot point.

Except they weren’t aborted so they do have the opportunity now as adults to get therapy so they can heal and make meaningful lives. The refusal to do so makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your husband is very selfish indeed for moving the goalposts.

You have every right to abort.

One option is to give up the baby for adoption, but I understand you might not want to carry a baby to term in those conditions.

Carry a pregnancy to term in front of a 12 year old and the give the sibling away? I can’t think of much more cruel than that. Besides which, even if she relinquished the baby for adoption, she would still be a mother to another child. But most importantly why this is a straight up stupid suggestion, her husband WANTS her to carry the pregnancy to term. He would not give up his rights to his born child. It’s nuts to think adoption is at all a viable option here.

My birth mom had three older sons (same age as OP’s daughter and younger) and they were not traumatized by the adoption. Seriously. It’s not a written in stone outcome.

Anyway, I see you’ve made your decision, OP. I fear you may be doing to your child exactly what you feared a new sibling would do, monetarily, by divorcing. I will say that I had an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy (married with a child already and I only wanted one). That 9 year old “mistake” just thundered down the stairs, plopped in the couch next me, and kissed me. I didn’t love him when he was just born and now I can’t believe I didn’t want him. Again, the worry of not loving a second child isn’t written in stone.

[Anonymous]

Pro choice doesn’t mean “if I as a third party agree” pro choice means respect another woman’s decision as it is not yours to make for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your husband is very selfish indeed for moving the goalposts.

You have every right to abort.

One option is to give up the baby for adoption, but I understand you might not want to carry a baby to term in those conditions.

Carry a pregnancy to term in front of a 12 year old and the give the sibling away? I can’t think of much more cruel than that. Besides which, even if she relinquished the baby for adoption, she would still be a mother to another child. But most importantly why this is a straight up stupid suggestion, her husband WANTS her to carry the pregnancy to term. He would not give up his rights to his born child. It’s nuts to think adoption is at all a viable option here.

My birth mom had three older sons (same age as OP’s daughter and younger) and they were not traumatized by the adoption. Seriously. It’s not a written in stone outcome.

Anyway, I see you’ve made your decision, OP. I fear you may be doing to your child exactly what you feared a new sibling would do, monetarily, by divorcing. I will say that I had an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy (married with a child already and I only wanted one). That 9 year old “mistake” just thundered down the stairs, plopped in the couch next me, and kissed me. I didn’t love him when he was just born and now I can’t believe I didn’t want him. Again, the worry of not loving a second child isn’t written in stone.

Why in the world would OP go through a pregnancy and give the baby up for adoption? Of all the crazy ideas. Also her DH would never consent. So he would get the baby daddy role he craves. And I’ll be anything he would prefer a boy.

[Anonymous]

Crazies are out in full force on this thread !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you guys are feeding this for 20 pages. Do you seriously think someone would consider abortion over their child inheriting less? OP is trying to propagate the idea that pro-choice women are just cold, greedy and selfish. Prolifers think all women who have an abortion are heartless and selfish and every one of you who is pro choice know that’s not true. Please stop feeding this troll.

My sister had an abortion when she found out she was having a boy. She and her husband only want one child and they want that child to be a girl.

Not in the US, no.

Yes, in the U.S.

You can find out the gender in a routine genetic screening in the first trimester. They send you the results over email. I did it at 10 weeks, but it’s just a blood test so it’s possible to find out much earlier. All you’d have to do is tell your doctor you’re interested in the genetic screening. Along with the genetic risk, they also tell you the baby’s gender. After you get the results you can easily make an appointment at a clinic to get an abortion.

I agree that your OB wouldn’t give you an abortion if you said you wanted to do it for gender. But it’s easy enough to get all the information you need and make a separate appointments with an OB and an abortion clinic. Then, depending on the results of the test, you tell one or the other that you changed your mind about the pregnancy.

People can easily do this in the U.S. and I bet most never tell anyone.

That is vile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pro choice doesn’t mean “if I as a third party agree” pro choice means respect another woman’s decision as it is not yours to make for her.

For the ignoramuses at the back!

[Anonymous]

Married people do give babies up for adoption. But OP is so far away mentally from being able to do anything else but abort. She’s made up here mind. She’ll do it and then be stunned when her husband files for divorce. Like he has no right to leave her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have an 11 year old dd and I just found out I am pregnant. I don't want this child and my husband wants it. I have been so careful with my birth control regiment. Our dd is set for life and if we have another one it means that she will get half of what she has now and her inheritance will be divided by two. I just can't. We have discussed it for three days now and he won't budge. If I terminate he threatened divorce. I cannot bring a child into this world that I know I won't love. When we got married we both didn't want any children, then he changed his mind and I gave in. I only agreed because he promised we would be one and done.

How old are you? Why do you care about your child's inheritance? You'll be dead; your child needs to learn to fend for him/herself before then. Seriously?! Either this is a troll or really irrational. I can see not wanting another child, but not because your concerned about your current child's inheritance.

Yes. Also, if this is not a troll, consider that a divorce will change your financial situation and that your spouse can remarry and leave his money to someone else, etc.