S/O Why do you care if moms stay home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre turn this thread has taken.

So first it was SAHM are stupid and lazy.

Then they are keeping back ALL WOMEN.

Then, oh, maybe not all women, WOHM just don’t like being attacked!

Then WOHM are worried about SAHM not having financial access.

And now we are bringing in abused SAHM and lamenting their lack of financial access?

Sure it does. The point is that it’s not happening in my marriage.

If it’s happening in yours, by all means continue to work and also get a divorce.

True, that would never happen in your neighborhood.

It's not happening in your marriage, yet.

Oh right, would you say the chances of that happening eventually are “fairly high?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you guys are saying re: not officially having access to a husband’s 401k. But come on, truly, what are the odds that my living, still married husband with whom I have an amazing open trusting relationship (which includes full transparency with all our finances) is someday going to deny me access to his 401k money? Are those odds big enough that they warrant me missing out on a few years of staying home with my children, if that’s what I want to do? For me, that risk is not big enough. And to be honest, there is very little that could happen to me in the future that would make me regret spending this time with my children. But I understand how that calculation is different for other people. And also, as I said, I do have my own retirement accounts from when I was working.

The odds are actually fairly high.

I don't know if I would say high, but I'm divorced and know a lot of other divorced women. There's a really common story that goes: I thought even if we split up he would be decent to me, but he cut off my access to funds during our divorce, I don't have money to pay a lawyer, the harder I fight for my half the more vindictive he gets and I'm afraid that if I push he'll try to get primary access of the kids. If you go into a divorce with no resources things can get really bad. My mom, happily married for 55 years, always told me to make sure I have my own money and I take that advice.

Why do you assume we have no money of our own?

I have 250k in savings in my name only.

Enough to pay a lawyer.

That is all people are saying is "have money of your own" because he money is not really your money. Just like the $250K you saved is not really his money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre turn this thread has taken.

So first it was SAHM are stupid and lazy.

Then they are keeping back ALL WOMEN.

Then, oh, maybe not all women, WOHM just don’t like being attacked!

Then WOHM are worried about SAHM not having financial access.

And now we are bringing in abused SAHM and lamenting their lack of financial access?

Sure it does. The point is that it’s not happening in my marriage.

If it’s happening in yours, by all means continue to work and also get a divorce.

True, that would never happen in your neighborhood.

It's not happening in your marriage, yet.

Oh right, would you say the chances of that happening eventually are “fairly high?”

Rates of Divorce + Death + disability = fairly high

I love all these teens that think they are invincible.

[Anonymous]

This thread is laughable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you guys are saying re: not officially having access to a husband’s 401k. But come on, truly, what are the odds that my living, still married husband with whom I have an amazing open trusting relationship (which includes full transparency with all our finances) is someday going to deny me access to his 401k money? Are those odds big enough that they warrant me missing out on a few years of staying home with my children, if that’s what I want to do? For me, that risk is not big enough. And to be honest, there is very little that could happen to me in the future that would make me regret spending this time with my children. But I understand how that calculation is different for other people. And also, as I said, I do have my own retirement accounts from when I was working.

The odds are actually fairly high.

I don't know if I would say high, but I'm divorced and know a lot of other divorced women. There's a really common story that goes: I thought even if we split up he would be decent to me, but he cut off my access to funds during our divorce, I don't have money to pay a lawyer, the harder I fight for my half the more vindictive he gets and I'm afraid that if I push he'll try to get primary access of the kids. If you go into a divorce with no resources things can get really bad. My mom, happily married for 55 years, always told me to make sure I have my own money and I take that advice.

Why do you assume we have no money of our own?

I have 250k in savings in my name only.

Enough to pay a lawyer.

Then you do not fit into the category of women described above. Please take a moment to pat yourself on the back!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you guys are saying re: not officially having access to a husband’s 401k. But come on, truly, what are the odds that my living, still married husband with whom I have an amazing open trusting relationship (which includes full transparency with all our finances) is someday going to deny me access to his 401k money? Are those odds big enough that they warrant me missing out on a few years of staying home with my children, if that’s what I want to do? For me, that risk is not big enough. And to be honest, there is very little that could happen to me in the future that would make me regret spending this time with my children. But I understand how that calculation is different for other people. And also, as I said, I do have my own retirement accounts from when I was working.

The odds are actually fairly high.

I don't know if I would say high, but I'm divorced and know a lot of other divorced women. There's a really common story that goes: I thought even if we split up he would be decent to me, but he cut off my access to funds during our divorce, I don't have money to pay a lawyer, the harder I fight for my half the more vindictive he gets and I'm afraid that if I push he'll try to get primary access of the kids. If you go into a divorce with no resources things can get really bad. My mom, happily married for 55 years, always told me to make sure I have my own money and I take that advice.

Why do you assume we have no money of our own?

I have 250k in savings in my name only.

Enough to pay a lawyer.

That is all people are saying is "have money of your own" because he money is not really your money. Just like the $250K you saved is not really his money.

The accounts are all going to be one and the same once disbursements start happening. We'll have a budget in retirement and we'll be living on a fixed income just like we do now...except we'll be retired and our income will come from various retirement accounts/investments + social security. it's not like we hit retirement age and suddenly become crazy spendthrifts. We are going to need to live off that money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre turn this thread has taken.

So first it was SAHM are stupid and lazy.

Then they are keeping back ALL WOMEN.

Then, oh, maybe not all women, WOHM just don’t like being attacked!

Then WOHM are worried about SAHM not having financial access.

And now we are bringing in abused SAHM and lamenting their lack of financial access?

Sure it does. The point is that it’s not happening in my marriage.

If it’s happening in yours, by all means continue to work and also get a divorce.

True, that would never happen in your neighborhood.

It's not happening in your marriage, yet.

Oh right, would you say the chances of that happening eventually are “fairly high?”

Rates of Divorce + Death + disability = fairly high

I love all these teens that think they are invincible.

Assets, insurance, insurance. Staying home is not a big risk for rich women.

[Anonymous]

So are you saying no married couples should have joint accounts anyway? Or that you should have a joint account but only put a month's worth of shared expenses in it every month? And keep the rest of your (WOHM) salary in your own account that your husband can't touch? Is that what you're all doing, to protect yourself in a divorce?

Also, you can't "drain" a 401k before you reach a certain age, and AFTER that age like... honestly... your husband is going to be that self destructive that he's going to drain his 401k all at once and put it in some other account, with all the tax implications that would have? That doesn't seem very smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre turn this thread has taken.

So first it was SAHM are stupid and lazy.

Then they are keeping back ALL WOMEN.

Then, oh, maybe not all women, WOHM just don’t like being attacked!

Then WOHM are worried about SAHM not having financial access.

And now we are bringing in abused SAHM and lamenting their lack of financial access?

Sure it does. The point is that it’s not happening in my marriage.

If it’s happening in yours, by all means continue to work and also get a divorce.

True, that would never happen in your neighborhood.

It's not happening in your marriage, yet.

Oh right, would you say the chances of that happening eventually are “fairly high?”

Rates of Divorce + Death + disability = fairly high

I love all these teens that think they are invincible.

Assets, insurance, insurance. Staying home is not a big risk for rich women.

Exactly. Divorce, I get half. Death and disability, we have insurance.

[Anonymous]

I have learned one thing from this thread. Rich SAHMs are easily triggered into arguing and will go on and on about their personal situation to prove their point.

Hello. You are a teeny tiny minority. Your situation likely does not apply to anyone else. Also, you just sound insecure. Just ignore the triggering posts. That will bug em more than you responding.

Y’all need to stop and either care for your kids or get back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre turn this thread has taken.

So first it was SAHM are stupid and lazy.

Then they are keeping back ALL WOMEN.

Then, oh, maybe not all women, WOHM just don’t like being attacked!

Then WOHM are worried about SAHM not having financial access.

And now we are bringing in abused SAHM and lamenting their lack of financial access?

Sure it does. The point is that it’s not happening in my marriage.

If it’s happening in yours, by all means continue to work and also get a divorce.

True, that would never happen in your neighborhood.

It's not happening in your marriage, yet.

Oh right, would you say the chances of that happening eventually are “fairly high?”

Rates of Divorce + Death + disability = fairly high

I love all these teens that think they are invincible.

Uhhh, in cases of death and disability she would have access to his funds just like when they were married.

[Anonymous]

Also, if you guys are talking about husbands draining accounts, hiding assets etc.: first of all, know what your husband's paycheck amount is and where all the money is going. If you are middle class, it is truly unlikely that your husband will be able to siphon significant amount of money without a judge finding out easily based on your lifestyle expectations (in which case, your husband will also pay a large fine because that kind of behavior is illegal). If you are rich, okay, maybe your husband can drain off significant amounts of money into another account, buy a boat during your divorce, etc., without anyone noticing, BUT you are also rich, so while you may not get what you deserve in that divorce, that are you still going to get enough money that you won't be poor after the divorce by any means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually don't care what people do. I just care how they talk about it. And I've found a lot of SAHMs talk about staying home as if I'm all but dooming my kids to prison by being a working mom.

"Do they even know you?"
"Do you die inside when they cry for the nanny instead of you?"
"You'll never get this time back."

What a bunch of jerks!

.

I don't believe that ANYONE said the first comment above. Sorry. PP is projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, if you guys are talking about husbands draining accounts, hiding assets etc.: first of all, know what your husband's paycheck amount is and where all the money is going. If you are middle class, it is truly unlikely that your husband will be able to siphon significant amount of money without a judge finding out easily based on your lifestyle expectations (in which case, your husband will also pay a large fine because that kind of behavior is illegal). If you are rich, okay, maybe your husband can drain off significant amounts of money into another account, buy a boat during your divorce, etc., without anyone noticing, BUT you are also rich, so while you may not get what you deserve in that divorce, that are you still going to get enough money that you won't be poor after the divorce by any means.

Instead of all of this paranoia why don't you and your dh sit down with a financial advisor and get all this stuff laid out and get a plan for your future in place.

Whether you are working or SAH, if your spouse is a dishonorable, untrustworthy type who you can see screwing you over big time when you hit retirement age then you might seriously want to talk to an attorney now because being married to a person like that is probably not in your best interests.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and fwiw, I can definitely see how one of my ex boyfriends might have drained my 401K account w/o my consent if he could have found a way to gain access to it - I am so glad that I didn't marry that jerk!