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Upstairs is off-limits to guests
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Anonymous
You wander into your MIL's bedroom and master bath w/o first asking her if it's o.k. to do so? Why? Serious question. |
Anonymous
NP here. At my in-laws' house, I have taught even my children not to go into Grammie and Grampa's bedroom/master bath. Why? It's common courtesy. We are staying in their home. We go in a) our rooms and b) the public rooms. We don't wants into Grammie and Grampa's room. When my MIL says, 'Oh, no, it's okay!" I still say, "Oh, no, that's fine. DD, we stay out here, please." Bc I am trying to teach them normal rules of etiquette / behavior in other people's houses. |
Anonymous
Etiquette isn't universal. You're just imposing your notion of etiquette on your kids, whereas your in-laws feel otherwise and would prefer to have a more hospitable home. |
Anonymous
That is my priority, b/c they are my children. |
Anonymous
NP here. Teaching children that "it's fine to do this in every home" is setting them up to fail. Because clearly (again, some more) *as evidenced by this very thread,* lots of people are not comfortable with guests going into their private spaces. So if Little Billy grows up to be Big Billy and goes into his boss's bedroom to make a quick phone call at the company holiday party in a D.C. row house, and insults his boss (who ultimately passes him over for partnership), you've done Little Billy a great disservice. When you teach your child to respect boundaries and personal space and personal property, that will serve them well in any scenario. "Jim, would it be OK if I made a quick phone call?" "Sure, Bill--here, let me show you to my office." "Thanks so much." |
Anonymous
I also taught my kids to stay out of their grandparent's (and other family's) rooms. If they were invited in - fine. But I didn't want my kids running in/out of our family members' rooms. There was simply no need for them to be doing that. They played where I could supervise them in the common areas or in our guest bedroom. They did not wander in and out of rooms alone. |
Anonymous
If the hosts invite them in? That's fine! Should they go wandering in, unsupervised, without permission? NO! -np |
Anonymous
+1 The PP is imposing her notions of family boundaries on her in-laws. That's rude to her in-laws. In many home, it would be rude to ask to enter a family member's home. The assumption is that their home is your home. (look up mi casa es su casa if you don't get it.) |
Anonymous
Exactly. If I could teach my 2 year old not to wander in to other people's rooms, I'm sure that a grown adult can control themselves too. |
Anonymous
Oh, bull. It is never rude to ask "May I go into your room to watch t.v. Grandma?" "May I please get the cereal out of the pantry?" "Is it o.k. for me to use this remote?". etc...... Running in/out of rooms uninvited, grabbing food out of the pantry, using other people's personal belongings w/o asking is almost always rude. |
Anonymous
Assuming your preferences on family behavior are universal is rude (and narrow-minded). |
Anonymous
Huh? I'm a np, and I didn't see that at all. I saw it as the PP teaching her child to not wander into bedrooms without permission. I would see your point if the scenario was that MIL invited Granddaughter into her bedroom to look at jewelry, and the PP said "No, we never enter into people's bedrooms." But that's not what happened. What happened is the child wandering into a room without permission. |
Anonymous
Huh? I'm a np, and I didn't see that at all. I saw it as the PP teaching her child to not wander into bedrooms without permission. I would see your point if the scenario was that MIL invited Granddaughter into her bedroom to look at jewelry, and the PP said "No, we never enter into people's bedrooms." But that's not what happened. What happened is the child wandering into a room without permission. |
Anonymous
It never hurts to ask permission. When in doubt ask. Even if you don't care if the 3 year old grabs snacks out of the pantry - it is always nicer if the 3 year old asks before just taking. |
Anonymous
NP. Look, here's what, another poster made a good point--if you teach your kids they don't need to ask, any house is truly open to them, then it's going to be harder for them to use their judgment in different scenarios. Let's say they're visiting Uncle Ted's house for the first time; he lives several states away, doesn't host a lot, etc. They've been taught all their family house = mi casa es su casa. What they (and the parents) don't realize is that Uncle Ted is a very private person who happens to keep a collection of rare Civil War memorabilia in his bedroom. Kids run in, Uncle Ted freaks out, kids are very confused. Here's what: it is never a bad idea to ask permission. Never. It is definitely sometimes a very bad idea not to ask permission; there are a lot of scenarios where people would have a problem with that. |