Mothers - How many sex partners would you want your daughter to have prior to marriage?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm not understanding the concept of more sexual partners equal being a better lover to your future husband. I've had 13 partners, but NONE of them fulfilled me like my DH and it's because I'm comfortable with him and over the years, we've learned what we both like and we are comfortable to tell each other what we'd like them to change/work on. IMO, sexual exploration with your one partner teaches you much more than random sex with many people (especially when the individual sexual taste will vary).

It doesn't always, clearly. Since there are many people who have had fulfilling sex lives with just one or two people in their entire life.

I'm the PP upthread who has had 30+ partners. I won't say that I learned something from each of them, but people have various quirks and kinks and personalities in bed. I learned what ones work for me and what ones I don't like as much. I learned various things from various people - like the man I was seeing the summer I was 20, who taught me how to give an awesome BJ. I learned from my boyfriend freshman year of college to appreciate my body for all its imperfections (he was the first one who really appreciated me physically and talked about it to me).

Did I have to sleep with all those people to learn those things? No. It's possible that I would have learned the techniques from DH. But I did learn them from different people.

So, essentially those others 29 partners had no value really. And one man's idea of a great BJ does not necessarily translate to the next person.

NP - you're willfully misreading the earlier post. She said that she "won't say [she] learned something from each of them," and that she didn't have to sleep with "all" those people. From her post, you can clearly see that, while not every single one of the 30 was an educational experience, many were.

No, you're missing the point which is that she could have learned those things from her DH, so those other partners didn't have any real value. What one person likes does not translate into what the next person will like. It's about learning your partners and his/her needs not screwing random people.

In the alternative, her knowledge from other partners can teach DH a few things, too.

About what?

Sex.

That's what we are talking about.

That argument does not hold water. You can learn what pleasures you as you and your partner discover each other. 10-15 other guys do not have to factor into the equation.

Hi. It's me, the one with the many apparently unnecessary partners. Glad to provide such fodder for discussion.

My point, PP who doesn't think multiple partners are needed, is that I did learn things, and different things, from many of these men. I don't consider all of them to be "of no value". Certainly that are a few here and there who I can honestly say did not enrich my life. I would consider sleeping with them to be a mistake - but even mistakes "have value" in that you learn from them. You learn to pick your partners more carefully (I know you'll have a hard time believing that I didn't just sleep with anyone who wanted to, but I didn't). Several of these people were people I loved very much. One of the ones who I would consider a sexual mistake (in that the sexual encounter taught me nothing other than that I didn't want to have any further such encounters with him) is actually one of my best friends now. Yes, DH knows and no, he doesn't have a problem with it.

I agree that it's wonderful when people learn each other sexually together. I am sure that if I had stayed with the boy I lost my virginity to, we would have learned things sexually together. I never said that it was dumb for people to have only one or two partners. I met DH, I stopped being interested in other people. The sex actually came much later. That had never happened to me before, and I thought it was really awesome.

Your husband is a sucker.

I'm sure he doesn't feel "awesome" that the sex came "much later." What an absoloute total loser!

[Anonymous]

Dear DD,
Have sex only with your DH after marriage. It is BS that you need practice for something as simple as sex. The world over in many cultures the norm is not to be promiscuous.

There are enough books and videos available to attain sex education. It is not calculus or quantum physics that you will not be able to catch on.

The culture that advocates multiple sex partners before marriage is also one that has a 50% divorce rate. And many kids are married to unmarried women. So I do not see what value pre-marital sex with multiple partners give to a woman.

-mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear DD,
Have sex only with your DH after marriage. It is BS that you need practice for something as simple as sex. The world over in many cultures the norm is not to be promiscuous.

There are enough books and videos available to attain sex education. It is not calculus or quantum physics that you will not be able to catch on.

The culture that advocates multiple sex partners before marriage is also one that has a 50% divorce rate. And many kids are married to unmarried women. So I do not see what value pre-marital sex with multiple partners give to a woman.

-mom

^^ many kids are born to unmarried women.

[Anonymous]

I would want her to have 2-3 before marriage but that's unlikely.
I would want her to start at 20, but that is also unlikely.
My advice would be: She is the owner of her body, not me, not her dad and most defiantly not her boyfriend/lover. That she needs to be responsible for herself and her health and she needs to be ready for the responsibilities physical and emotional that go along with sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread has left me so frustrated and annoyed, and not with the "slut-shamers". I'm annoyed with the people here who are willfully blind to the fact that your sexual history, whether you're a man or a woman, says something about. YES, IT DOES.

The only reason why your sexual history doesn't come to bite you in the ass later on is because there's no official record of it, unlike say you college transcript. Do your academic grades say something about your mind, your habits and your values? YES.

Does your sexual history say something about your mind, your habits, and your values? YES.

I hate that people blindly advocate the freedom to practice casual sex and "have as high a number as you want" and act as if the only thing to worry about is STDs. Sex has an emotional and spiritual force. People who are callous with it when they don't know what they're doing - like, for example, teenagers - are damaged when they misuse it. This is not me trying to prove some evil religious agenda (I'm not religious). This is reality.

And when we live in a society where women have the power to choose, where women are biologically the decision-makers when it comes to whether sex is going to happen or not, then yes, her choice matters. Like it or not, we do not live in a matriarchal island society where girls chase boys and rack up conquests. We live in a society that has for centuries conditioned men to hunt and it's created a society where women have the power to choose and BECAUSE they have the power to choose, their perceived selectivity becomes important.

Hate on me all you want for calling it like it is. Despite your dearest hopes, I am not sexist.

Finally. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

So tired of the biological baseless arguments about gender. Social norms, female slut shaming, I can back that as a reality for women.

Hunting for pussy as a biological imperative male position vs. female gathering of not sure WTF (perhaps decorative pillows in my case), not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has left me so frustrated and annoyed, and not with the "slut-shamers". I'm annoyed with the people here who are willfully blind to the fact that your sexual history, whether you're a man or a woman, says something about. YES, IT DOES.

The only reason why your sexual history doesn't come to bite you in the ass later on is because there's no official record of it, unlike say you college transcript. Do your academic grades say something about your mind, your habits and your values? YES.

Does your sexual history say something about your mind, your habits, and your values? YES.

I hate that people blindly advocate the freedom to practice casual sex and "have as high a number as you want" and act as if the only thing to worry about is STDs. Sex has an emotional and spiritual force. People who are callous with it when they don't know what they're doing - like, for example, teenagers - are damaged when they misuse it. This is not me trying to prove some evil religious agenda (I'm not religious). This is reality.

And when we live in a society where women have the power to choose, where women are biologically the decision-makers when it comes to whether sex is going to happen or not, then yes, her choice matters. Like it or not, we do not live in a matriarchal island society where girls chase boys and rack up conquests. We live in a society that has for centuries conditioned men to hunt and it's created a society where women have the power to choose and BECAUSE they have the power to choose, their perceived selectivity becomes important.

Hate on me all you want for calling it like it is. Despite your dearest hopes, I am not sexist.

Oh, glory be, PP is using CAPS LOCK. That's how we know that she's right!

PP? Respectfully? You don't have a goddamn clue what you're talking about. Take your high-handed, moral judgments, roll them into a nice, tight tube, and shove them up your undoubtedly pristine twat.

LOL. I'm the PP you quoted and this made me laugh out loud (genuinely funny). Still disagree with you though.

[Anonymous]

Ideally, if she found a loving partner longterm with her first, that would be great but it's not the reality so as long as she is using protection and having sex bc its what she wants and not because of any pressure, I don't care.

Same for sons.

[Anonymous]

Depends on how old she is when she gets married!
I would say I have no number in mind but that I would hope any sexual relationship she has is with someone she has known for a while and is in a committed relationship with, someone who treats her with respect and cares about her as a person. (And who is clean)
That should cut the number down a bit I should think!

[Anonymous]

Optimally... 1. The man she marries. But in reality, anything 1 digit would be fine with me. Preferably less than 5.

[Anonymous]

I am married to my first sex partner. We did not wait until marriage though. For DD I think 2-3 would be a good number but primarily I want her to respect herself enough to wait until the right time with the right person for the right reasons. The idea of girls having sex to be accepted and fit in or because of pressure from a boy really makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

Are you sad for the ladies who didn't try a few?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has left me so frustrated and annoyed, and not with the "slut-shamers". I'm annoyed with the people here who are willfully blind to the fact that your sexual history, whether you're a man or a woman, says something about. YES, IT DOES.

The only reason why your sexual history doesn't come to bite you in the ass later on is because there's no official record of it, unlike say you college transcript. Do your academic grades say something about your mind, your habits and your values? YES.

Does your sexual history say something about your mind, your habits, and your values? YES.

I hate that people blindly advocate the freedom to practice casual sex and "have as high a number as you want" and act as if the only thing to worry about is STDs. Sex has an emotional and spiritual force. People who are callous with it when they don't know what they're doing - like, for example, teenagers - are damaged when they misuse it. This is not me trying to prove some evil religious agenda (I'm not religious). This is reality.

And when we live in a society where women have the power to choose, where women are biologically the decision-makers when it comes to whether sex is going to happen or not, then yes, her choice matters. Like it or not, we do not live in a matriarchal island society where girls chase boys and rack up conquests. We live in a society that has for centuries conditioned men to hunt and it's created a society where women have the power to choose and BECAUSE they have the power to choose, their perceived selectivity becomes important.

Hate on me all you want for calling it like it is. Despite your dearest hopes, I am not sexist.

Finally. Thank you.

I agree as well. Your past experiences make you who you are, for better it worse. Saying that it does not matter is naive.

[Anonymous]

I agree. Your past definitely frames your path. But my fucking one or a hundred men simply wasn't a factor for me.

Oh, and I fucked. And I'm happy I did all those men in all those wonderful nasty positions.

No regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear DD,
Have sex only with your DH after marriage. It is BS that you need practice for something as simple as sex. The world over in many cultures the norm is not to be promiscuous.

There are enough books and videos available to attain sex education. It is not calculus or quantum physics that you will not be able to catch on.

The culture that advocates multiple sex partners before marriage is also one that has a 50% divorce rate. And many kids are married to unmarried women. So I do not see what value pre-marital sex with multiple partners give to a woman.
-mom

Sadly, sex is not simple and you need time to unpack all the idiocy you picked up in a sex negative culture. It is far better to resolve these issues before you get married. If you get married for life, you want it to be to someone who knows they love loving you and knows why. I am saddened by people who think you can disparage sex your whole life and suddenly be uninhibited.