If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.

[Anonymous]

Yet another sexless marriage here. Once a month (maybe twice) is not enough. Plus DW hardly every initiates. To all you HD (high desire) spouses out there, if you had know your spouse would be LD (low desire), would you have gotten married? I feel trapped now with 2 young kids. I love them and all but the lack of sex sucks big time. It's probably not enough of a reason to get divorced BUT it would have been so much better if I had choosen a mate that was HD instead of LD.

Is it acceptable to say somethign like that to a spouse? ----> "If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you."

[Anonymous]

Dude, can you wait it out and honor your spouse? Do you have ANY CLUE how having children affects a woman's sex drive? This happens to many, many women. We are more than vaginas, you know. Read up and you will know that for many women their sex drive comes back in their 40's once they are no longer caring for small children.

You sound like a total ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yet another sexless marriage here. Once a month (maybe twice) is not enough. Plus DW hardly every initiates. To all you HD (high desire) spouses out there, if you had know your spouse would be LD (low desire), would you have gotten married? I feel trapped now with 2 young kids. I love them and all but the lack of sex sucks big time. It's probably not enough of a reason to get divorced BUT it would have been so much better if I had choosen a mate that was HD instead of LD.

Is it acceptable to say somethign like that to a spouse? ----> "If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you."

You are one huge asshole if you think that appropriate to say to your wife. Grow up!

[Anonymous]

Only if you are ready for divorce.

[Anonymous]

^^BTW, I hope your DW discovers that you feel this way and divorces YOUR ass. Is there nothing else about your wife that you love?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yet another sexless marriage here. Once a month (maybe twice) is not enough. Plus DW hardly every initiates. To all you HD (high desire) spouses out there, if you had know your spouse would be LD (low desire), would you have gotten married? I feel trapped now with 2 young kids. I love them and all but the lack of sex sucks big time. It's probably not enough of a reason to get divorced BUT it would have been so much better if I had choosen a mate that was HD instead of LD.

Is it acceptable to say somethign like that to a spouse? ----> "If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you."

No, not acceptable to say. If you need something from your spouse, you need to act like a mature adult and talk it over with them, not guilt trip them. Either go to counselling and find solutions that work for both of you, or find them on your own.

[Anonymous]

No, he sounds like he has needs that aren't being met. That doesn't make him an ass, it makes him human. OP, sit down and talk to your wife. Have open, non-hostile conversations about how both of you can come together to better meet family and maritial needs.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who married in the Catholic Church and thus did its pre-Cana program with her then-fiancé. One of the exercises was to write something down that you would change about your spouse-to-be, then crumple up the piece of paper because it will not be in your power to change another person.

Hers said "I wish John didn't drink so much."

They divorced after he was relieved of his Fed job after drinking and driving in his "company" car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, he sounds like he has needs that aren't being met. That doesn't make him an ass, it makes him human. OP, sit down and talk to your wife. Have open, non-hostile conversations about how both of you can come together to better meet family and maritial needs.

The subtext of his post is that he only got married for sex. That is pretty ass-y, IMO.

[Anonymous]

What needs are you not meeting for your DW?

[Anonymous]

OP here.

To all those who called me an ass. Are you the LD spouse in your marriage? I can understand if you are as you wouldn't appreciate the position of a HD spouse in a sexless marriage. Yes, ok, I agree, it's a shitty thing to say and I'm not going to say it to DW but that IS how I feel.

I have had the big talk more than a year ago. Things improved for 2 months and then it went back to "normal" again. Along that time, we had another kid so you know what that does to the sex life.

I envy those HD couples that are equally yoked. I'm sure they have kids too but have a great sex life as well. I'm just looking back and saying it would have been so much more enjoyable if I had known how it would turn out. Hind sight is 20/20?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What needs are you not meeting for your DW?

Well, if she would tell me, I could fix it right? The difference is I have told her many times about my desires so it's not like she doesn't know.

[Anonymous]

OK everyone calm down. DW here. I think a lot of women downplay how important meeting your partner's sexual needs actually is. Somehow that is the first thing that women write off when they're tired, busy, not interested.

While I agree that OP should probably not approach his wife the way he stated (lest he wants to get punched in the face) I think he has a valid complaint. He shouldn't be expected to live like this any more than she should expect him NOT to help out with everything in the house.

[Anonymous]

maybe she doesn't like you anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK everyone calm down. DW here. I think a lot of women downplay how important meeting your partner's sexual needs actually is. Somehow that is the first thing that women write off when they're tired, busy, not interested.

While I agree that OP should probably not approach his wife the way he stated (lest he wants to get punched in the face) I think he has a valid complaint. He shouldn't be expected to live like this any more than she should expect him NOT to help out with everything in the house.

Sure, but from what he's saying, she's also the new parent of two little kids. Biologically, her sex drive is not at it's highest. There are just not the huge volume of people having tons of sex with two little kids that he's imagining. I would counsel some patience, enjoy all the things about her that he loves, engage in the amount of masturbation that makes him happy, and wait until they both have the breathing room to address whatever issues remain when they don't have an infant in the house.