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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Talk me off a ledge- other side of the world and just discovered cheating
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Anonymous
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We are on a family vacation abroad- DH, our two little kids, and my parents.
Dh knocked his phone off the nightstand and I picked it up and saw a text. Proceeded to uncover a 3 year long affair. They met once in person on his work travel 3 years ago and hooked up, haven't seen each other since, but it's been 2.5 years of texting/setting. She lives in Canada. He hasn't been at that job for a year. We've been together 15 years, married 6, 2 kids. Totally happy from my perspective and I'm shocked. Now what? It's early morning here and we've been up since midnight talking/crying, trying not to wake our kids or my parents. We have 2 more days here. Do I tell my mom? Somehow put on a front? I feel like I went to sleep on a high of our first family trip and my world came crashing down 2 hours later. He gave me full phone access, answered all my initial questions, did not get defensive or gaslighting at all. He basically just sobbed the whole time. This is so surreal. |
Anonymous
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I wouldn't call it a 3 year long affair. It was a fling that lasted a weekend if that followed by texting/sexting.
Ask him to stop texting her and move on. Tell your parents that you both have food poisoning and were up all night. You can always decide later to make more permanent decisions but I wouldn't do it now. |
Anonymous
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I’m sorry you have been cheated on, lied to and deceived the past 3 years, possibly more. Get tested for STIs. Remember you only know now because you stumbled upon this. He had no intention of telling you and kept this crap up for years. The tears are about getting caught. Not regret over what he has been doing.
I’ve been where you are now. It is hell. It will continue to be hell for awhile, but you will get through this. |
Anonymous
Thanks. Did you stay or leave? |
Anonymous
I left. Trust, respect and security are gone at that point. |
Anonymous
| I would do the same. It’s a red line for me. |
Anonymous
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope you can stay strong and get through this. It’s up to you how you want to recover from this. Take care of yourself. |
Anonymous
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When you say they haven't seen each other for three years it doesn't sound so bad, but the fact is that is just what he told you, you don't really know the whole story.
I hope you can get the whole truth out when you get home and I hope you don't have a total breakdown on your family trip. What a mess! So sorry. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| I'm really sorry, OP. You need time alone to process your feelings. Don't make any decisions right now. |
Anonymous
| Tough it out the rest of the trip. Has he had business trips or any travel over the last 3 years? I bet they hooked up more than he is telling you. Get your finances in order quietly, consult a lawyer. Gather info on your options should his lying continue. |
Anonymous
He hasn't because no travel during covid and then he switched jobs to one without travel. He's been away once for a fishing trip but both my brothers were there and they were camping in a tent. |
Anonymous
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Sorry OP. With parents there too, awful.
Run search on phone before he deletes things to make sure you got whole story. As prior poster said, tears are more he got caught and less he hurt you or he wouldn’t have kept it up. |
Anonymous
I did. I spent 3hrs on his phone before I woke him up. I screenshotted everything and sent it to myself in multiple locations. I need someone to talk to. I'm highly considering calling my FIL. I don't want to tell my mom because we are all stuck here. I don't want to tell my friends until i have a game plan. My FIL and I are very close and he's a kind, rational father figure. Is this a horrible idea? |
Anonymous
Is your mom loving and supportive and do you have a good relationship with her? if so, I would talk to her about it. |