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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Okay guys, OP here. Again. I went back and forth on continuing this thread, but ultimately I decided to update.

Many of the comments have been extremely harsh. Honestly though, that is not that shocking considering I am posting to an essentially all women/mother forum. You ladies empathize with the wife’s side, and I get that. It’s actually the relatable and natural position for you to take. I was pleased to see there were some comments that really “heard” where I was coming from. I’m not some complete jerk to my wife. I’m not perfect and neither is she. She has many wonderful qualities, but she can also be unforgiving and hold grudges, so it isn’t the easiest thing to side with her against someone I love. (I also wouldn’t side with someone else against her.)

Anyway, I took the advice to drop the idea of my wife and newborn attending the wedding. You all were loud and clear on that point. I have accepted her decision to not attend. I told her I willl be traveling Thursday - Monday and she gave me the green light. The tricky part is my son. She is still refusing to allow me to take him. We had a spirited discussion regarding it and are currently at an impasse. I have spoken to my mom about the situation and she has assured me that she will be happy to help care for my son basically the whole wedding, anytime I need anything. Due to the issues between my wife and my parents, my parents have spent very very little time with my son. (He is their only grandchild at this time.) So they are very eager. There will also be several Aunts, female cousins and friends of my mother present, some of whom I’m certain would pitch in.

My wife is being extremely emotional and unwilling to even entertain a calm and rational conversation about me taking my own kid to my brothers wedding. Surely many of you can see that that is not right. Right? She has stated that if i take my son, it will do such irreparable damage to the marriage that we likely wouldn’t survive. How would you respond to this? To those of you who at least can see that I have the right to take my son with me. Help me out here. I’d love to hear how you would frame your argument, and if you’ve ever been in a situation like this before. (One where you disagreed on something regarding your child and how you came to a solution.) [/quote]

Just don't take him.

You can't train a bunch of 60 yos on how to take care of a 1 or 2 yo while hosting a wedding. No way.

I have a 1 yo and 3 yo and neither set of parents remembers anything about raising kids 60 years ago. They're nuts. Have some gatorade, no need for a nap. One grandpa almost ran over one toddler on two separate occasions when reparking his car - did n't realize the kid follows everyone around. Still doesn't realize it!  our youngest had her finger in the inner hinge of a heavy porch door when the wind blew it shut and swashed her thumb at their house, right in front of 5 of them! They were too busy chit-chatting to see any danger with the kid. They just don't see it! they don't think like a 24/7 caregiver like a mother or father or nanny would. Must be on the ball 24/7.

After the nerve damage thumb incident no one said a think. They looked awful and torn, and knew they had hurt their grandchild. No one in that room was paying attention to that child. And this wasn't even at a wedding or major holiday. Some people cannot be trusted to watch young children.  We all have some of those in our lives. For us it is one grandma and the grandfather from the other side. Not their cup of tea and it is dangerous.

We even canceled a reunion weekend trip since we did not feel right about leaving a baby and 2.5 yo at the time with one set of grandparents. Of course, they would have loved it, but they were naive and didn't understand what they had volunteered to do. We pulled the plug on it. Now that the kids will be older soon, can speak up, and drive their own routines, it might work out. But both sets of grandparents are not local, they are not surrounded by little kids and seeing childcare in action. That makes it worse, to step into that role after 50 years off and no exposure to babies or toddlers except 1 or 2x a year. Not cool. [/quote]

Same here. Ma didn't check where the fingers were and the restaurant door slammed on them. ER room + nerve damage in two fingers + hand surgery. [/quote]

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