Is wife being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Of course my mom will be happy to miss out on her child's wedding festivities because she's busy chasing, feeding, diapering and caring for my toddler! And if not, I'm sure some random aunts will pitch in! Someone somewhere will figure it out and take care of my child. Gee whiz, what's my wife so concerned about?

Yep, not to mention that he seems to think that the toddler is his property to be dragged along somewhere just as a nice accessory or talking piece. Away from his mom (who is clearly his primary if not only caregiver) for days, strange place, strange people he doesn't know, nobody there with real childcare knowledge or experience to take full responsibility if there are incidents. No thought or consideration whatsoever for what's in the best interests of the child.

His wife's lawyer will have a field day with this during the divorce. OP had better hope there are no incidents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay guys, OP here. Again. I went back and forth on continuing this thread, but ultimately I decided to update.

Many of the comments have been extremely harsh. Honestly though, that is not that shocking considering I am posting to an essentially all women/mother forum. You ladies empathize with the wife’s side, and I get that. It’s actually the relatable and natural position for you to take. I was pleased to see there were some comments that really “heard” where I was coming from. I’m not some complete jerk to my wife. I’m not perfect and neither is she. She has many wonderful qualities, but she can also be unforgiving and hold grudges, so it isn’t the easiest thing to side with her against someone I love. (I also wouldn’t side with someone else against her.)

Anyway, I took the advice to drop the idea of my wife and newborn attending the wedding. You all were loud and clear on that point. I have accepted her decision to not attend. I told her I willl be traveling Thursday - Monday and she gave me the green light. The tricky part is my son. She is still refusing to allow me to take him. We had a spirited discussion regarding it and are currently at an impasse. I have spoken to my mom about the situation and she has assured me that she will be happy to help care for my son basically the whole wedding, anytime I need anything. Due to the issues between my wife and my parents, my parents have spent very very little time with my son. (He is their only grandchild at this time.) So they are very eager. There will also be several Aunts, female cousins and friends of my mother present, some of whom I’m certain would pitch in.

My wife is being extremely emotional and unwilling to even entertain a calm and rational conversation about me taking my own kid to my brothers wedding. Surely many of you can see that that is not right. Right? She has stated that if i take my son, it will do such irreparable damage to the marriage that we likely wouldn’t survive. How would you respond to this? To those of you who at least can see that I have the right to take my son with me. Help me out here. I’d love to hear how you would frame your argument, and if you’ve ever been in a situation like this before. (One where you disagreed on something regarding your child and how you came to a solution.)

Just don't take him.

You can't train a bunch of 60 yos on how to take care of a 1 or 2 yo while hosting a wedding. No way.

I have a 1 yo and 3 yo and neither set of parents remembers anything about raising kids 60 years ago. They're nuts. Have some gatorade, no need for a nap. One grandpa almost ran over one toddler on two separate occasions when reparking his car - did n't realize the kid follows everyone around. Still doesn't realize it! our youngest had her finger in the inner hinge of a heavy porch door when the wind blew it shut and swashed her thumb at their house, right in front of 5 of them! They were too busy chit-chatting to see any danger with the kid. They just don't see it! they don't think like a 24/7 caregiver like a mother or father or nanny would. Must be on the ball 24/7.

After the nerve damage thumb incident no one said a think. They looked awful and torn, and knew they had hurt their grandchild. No one in that room was paying attention to that child. And this wasn't even at a wedding or major holiday. Some people cannot be trusted to watch young children. We all have some of those in our lives. For us it is one grandma and the grandfather from the other side. Not their cup of tea and it is dangerous.

We even canceled a reunion weekend trip since we did not feel right about leaving a baby and 2.5 yo at the time with one set of grandparents. Of course, they would have loved it, but they were naive and didn't understand what they had volunteered to do. We pulled the plug on it. Now that the kids will be older soon, can speak up, and drive their own routines, it might work out. But both sets of grandparents are not local, they are not surrounded by little kids and seeing childcare in action. That makes it worse, to step into that role after 50 years off and no exposure to babies or toddlers except 1 or 2x a year. Not cool.

Same here. Ma didn't check where the fingers were and the restaurant door slammed on them. ER room + nerve damage in two fingers + hand surgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The wedding is the weekend before xmas so OP wants to stay for 10+ days either at his parents' or in a hotel.

At the same time he will have a newborn 5 week old (if all goes as expected) who will not be vaccinnated until 2 months old (germs in winter are terrible), will be feeding every 2 hours, and a wife in the throes of sleep deprivation, feeding, and repairing her body.

And all OP can talk about is how he wants to kiss his mom's @$$ and stay at her house for two weeks and do wedding and his family of origin stuff. Meanwhile, his parents are consistently jerks to his wife and are never around kids whatsoever.

Go to wedding yourself and get back to your wife, 2 yo and newborn at home.
Start behaving like a husband and father of two children.

Your facts are wrong. His wife's family lives in the same city so they would stay with his wife's brother and also see her family during the visit for Christmas. It's not all about his family for the Christmas visit.

[Anonymous]

When you get divorced and are wondering where it all went wrong, re-read this thread. There are no lies in here. Just your inability to accept the truth.

[Anonymous]

OP, a random aunt or cousin may be willing to pitch in, but a 2yo with a brand new sibling at home doesn't want some lady he doesn't know to take him to see the swans during family pictures. He wants MOMMY. RIGHT NOW. and if he mommy is not there he wants DADDY. and he won't be on his nap schedule, and he'll be eating random crap all day. If you bring him, this will be on you. Should your mom miss the reception because your kid is over stimulated and choked on a carrot and threw up? No. That's what this will be for you. It will not be fun for him or for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay guys, OP here. Again. I went back and forth on continuing this thread, but ultimately I decided to update.

Many of the comments have been extremely harsh. Honestly though, that is not that shocking considering I am posting to an essentially all women/mother forum. You ladies empathize with the wife’s side, and I get that. It’s actually the relatable and natural position for you to take. I was pleased to see there were some comments that really “heard” where I was coming from. I’m not some complete jerk to my wife. I’m not perfect and neither is she. She has many wonderful qualities, but she can also be unforgiving and hold grudges, so it isn’t the easiest thing to side with her against someone I love. (I also wouldn’t side with someone else against her.)

Anyway, I took the advice to drop the idea of my wife and newborn attending the wedding. You all were loud and clear on that point. I have accepted her decision to not attend. I told her I willl be traveling Thursday - Monday and she gave me the green light. The tricky part is my son. She is still refusing to allow me to take him. We had a spirited discussion regarding it and are currently at an impasse. I have spoken to my mom about the situation and she has assured me that she will be happy to help care for my son basically the whole wedding, anytime I need anything. Due to the issues between my wife and my parents, my parents have spent very very little time with my son. (He is their only grandchild at this time.) So they are very eager. There will also be several Aunts, female cousins and friends of my mother present, some of whom I’m certain would pitch in.

My wife is being extremely emotional and unwilling to even entertain a calm and rational conversation about me taking my own kid to my brothers wedding. Surely many of you can see that that is not right. Right? She has stated that if i take my son, it will do such irreparable damage to the marriage that we likely wouldn’t survive. How would you respond to this? To those of you who at least can see that I have the right to take my son with me. Help me out here. I’d love to hear how you would frame your argument, and if you’ve ever been in a situation like this before. (One where you disagreed on something regarding your child and how you came to a solution.)

You have been given some great ideas for how to respond here.
1). Take him for a weekend just the two of you a few times before the wedding. Show your wife that you can do it.
2). Hire a babysitter to look after him during the rehearsal, wedding, and reception. This shows actual forethought and planning if things don’t go perfectly. It will probably calm her down a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay guys, OP here. Again. I went back and forth on continuing this thread, but ultimately I decided to update.



You can't train a bunch of 60 yos on how to take care of a 1 or 2 yo while hosting a wedding. No way.

I have a 1 yo and 3 yo and neither set of parents remembers anything about raising kids 60 years ago. They're nuts. Have some gatorade, no need for a nap. One grandpa almost ran over one toddler on two separate occasions when reparking his car - did n't realize the kid follows everyone around. Still doesn't realize it! our youngest had her finger in the inner hinge of a heavy porch door when the wind blew it shut and swashed her thumb at their house, right in front of 5 of them! They were too busy chit-chatting to see any danger with the kid. They just don't see it! they don't think like a 24/7 caregiver like a mother or father or nanny would. Must be on the ball 24/7.

After the nerve damage thumb incident no one said a think. They looked awful and torn, and knew they had hurt their grandchild. No one in that room was paying attention to that child. And this wasn't even at a wedding or major holiday. Some people cannot be trusted to watch young children. We all have some of those in our lives. For us it is one grandma and the grandfather from the other side. Not their cup of tea and it is dangerous.

We even canceled a reunion weekend trip since we did not feel right about leaving a baby and 2.5 yo at the time with one set of grandparents. Of course, they would have loved it, but they were naive and didn't understand what they had volunteered to do. We pulled the plug on it. Now that the kids will be older soon, can speak up, and drive their own routines, it might work out. But both sets of grandparents are not local, they are not surrounded by little kids and seeing childcare in action. That makes it worse, to step into that role after 50 years off and no exposure to babies or toddlers except 1 or 2x a year. Not cool.

Same here. Ma didn't check where the fingers were and the restaurant door slammed on them. ER room + nerve damage in two fingers + hand surgery.

So much this. I think I said the same about 20 pages back. Only grandchild who lives in a different city that they don't see often? Yeah, they have no idea how to take care of him. And two is tough age -- fast enough to wander away in 2 second, but absolutely no sense of danger. If I were OP's wife, even if there weren't strained relations with the inlaws, I'd have serious concerns about toddler's safety.

[Anonymous]

OP I feel like you are WILDLY clueless about what having a 2 year old at a family wedding will be like. Are you not going to want to be socializing with your brother / the groomsmen / the other guests from your hometown?? A 2 year old requires literal 24/7 attention when he's awake - and they also need naps and early bedtimes - which means someone has to leave and sit in the room with him. I don't see how you don't know this if you really are such a hands-on parent, but socializing while watching a two year old equals multiple 3-4 minute conversations where you're only half paying attention because you're also constantly keeping one eye on your toddler and making sure he stays right within your orbit. You're constantly being interrupted (or interrupting the other person talking to you to tell your toddler to stay over here or don't touch that or whatever). If you think a 2 year old in a big room of new people is going to just let you hold him for a few hours while you work the room, you're dreaming. It will be an hindrance on your weekend - your primary role will switch from best man to caretaker. Who is going to take care of him during the rehearsal? What about the rehearsal dinner, who is going to sit with him and feed him and entertain him rather than being up at the bar and socializing with everyone else? Who is going to leave the festivities niiiice and early when his bedtime hits and he gets cranky? And hey, if he's anything like my kids he won't sleep too well in a new place so prepare for a nighttime battle and not feeling well rested the next day. In the morning, I'm guessing all the groomsmen will be getting together to hang out, drink, smoke cigars, have guy time, get ready...not a place a two year old will be welcome. You're going to want to be a part of that fun, and resent having to schedule your day around toddler breakfast and snack time and leaving repeatedly to walk him up and down the hall because he's restless, and then toddler afternoon nap (hard to think this wouldn't interfere with everyone else going to the wedding on time - someone will have to miss something to stay and sit with him. And you absolutely do NOT want him to miss his nap or have a short one...you'll be paying for that alll evening). You'll be bummed having to miss out of half the fun of the "getting ready" part of the day, and here's the thing: when it comes down to it, your mom is going to feel the same way. The bride and mother of the bride and all the bridesmaids will be doing the whole getting ready thing themselves, and she'll likely be there for at least part of it. And even if not, there will be pictures, and she'll be wanting to focus on getting ready herself - does she have a hair r makeup appointment that day? I'd guess yes. She likes the idea of getting to see your son throughout the day, and hang out with him when it's fun / convenient for her...but when it comes to the less fun stuff like someone having to miss out on part of the day, dealing with him having meltdowns or just generally being restless or overstimulated...you're the one on the hook. As it should be. You also mention that he doesn't really know them - this is not the time to attempt that! He's going to be fussy and just want you, not happily leaping from random cousin to random aunt's arms giggling, as you seem to envision. And all these random female cousins / aunts you've mentioned, whom you seem to assume will just be leaping at the chance to take on a day's work of childcare because they're women ( )? Come on. Yes they'll be excited to see your little guy and interact with him for 5-10 minutes...they'll be all about having a dance with him (if he lets it happen). But being the babysitter for a day?? Lol. No! They're excited for the family wedding, they want to get dressed up and drink and eat and dance and have fun, not have babysitting duty dumped on them. If you tried to do this to me I would walk your kid back to you every time...although I probably wouldn't have to, I'm guessing he will see you and run to you throughout the night. You are being way too blasé in your approach to this. It almost seems redundant to go on, but like others have said who is transporting him? Who will carry the diaper bag around and change him? Who is going to be responsible for him during the actual ceremony? Will have to be someone who he's somehow willing to sit with, and who is willing to jump up and leave (and miss the wedding) at a moment's notice if he gets upset. Any ideas there? Then we have cocktail hour, appetizers, dinner, speeches, dances, dessert...like I said, if your son is there you will have. Million people coming up to you to say hi there cutie! and interact with him for a minute...but then they'll move on. The actual responsibility for taking care of / watching / entertaining him for the whole night is you. Speaking from experience, you will have more stress than fun. You won't get to let loose and catch up with everyone. That's just how it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wedding is the weekend before xmas so OP wants to stay for 10+ days either at his parents' or in a hotel.

At the same time he will have a newborn 5 week old (if all goes as expected) who will not be vaccinnated until 2 months old (germs in winter are terrible), will be feeding every 2 hours, and a wife in the throes of sleep deprivation, feeding, and repairing her body.

And all OP can talk about is how he wants to kiss his mom's @$$ and stay at her house for two weeks and do wedding and his family of origin stuff. Meanwhile, his parents are consistently jerks to his wife and are never around kids whatsoever.

Go to wedding yourself and get back to your wife, 2 yo and newborn at home.
Start behaving like a husband and father of two children.

Your facts are wrong. His wife's family lives in the same city so they would stay with his wife's brother and also see her family during the visit for Christmas. It's not all about his family for the Christmas visit.

Note that OP's wife is forgoing Christmas with her OWN family to avoid this wedding and week with the in-laws. That tells me all I need to know about how bad this is.

The ONLY WAY OP has any hope of getting his wife to reconsider the toddlers attendance at the wedding only is if a) OP's parents offer a heartfelt and honest and abject apology for their behaviour, and b) OP lines up a full-time caregiver for the whole weekend that is not an immediate family member or member of the wedding party. Wife's mom might be a good candidate if wife can make do without her at home if she only has the newborn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wedding is the weekend before xmas so OP wants to stay for 10+ days either at his parents' or in a hotel.

At the same time he will have a newborn 5 week old (if all goes as expected) who will not be vaccinnated until 2 months old (germs in winter are terrible), will be feeding every 2 hours, and a wife in the throes of sleep deprivation, feeding, and repairing her body.

And all OP can talk about is how he wants to kiss his mom's @$$ and stay at her house for two weeks and do wedding and his family of origin stuff. Meanwhile, his parents are consistently jerks to his wife and are never around kids whatsoever.

Go to wedding yourself and get back to your wife, 2 yo and newborn at home.
Start behaving like a husband and father of two children.

Your facts are wrong. His wife's family lives in the same city so they would stay with his wife's brother and also see her family during the visit for Christmas. It's not all about his family for the Christmas visit.

Note that OP's wife is forgoing Christmas with her OWN family to avoid this wedding and week with the in-laws. That tells me all I need to know about how bad this is.

The ONLY WAY OP has any hope of getting his wife to reconsider the toddlers attendance at the wedding only is if a) OP's parents offer a heartfelt and honest and abject apology for their behaviour, and b) OP lines up a full-time caregiver for the whole weekend that is not an immediate family member or member of the wedding party. Wife's mom might be a good candidate if wife can make do without her at home if she only has the newborn.

Not clear to me where it said that both sets of grandparents live very near this wedding and each other.
Either way, 5 weeks old don't do winter snow travel, wedding parties, and living in hotels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, a random aunt or cousin may be willing to pitch in, but a 2yo with a brand new sibling at home doesn't want some lady he doesn't know to take him to see the swans during family pictures. He wants MOMMY. RIGHT NOW. and if he mommy is not there he wants DADDY. and he won't be on his nap schedule, and he'll be eating random crap all day. If you bring him, this will be on you. Should your mom miss the reception because your kid is over stimulated and choked on a carrot and threw up? No. That's what this will be for you. It will not be fun for him or for you.

Yep. OP clearly has NO experience caring for his toddler, or he would already know this. It's very apparent that wife does all the childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I feel like you are WILDLY clueless about what having a 2 year old at a family wedding will be like. Are you not going to want to be socializing with your brother / the groomsmen / the other guests from your hometown?? A 2 year old requires literal 24/7 attention when he's awake - and they also need naps and early bedtimes - which means someone has to leave and sit in the room with him. I don't see how you don't know this if you really are such a hands-on parent, but socializing while watching a two year old equals multiple 3-4 minute conversations where you're only half paying attention because you're also constantly keeping one eye on your toddler and making sure he stays right within your orbit. You're constantly being interrupted (or interrupting the other person talking to you to tell your toddler to stay over here or don't touch that or whatever). If you think a 2 year old in a big room of new people is going to just let you hold him for a few hours while you work the room, you're dreaming. It will be an hindrance on your weekend - your primary role will switch from best man to caretaker. Who is going to take care of him during the rehearsal? What about the rehearsal dinner, who is going to sit with him and feed him and entertain him rather than being up at the bar and socializing with everyone else? Who is going to leave the festivities niiiice and early when his bedtime hits and he gets cranky? And hey, if he's anything like my kids he won't sleep too well in a new place so prepare for a nighttime battle and not feeling well rested the next day. In the morning, I'm guessing all the groomsmen will be getting together to hang out, drink, smoke cigars, have guy time, get ready...not a place a two year old will be welcome. You're going to want to be a part of that fun, and resent having to schedule your day around toddler breakfast and snack time and leaving repeatedly to walk him up and down the hall because he's restless, and then toddler afternoon nap (hard to think this wouldn't interfere with everyone else going to the wedding on time - someone will have to miss something to stay and sit with him. And you absolutely do NOT want him to miss his nap or have a short one...you'll be paying for that alll evening). You'll be bummed having to miss out of half the fun of the "getting ready" part of the day, and here's the thing: when it comes down to it, your mom is going to feel the same way. The bride and mother of the bride and all the bridesmaids will be doing the whole getting ready thing themselves, and she'll likely be there for at least part of it. And even if not, there will be pictures, and she'll be wanting to focus on getting ready herself - does she have a hair r makeup appointment that day? I'd guess yes. She likes the idea of getting to see your son throughout the day, and hang out with him when it's fun / convenient for her...but when it comes to the less fun stuff like someone having to miss out on part of the day, dealing with him having meltdowns or just generally being restless or overstimulated...you're the one on the hook. As it should be. You also mention that he doesn't really know them - this is not the time to attempt that! He's going to be fussy and just want you, not happily leaping from random cousin to random aunt's arms giggling, as you seem to envision. And all these random female cousins / aunts you've mentioned, whom you seem to assume will just be leaping at the chance to take on a day's work of childcare because they're women ( )? Come on. Yes they'll be excited to see your little guy and interact with him for 5-10 minutes...they'll be all about having a dance with him (if he lets it happen). But being the babysitter for a day?? Lol. No! They're excited for the family wedding, they want to get dressed up and drink and eat and dance and have fun, not have babysitting duty dumped on them. If you tried to do this to me I would walk your kid back to you every time...although I probably wouldn't have to, I'm guessing he will see you and run to you throughout the night. You are being way too blasé in your approach to this. It almost seems redundant to go on, but like others have said who is transporting him? Who will carry the diaper bag around and change him? Who is going to be responsible for him during the actual ceremony? Will have to be someone who he's somehow willing to sit with, and who is willing to jump up and leave (and miss the wedding) at a moment's notice if he gets upset. Any ideas there? Then we have cocktail hour, appetizers, dinner, speeches, dances, dessert...like I said, if your son is there you will have. Million people coming up to you to say hi there cutie! and interact with him for a minute...but then they'll move on. The actual responsibility for taking care of / watching / entertaining him for the whole night is you. Speaking from experience, you will have more stress than fun. You won't get to let loose and catch up with everyone. That's just how it is.

OP's a parent. Parents suck it up and care for their kids even when it means that they can't party with their brother. I don't understand why people think OP is incapable of caring for his own child-and if the challenges of dealing with a toddler are new to him, it will be better for his long term relationship with his wife to know what that work is like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I feel like you are WILDLY clueless about what having a 2 year old at a family wedding will be like. Are you not going to want to be socializing with your brother / the groomsmen / the other guests from your hometown?? A 2 year old requires literal 24/7 attention when he's awake - and they also need naps and early bedtimes - which means someone has to leave and sit in the room with him. I don't see how you don't know this if you really are such a hands-on parent, but socializing while watching a two year old equals multiple 3-4 minute conversations where you're only half paying attention because you're also constantly keeping one eye on your toddler and making sure he stays right within your orbit. You're constantly being interrupted (or interrupting the other person talking to you to tell your toddler to stay over here or don't touch that or whatever). If you think a 2 year old in a big room of new people is going to just let you hold him for a few hours while you work the room, you're dreaming. It will be an hindrance on your weekend - your primary role will switch from best man to caretaker. Who is going to take care of him during the rehearsal? What about the rehearsal dinner, who is going to sit with him and feed him and entertain him rather than being up at the bar and socializing with everyone else? Who is going to leave the festivities niiiice and early when his bedtime hits and he gets cranky? And hey, if he's anything like my kids he won't sleep too well in a new place so prepare for a nighttime battle and not feeling well rested the next day. In the morning, I'm guessing all the groomsmen will be getting together to hang out, drink, smoke cigars, have guy time, get ready...not a place a two year old will be welcome. You're going to want to be a part of that fun, and resent having to schedule your day around toddler breakfast and snack time and leaving repeatedly to walk him up and down the hall because he's restless, and then toddler afternoon nap (hard to think this wouldn't interfere with everyone else going to the wedding on time - someone will have to miss something to stay and sit with him. And you absolutely do NOT want him to miss his nap or have a short one...you'll be paying for that alll evening). You'll be bummed having to miss out of half the fun of the "getting ready" part of the day, and here's the thing: when it comes down to it, your mom is going to feel the same way. The bride and mother of the bride and all the bridesmaids will be doing the whole getting ready thing themselves, and she'll likely be there for at least part of it. And even if not, there will be pictures, and she'll be wanting to focus on getting ready herself - does she have a hair r makeup appointment that day? I'd guess yes. She likes the idea of getting to see your son throughout the day, and hang out with him when it's fun / convenient for her...but when it comes to the less fun stuff like someone having to miss out on part of the day, dealing with him having meltdowns or just generally being restless or overstimulated...you're the one on the hook. As it should be. You also mention that he doesn't really know them - this is not the time to attempt that! He's going to be fussy and just want you, not happily leaping from random cousin to random aunt's arms giggling, as you seem to envision. And all these random female cousins / aunts you've mentioned, whom you seem to assume will just be leaping at the chance to take on a day's work of childcare because they're women ( )? Come on. Yes they'll be excited to see your little guy and interact with him for 5-10 minutes...they'll be all about having a dance with him (if he lets it happen). But being the babysitter for a day?? Lol. No! They're excited for the family wedding, they want to get dressed up and drink and eat and dance and have fun, not have babysitting duty dumped on them. If you tried to do this to me I would walk your kid back to you every time...although I probably wouldn't have to, I'm guessing he will see you and run to you throughout the night. You are being way too blasé in your approach to this. It almost seems redundant to go on, but like others have said who is transporting him? Who will carry the diaper bag around and change him? Who is going to be responsible for him during the actual ceremony? Will have to be someone who he's somehow willing to sit with, and who is willing to jump up and leave (and miss the wedding) at a moment's notice if he gets upset. Any ideas there? Then we have cocktail hour, appetizers, dinner, speeches, dances, dessert...like I said, if your son is there you will have. Million people coming up to you to say hi there cutie! and interact with him for a minute...but then they'll move on. The actual responsibility for taking care of / watching / entertaining him for the whole night is you. Speaking from experience, you will have more stress than fun. You won't get to let loose and catch up with everyone. That's just how it is.

OP's a parent. Parents suck it up and care for their kids even when it means that they can't party with their brother. I don't understand why people think OP is incapable of caring for his own child-and if the challenges of dealing with a toddler are new to him, it will be better for his long term relationship with his wife to know what that work is like.

Because OP isn't planning to focus on his 2 year-old. He expects to be the best man and fully take part in the wedding/rehearsal/reception etc. He thinks that various female relatives will take his kid off his hands for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I feel like you are WILDLY clueless about what having a 2 year old at a family wedding will be like. Are you not going to want to be socializing with your brother / the groomsmen / the other guests from your hometown?? A 2 year old requires literal 24/7 attention when he's awake - and they also need naps and early bedtimes - which means someone has to leave and sit in the room with him. I don't see how you don't know this if you really are such a hands-on parent, but socializing while watching a two year old equals multiple 3-4 minute conversations where you're only half paying attention because you're also constantly keeping one eye on your toddler and making sure he stays right within your orbit. You're constantly being interrupted (or interrupting the other person talking to you to tell your toddler to stay over here or don't touch that or whatever). If you think a 2 year old in a big room of new people is going to just let you hold him for a few hours while you work the room, you're dreaming. It will be an hindrance on your weekend - your primary role will switch from best man to caretaker. Who is going to take care of him during the rehearsal? What about the rehearsal dinner, who is going to sit with him and feed him and entertain him rather than being up at the bar and socializing with everyone else? Who is going to leave the festivities niiiice and early when his bedtime hits and he gets cranky? And hey, if he's anything like my kids he won't sleep too well in a new place so prepare for a nighttime battle and not feeling well rested the next day. In the morning, I'm guessing all the groomsmen will be getting together to hang out, drink, smoke cigars, have guy time, get ready...not a place a two year old will be welcome. You're going to want to be a part of that fun, and resent having to schedule your day around toddler breakfast and snack time and leaving repeatedly to walk him up and down the hall because he's restless, and then toddler afternoon nap (hard to think this wouldn't interfere with everyone else going to the wedding on time - someone will have to miss something to stay and sit with him. And you absolutely do NOT want him to miss his nap or have a short one...you'll be paying for that alll evening). You'll be bummed having to miss out of half the fun of the "getting ready" part of the day, and here's the thing: when it comes down to it, your mom is going to feel the same way. The bride and mother of the bride and all the bridesmaids will be doing the whole getting ready thing themselves, and she'll likely be there for at least part of it. And even if not, there will be pictures, and she'll be wanting to focus on getting ready herself - does she have a hair r makeup appointment that day? I'd guess yes. She likes the idea of getting to see your son throughout the day, and hang out with him when it's fun / convenient for her...but when it comes to the less fun stuff like someone having to miss out on part of the day, dealing with him having meltdowns or just generally being restless or overstimulated...you're the one on the hook. As it should be. You also mention that he doesn't really know them - this is not the time to attempt that! He's going to be fussy and just want you, not happily leaping from random cousin to random aunt's arms giggling, as you seem to envision. And all these random female cousins / aunts you've mentioned, whom you seem to assume will just be leaping at the chance to take on a day's work of childcare because they're women ( )? Come on. Yes they'll be excited to see your little guy and interact with him for 5-10 minutes...they'll be all about having a dance with him (if he lets it happen). But being the babysitter for a day?? Lol. No! They're excited for the family wedding, they want to get dressed up and drink and eat and dance and have fun, not have babysitting duty dumped on them. If you tried to do this to me I would walk your kid back to you every time...although I probably wouldn't have to, I'm guessing he will see you and run to you throughout the night. You are being way too blasé in your approach to this. It almost seems redundant to go on, but like others have said who is transporting him? Who will carry the diaper bag around and change him? Who is going to be responsible for him during the actual ceremony? Will have to be someone who he's somehow willing to sit with, and who is willing to jump up and leave (and miss the wedding) at a moment's notice if he gets upset. Any ideas there? Then we have cocktail hour, appetizers, dinner, speeches, dances, dessert...like I said, if your son is there you will have. Million people coming up to you to say hi there cutie! and interact with him for a minute...but then they'll move on. The actual responsibility for taking care of / watching / entertaining him for the whole night is you. Speaking from experience, you will have more stress than fun. You won't get to let loose and catch up with everyone. That's just how it is.

OP's a parent. Parents suck it up and care for their kids even when it means that they can't party with their brother. I don't understand why people think OP is incapable of caring for his own child-and if the challenges of dealing with a toddler are new to him, it will be better for his long term relationship with his wife to know what that work is like.

OP is the best man in the wedding. Nowhere in his post has he said he is willing and ready to forego some of his best man duties and watch his child. He says his mom, random aunts, etc. are going to watch the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I feel like you are WILDLY clueless about what having a 2 year old at a family wedding will be like. Are you not going to want to be socializing with your brother / the groomsmen / the other guests from your hometown?? A 2 year old requires literal 24/7 attention when he's awake - and they also need naps and early bedtimes - which means someone has to leave and sit in the room with him. I don't see how you don't know this if you really are such a hands-on parent, but socializing while watching a two year old equals multiple 3-4 minute conversations where you're only half paying attention because you're also constantly keeping one eye on your toddler and making sure he stays right within your orbit. You're constantly being interrupted (or interrupting the other person talking to you to tell your toddler to stay over here or don't touch that or whatever). If you think a 2 year old in a big room of new people is going to just let you hold him for a few hours while you work the room, you're dreaming. It will be an hindrance on your weekend - your primary role will switch from best man to caretaker. Who is going to take care of him during the rehearsal? What about the rehearsal dinner, who is going to sit with him and feed him and entertain him rather than being up at the bar and socializing with everyone else? Who is going to leave the festivities niiiice and early when his bedtime hits and he gets cranky? And hey, if he's anything like my kids he won't sleep too well in a new place so prepare for a nighttime battle and not feeling well rested the next day. In the morning, I'm guessing all the groomsmen will be getting together to hang out, drink, smoke cigars, have guy time, get ready...not a place a two year old will be welcome. You're going to want to be a part of that fun, and resent having to schedule your day around toddler breakfast and snack time and leaving repeatedly to walk him up and down the hall because he's restless, and then toddler afternoon nap (hard to think this wouldn't interfere with everyone else going to the wedding on time - someone will have to miss something to stay and sit with him. And you absolutely do NOT want him to miss his nap or have a short one...you'll be paying for that alll evening). You'll be bummed having to miss out of half the fun of the "getting ready" part of the day, and here's the thing: when it comes down to it, your mom is going to feel the same way. The bride and mother of the bride and all the bridesmaids will be doing the whole getting ready thing themselves, and she'll likely be there for at least part of it. And even if not, there will be pictures, and she'll be wanting to focus on getting ready herself - does she have a hair r makeup appointment that day? I'd guess yes. She likes the idea of getting to see your son throughout the day, and hang out with him when it's fun / convenient for her...but when it comes to the less fun stuff like someone having to miss out on part of the day, dealing with him having meltdowns or just generally being restless or overstimulated...you're the one on the hook. As it should be. You also mention that he doesn't really know them - this is not the time to attempt that! He's going to be fussy and just want you, not happily leaping from random cousin to random aunt's arms giggling, as you seem to envision. And all these random female cousins / aunts you've mentioned, whom you seem to assume will just be leaping at the chance to take on a day's work of childcare because they're women ( )? Come on. Yes they'll be excited to see your little guy and interact with him for 5-10 minutes...they'll be all about having a dance with him (if he lets it happen). But being the babysitter for a day?? Lol. No! They're excited for the family wedding, they want to get dressed up and drink and eat and dance and have fun, not have babysitting duty dumped on them. If you tried to do this to me I would walk your kid back to you every time...although I probably wouldn't have to, I'm guessing he will see you and run to you throughout the night. You are being way too blasé in your approach to this. It almost seems redundant to go on, but like others have said who is transporting him? Who will carry the diaper bag around and change him? Who is going to be responsible for him during the actual ceremony? Will have to be someone who he's somehow willing to sit with, and who is willing to jump up and leave (and miss the wedding) at a moment's notice if he gets upset. Any ideas there? Then we have cocktail hour, appetizers, dinner, speeches, dances, dessert...like I said, if your son is there you will have. Million people coming up to you to say hi there cutie! and interact with him for a minute...but then they'll move on. The actual responsibility for taking care of / watching / entertaining him for the whole night is you. Speaking from experience, you will have more stress than fun. You won't get to let loose and catch up with everyone. That's just how it is.

holy paragraphs, batman!