Is wife being unreasonable?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Looking for a little perspective. My brother is getting married 6 weeks after my wife’s due date (toward the end of this year.) We also have a son who will be almost 2 at the time. The wedding is a 3 hour flight away. I am the best man in the wedding and so will be somewhat busy during the weekend of the wedding with various wedding party obligations. My wife is already saying that she doesn’t think she will be up for traveling 6 weeks after giving birth. She keeps bringing up how she will still be recovering (she had a natural birth with our first and recovered very quickly), she had low milk supply so we supplemented with formula the first time around, probably will do the same with this coming LO, so she is also complaining about having to pack bottles and formula and sterilizing them and pumping to try to get her supply up. I get that it’ll be a lot of work to travel with a 2 year old and a 6 week old. However, I am a little frustrated because people do it all the time. And if it were her sibling getting married I know she would suck it up and go 100%.
Another thing she has mentioned is that she feels like she won’t have much help with the kids at the wedding because I am the best man. I told her I will make sure I am able to help her a lot, and especially my parents will help her but she wasn’t happy about that and in fact doesn’t want their help. She doesn’t like them and that is no secret. So I believe that she is using these excuses to get out of letting my parents see their grandchildren. Either way, I was curious what you all think. Is it reasonable for her to be saying months in advance that she probably won’t be attending my brothers wedding? (Which means my kids won’t get to attend it either? My brother has also invited my son to be the ring bearer but my wife wants me to tell him no. Again, I believe this is to limit my parents access more than anything.) |
Anonymous
|
It looks like your wife doesn't like your brother or even your parents.
I get that she's already tired and will be even more tired when the baby's here but I think she's being unreasonable. Can't you get help there? Like a sitter ? Or someone that would accompany you to the wedding, a sitter or friend, that can help out and stay at the hotel or family home while you enjoy the wedding ? |
Anonymous
|
Expecting a woman to travel on a three hour flight 6 weeks PP with a toddler and a newborn, while you perform best man duties all weekend, is actually unreasonable.
She, on the other hand is being perfectly reasonable by staying home and encouraging you to go. If you believe you have enough help there, go and take your toddler so she can stay home and recover with the new born. I also wouldn’t be keen on travelling on a flight that long with a newborn, before they’ve had vaccinations. |
Anonymous
|
i woouldnt fly with a six week old also because of the lack of immunizations.
She is being entirely reasonable. You go, and if you want your toddler there, take him by yourself. And she is smart to be saying this in advance - that is actually the polite thing to do. I feel bad for your wife. |
Anonymous
why should she haul out there with a six week old when she will just be stuck in a hotel room most of the time with the baby anyway?? |
Anonymous
|
There is no way in a million years I would go with a newborn and a 2 year old.
Would you be willing to take the 2 year old all by yourself so your parents can see him? Let me guess, your best man and that is too much work. 
You guys will be divorced in 5 years btw if you keep this bs up. |
Anonymous
This x 1000. Dude, you need to back way off when you’re proposing you know how easy it might be to travel with a newborn AND toddler. Six weeks postpartum was the lowest point for me with both of my kids. It’s right when there’s a growth spurt, and you’re up nursing every 2 hours. Sleep deprivation is tearing its ugly head. You would not want to be in a hotel room with a toddler alone most of the time, sleep-deprived and dealing with a crying newborn. Nope. Please get your head out of your a$$ and stop making this about your wife plotting some family drama. It’s selfish and unfounded on your part. If you really cared for her well-being, you’d take the toddler with you so she could have the weekend at home alone with the baby. |
Anonymous
| OP, I would strongly invite you to stop making this all about you. I’m guessing that you have family members whispering in your ear about how your wife is being unreasonable and not letting them see the baby. Shut them down and be your wife’s protector and champion. She will have just squeezed out your child after carrying it for 9 months and will be solely responsible for feeding it. Honor the work she will be doing by respecting how she is communicating her needs. Everything isn’t a plot to deny your family time with your kids. Take the toddler and be responsible for him. Be your wife’s number one cheerleader and listen to her. |
Anonymous
|
OP, trust me that not “everyone” is travellling on flights with a 6 week old and a toddler. A trip to the grocery store is often challenging enough at that point.
You sound like you have a real chip on your own shoulder about your wife vs. Your family. This is not the time or opportunity to draw lines in the sand regarding that. |
Anonymous
|
OP—You know “people do it all the time.” BS. I challenge you to name 3 people YOU personally know who traveled on a 3-hour flight with a 6-week old.
You’re going to get an overwhelming response to your post. Please listen and take heed. I hope you are mature enough to realize you are being unreasonable. Your wife—the mother of your children—needs you to support her and to not challenge what she is saying. |
Anonymous
All of this. Exactly. I also had severe PP bleeding 3.5 weeks out the first time around and had to go to the ER. No way would I hop on a plane at 4-6 weeks out this time around. In addition, even if your wife has adequate supply for breastfeeding this time around, the average newborn is feeding 8-12 times a day or 8ish hours/day. How exactly is she supposed to manage this while wrangling a toddler? I'm imagining your parents will be busy with wedding stuff too, so unless you're prepared to hire a nanny for the trip, I just don't see how it's doable without it being exceedingly stressful. |
Anonymous
| DW remains home. You go alone. |
Anonymous
|
If it’s so easy why don’t you bring the 2 year d yourself? He can be the ring bearer and your wife stays home with the newborn.
Let me guess, when you’re the one who has to do it, there’s a million reasons why it’s not so easy? |
Anonymous
|
I flew with my 5-week old baby on a 5-hr flight to attend a wedding my husband was in with the baby. We survived... but I'd rather not do it again. I didn't want to nurse the baby under a cover at the wedding, so I was in the women's lounge nursing for the entire cocktail hour, left the wedding early, DH was drunk when he got back late that night, it was just annoying and not at all fun for me or the baby. I think having the 2-year-old would make it much worse because of the supervision required.
We survived, but it was a lot of work and I was tired. I would rather have been at home recovering and enjoying my baby. |
Anonymous
| Before I had kids, I would be on your side. But since having kids... oh heck no!! I suggest going solo or with your ds. You will have a better time anyways. Right? |