Talk me off a ledge- other side of the world and just discovered cheating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you have been cheated on, lied to and deceived the past 3 years, possibly more. Get tested for STIs. Remember you only know now because you stumbled upon this. He had no intention of telling you and kept this crap up for years. The tears are about getting caught. Not regret over what he has been doing.

I’ve been where you are now. It is hell. It will continue to be hell for awhile, but you will get through this.

Thanks. Did you stay or leave?

It's the rabid STI poster lol. Typically the first responder on every one of the cheating threads.

Hello, rabid "No one gets STIs any more, so why bother to test" poster! Back again, I see. I'm ONE of the posters you love to hate but you always seem to think there's only one of us who lives in the real world where real people can get real viruses from each other.

So cute, how you always jump in to act as if you're addressing just a solo poster, and to think it's a slam on us to say we're "typically the first responder on every one of the cheating threads." Not a slam. A badge of honor.

And nope, that specific post wasn't from me. Believe it or not. You'll choose "not," I'm sure, to bolster your own weird belief that only one person could possibly post on DCUM about STIs! I'm sure there are more than one of YOU out there, determined to spread your gospel that STIs just aren't A Thing anymore.

I'm not saying there's only one poster on here who posts about STIs. What I'm saying is that there is only one such poster who stalks the "cheating" threads and is always first to post. And that poster, my friend is you. You might want to get another hobby.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I know. It seems English is her second language (guessing French Canadian?). She seems uneducated in general. I have her full name, saw her social media. She's 38 and was a bartender when they met on his business trip, but is now a secretary at a bank. She does have a banging body though from her pics. She's a runner and DH was training for his first marathon and that's what got them talking when he went to the bar for food and a beer on his business trip.

[Anonymous]

Op here. She's single, never married. No kids. I also feel bad for her in a way. It seems like she was very smitten and very naive, but also a good bit of psycho. She screenshotted him his mom's Facebook and said she would send pics to his whole family if didn't respond to her at one point. Their convos are mainly her writing these intensely long paragraphs about her day, her job, her workout, her pet bird, how amazing she thinks my DH is and him responding oh wow, awesome, no way, that's cool. Occasionally he would say more like if he was stressed and then he'd get the ego boost from her of oh you are so smart, sexy, kind, you have a great job, you have it all. You work, work out, cook, raise your kids, maintain a home, of course you are stressed. I would take all your stress away by blah blah blah and on to sexting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you have been cheated on, lied to and deceived the past 3 years, possibly more. Get tested for STIs. Remember you only know now because you stumbled upon this. He had no intention of telling you and kept this crap up for years. The tears are about getting caught. Not regret over what he has been doing.

I’ve been where you are now. It is hell. It will continue to be hell for awhile, but you will get through this.

Thanks. Did you stay or leave?

It's the rabid STI poster lol. Typically the first responder on every one of the cheating threads.

Hello, rabid "No one gets STIs any more, so why bother to test" poster! Back again, I see. I'm ONE of the posters you love to hate but you always seem to think there's only one of us who lives in the real world where real people can get real viruses from each other.

So cute, how you always jump in to act as if you're addressing just a solo poster, and to think it's a slam on us to say we're "typically the first responder on every one of the cheating threads." Not a slam. A badge of honor.

And nope, that specific post wasn't from me. Believe it or not. You'll choose "not," I'm sure, to bolster your own weird belief that only one person could possibly post on DCUM about STIs! I'm sure there are more than one of YOU out there, determined to spread your gospel that STIs just aren't A Thing anymore.

I'm not saying there's only one poster on here who posts about STIs. What I'm saying is that there is only one such poster who stalks the "cheating" threads and is always first to post. And that poster, my friend is you. You might want to get another hobby.

Nobody who spends as much time as you do on DCUM should be telling somebody else they need to get a hobby.

-NP

[Anonymous]

OK, so it sounds like this was less an emotional affair on his part and more damage control. If he was afraid of her going psycho and contacting his mom, then he was just saying, uh huh, that's nice . . . This explains the timeline a bit better.

I second the suggestion for Surviving Infidelity. I'd say it skews pro-reconciliation, but there are posters of all stripes and you definitely won't be told to reconcile at all costs (whereas that's the vibe on Affair Recovery - reconciliation at all costs). On the other side, Chump Lady is all "Rah rah rah, you kick that evil cheater to the curb" with no nuance or ability to ascribe humanity to your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry you have been cheated on, lied to and deceived the past 3 years, possibly more. Get tested for STIs. Remember you only know now because you stumbled upon this. He had no intention of telling you and kept this crap up for years. The tears are about getting caught. Not regret over what he has been doing.

I’ve been where you are now. It is hell. It will continue to be hell for awhile, but you will get through this.

Thanks. Did you stay or leave?

It's the rabid STI poster lol. Typically the first responder on every one of the cheating threads.

Hello, rabid "No one gets STIs any more, so why bother to test" poster! Back again, I see. I'm ONE of the posters you love to hate but you always seem to think there's only one of us who lives in the real world where real people can get real viruses from each other.

So cute, how you always jump in to act as if you're addressing just a solo poster, and to think it's a slam on us to say we're "typically the first responder on every one of the cheating threads." Not a slam. A badge of honor.

And nope, that specific post wasn't from me. Believe it or not. You'll choose "not," I'm sure, to bolster your own weird belief that only one person could possibly post on DCUM about STIs! I'm sure there are more than one of YOU out there, determined to spread your gospel that STIs just aren't A Thing anymore.

I'm not saying there's only one poster on here who posts about STIs. What I'm saying is that there is only one such poster who stalks the "cheating" threads and is always first to post. And that poster, my friend is you. You might want to get another hobby.

And yet you are here calling her out in the first 30 seconds each time.

[Anonymous]

Also I'll add that another plus of moving your story over to Surviving Infidelity is that you won't get massive tangents and bickering, and everyone responding to your post will have experienced infidelity themselves.

Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

OP — honestly, from someone who has been there, unless you really want hi, gone for sure, for good, with your description of that “affair” — I would work on it with him. He sounds like he does not have good boundaries and she almost sounds like a porn “friend.” If he wants it to change, he can do it but you have ti figure out if this is the only one or not. He needs to do a full disclosure to you. But I suspect he could grow up and commit to his marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:HPV vaccine advice is terrible- it is only effective for young kids before they become sexually active. Not effective after you have potentially acquired the infection through sex (which most people do, it just doest persist).

That is untrue. It protects against the 4 most virulent strains. Your comment is outdated. I was told this at 27 and they would not give me the vaccine. It was only up to age 26 then. Guess what? I got HPV at 31. And had to have two coloscopies and two LEEPs. I probably had not encountered that strain at age 27 yet. I got the vaccine at 44. They upped the age. I got it as soon as I divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I know. It seems English is her second language (guessing French Canadian?). She seems uneducated in general. I have her full name, saw her social media. She's 38 and was a bartender when they met on his business trip, but is now a secretary at a bank. She does have a banging body though from her pics. She's a runner and DH was training for his first marathon and that's what got them talking when he went to the bar for food and a beer on his business trip.

Get STI tested. Bartenders and strippers = no good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I know. It seems English is her second language (guessing French Canadian?). She seems uneducated in general. I have her full name, saw her social media. She's 38 and was a bartender when they met on his business trip, but is now a secretary at a bank. She does have a banging body though from her pics. She's a runner and DH was training for his first marathon and that's what got them talking when he went to the bar for food and a beer on his business trip.

Get STI tested. Bartenders and strippers = no good.

38 and a bartender. Wow. Hi Step-mom! Of course she’s looking for established American men.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you working for pay outside the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP — honestly, from someone who has been there, unless you really want hi, gone for sure, for good, with your description of that “affair” — I would work on it with him. He sounds like he does not have good boundaries and she almost sounds like a porn “friend.” If he wants it to change, he can do it but you have ti figure out if this is the only one or not. He needs to do a full disclosure to you. But I suspect he could grow up and commit to his marriage.

This. He likely is scared to get rid of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She's single, never married. No kids. I also feel bad for her in a way. It seems like she was very smitten and very naive, but also a good bit of psycho. She screenshotted him his mom's Facebook and said she would send pics to his whole family if didn't respond to her at one point. Their convos are mainly her writing these intensely long paragraphs about her day, her job, her workout, her pet bird, how amazing she thinks my DH is and him responding oh wow, awesome, no way, that's cool. Occasionally he would say more like if he was stressed and then he'd get the ego boost from her of oh you are so smart, sexy, kind, you have a great job, you have it all. You work, work out, cook, raise your kids, maintain a home, of course you are stressed. I would take all your stress away by blah blah blah and on to sexting.

He probably was afraid to stop talking to her for that reason. He’s probably relieved it’s all out now because the stress of keeping her appeased so she wouldn’t tell you and his family is gone now. I know quite a few men that stayed in situations three times as long because they were afraid that would happen when they ended it. Clingers don’t take subtle hints and men pulling away—they latch on harder and up the ante. They sense when a guy is not interested and the “I’d take such good care of you, baby” barf bs.

[Anonymous]

I love that he cheated with a psycho clinger. Karma. You know he was sweating when she threatened to send pics to his mother.