S/O Why do you care if moms stay home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre turn this thread has taken.

So first it was SAHM are stupid and lazy.

Then they are keeping back ALL WOMEN.

Then, oh, maybe not all women, WOHM just don’t like being attacked!

Then WOHM are worried about SAHM not having financial access.

And now we are bringing in abused SAHM and lamenting their lack of financial access?

True, that would never happen in your neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who doesn’t have access to all their husband’s bank accounts?

Working mom, SAHM, doesn’t matter.

Everything is online nowadays, you just need to know how to get into the account. He should not keep this a secret from you.

THAT is a bad sign, regardless of whether you work or not.

+1

The above talk about the 401k is very strange.

You can make changes to the account online.

I agree. I SAH, going on 3 years, and my DH actually asks me before making purchases with “his money.”

DH and I have a shared life and we don’t see the income as “his money.” That would be a really strange and outdated view imo.

I find it very odd that anyone asks a spouse if they can purchase something (unless it’s like, a car). Presumably your husband is an adult?

He isn’t asking if he CAN. The point is that we discuss purchases. He doesn’t see the money as just his to spend.

[Anonymous]

Are we now comparing sah with domestic abuse?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you guys are saying re: not officially having access to a husband’s 401k. But come on, truly, what are the odds that my living, still married husband with whom I have an amazing open trusting relationship (which includes full transparency with all our finances) is someday going to deny me access to his 401k money? Are those odds big enough that they warrant me missing out on a few years of staying home with my children, if that’s what I want to do? For me, that risk is not big enough. And to be honest, there is very little that could happen to me in the future that would make me regret spending this time with my children. But I understand how that calculation is different for other people. And also, as I said, I do have my own retirement accounts from when I was working.

The odds are actually fairly high.

You wish

People like you just can’t stand to see other people happy can you.

Sorry your relationship sucks but there are happy marriages out there

It's as if some of these pps can't imagine a man would love and honor his wife. Isn't that part of the vow?

I don't think people are talking about their own relationships. They just know that life is not perfect and it does not always work that way.

It's nice your H/my H/me and you love and honor our spouses but many do not.

Have you ever checked out the domestic violence stats?

That’s fine.

But most are not in abusive relationships.

Next.

What point are you trying to make? Genuinely curious. Also, very classy to dismiss the abused with “next.”

The point is, abuse is irrelevant to the point you are trying to make which is that no woman should ever stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre turn this thread has taken.

So first it was SAHM are stupid and lazy.

Then they are keeping back ALL WOMEN.

Then, oh, maybe not all women, WOHM just don’t like being attacked!

Then WOHM are worried about SAHM not having financial access.

And now we are bringing in abused SAHM and lamenting their lack of financial access?

Sure it does. The point is that it’s not happening in my marriage.

If it’s happening in yours, by all means continue to work and also get a divorce.

True, that would never happen in your neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you guys are saying re: not officially having access to a husband’s 401k. But come on, truly, what are the odds that my living, still married husband with whom I have an amazing open trusting relationship (which includes full transparency with all our finances) is someday going to deny me access to his 401k money? Are those odds big enough that they warrant me missing out on a few years of staying home with my children, if that’s what I want to do? For me, that risk is not big enough. And to be honest, there is very little that could happen to me in the future that would make me regret spending this time with my children. But I understand how that calculation is different for other people. And also, as I said, I do have my own retirement accounts from when I was working.

The odds are actually fairly high.

I don't know if I would say high, but I'm divorced and know a lot of other divorced women. There's a really common story that goes: I thought even if we split up he would be decent to me, but he cut off my access to funds during our divorce, I don't have money to pay a lawyer, the harder I fight for my half the more vindictive he gets and I'm afraid that if I push he'll try to get primary access of the kids. If you go into a divorce with no resources things can get really bad. My mom, happily married for 55 years, always told me to make sure I have my own money and I take that advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are we now comparing sah with domestic abuse?!

Actually WOH moms would need to worry about a joint account only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre turn this thread has taken.

So first it was SAHM are stupid and lazy.

Then they are keeping back ALL WOMEN.

Then, oh, maybe not all women, WOHM just don’t like being attacked!

Then WOHM are worried about SAHM not having financial access.

And now we are bringing in abused SAHM and lamenting their lack of financial access?

True, that would never happen in your neighborhood.

Sure it does. The point is that it’s not happening in my marriage.

If it’s happening in yours, by all means continue to work and also get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre turn this thread has taken.

So first it was SAHM are stupid and lazy.

Then they are keeping back ALL WOMEN.

Then, oh, maybe not all women, WOHM just don’t like being attacked!

Then WOHM are worried about SAHM not having financial access.

And now we are bringing in abused SAHM and lamenting their lack of financial access?

Sure it does. The point is that it’s not happening in my marriage.

If it’s happening in yours, by all means continue to work and also get a divorce.

True, that would never happen in your neighborhood.

It's not happening in your marriage, yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who doesn’t have access to all their husband’s bank accounts?

Working mom, SAHM, doesn’t matter.

Everything is online nowadays, you just need to know how to get into the account. He should not keep this a secret from you.

THAT is a bad sign, regardless of whether you work or not.

+1

The above talk about the 401k is very strange.

You can make changes to the account online.

I agree. I SAH, going on 3 years, and my DH actually asks me before making purchases with “his money.”

DH and I have a shared life and we don’t see the income as “his money.” That would be a really strange and outdated view imo.

I find it very odd that anyone asks a spouse if they can purchase something (unless it’s like, a car). Presumably your husband is an adult?

He isn’t asking if he CAN. The point is that we discuss purchases. He doesn’t see the money as just his to spend.

Mine does this too, though it’s more along the lines of a heads up on purchases over ~300 or so. Neither of us ever says no. It’s a sign of mutual respect. “Hey do you care if I buy a new pair of skis.” That kind of thing.

We’ve been together since college, which was 20 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Just don't think that money in a joint bank account is "ours", it belongs to whomever get to it first.

Money in his account is his.
Money in her account is hers.

That is just how the law works if you work or not.

[Anonymous]

Access to the accounts is not the same thing as being named on the accounts. If the accounts aren't in your name, you have zero right to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre turn this thread has taken.

So first it was SAHM are stupid and lazy.

Then they are keeping back ALL WOMEN.

Then, oh, maybe not all women, WOHM just don’t like being attacked!

Then WOHM are worried about SAHM not having financial access.

And now we are bringing in abused SAHM and lamenting their lack of financial access?

Sure it does. The point is that it’s not happening in my marriage.

If it’s happening in yours, by all means continue to work and also get a divorce.

True, that would never happen in your neighborhood.

It's not happening in your marriage, yet.

Oh right, would you say the chances of that happening eventually are “fairly high?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you guys are saying re: not officially having access to a husband’s 401k. But come on, truly, what are the odds that my living, still married husband with whom I have an amazing open trusting relationship (which includes full transparency with all our finances) is someday going to deny me access to his 401k money? Are those odds big enough that they warrant me missing out on a few years of staying home with my children, if that’s what I want to do? For me, that risk is not big enough. And to be honest, there is very little that could happen to me in the future that would make me regret spending this time with my children. But I understand how that calculation is different for other people. And also, as I said, I do have my own retirement accounts from when I was working.

The odds are actually fairly high.

I don't know if I would say high, but I'm divorced and know a lot of other divorced women. There's a really common story that goes: I thought even if we split up he would be decent to me, but he cut off my access to funds during our divorce, I don't have money to pay a lawyer, the harder I fight for my half the more vindictive he gets and I'm afraid that if I push he'll try to get primary access of the kids. If you go into a divorce with no resources things can get really bad. My mom, happily married for 55 years, always told me to make sure I have my own money and I take that advice.

Why do you assume we have no money of our own?

I have 250k in savings in my name only.

Enough to pay a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre turn this thread has taken.

So first it was SAHM are stupid and lazy.

Then they are keeping back ALL WOMEN.

Then, oh, maybe not all women, WOHM just don’t like being attacked!

Then WOHM are worried about SAHM not having financial access.

And now we are bringing in abused SAHM and lamenting their lack of financial access?

Don’t forget that if you’re private’s and wealthy with access to millions of dollars and a post nup laying out how a financial settlement would work, you should stfu because you’re just stirring the pot.