Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The women who never leave must either be afraid of having to downsize to a one bedroom and accept change or they really think their cheating spouse is a prize package worth the agony.

As I've become older I've seen many situations. Finances, special needs kids, and health problem to name a few.

Many disengage and merely view the cheater as a pay check going forward. The cheater usually cheats themselves the most from what I've observed.

Does it all just really come down to money then? If you handed one of these women a couple million, do you think they'd still bail?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse’s old ugly middle aged non-working AP is in crisis mode deleting all of her social media accounts and internet presence. I love she’s freaking out.

I had all of that info downloaded and saved before confronting her on internet phone call.

I have a lot of “fun” in store for her over the next year.

She is a repeat Ashley Madison whore. Multiple affairs in her husband’s bed/kids’ home. Never thought she would get caught.

This seems like a waste of energy to me. But it ain’t my life. *shrug*

Hell No. It sounds fun and like victory to mentally torment and destroy the marriage of somebody that helped ruin your life, and your kids as well. They destroy both the past and the future of the cheated spouse.

Karma will most likely take care of them both and they have to live with themselves on their death beds, but until karma kicks in gotta give a little yourself.

If more cheated on spouses did this Ashley Madison would start losing customers.

The sick part was my spouse and I had a very healthy sex life- several times per week-while he was screwing her unprotected so I was getting all of her germs for 4 years unknowingly and her husband was getting my husband’s. And, that poor guy had to sleep in the bed they screwed in. Not even washing the sheets after. Nasty

Something tells me this all kind of turns you on in a perverse sort of way.

NP but I agree. Weird energy in these BURN THEM AT THE STAKE!!!!!! STITCH A SCARLET “S” INTO THEIR FOREHEADS!!! posts. My life is too full and busy to waste my time meting out supposed punishment to two cheating losers.

Yeah, I get that she's all angry and bitter but it's taking a tone that is kind of creepy in how obsessed she is with the OW, her ex, and their bodily fluids.

And how does she know sheets weren't washed? That plus as the AP I'd be worried about getting the PP's germs. I know mental illness isn't catchy, but ...

Ha. Most likely. A whore that has sex in her husband's bed for YEARS with Internet strangers probably gets a sick thrill sleeping in those sheets. Is she really doing laundry/changing the full bed linens/sheets multiple times per week?

And, my god, I am with this woman. Sloppy seconds after he screws a dirty whore unprotected and then comes home to f*ck her to (shower or not) is absolutely repulsive.

That poster needs to tell the other husband, and simply move on. She should completely stop obsessing, and never talk to her ex again. Being happy will be the best revenge. If they have kids do neutral exchanges away from the home. I mean totally 86 him. Yes you can with kids.

Agree. I think that is the closure she needs. Making sure AP is held accountable in her own marriage and letting husband know what his wife is doing to him and his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The women who never leave must either be afraid of having to downsize to a one bedroom and accept change or they really think their cheating spouse is a prize package worth the agony.

As I've become older I've seen many situations. Finances, special needs kids, and health problem to name a few.

Many disengage and merely view the cheater as a pay check going forward. The cheater usually cheats themselves the most from what I've observed.

Does it all just really come down to money then? If you handed one of these women a couple million, do you think they'd still bail?

NP. I would assume that if the cheated on wife had all the money she wants, why would she stay on with a cheating husband? Company isn't there anyway since he's off with someone else anyway. Question is why would cheater stay with the wife if it isn't for money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The women who never leave must either be afraid of having to downsize to a one bedroom and accept change or they really think their cheating spouse is a prize package worth the agony.

As I've become older I've seen many situations. Finances, special needs kids, and health problem to name a few.

Many disengage and merely view the cheater as a pay check going forward. The cheater usually cheats themselves the most from what I've observed.

Does it all just really come down to money then? If you handed one of these women a couple million, do you think they'd still bail?

NP. I would assume that if the cheated on wife had all the money she wants, why would she stay on with a cheating husband? Company isn't there anyway since he's off with someone else anyway. Question is why would cheater stay with the wife if it isn't for money.

Fear? Of being alone, of the wrath of the wife and families? I mean, it takes guts on sone level to tell someone you’re done with a relationship and leave that person for someone else. And go through the divorce process which is grueling for most. As a PP said, it’s a cake and eat it too situation. I get the satisfying side piece and avoid the embarrassing fallout. The mistress is the drug habit that keeps them from facing their true misery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The women who never leave must either be afraid of having to downsize to a one bedroom and accept change or they really think their cheating spouse is a prize package worth the agony.

As I've become older I've seen many situations. Finances, special needs kids, and health problem to name a few.

Many disengage and merely view the cheater as a pay check going forward. The cheater usually cheats themselves the most from what I've observed.

Does it all just really come down to money then? If you handed one of these women a couple million, do you think they'd still bail?

NP. I would assume that if the cheated on wife had all the money she wants, why would she stay on with a cheating husband? Company isn't there anyway since he's off with someone else anyway. Question is why would cheater stay with the wife if it isn't for money.

Fear? Of being alone, of the wrath of the wife and families? I mean, it takes guts on sone level to tell someone you’re done with a relationship and leave that person for someone else. And go through the divorce process which is grueling for most. As a PP said, it’s a cake and eat it too situation. I get the satisfying side piece and avoid the embarrassing fallout. The mistress is the drug habit that keeps them from facing their true misery.

I mean if you cheat, you're not concerned with your wife anyway. Why not go find someone else? Is there a fallout from divorce that can't be changed over time? It just seems like inertia/laziness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all those cheaters who "assume" their spouses know, why don't you have an honest conversation and tell them, instead of lying to them about your whereabouts and communications? If you "assume" they know, why not tell the truth instead of lie?

For the same reason you don't tell your wife she looks fat in that dress or your husband he isn't actually better looking as a bald guy. Just because someone know something doesn't mean you need to humiliate them with it.

You really think someone several months or years into a sexless marriage is suddenly celibate?

Yes I do believe that. Men can have loss in sex drive as well as they age. This is my belief based on what I see. So please don’t assume women know what you feel.

A spouse who freely chooses NOT to participate in the sex part of marriage forfeits any right to vote on where/how their partner continues to meet his (or her) normal sexual needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all those cheaters who "assume" their spouses know, why don't you have an honest conversation and tell them, instead of lying to them about your whereabouts and communications? If you "assume" they know, why not tell the truth instead of lie?

For the same reason you don't tell your wife she looks fat in that dress or your husband he isn't actually better looking as a bald guy. Just because someone know something doesn't mean you need to humiliate them with it.

You really think someone several months or years into a sexless marriage is suddenly celibate?

Yes I do believe that. Men can have loss in sex drive as well as they age. This is my belief based on what I see. So please don’t assume women know what you feel.

A spouse who freely chooses NOT to participate in the sex part of marriage forfeits any right to vote on where/how their partner continues to meet his (or her) normal sexual needs.

The question isn’t about getting sex elsewhere but it’s about doing it the right way. Divorce her instead of cheating. Go to sex therapist instead of cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On page 4 of this discussion I wrote, "I like sex. I will have sex. My wife has determined she no longer wants sex. Good for her. I don't accept her decision for the both of us. So I'll get sex elsewhere and there are so many people, men and women, in this situation that it's not hard to find."

Then I wrote on most of the next 20 pages answering every question I could, sometimes multiple times for it all to come back to my original statement. Some of you find this to be such a complicated issue where it really is simple. And yes, the exceptions are always pointed out. I will acknowledge the following:
-Some wives are really saints, put out 2-3 times a week and indulge most anything sexual the H wants. But he is still a pig who felt entitled to cheat.

-Having sex with someone other than your W exposes you to a risk of STDs.

-No, I wouldn't want my hypothetical daughter to have a cheating husband.

-Yes, my moral compass is not up to your standards. If you are denied sex and have just learned to accept that your married sex life is over, yet you don't currently cheat, you are entitled to look down on me.

-No, you are wrong. Divorce is not the best option at this time. You can't argue otherwise because you don't know us. take my word for it or not.

-No, telling her is a VERY BAD idea. Telling her, ever, is a very bad idea. And yes, I owe my AP the same discretion I expect of her. It's an agreement among cheaters. We don't reveal the affair.

So look, like it or not it's still sex driven. I am driven to have sex. Many here would say, and have said, that makes me a narcissistic, selfish, immoral, asshole. I can deal with that as long as I'm all that and getting laid. I'm sorry if you aren't or you don't think your spouse deserves to have the sex life they expected in marraige.

All you have to do is tell your wife. Not that different.
Also, I thought you didn’t care if your daughter was cheated on? Was it you who stayed that it’s her fault for not keeping her husband happy?

No, I really don't have to tell her. So I won't. And no, I didn't say I wouldn't care if my mythical daughter was cheated on. I said, if she treated her husband how her mother treats me, she should expect him to do the same as me. But I'd always have her back.

[Anonymous]

I can’t wait until she finds out and he turns into a complete p@ssy. I’ve seen it before, big strong arrogant guy turned into a groveling p@ssy when discovered

She’s likely having sex with somebody else which is why she’s not having it with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t wait until she finds out and he turns into a complete p@ssy. I’ve seen it before, big strong arrogant guy turned into a groveling p@ssy when discovered

She’s likely having sex with somebody else which is why she’s not having it with him.

It’s almost like you think a man in sexless marriage has anything to lose if his wife “discovers” the sole reason he’s not yet divorced her.

And yeah maybe she is also getting it elsewhere. That’s what makes this whole marriage thing work for everybody. Sexless rejecting wife bored with her own husband, falls right into bed with some “exciting new guy” (whose wife is bored of him). Makes it easy for the rejected husband who magically becomes the exciting new guy to every bored wife on the block. He simply ignores the bored wife right in front of him and there is a world full of interested women for him to pick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t wait until she finds out and he turns into a complete p@ssy. I’ve seen it before, big strong arrogant guy turned into a groveling p@ssy when discovered

She’s likely having sex with somebody else which is why she’s not having it with him.

It’s almost like you think a man in sexless marriage has anything to lose if his wife “discovers” the sole reason he’s not yet divorced her.

And yeah maybe she is also getting it elsewhere. That’s what makes this whole marriage thing work for everybody. Sexless rejecting wife bored with her own husband, falls right into bed with some “exciting new guy” (whose wife is bored of him). Makes it easy for the rejected husband who magically becomes the exciting new guy to every bored wife on the block. He simply ignores the bored wife right in front of him and there is a world full of interested women for him to pick.

1. He clearly has something to lose, otherwise he would just divorce.
2. Exciting new guy to EVERY bored wife? That's hard to imagine, as most middle-aged married guys are out of shape and balding. Also, some women don't actually want to have affairs with married men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t wait until she finds out and he turns into a complete p@ssy. I’ve seen it before, big strong arrogant guy turned into a groveling p@ssy when discovered

She’s likely having sex with somebody else which is why she’s not having it with him.

It’s almost like you think a man in sexless marriage has anything to lose if his wife “discovers” the sole reason he’s not yet divorced her.

And yeah maybe she is also getting it elsewhere. That’s what makes this whole marriage thing work for everybody. Sexless rejecting wife bored with her own husband, falls right into bed with some “exciting new guy” (whose wife is bored of him). Makes it easy for the rejected husband who magically becomes the exciting new guy to every bored wife on the block. He simply ignores the bored wife right in front of him and there is a world full of interested women for him to pick.

1. He clearly has something to lose, otherwise he would just divorce.
2. Exciting new guy to EVERY bored wife? That's hard to imagine, as most middle-aged married guys are out of shape and balding. Also, some women don't actually want to have affairs with married men.

1. His wife wants to stay married (otherwise she would have divorced) so he’s doing her a solid by having an affair to save their marriage.
2. Women aren’t visual they just want any guy to pay her attention and listen to her babble about her day, his fake interest will earn him ... sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The women who never leave must either be afraid of having to downsize to a one bedroom and accept change or they really think their cheating spouse is a prize package worth the agony.

As I've become older I've seen many situations. Finances, special needs kids, and health problem to name a few.

Many disengage and merely view the cheater as a pay check going forward. The cheater usually cheats themselves the most from what I've observed.

Does it all just really come down to money then? If you handed one of these women a couple million, do you think they'd still bail?

NP. I would assume that if the cheated on wife had all the money she wants, why would she stay on with a cheating husband? Company isn't there anyway since he's off with someone else anyway. Question is why would cheater stay with the wife if it isn't for money.

Fear? Of being alone, of the wrath of the wife and families? I mean, it takes guts on sone level to tell someone you’re done with a relationship and leave that person for someone else. And go through the divorce process which is grueling for most. As a PP said, it’s a cake and eat it too situation. I get the satisfying side piece and avoid the embarrassing fallout. The mistress is the drug habit that keeps them from facing their true misery.

I mean if you cheat, you're not concerned with your wife anyway. Why not go find someone else? Is there a fallout from divorce that can't be changed over time? It just seems like inertia/laziness.

Some of it might be inertia and laziness. It's a lot of work to upend your family's life and build new. I think a lot of it is financial though. Celebrities have a high divorce rate because they can easily afford to say to heck with this, and each person goes off into separate fully staffed mansions and splits the ginormous net worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The women who never leave must either be afraid of having to downsize to a one bedroom and accept change or they really think their cheating spouse is a prize package worth the agony.

As I've become older I've seen many situations. Finances, special needs kids, and health problem to name a few.

Many disengage and merely view the cheater as a pay check going forward. The cheater usually cheats themselves the most from what I've observed.

Does it all just really come down to money then? If you handed one of these women a couple million, do you think they'd still bail?

NP. I would assume that if the cheated on wife had all the money she wants, why would she stay on with a cheating husband? Company isn't there anyway since he's off with someone else anyway. Question is why would cheater stay with the wife if it isn't for money.

Fear? Of being alone, of the wrath of the wife and families? I mean, it takes guts on sone level to tell someone you’re done with a relationship and leave that person for someone else. And go through the divorce process which is grueling for most. As a PP said, it’s a cake and eat it too situation. I get the satisfying side piece and avoid the embarrassing fallout. The mistress is the drug habit that keeps them from facing their true misery.

I mean if you cheat, you're not concerned with your wife anyway. Why not go find someone else? Is there a fallout from divorce that can't be changed over time? It just seems like inertia/laziness.

Some of it might be inertia and laziness. It's a lot of work to upend your family's life and build new. I think a lot of it is financial though. Celebrities have a high divorce rate because they can easily afford to say to heck with this, and each person goes off into separate fully staffed mansions and splits the ginormous net worth.

Agreed. I think a lot of this is convenience for them/him. So it's selfish twice over: once for cheating and then for keeping it a secret because it's not the right time for him to seek a divorce. I think it becomes quite apparent that these people are just selfish people. I do feel bad for the wife because she's going to be surprised when he'll want a divorce when it's convenient for him. By this time, she will have lost so much of her time with a selfish jerk like him.

He's so strident about his cheating and unapologetically selfish about his actions. I don't think it's worth engaging with him anymore. I don't think he has it in him to do the right thing. It's too bad really, especially for his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The women who never leave must either be afraid of having to downsize to a one bedroom and accept change or they really think their cheating spouse is a prize package worth the agony.

As I've become older I've seen many situations. Finances, special needs kids, and health problem to name a few.

Many disengage and merely view the cheater as a pay check going forward. The cheater usually cheats themselves the most from what I've observed.

Does it all just really come down to money then? If you handed one of these women a couple million, do you think they'd still bail?

NP. I would assume that if the cheated on wife had all the money she wants, why would she stay on with a cheating husband? Company isn't there anyway since he's off with someone else anyway. Question is why would cheater stay with the wife if it isn't for money.

Fear? Of being alone, of the wrath of the wife and families? I mean, it takes guts on sone level to tell someone you’re done with a relationship and leave that person for someone else. And go through the divorce process which is grueling for most. As a PP said, it’s a cake and eat it too situation. I get the satisfying side piece and avoid the embarrassing fallout. The mistress is the drug habit that keeps them from facing their true misery.

I mean if you cheat, you're not concerned with your wife anyway. Why not go find someone else? Is there a fallout from divorce that can't be changed over time? It just seems like inertia/laziness.

Some of it might be inertia and laziness. It's a lot of work to upend your family's life and build new. I think a lot of it is financial though. Celebrities have a high divorce rate because they can easily afford to say to heck with this, and each person goes off into separate fully staffed mansions and splits the ginormous net worth.

I know of a situation where a couple seems happily married for well over 20 years on the surface. No kids. Man married up, wife married down. She is beautiful, smart, has a graduate degree and brings in most of the money. He (was) the hot blue collar artist type. She found out he cheated twice but won't leave him. I'd say he likes the lifestyle and won't leave because he'd end up in poverty, and she's codependent?