Upstairs is off-limits to guests

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:^^^^ mentally ill

^^^^ probably my MIL.

You wander into your MIL's bedroom and master bath w/o first asking her if it's o.k. to do so? Why? Serious question.

NP here. At my in-laws' house, I have taught even my children not to go into Grammie and Grampa's bedroom/master bath. Why? It's common courtesy. We are staying in their home. We go in a) our rooms and b) the public rooms. We don't wants into Grammie and Grampa's room. When my MIL says, 'Oh, no, it's okay!" I still say, "Oh, no, that's fine. DD, we stay out here, please." Bc I am trying to teach them normal rules of etiquette / behavior in other people's houses.

Etiquette isn't universal. You're just imposing your notion of etiquette on your kids, whereas your in-laws feel otherwise and would prefer to have a more hospitable home.

+1 The PP is imposing her notions of family boundaries on her in-laws. That's rude to her in-laws. In many home, it would be rude to ask to enter a family member's home. The assumption is that their home is your home. (look up mi casa es su casa if you don't get it.)

Huh? I'm a np, and I didn't see that at all. I saw it as the PP teaching her child to not wander into bedrooms without permission.

I would see your point if the scenario was that MIL invited Granddaughter into her bedroom to look at jewelry, and the PP said "No, we never enter into people's bedrooms." But that's not what happened. What happened is the child wandering into a room without permission.

People on this thread need to recognize that people have different types of family relationships. My kids see their grandparents in their home 1-2x a month. Their grandparents want our kids to feel at home. Their grandparents would feel insulted if my kid started asking permission to enter every room, because it would feel like they are not close family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^ mentally ill

^^^^ probably my MIL.

You wander into your MIL's bedroom and master bath w/o first asking her if it's o.k. to do so? Why? Serious question.

NP here. At my in-laws' house, I have taught even my children not to go into Grammie and Grampa's bedroom/master bath. Why? It's common courtesy. We are staying in their home. We go in a) our rooms and b) the public rooms. We don't wants into Grammie and Grampa's room. When my MIL says, 'Oh, no, it's okay!" I still say, "Oh, no, that's fine. DD, we stay out here, please." Bc I am trying to teach them normal rules of etiquette / behavior in other people's houses.

Etiquette isn't universal. You're just imposing your notion of etiquette on your kids, whereas your in-laws feel otherwise and would prefer to have a more hospitable home.

+1 The PP is imposing her notions of family boundaries on her in-laws. That's rude to her in-laws. In many home, it would be rude to ask to enter a family member's home. The assumption is that their home is your home. (look up mi casa es su casa if you don't get it.)

Huh? I'm a np, and I didn't see that at all. I saw it as the PP teaching her child to not wander into bedrooms without permission.

I would see your point if the scenario was that MIL invited Granddaughter into her bedroom to look at jewelry, and the PP said "No, we never enter into people's bedrooms." But that's not what happened. What happened is the child wandering into a room without permission.

People on this thread need to recognize that people have different types of family relationships. My kids see their grandparents in their home 1-2x a month. Their grandparents want our kids to feel at home. Their grandparents would feel insulted if my kid started asking permission to enter every room, because it would feel like they are not close family.

OK. And if our standard operating procedure wasn't already "ask first," my parents (who also see their grandkids frequently) would see the start of asking first as a sign that their grandchildren were learning to be well-mannered.

At any rate, not every home both of our sets of kids will enter into over the course of their lives are family homes. And even within the context of "family homes," there's a lot of variations. One aunt might be very "mi casa es su casa," another aunt might be a very private person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^ mentally ill

^^^^ probably my MIL.

You wander into your MIL's bedroom and master bath w/o first asking her if it's o.k. to do so? Why? Serious question.

NP here. At my in-laws' house, I have taught even my children not to go into Grammie and Grampa's bedroom/master bath. Why? It's common courtesy. We are staying in their home. We go in a) our rooms and b) the public rooms. We don't wants into Grammie and Grampa's room. When my MIL says, 'Oh, no, it's okay!" I still say, "Oh, no, that's fine. DD, we stay out here, please." Bc I am trying to teach them normal rules of etiquette / behavior in other people's houses.

Etiquette isn't universal. You're just imposing your notion of etiquette on your kids, whereas your in-laws feel otherwise and would prefer to have a more hospitable home.

+1 The PP is imposing her notions of family boundaries on her in-laws. That's rude to her in-laws. In many home, it would be rude to ask to enter a family member's home. The assumption is that their home is your home. (look up mi casa es su casa if you don't get it.)

Huh? I'm a np, and I didn't see that at all. I saw it as the PP teaching her child to not wander into bedrooms without permission.

I would see your point if the scenario was that MIL invited Granddaughter into her bedroom to look at jewelry, and the PP said "No, we never enter into people's bedrooms." But that's not what happened. What happened is the child wandering into a room without permission.

People on this thread need to recognize that people have different types of family relationships. My kids see their grandparents in their home 1-2x a month. Their grandparents want our kids to feel at home. Their grandparents would feel insulted if my kid started asking permission to enter every room, because it would feel like they are not close family.

My kids saw their grandmother nearly every day growing up. They always, always asked permission before going into her master suite or upper level. In fact, they would also mention if they were going downstairs to the basement (where the toys were) or outside to play, too, because they knew that we would want to know what they were doing. They loved their grandma (still do!) and had (have!) one of the best grandparent/grandchild relationships that I have ever been so blessed to see.

[Anonymous]

^Oh, and Grandma's house was always neat as a pin and professionally cleaned - so nothing to "hide" in her house. My kids were simply expected to show good manners and common consideration. Ex: they were allowed downstairs in the finished side of the basement to watch t.v. and play with toys. They were not allowed to go into the unfinished side of the basement where there were tools/saws, bleach, cleaners and other things that they shouldn't be playing with.

[Anonymous]

I’d love to show this to my relatives abroad. They have a one-story house with one bathroom. Imagine — guests using the same bathroom as you and being in a hallway within three feet of your bedroom door!! This hangup about privacy is so sheltered and prissy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d love to show this to my relatives abroad. They have a one-story house with one bathroom. Imagine — guests using the same bathroom as you and being in a hallway within three feet of your bedroom door!! This hangup about privacy is so sheltered and prissy.

If you are staying in a house with 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom, yes, you are all going to be using the same bathroom - hopefully not at the same time and hopefully with a certain amount of privacy.

I doubled up in a room with my sister growing up. I lived in a dorm with a roommate in college. I get what it means to share a space. But I also "got" that both my sister and my roommate had a right to a certain amount of privacy even though quarters were tight.

[Anonymous]

Actually, it just dawned on me that between sharing a room with my sibling, college roommates, boyfriends and now my husband I have maybe had a room all to myself maybe 4 years of my entire life....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d love to show this to my relatives abroad. They have a one-story house with one bathroom. Imagine — guests using the same bathroom as you and being in a hallway within three feet of your bedroom door!! This hangup about privacy is so sheltered and prissy.

I'm from abroad as well and lived in a similar situation that you describe for much of my life right here in the states. None of my family members, including myself, would choose basic lack of privacy for personal space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d love to show this to my relatives abroad. They have a one-story house with one bathroom. Imagine — guests using the same bathroom as you and being in a hallway within three feet of your bedroom door!! This hangup about privacy is so sheltered and prissy.

I'm from abroad as well and lived in a similar situation that you describe for much of my life right here in the states. None of my family members, including myself, would choose basic lack of privacy for personal space.

+1. Money can’t buy you class; elegance is learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d love to show this to my relatives abroad. They have a one-story house with one bathroom. Imagine — guests using the same bathroom as you and being in a hallway within three feet of your bedroom door!! This hangup about privacy is so sheltered and prissy.

Yup. This is a first world whine from a poster with too much time on their hands and not enough friends and family.

[Anonymous]

I'm kinda drunk RN, and even I know you don't go into private spaces in someone else's house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d love to show this to my relatives abroad. They have a one-story house with one bathroom. Imagine — guests using the same bathroom as you and being in a hallway within three feet of your bedroom door!! This hangup about privacy is so sheltered and prissy.

Yup. This is a first world whine from a poster with too much time on their hands and not enough friends and family.

Quality not quantity. And, yes, I am fortunate that our guests have basic, good manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d love to show this to my relatives abroad. They have a one-story house with one bathroom. Imagine — guests using the same bathroom as you and being in a hallway within three feet of your bedroom door!! This hangup about privacy is so sheltered and prissy.

Yup. This is a first world whine from a poster with too much time on their hands and not enough friends and family.

Quality not quantity. And, yes, I am fortunate that our guests have basic, good manners.

If your friends were quality, you wouldn’t be so afraid of having them enter your upstairs. Or there some paranoia going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d love to show this to my relatives abroad. They have a one-story house with one bathroom. Imagine — guests using the same bathroom as you and being in a hallway within three feet of your bedroom door!! This hangup about privacy is so sheltered and prissy.

Yup. This is a first world whine from a poster with too much time on their hands and not enough friends and family.

Quality not quantity. And, yes, I am fortunate that our guests have basic, good manners.

If your friends were quality, you wouldn’t be so afraid of having them enter your upstairs. Or there some paranoia going on.

This has been asked and answered many times. I do not entertain my guests in my bedroom. They do not entertain me in their bedrooms. We ONLY go into each other's private living quarters if we invite each other in to see something noteworthy - a new paint color, a bath remodel, etc.

As a general rule, we like and respect each other and avoid putting each other in awkward situations. I can leave a pile of laundry in the corner or the bed unmade or whatever and I do not have to worry about my guests wandering into my bedroom and seeing it.

I can relax and enjoy their company knowing that they are not the types to "accidentally" open a cabinet or wander into a room that they have no business being in. I give them the same sort of respect.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:22 pages? What are you all talking about?!

One group of posters still live like kids in dorms or share houses, where nothing is private and there are most likely people drinking and making out in every corner of every room.

The other group of posters have homes with entertaining space(s) and then areas of the house that are not entertaining spaces, and they expect guests who are at their house for an event to stay where the event is being held unless they're invited or ask to go elsewhere.

The first group can't understand why the second group isn't comfortable with them just poking around the entire house whenever they feel like it (including going up stairs that they weren't welcomed to go up, or opening doors that they weren't welcomed to open) to satisfy their curiosity.

The second group wonders how to identify the first group so we can not invite them to our events.

+ at least seven: my mom, my five sisters, and I

Exaggerate much? There appears to be a poster on this thread who equates not walling off their upstairs to allowing guests to go through their underwear drawer. The poster needs to find a better class of friends.

Your friends wander in/out of your master bedroom like it's grand central station. My friends know better...

Yup. My home is a fun place not a fortress. There are kids running around and playing adults who come and interact with them. I know that you will need to take a Xanax after reading this.

We have a playroom. A yard. And the kids are supervised. They are not allowed to tear all over the house and go into rooms that are off limits. They still manage to have a good time even with all those crazy rules...

Great. That’s your home. Other people have an even better time without all these crazy rules.

Because finding a Hostess cupcake smashed into the bedspread in your master bedroom is way more fun. How about finding that one of the little darlings flushed your makeup down the toilet in the master bathroom. Ha! So funny!

Seriously, dp. I've hosted my fair share of play dates and there is pretty much NO upside in allowing kids to run into your office, master bedroom/bath, formal living room, etc. Some rooms really should be off limits.

Again, befriend a better class of people. The company you keep speaks volumes about you. And your example show that your friends and their children are very poorly behaved.

+1. Seriously. I don’t make rooms off limits to my kids and their friends, but I do ask that food stays in eating areas (kitchen and dining room.).

Why on earth should a child guest be allowed to play in your master bedroom/bathroom? That makes pretty much zero sense. And, yes, most parents do not allow that.

Play dates happen in the playroom, the basement, the child's own bedroom and outside. These are very, very basic rules that take a minimal effort to establish.

We don't have a playroom or a backyard, basement or a backyard, so yes, our playdates happen all over the house. Enjoy your McMansion!

NP. So you...don't have any bedrooms, then? You and your husband sleep in the middle of the foyer, or the living room? And kids are just allowed to play on your bed and open your drawers? How very odd, not a single bedroom in your house.

Enjoy your studio apartment!

So you...don't know how to read? PP said they didn't have a playroom backyard or a basement. Didn't say they didn't have any bedrooms. Many many families live in 1 or 2BR apartments in the DC area. Some even live in studios. Try exiting your bubble some time.

+1 We live in DC and we have plenty of apartment playdates and bedrooms are part of the play areas. And no, the kids aren't allowed to open drawers. Parent your children better if that's the kind of behavior they're capable of.

+1 Entering a bedroom is not equal to snooping through someone's drawers. Sorry you've had bad experiences with your guests.

You people are freakshows. You don't go in another person's bedroom unless that person invites you to. Period.

Sorry you don't have basic manners and then have the nerve to come on here and insult other people for pointing it out to you or make lame rationalizations. Buzz off.