S/O Why do you care if moms stay home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who doesn’t have access to all their husband’s bank accounts?

Working mom, SAHM, doesn’t matter.

Everything is online nowadays, you just need to know how to get into the account. He should not keep this a secret from you.

THAT is a bad sign, regardless of whether you work or not.

+1

The above talk about the 401k is very strange.

You can make changes to the account online.

I agree. I SAH, going on 3 years, and my DH actually asks me before making purchases with “his money.”

DH and I have a shared life and we don’t see the income as “his money.” That would be a really strange and outdated view imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you guys are saying re: not officially having access to a husband’s 401k. But come on, truly, what are the odds that my living, still married husband with whom I have an amazing open trusting relationship (which includes full transparency with all our finances) is someday going to deny me access to his 401k money? Are those odds big enough that they warrant me missing out on a few years of staying home with my children, if that’s what I want to do? For me, that risk is not big enough. And to be honest, there is very little that could happen to me in the future that would make me regret spending this time with my children. But I understand how that calculation is different for other people. And also, as I said, I do have my own retirement accounts from when I was working.

The odds are actually fairly high.

Um what?

[Anonymous]

For us personally, my husband’s 401k, though hefty by some standards, is smaller than most of our cash or investment accounts which I am a joint holder on.

This business with the 401k is a weird thing to get hung up on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you guys are saying re: not officially having access to a husband’s 401k. But come on, truly, what are the odds that my living, still married husband with whom I have an amazing open trusting relationship (which includes full transparency with all our finances) is someday going to deny me access to his 401k money? Are those odds big enough that they warrant me missing out on a few years of staying home with my children, if that’s what I want to do? For me, that risk is not big enough. And to be honest, there is very little that could happen to me in the future that would make me regret spending this time with my children. But I understand how that calculation is different for other people. And also, as I said, I do have my own retirement accounts from when I was working.

The odds are actually fairly high.

You wish

People like you just can’t stand to see other people happy can you.

Sorry your relationship sucks but there are happy marriages out there

It's as if some of these pps can't imagine a man would love and honor his wife. Isn't that part of the vow?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who doesn’t have access to all their husband’s bank accounts?

Working mom, SAHM, doesn’t matter.

Everything is online nowadays, you just need to know how to get into the account. He should not keep this a secret from you.

THAT is a bad sign, regardless of whether you work or not.

+1

The above talk about the 401k is very strange.

You can make changes to the account online.

I agree. I SAH, going on 3 years, and my DH actually asks me before making purchases with “his money.”

DH and I have a shared life and we don’t see the income as “his money.” That would be a really strange and outdated view imo.

That is nice. But that is not true for many women especially women who are in abusive relationships.

A wife can not legally get access to a H account while married. Once you divorce you can get 1/2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you guys are saying re: not officially having access to a husband’s 401k. But come on, truly, what are the odds that my living, still married husband with whom I have an amazing open trusting relationship (which includes full transparency with all our finances) is someday going to deny me access to his 401k money? Are those odds big enough that they warrant me missing out on a few years of staying home with my children, if that’s what I want to do? For me, that risk is not big enough. And to be honest, there is very little that could happen to me in the future that would make me regret spending this time with my children. But I understand how that calculation is different for other people. And also, as I said, I do have my own retirement accounts from when I was working.

The odds are actually fairly high.

You wish

People like you just can’t stand to see other people happy can you.

Sorry your relationship sucks but there are happy marriages out there

It's as if some of these pps can't imagine a man would love and honor his wife. Isn't that part of the vow?

I don't think people are talking about their own relationships. They just know that life is not perfect and it does not always work that way.

It's nice your H/my H/me and you love and honor our spouses but many do not.

Have you ever checked out the domestic violence stats?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who doesn’t have access to all their husband’s bank accounts?

Working mom, SAHM, doesn’t matter.

Everything is online nowadays, you just need to know how to get into the account. He should not keep this a secret from you.

THAT is a bad sign, regardless of whether you work or not.

+1

The above talk about the 401k is very strange.

You can make changes to the account online.

I agree. I SAH, going on 3 years, and my DH actually asks me before making purchases with “his money.”

DH and I have a shared life and we don’t see the income as “his money.” That would be a really strange and outdated view imo.

That is nice. But that is not true for many women especially women who are in abusive relationships.

A wife can not legally get access to a H account while married. Once you divorce you can get 1/2.

Ok... now we are talking about abusive relationships? What?

[Anonymous]

I sincerely hope those of you who don't have access to your family's finances and who have exited the workforce for long periods of time do not have a situation where your husbands screw you over.

Unfortunately, I have seen situations where husbands drained bank accounts during a divorce, leaving the wife with nothing.

You just never know. My grandma has told me for a long time that I need to always be able to take care of myself financially. That doesn't mean siphoning money off into some secret account, but it does mean having my name on all of our finances and--for me--continuing to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you guys are saying re: not officially having access to a husband’s 401k. But come on, truly, what are the odds that my living, still married husband with whom I have an amazing open trusting relationship (which includes full transparency with all our finances) is someday going to deny me access to his 401k money? Are those odds big enough that they warrant me missing out on a few years of staying home with my children, if that’s what I want to do? For me, that risk is not big enough. And to be honest, there is very little that could happen to me in the future that would make me regret spending this time with my children. But I understand how that calculation is different for other people. And also, as I said, I do have my own retirement accounts from when I was working.

The odds are actually fairly high.

You wish

People like you just can’t stand to see other people happy can you.

Sorry your relationship sucks but there are happy marriages out there

It's as if some of these pps can't imagine a man would love and honor his wife. Isn't that part of the vow?

I don't think people are talking about their own relationships. They just know that life is not perfect and it does not always work that way.

It's nice your H/my H/me and you love and honor our spouses but many do not.

Have you ever checked out the domestic violence stats?

That’s fine.

But most are not in abusive relationships.

Next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who doesn’t have access to all their husband’s bank accounts?

Working mom, SAHM, doesn’t matter.

Everything is online nowadays, you just need to know how to get into the account. He should not keep this a secret from you.

THAT is a bad sign, regardless of whether you work or not.

+1

The above talk about the 401k is very strange.

You can make changes to the account online.

I agree. I SAH, going on 3 years, and my DH actually asks me before making purchases with “his money.”

DH and I have a shared life and we don’t see the income as “his money.” That would be a really strange and outdated view imo.

I find it very odd that anyone asks a spouse if they can purchase something (unless it’s like, a car). Presumably your husband is an adult?

[Anonymous]

What a bizarre turn this thread has taken.

So first it was SAHM are stupid and lazy.

Then they are keeping back ALL WOMEN.

Then, oh, maybe not all women, WOHM just don’t like being attacked!

Then WOHM are worried about SAHM not having financial access.

And now we are bringing in abused SAHM and lamenting their lack of financial access?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who doesn’t have access to all their husband’s bank accounts?

Working mom, SAHM, doesn’t matter.

Everything is online nowadays, you just need to know how to get into the account. He should not keep this a secret from you.

THAT is a bad sign, regardless of whether you work or not.

+1

The above talk about the 401k is very strange.

You can make changes to the account online.

I agree. I SAH, going on 3 years, and my DH actually asks me before making purchases with “his money.”

DH and I have a shared life and we don’t see the income as “his money.” That would be a really strange and outdated view imo.

That is nice. But that is not true for many women especially women who are in abusive relationships.

A wife can not legally get access to a H account while married. Once you divorce you can get 1/2.

Ok... now we are talking about abusive relationships? What?

It happens, they find somebody new and it happens. I don't mean he has to beat you to be abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you guys are saying re: not officially having access to a husband’s 401k. But come on, truly, what are the odds that my living, still married husband with whom I have an amazing open trusting relationship (which includes full transparency with all our finances) is someday going to deny me access to his 401k money? Are those odds big enough that they warrant me missing out on a few years of staying home with my children, if that’s what I want to do? For me, that risk is not big enough. And to be honest, there is very little that could happen to me in the future that would make me regret spending this time with my children. But I understand how that calculation is different for other people. And also, as I said, I do have my own retirement accounts from when I was working.

The odds are actually fairly high.

You wish

People like you just can’t stand to see other people happy can you.

Sorry your relationship sucks but there are happy marriages out there

It's as if some of these pps can't imagine a man would love and honor his wife. Isn't that part of the vow?

I don't think people are talking about their own relationships. They just know that life is not perfect and it does not always work that way.

It's nice your H/my H/me and you love and honor our spouses but many do not.

Have you ever checked out the domestic violence stats?

That’s fine.

But most are not in abusive relationships.

Next.

What point are you trying to make? Genuinely curious. Also, very classy to dismiss the abused with “next.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who doesn’t have access to all their husband’s bank accounts?

Working mom, SAHM, doesn’t matter.

Everything is online nowadays, you just need to know how to get into the account. He should not keep this a secret from you.

THAT is a bad sign, regardless of whether you work or not.

+1

The above talk about the 401k is very strange.

You can make changes to the account online.

I agree. I SAH, going on 3 years, and my DH actually asks me before making purchases with “his money.”

DH and I have a shared life and we don’t see the income as “his money.” That would be a really strange and outdated view imo.

That is nice. But that is not true for many women especially women who are in abusive relationships.

A wife can not legally get access to a H account while married. Once you divorce you can get 1/2.

Ok... now we are talking about abusive relationships? What?

Yeah, I'm the PP who said that most people would presumably discourage a woman from staying home if her husband was an abusive alcoholic. There are some circumstances in which stay at home is a bad idea, no doubt. If your DH is abusive, don't quit your job and stay at home. If your DH is unemployed and you don't have any other source of income, don't quit your job and stay at home. If you don't trust your DH, don't quit your job and stay at home (frankly, don't have children with him in the first place).

Again, just because there are some circumstances in which a woman shouldn't stay home doesn't mean there's anything intrinsically wrong with staying home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sincerely hope those of you who don't have access to your family's finances and who have exited the workforce for long periods of time do not have a situation where your husbands screw you over.

Unfortunately, I have seen situations where husbands drained bank accounts during a divorce, leaving the wife with nothing.

You just never know. My grandma has told me for a long time that I need to always be able to take care of myself financially. That doesn't mean siphoning money off into some secret account, but it does mean having my name on all of our finances and--for me--continuing to work.

Everyone in here is saying they do have full access to every account.