If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear LD Spouses,

Of course we HD spouses love you less. You won't make the effort for us. You reject us. And we know that if the roles were reversed you would never put up with this bull. We know that you know we won't leave you because of the children. How could we maintain the love when the lack of intimacy makes the relationship all about duty?

I am a woman.

Another woman here, and you are spot on.

Well, I am the LD woman, and luckily my husband doesn't feel this way. I've asked. I'll just go ahead and assume he's a better person than you and thank my lucky stars.

Go ahead and assume he's a better person, I really don't care. I'm not interested in living in a marriage that's a sexual wasteland to get brownie points for being good and patient. The more we talk, the more I realize that I should have married a man who is also HD.

And therein lies the gist of my title.

-OP

But you DIDN'T, so now you are "stuck" married to a woman who you admit meets your needs in every other way, except you'd like to have sex more often (and you acknowledge that ARE having occasional sex, even 4 months PP). I'm sorry, I just don't feel sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"OP here. The same ting happened to us. I had a 2 week blitz of sex because we were TTC and it worked too well. Got pregnant the first cycle. Game . Set . Match."

Bait and switch.

Yeah, you got manipulated for reproductive purposes.

If she decides she doesn't want more kids (and make no mistake, it will be her decision), your sex life is pretty much over.

And as a bonus, you now have 2 kids to pretty much lock you in for the next 18 years.

Pray she decides she wants a 3rd. Just get a vasectomy before you start trying.

Otherwise, after enough time, you'll start to doubt you even got those 2 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Well, I am the LD woman, and luckily my husband doesn't feel this way. I've asked. I'll just go ahead and assume he's a better person than you and thank my lucky stars.

Go ahead and assume he's a better person, I really don't care. I'm not interested in living in a marriage that's a sexual wasteland to get brownie points for being good and patient. The more we talk, the more I realize that I should have married a man who is also HD.

To be fair to LD woman (though her defensive condescension doesn't entirely merit it), it's possible her husband is LD as well. If he's not...well, it's just hard to imagine that incompatibility in such a fundamental area of marriage won't ultimately reach a crisis point at some time in the marriage.

[ThatSmileyFaceGuy]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Hi, OP. Me again. Can you explain something to me? Why do men feel personally rejected when we don't want sex? I can't speak for your wife, but in my case there is NO ONE that I would go for when I don't want it. Like, George Clooney could be naked in my bedroom and I'd be all "George, go the fuck home." For me, I had the hardest time convincing DH that it's not that I don't want sex with YOU, it's that I just don't want sex right now, period. It seems like you guys really internalize this as a self esteem thing. Maybe HD women feel the same way, IDK.

And when that line is used all the time? What then?

You want to know what we feel personally rejected? Because it's us you are rejecting. It's not George Clooney, or Christian Grey, or anyone. You are saying no - and sometimes night after night for days and weeks and months on end - to your SO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Well, I am the LD woman, and luckily my husband doesn't feel this way. I've asked. I'll just go ahead and assume he's a better person than you and thank my lucky stars.

Go ahead and assume he's a better person, I really don't care. I'm not interested in living in a marriage that's a sexual wasteland to get brownie points for being good and patient. The more we talk, the more I realize that I should have married a man who is also HD.

To be fair to LD woman (though her defensive condescension doesn't entirely merit it), it's possible her husband is LD as well. If he's not...well, it's just hard to imagine that incompatibility in such a fundamental area of marriage won't ultimately reach a crisis point at some time in the marriage.

For me, we'd been together over 11 years, had two children, when I realized that my DH would never satisfy me in bed. That's when I gave myself permission to have a long term extramarital relationship. That relationship PREVENTED a crisis in my marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Well, I am the LD woman, and luckily my husband doesn't feel this way. I've asked. I'll just go ahead and assume he's a better person than you and thank my lucky stars.

Go ahead and assume he's a better person, I really don't care. I'm not interested in living in a marriage that's a sexual wasteland to get brownie points for being good and patient. The more we talk, the more I realize that I should have married a man who is also HD.

To be fair to LD woman (though her defensive condescension doesn't entirely merit it), it's possible her husband is LD as well. If he's not...well, it's just hard to imagine that incompatibility in such a fundamental area of marriage won't ultimately reach a crisis point at some time in the marriage.

For me, we'd been together over 11 years, had two children, when I realized that my DH would never satisfy me in bed. That's when I gave myself permission to have a long term extramarital relationship. That relationship PREVENTED a crisis in my marriage.

Does DH know about the affair?
If he doesn't, would you want to tell him?

[Anonymous]

People open your eyes. They stop loving you.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who thinks this whole "ld" "hd" thing is a little weird? Not the actual situations, but people wanting to give themselves those titles as if it were a sexual orientation?

To me it seems like desire waxes and wanes and is relative. A mature couple truly in love will find a way to meet in the middle so that nobody always feels deprived, and nobody always feels pressured. Mature people figure out a way.

I am not referring here to extreme situations, where a spouse decides never to have sex again. That is obviously a serious problem, and I don't think it actually has anything to do (often) with physical desire, but rather emotions. Bet you anything that supposed "ld" partner could get it up for a hot stranger. Or is gay. But the op's situation does not seem to describe this sort of extreme.

Anyway, thanking my lucky stars for my very sexual dh who has been incredibly understanding about my disappearing sex drive 4 months postpartum and struggling with ppd. Think I am gonna go give him a hand job. (See how that works?)

[Anonymous]

Wow. DW here, and I have 3 kids under 4. The amount of excuses being made for the wife here blows me away. I get that having young kids is so exhausting. I have a 3.5 year old, a 2 year old and a 7 month old. I totally understand. But sometimes, ladies, you have to "take one for the team." Are there times I would rather go to sleep? Sure. But it's important enough to me that my husband is satisfied (after all, he goes out of his way to "satisfy" me in other, non sexual ways) that I am perfectly fine with going for it even if I'm not in the mood sometimes. You know what always happens? I GET in the mood. I have fun. And we have an incredible, hot, sex life. Even with 3 little kids. Sex is important to men. That's how it is, and there's nothing wrong with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. DW here, and I have 3 kids under 4. The amount of excuses being made for the wife here blows me away. I get that having young kids is so exhausting. I have a 3.5 year old, a 2 year old and a 7 month old. I totally understand. But sometimes, ladies, you have to "take one for the team." Are there times I would rather go to sleep? Sure. But it's important enough to me that my husband is satisfied (after all, he goes out of his way to "satisfy" me in other, non sexual ways) that I am perfectly fine with going for it even if I'm not in the mood sometimes. You know what always happens? I GET in the mood. I have fun. And we have an incredible, hot, sex life. Even with 3 little kids. Sex is important to men. That's how it is, and there's nothing wrong with it.

Totally agree ... But my problem is that it is very difficult for me to unwind enough to get in the mood right now on a regular basis ... It is not that I don't have desire, but I am just too stressed and tired to really feel it, you know? And my sleep really is on such a thin margin that missing an hour actually could have serious repercussions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks this whole "ld" "hd" thing is a little weird? Not the actual situations, but people wanting to give themselves those titles as if it were a sexual orientation?

To me it seems like desire waxes and wanes and is relative. A mature couple truly in love will find a way to meet in the middle so that nobody always feels deprived, and nobody always feels pressured. Mature people figure out a way.

I am not referring here to extreme situations, where a spouse decides never to have sex again. That is obviously a serious problem, and I don't think it actually has anything to do (often) with physical desire, but rather emotions. Bet you anything that supposed "ld" partner could get it up for a hot stranger. Or is gay. But the op's situation does not seem to describe this sort of extreme.

Anyway, thanking my lucky stars for my very sexual dh who has been incredibly understanding about my disappearing sex drive 4 months postpartum and struggling with ppd. Think I am gonna go give him a hand job. (See how that works?)

Ugh. The "lucky stars" poster is one of the manipulators.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks this whole "ld" "hd" thing is a little weird? Not the actual situations, but people wanting to give themselves those titles as if it were a sexual orientation?

To me it seems like desire waxes and wanes and is relative. A mature couple truly in love will find a way to meet in the middle so that nobody always feels deprived, and nobody always feels pressured. Mature people figure out a way.

I am not referring here to extreme situations, where a spouse decides never to have sex again. That is obviously a serious problem, and I don't think it actually has anything to do (often) with physical desire, but rather emotions. Bet you anything that supposed "ld" partner could get it up for a hot stranger. Or is gay. But the op's situation does not seem to describe this sort of extreme.

Anyway, thanking my lucky stars for my very sexual dh who has been incredibly understanding about my disappearing sex drive 4 months postpartum and struggling with ppd. Think I am gonna go give him a hand job. (See how that works?)

Ugh. The "lucky stars" poster is one of the manipulators.

No, no manipulation. It's just that I feel much more into sex when I feel emoti

[Anonymous]

... I was saying, I feel much more into sex when I feel emotionally understood and supported - no manipulation involved, just mutual respect and mutual desire to make each other happy, instead of making unilateral demands. See how that works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:... I was saying, I feel much more into sex when I feel emotionally understood and supported - no manipulation involved, just mutual respect and mutual desire to make each other happy, instead of making unilateral demands. See how that works?

What do you think about when you are giving DH a blow job?

[Anonymous]

On page 21 and I can't wait any longer to reply or I'll forget what I want to say.

LD wife here. Afraid until I read that your LO is 4 months that you were my DH. I think there are actually some good ideas lost in the mounds of crap responses that you've gotten but here are my two cents.

--Chores and childcare won't help. It's a cliche and doesn't work for me.
--Opportunity is important. DH is a nightowl and likes to stay up long after I've gone to bed. I also think he's protecting himself from repeated rejection so it burns me up when I'm actually thinking about being in the mood and he's downstairs in front of the computer.
--Be good at sex. My DH isn't. Oh sure, I can take care of business and come every time, but that's because I know what I'm doing. Sorry to say but I can do it better without him. You say that your wife is "satisfied" every time but does she really actually truly enjoy it?
--Try a lot of touch and kissing without the pressure of sex. Nice shoulder rubs in the kitchen, kisses on the neck just because. All of those intimate, flirty things outside of the bedroom make her feel beautiful.

But thank you for your post. It has reminded me that I do need to make more of an effort with my husband. It may take a cocktail to get me to loosen up but I really do love my husband and want to be a better partner. I hope you have luck with yours as well.