Tell me about adoption

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd recommend any would-be adoptive parent listen to S2 of the podcast This Land, which looks at the shadowy interests looking to overturn the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA).

The podcast does a great job of universalizing some of the issues that face both indigenous and non-indigenous adoptive families and adoptees, including the ways in which kids who were placed with families that shared their heritage fared better in both the foster care system and as adoptees.

You may still decide to adopt, but I'd recommend listening to the podcast.

Why…? People trying to adopt in the 21st century aren’t going to be adopting Native American kids against the will of the tribes.

That's where you would be wrong. There are people taking cases to the Supreme Court right now in order to adopt Native kids against the will of the tribes. Literally as we speak.

That's why the podcast is interesting, because indigenous kids are a microcosm for larger issues in the adoption industry. We know that outcomes for indigenous kids get worse the further you get from their heritage. So, raised by family members is best, then members of their own tribe if no family is available, and by indigenous folks of another tribe if needed. The worst outcomes are for indigenous kids separated from their heritage entirely.

Similarly, the ICWA cases crack open other distressing trends. Lawyers who advise their clients to lie, for example. Competition for babies, to the point that would-be adoptive parents would happily go against the will of birth families. Kids put in foster care for poverty, and courts that set impossible standards for parents to get their kids back.

If you are thinking of adopting, it's worth really understanding the industry you are buying into, because the way the sausage gets made is pretty ugly.

This.This right here tells it all - it is an INDUSTRY, it is run by MONEY and it is (often) UGLY.

Stick to the topic and adoption in 2022.

[Anonymous]

Adopting our (2) kids via private adoption is the best thing we ever did. We had been married for 4 years and we knew from the time we were dating this would be our family path.

I could not encourage the OP enough to follow through with her adoption plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd recommend any would-be adoptive parent listen to S2 of the podcast This Land, which looks at the shadowy interests looking to overturn the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA).

The podcast does a great job of universalizing some of the issues that face both indigenous and non-indigenous adoptive families and adoptees, including the ways in which kids who were placed with families that shared their heritage fared better in both the foster care system and as adoptees.

You may still decide to adopt, but I'd recommend listening to the podcast.

Why…? People trying to adopt in the 21st century aren’t going to be adopting Native American kids against the will of the tribes.

That's where you would be wrong. There are people taking cases to the Supreme Court right now in order to adopt Native kids against the will of the tribes. Literally as we speak.

That's why the podcast is interesting, because indigenous kids are a microcosm for larger issues in the adoption industry. We know that outcomes for indigenous kids get worse the further you get from their heritage. So, raised by family members is best, then members of their own tribe if no family is available, and by indigenous folks of another tribe if needed. The worst outcomes are for indigenous kids separated from their heritage entirely.

Similarly, the ICWA cases crack open other distressing trends. Lawyers who advise their clients to lie, for example. Competition for babies, to the point that would-be adoptive parents would happily go against the will of birth families. Kids put in foster care for poverty, and courts that set impossible standards for parents to get their kids back.

If you are thinking of adopting, it's worth really understanding the industry you are buying into, because the way the sausage gets made is pretty ugly.

This.This right here tells it all - it is an INDUSTRY, it is run by MONEY and it is (often) UGLY.

Stick to the topic and adoption in 2022.

This is the topic (adoption) and it is very much happening in 2022. It is incumbent upon all prospective adoptive parents (especially those going the private route) to make absolutely sure that there was no coercion or use of monetary funds as a means to get their baby/child, especially for newborns. Otherwise they are complicit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd recommend any would-be adoptive parent listen to S2 of the podcast This Land, which looks at the shadowy interests looking to overturn the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA).

The podcast does a great job of universalizing some of the issues that face both indigenous and non-indigenous adoptive families and adoptees, including the ways in which kids who were placed with families that shared their heritage fared better in both the foster care system and as adoptees.

You may still decide to adopt, but I'd recommend listening to the podcast.

Why…? People trying to adopt in the 21st century aren’t going to be adopting Native American kids against the will of the tribes.

That's where you would be wrong. There are people taking cases to the Supreme Court right now in order to adopt Native kids against the will of the tribes. Literally as we speak.

That's why the podcast is interesting, because indigenous kids are a microcosm for larger issues in the adoption industry. We know that outcomes for indigenous kids get worse the further you get from their heritage. So, raised by family members is best, then members of their own tribe if no family is available, and by indigenous folks of another tribe if needed. The worst outcomes are for indigenous kids separated from their heritage entirely.

Similarly, the ICWA cases crack open other distressing trends. Lawyers who advise their clients to lie, for example. Competition for babies, to the point that would-be adoptive parents would happily go against the will of birth families. Kids put in foster care for poverty, and courts that set impossible standards for parents to get their kids back.

If you are thinking of adopting, it's worth really understanding the industry you are buying into, because the way the sausage gets made is pretty ugly.

This.This right here tells it all - it is an INDUSTRY, it is run by MONEY and it is (often) UGLY.

Stick to the topic and adoption in 2022.

This is the topic (adoption) and it is very much happening in 2022. It is incumbent upon all prospective adoptive parents (especially those going the private route) to make absolutely sure that there was no coercion or use of monetary funds as a means to get their baby/child, especially for newborns. Otherwise they are complicit.

+1 Again, the court case to dismantle ICWA is happening right now, specifically because there is a shortage of adoptable infants. These folks believe in their deep down hearts that they deserve to raise indigenous kids, against the will of their tribes, and they are willing to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars taking a case to SCOTUS in order to "unleash" a new population of adoptable children.

[Anonymous]

The ICWA and its ramifications for children are much more complex than described above. While ICWA was passed with good intentions to rectify terrible past practices, it can also result in substantially LESS protections for children from abuse. https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2020/01/29/indian-child-welfare-act-law-paved-death-column/4519511002/

[Anonymous]

Another couple here who adopted our 2 kids via private adoption. No glitches, all went pretty fast and smooth. Took our kids home from the hospital at 2 days old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ICWA and its ramifications for children are much more complex than described above. While ICWA was passed with good intentions to rectify terrible past practices, it can also result in substantially LESS protections for children from abuse. https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2020/01/29/indian-child-welfare-act-law-paved-death-column/4519511002/

An opinion piece from a right wing organization that is part of the court case? Not compelling, but it does kind of prove PP's case that this is a "live" issue in 2022.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another couple here who adopted our 2 kids via private adoption. No glitches, all went pretty fast and smooth. Took our kids home from the hospital at 2 days old.

I know not everyone here has time to type out details nor wants to, but honestly, this comment comes across like you went out to the drive through window for a couple of happy meals.

"Want a couple of newborns? Easy peasy! Just pick 'em up and take 'em home!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another couple here who adopted our 2 kids via private adoption. No glitches, all went pretty fast and smooth. Took our kids home from the hospital at 2 days old.

I know not everyone here has time to type out details nor wants to, but honestly, this comment comes across like you went out to the drive through window for a couple of happy meals.

"Want a couple of newborns? Easy peasy! Just pick 'em up and take 'em home!"

The discussion is about the adoption process for those who adopted. For some people it was a very easy process. For others its not. Sometimes it is this simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ICWA and its ramifications for children are much more complex than described above. While ICWA was passed with good intentions to rectify terrible past practices, it can also result in substantially LESS protections for children from abuse. https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2020/01/29/indian-child-welfare-act-law-paved-death-column/4519511002/

An opinion piece from a right wing organization that is part of the court case? Not compelling, but it does kind of prove PP's case that this is a "live" issue in 2022.

Go away if you cannot stick to the topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd recommend any would-be adoptive parent listen to S2 of the podcast This Land, which looks at the shadowy interests looking to overturn the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA).

The podcast does a great job of universalizing some of the issues that face both indigenous and non-indigenous adoptive families and adoptees, including the ways in which kids who were placed with families that shared their heritage fared better in both the foster care system and as adoptees.

You may still decide to adopt, but I'd recommend listening to the podcast.

Why…? People trying to adopt in the 21st century aren’t going to be adopting Native American kids against the will of the tribes.

That's where you would be wrong. There are people taking cases to the Supreme Court right now in order to adopt Native kids against the will of the tribes. Literally as we speak.

That's why the podcast is interesting, because indigenous kids are a microcosm for larger issues in the adoption industry. We know that outcomes for indigenous kids get worse the further you get from their heritage. So, raised by family members is best, then members of their own tribe if no family is available, and by indigenous folks of another tribe if needed. The worst outcomes are for indigenous kids separated from their heritage entirely.

Similarly, the ICWA cases crack open other distressing trends. Lawyers who advise their clients to lie, for example. Competition for babies, to the point that would-be adoptive parents would happily go against the will of birth families. Kids put in foster care for poverty, and courts that set impossible standards for parents to get their kids back.

If you are thinking of adopting, it's worth really understanding the industry you are buying into, because the way the sausage gets made is pretty ugly.

This.This right here tells it all - it is an INDUSTRY, it is run by MONEY and it is (often) UGLY.

Stick to the topic and adoption in 2022.

This is the topic (adoption) and it is very much happening in 2022. It is incumbent upon all prospective adoptive parents (especially those going the private route) to make absolutely sure that there was no coercion or use of monetary funds as a means to get their baby/child, especially for newborns. Otherwise they are complicit.

Of course it is happening but that is not what OP is asking and that is not the topic. Start your own thread. You don't even fully get the issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ICWA and its ramifications for children are much more complex than described above. While ICWA was passed with good intentions to rectify terrible past practices, it can also result in substantially LESS protections for children from abuse. https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2020/01/29/indian-child-welfare-act-law-paved-death-column/4519511002/

An opinion piece from a right wing organization that is part of the court case? Not compelling, but it does kind of prove PP's case that this is a "live" issue in 2022.

Go away if you cannot stick to the topic.

You go away. The adults are talking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another couple here who adopted our 2 kids via private adoption. No glitches, all went pretty fast and smooth. Took our kids home from the hospital at 2 days old.

I know not everyone here has time to type out details nor wants to, but honestly, this comment comes across like you went out to the drive through window for a couple of happy meals.

"Want a couple of newborns? Easy peasy! Just pick 'em up and take 'em home!"

The discussion is about the adoption process for those who adopted. For some people it was a very easy process. For others its not. Sometimes it is this simple.

It should never be "simple." Never. That's part of the problem with private adoptions. If you get the right lawyer who is willing to grease it along, and if adoptive parents have enough money, it might very well be an easy process with very little regulatory oversight or appropriate independent counseling for birth parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a single woman who adopted an older child from the foster care system. One of the local agencies handled my adoption. My daughter moved here from out of state when she was 10 years old. Hands down, the best thing I've ever done. Hands down the HARDEST thing I've ever done. I think the hardest things have been (1) being a solo parent (2) having a kid with some special needs, which can be tough to navigate. However, I have lots of support from my friends, our therapists (we have two!), our schools, and my adoption agency. Money was a very serious concern for me, and in that way, older child adoption was great. It only cost me a few thousand dollars to adopt, and I continue to get financial support to take care of my child's health insurance and other needs. I'm listening to her sing in her room right now while she is doing homework, and those moments of knowing she's happy just fill my heart and make it so much easier to get through the tough times! My advice: Build yourself a good support system, learn to ask for help, be hella organized with all the paperwork and stuff, and be a FIERCE advocate for your kid. Older child adoption is incredible - I highly recommend!

Kudos to you. You are an example of what adoption should be about - finding a home for a child in NEED no matter their age. Not finding a baby for people who WANT one.

It is not bad to want a baby. It is, in fact, very normal ;especially if you understand the importance of the first year of life.

It still makes me sad that there was any part of my child’s life I did not share. That is not selfish, it is love.

The selfish aspect is the priority of adoptive parents over birth parents. We need to shift away from the savior construction and more into the welfare of families who want to be families.

Yes, THANK YOU! I think it’s absolutely nuts, for instance, that there is a tax credit for adoptions. I can see government providing an incentive to adopt from foster care or children with disabilities, but why in earth would we incentivize people adopting healthy infants from other countries? Healthy infants from our own?

That $ could solve a first mother’s temporary challenges that may make her feel unable to parent. Wealthy parents who can afford private adoptions don’t need a tax credit, and there is no societal benefit in them adopting healthy infants. They already get 100% of the befit of having their dreams fulfilled, often at the expense of a lifetime of pain for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a more common issue is prioritizing birth families over adoptive families, despite whether the birth family offers a healthy environment for raising the child.

Children should be prioritized, NOT adults.

Is this a common issue? Or is it your perception, your point of view as someone who would like to adopt more kids? I'd like to see how you can show that it's a common issue.

From my perspective, prioritizing the birth family IS prioritizing the child, because I believe the child is better off with his family (absent issues of abuse or neglect), and families should be supported in efforts to keep their wanted children.

Totally agree.