Is wife being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Take your toddler and leave your wife and newborn home. I wouldn’t have been able to travel at 6weeks pp under any circumstances.

[Anonymous]

This is so bad that I’m not sure if it’s even a real post, but if it is then I’m adding another voice to the chorus that the wife is the one being completely reasonable by staying home.

What people actually do all the time, OP, is put their actual family (that means your wife and babies) before all others and support them first. Only when they’re taken care of do they accept obligations from others into their lives.

A newborn and toddler is no joke, especially with nursing or feeding issues. And what if your baby ends up in the NICU? Will you be canceling your involvement in the wedding, or still planning to cancel your husband and father duties for those days?

You’d be well within your rights as a reasonable couple to BOTH not attend a travel wedding a few weeks after you’re expecting a new arrival, especially when you have another toddler at home too. Normal people don’t travel with newborns or expect their wives to stay home alone with a newborn and a toddler while they do.

[Anonymous]

This sounds so miserable for your wife. How do you propose you are going to be helping her during the ceremony and reception? I think you’re not going to be any help at all. You propose your parents help, who clearly don’t get along with her, and wonder why she doesn’t want to do this? Your wife will be in a corner nursing and watching everyone else socialize the entire time.

[Anonymous]

OP I think you’re the one keeping your children from your parents. Why can’t you bring the 2 year old without your wife?

One second you say your family is all about helping babysit the kids for the wedding. The moment anyone suggests you take them up on this offer and bring the toddler, you backtrack so fast and say it’s impossible without your wife. Seriously, either there’s tons of help at the wedding and it’s easy to take the toddler ....or it’s not. (and you should listen to your wife!)

Deep down you know that this “family help” is not going to materialize and everything will get dumped on your wife. If YOU can’t handle taking the toddler on your own, don’t expect your wife to travel with a 6 week infant AND a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for a little perspective. My brother is getting married 6 weeks after my wife’s due date (toward the end of this year.) We also have a son who will be almost 2 at the time. The wedding is a 3 hour flight away. I am the best man in the wedding and so will be somewhat busy during the weekend of the wedding with various wedding party obligations. My wife is already saying that she doesn’t think she will be up for traveling 6 weeks after giving birth. She keeps bringing up how she will still be recovering (she had a natural birth with our first and recovered very quickly), she had low milk supply so we supplemented with formula the first time around, probably will do the same with this coming LO, so she is also complaining about having to pack bottles and formula and sterilizing them and pumping to try to get her supply up. I get that it’ll be a lot of work to travel with a 2 year old and a 6 week old. However, I am a little frustrated because people do it all the time. And if it were her sibling getting married I know she would suck it up and go 100%.

Another thing she has mentioned is that she feels like she won’t have much help with the kids at the wedding because I am the best man. I told her I will make sure I am able to help her a lot, and especially my parents will help her but she wasn’t happy about that and in fact doesn’t want their help. She doesn’t like them and that is no secret. So I believe that she is using these excuses to get out of letting my parents see their grandchildren. Either way, I was curious what you all think. Is it reasonable for her to be saying months in advance that she probably won’t be attending my brothers wedding? (Which means my kids won’t get to attend it either? My brother has also invited my son to be the ring bearer but my wife wants me to tell him no. Again, I believe this is to limit my parents access more than anything.)

I went to my sister's wedding when DC was 7 weeks. I was in the wedding. DC was born 3 weeks early. Your parents and you will not be helping her. BTDT They will be focused on the wedding. It was hard and I was not yet fully recovered. I think having a 2 year old also in tow would have left me exhausted to the point of hospitalization. You don't know when the child will actually come. If the child is 2 weeks late, that would mean only a 4 week recovery. If this is a must event set her up for maximum support that is not family. Hire a nanny to take care of the 2 year old for the entire time and another one for the baby and get a suite at the hotel where the wedding reception is being held.

[Anonymous]

OP solve your own problem. Take the toddler and enjoy the wedding and ykur family. Let your wife rest at home and care for the newborn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you’re the one keeping your children from your parents. Why can’t you bring the 2 year old without your wife?

One second you say your family is all about helping babysit the kids for the wedding. The moment anyone suggests you take them up on this offer and bring the toddler, you backtrack so fast and say it’s impossible without your wife. Seriously, either there’s tons of help at the wedding and it’s easy to take the toddler ....or it’s not. (and you should listen to your wife!)

Deep down you know that this “family help” is not going to materialize and everything will get dumped on your wife. If YOU can’t handle taking the toddler on your own, don’t expect your wife to travel with a 6 week infant AND a toddler.

If you can’t handle doing a tiny fraction of what you’re asking your wife to do, then you need to back off.

Actually, no. You need to go apologize. Seriously, go tell her you’re sorry you were such an a$$ and if anyone in your family even hints that she’s being unreasonable by staying home with a newborn, shut it down.

[Anonymous]

You should go and take your toddler. As you say, it’ll be easy and you’ll have a lot of help from your parents. You should also plan to cancel should things not go smoothly with the birth of your second child, because that is also possible. Apologize to your wife for being unreasonable. Tell your brother that your wife will not be ready to travel because your child will be too young to get vaccinated and air travel with an unvaccinated newborn during cold and flu season is irresponsible and dangerous.

[Anonymous]

Nope, nope, nope. No way would I have gone to a wedding 6 weeks post-partum, never mind one a plane ride away, with or without a 2 year old. Be grateful your wife is cool with you going solo to the event - that's the most reasonable solution, and frankly some women might even give you grief about that.

[Anonymous]

Why was the wedding scheduled so close to her due date? It would be bad enough for a 6 week old to be attending a crowded wedding in the same town. Plane rides and hotel rooms are terrible idea. 6 week olds do not have immunizations. Even a light fever means an ER visit for fear of simple viruses causing things like meningitis. Believe me you don’t want to watch nurses trying to poke into those tiny veins to do bloodwork. It is torture.

Your family should have delayed the wedding for at least a couple more weeks. Or they should accept that it is not reasonable for her and the newborn to attend. You’d hoild go with and take care of your 2yo.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I am surprised everyone is siding with the mom. Barring unexpected complications or some warning from newborn's doctor, I would absolutely assume and expect her to do it for an extremely close family member's wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I am surprised everyone is siding with the mom. Barring unexpected complications or some warning from newborn's doctor, I would absolutely assume and expect her to do it for an extremely close family member's wedding.

There are situations where people suck it up and do it. And get real help. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable expectation to go. But not on the terms OP has. He’s clearly not going to help or back up his wife. I wouldn’t want to go either. She complains she won’t have enough help and his solution is his parents who are busy with the wedding themselves and don’t get along with his wife. We can all see how it’s going to play out!

[Anonymous]

My husbands best friend of 20 years got married two months after baby was born. We also had a four year old. He is closer than family. I stayed home, and would have even if it was my own family, unless I could have had a baby come with us.

You never know what the newborn starve will bring. At 6 weeks I was still completely exhausted, and our nb had problems latching and sleeping, resulting in a lot of extra work.

I agree with pp that you have unreasonable expectations. I kept our four year old, but if we had a 2 year old at the time I would have asked he take s/he with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husbands best friend of 20 years got married two months after baby was born. We also had a four year old. He is closer than family. I stayed home, and would have even if it was my own family, unless I could have had a baby come with us.

You never know what the newborn starve will bring. At 6 weeks I was still completely exhausted, and our nb had problems latching and sleeping, resulting in a lot of extra work.

I agree with pp that you have unreasonable expectations. I kept our four year old, but if we had a 2 year old at the time I would have asked he take s/he with him.

*stage, not starve, good lord.

[Anonymous]

No way would I go! And I have no problems with my in laws. You go and bring your two year old with you.