Tell me about adoption

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ICWA and its ramifications for children are much more complex than described above. While ICWA was passed with good intentions to rectify terrible past practices, it can also result in substantially LESS protections for children from abuse. https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2020/01/29/indian-child-welfare-act-law-paved-death-column/4519511002/

An opinion piece from a right wing organization that is part of the court case? Not compelling, but it does kind of prove PP's case that this is a "live" issue in 2022.

Go away if you cannot stick to the topic.

You go away. The adults are talking.

No, the adults aren't talking. The children are having temper tantrums and getting off topic. They need to start their own thread. Adults can stick to the topic or start a new one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another couple here who adopted our 2 kids via private adoption. No glitches, all went pretty fast and smooth. Took our kids home from the hospital at 2 days old.

Honestly. Anyone tho celebrates taking an infant from its mother at two days old is really disturbing. Hoe long did she have to potentially change her mind? So many adopters celebrate a system where there is almost no time for a postpartum mother to even take a breath after the birth lest she have a minute to feel her bond with her baby and decide against relinquishing him or her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another couple here who adopted our 2 kids via private adoption. No glitches, all went pretty fast and smooth. Took our kids home from the hospital at 2 days old.

I know not everyone here has time to type out details nor wants to, but honestly, this comment comes across like you went out to the drive through window for a couple of happy meals.

"Want a couple of newborns? Easy peasy! Just pick 'em up and take 'em home!"

The discussion is about the adoption process for those who adopted. For some people it was a very easy process. For others its not. Sometimes it is this simple.

This is why so many of us are commenting to be sure that OP considers all perspectives in the adoption circle, NOT just adoptive parents who benefit from getting what they want so easily. Their ease and satisfaction is most often at the expense of a vulnerable young mother who has been coerced into thinking that her possibly temporary challenges mean she is forever unable or unworthy of parenting. Thus sentencing her to a lifetime of regret and trauma, for someone else’s benefit.

[Anonymous]

My sister adopted a 4 year old who was in foster care due to neglect by a drug addicted mother. Their DC was very challenging, but starting at age 13, lots of drug and mental health issues. My sister had regrets along the way. Sometimes all the love and good intentions aren't enough. Adoption has risks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another couple here who adopted our 2 kids via private adoption. No glitches, all went pretty fast and smooth. Took our kids home from the hospital at 2 days old.

I know not everyone here has time to type out details nor wants to, but honestly, this comment comes across like you went out to the drive through window for a couple of happy meals.

"Want a couple of newborns? Easy peasy! Just pick 'em up and take 'em home!"

The discussion is about the adoption process for those who adopted. For some people it was a very easy process. For others its not. Sometimes it is this simple.

This is why so many of us are commenting to be sure that OP considers all perspectives in the adoption circle, NOT just adoptive parents who benefit from getting what they want so easily. Their ease and satisfaction is most often at the expense of a vulnerable young mother who has been coerced into thinking that her possibly temporary challenges mean she is forever unable or unworthy of parenting. Thus sentencing her to a lifetime of regret and trauma, for someone else’s benefit.

People keep talking about vulnerable young mothers who don't understand temporary challenges vs a lifetime of parenting when placing their child for adopting. The reality is that in the VA-DC-MD area, most birth mothers who place their children for adoption are already parenting children of their own. I understand thinking that most birth mothers placing their baby for adoption are teenagers or college students, but that is an outdated stereotype.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another couple here who adopted our 2 kids via private adoption. No glitches, all went pretty fast and smooth. Took our kids home from the hospital at 2 days old.

I know not everyone here has time to type out details nor wants to, but honestly, this comment comes across like you went out to the drive through window for a couple of happy meals.

"Want a couple of newborns? Easy peasy! Just pick 'em up and take 'em home!"

The discussion is about the adoption process for those who adopted. For some people it was a very easy process. For others its not. Sometimes it is this simple.

This is why so many of us are commenting to be sure that OP considers all perspectives in the adoption circle, NOT just adoptive parents who benefit from getting what they want so easily. Their ease and satisfaction is most often at the expense of a vulnerable young mother who has been coerced into thinking that her possibly temporary challenges mean she is forever unable or unworthy of parenting. Thus sentencing her to a lifetime of regret and trauma, for someone else’s benefit.

People keep talking about vulnerable young mothers who don't understand temporary challenges vs a lifetime of parenting when placing their child for adopting. The reality is that in the VA-DC-MD area, most birth mothers who place their children for adoption are already parenting children of their own. I understand thinking that most birth mothers placing their baby for adoption are teenagers or college students, but that is an outdated stereotype.

So what's motivating these birth moms who are already mothers? That they feel they can't afford another kid?

[Anonymous]

I was already on the fence about adoption because of the experiences of some adoptees who are close to me, but after reading this thread and learning more, I am feeling adamantly opposed to it. I hope there will be big changes.

It's unbelievable that adoption still widely enjoys a good reputation, of providing a better life, etc, when it is actually so sordid, corrupt and toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was already on the fence about adoption because of the experiences of some adoptees who are close to me, but after reading this thread and learning more, I am feeling adamantly opposed to it. I hope there will be big changes.

It's unbelievable that adoption still widely enjoys a good reputation, of providing a better life, etc, when it is actually so sordid, corrupt and toxic.

This has nothing to do with the topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another couple here who adopted our 2 kids via private adoption. No glitches, all went pretty fast and smooth. Took our kids home from the hospital at 2 days old.

I know not everyone here has time to type out details nor wants to, but honestly, this comment comes across like you went out to the drive through window for a couple of happy meals.

"Want a couple of newborns? Easy peasy! Just pick 'em up and take 'em home!"

The discussion is about the adoption process for those who adopted. For some people it was a very easy process. For others its not. Sometimes it is this simple.

This is why so many of us are commenting to be sure that OP considers all perspectives in the adoption circle, NOT just adoptive parents who benefit from getting what they want so easily. Their ease and satisfaction is most often at the expense of a vulnerable young mother who has been coerced into thinking that her possibly temporary challenges mean she is forever unable or unworthy of parenting. Thus sentencing her to a lifetime of regret and trauma, for someone else’s benefit.

People keep talking about vulnerable young mothers who don't understand temporary challenges vs a lifetime of parenting when placing their child for adopting. The reality is that in the VA-DC-MD area, most birth mothers who place their children for adoption are already parenting children of their own. I understand thinking that most birth mothers placing their baby for adoption are teenagers or college students, but that is an outdated stereotype.

Your ideas are outdated. Not all women want to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another couple here who adopted our 2 kids via private adoption. No glitches, all went pretty fast and smooth. Took our kids home from the hospital at 2 days old.

I know not everyone here has time to type out details nor wants to, but honestly, this comment comes across like you went out to the drive through window for a couple of happy meals.

"Want a couple of newborns? Easy peasy! Just pick 'em up and take 'em home!"

The discussion is about the adoption process for those who adopted. For some people it was a very easy process. For others its not. Sometimes it is this simple.

This is why so many of us are commenting to be sure that OP considers all perspectives in the adoption circle, NOT just adoptive parents who benefit from getting what they want so easily. Their ease and satisfaction is most often at the expense of a vulnerable young mother who has been coerced into thinking that her possibly temporary challenges mean she is forever unable or unworthy of parenting. Thus sentencing her to a lifetime of regret and trauma, for someone else’s benefit.

The topic is for those who adopted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was already on the fence about adoption because of the experiences of some adoptees who are close to me, but after reading this thread and learning more, I am feeling adamantly opposed to it. I hope there will be big changes.

It's unbelievable that adoption still widely enjoys a good reputation, of providing a better life, etc, when it is actually so sordid, corrupt and toxic.

I don’t understand your point of view. Do you think the alternative of foster care is better? Because that’s what happens when the adoption option is gone. You think that’s better for the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another couple here who adopted our 2 kids via private adoption. No glitches, all went pretty fast and smooth. Took our kids home from the hospital at 2 days old.

I know not everyone here has time to type out details nor wants to, but honestly, this comment comes across like you went out to the drive through window for a couple of happy meals.

"Want a couple of newborns? Easy peasy! Just pick 'em up and take 'em home!"

The discussion is about the adoption process for those who adopted. For some people it was a very easy process. For others its not. Sometimes it is this simple.

This is why so many of us are commenting to be sure that OP considers all perspectives in the adoption circle, NOT just adoptive parents who benefit from getting what they want so easily. Their ease and satisfaction is most often at the expense of a vulnerable young mother who has been coerced into thinking that her possibly temporary challenges mean she is forever unable or unworthy of parenting. Thus sentencing her to a lifetime of regret and trauma, for someone else’s benefit.

People keep talking about vulnerable young mothers who don't understand temporary challenges vs a lifetime of parenting when placing their child for adopting. The reality is that in the VA-DC-MD area, most birth mothers who place their children for adoption are already parenting children of their own. I understand thinking that most birth mothers placing their baby for adoption are teenagers or college students, but that is an outdated stereotype.

So what's motivating these birth moms who are already mothers? That they feel they can't afford another kid?

My child’s birthmother did not want another child and didn’t believe in abortion for religious reasons. What would you have her do? Be forced to parent a child she didn’t want to raise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a single woman who adopted an older child from the foster care system. One of the local agencies handled my adoption. My daughter moved here from out of state when she was 10 years old. Hands down, the best thing I've ever done. Hands down the HARDEST thing I've ever done. I think the hardest things have been (1) being a solo parent (2) having a kid with some special needs, which can be tough to navigate. However, I have lots of support from my friends, our therapists (we have two!), our schools, and my adoption agency. Money was a very serious concern for me, and in that way, older child adoption was great. It only cost me a few thousand dollars to adopt, and I continue to get financial support to take care of my child's health insurance and other needs. I'm listening to her sing in her room right now while she is doing homework, and those moments of knowing she's happy just fill my heart and make it so much easier to get through the tough times! My advice: Build yourself a good support system, learn to ask for help, be hella organized with all the paperwork and stuff, and be a FIERCE advocate for your kid. Older child adoption is incredible - I highly recommend!

Kudos to you. You are an example of what adoption should be about - finding a home for a child in NEED no matter their age. Not finding a baby for people who WANT one.

It is not bad to want a baby. It is, in fact, very normal ;especially if you understand the importance of the first year of life.

It still makes me sad that there was any part of my child’s life I did not share. That is not selfish, it is love.

The selfish aspect is the priority of adoptive parents over birth parents. We need to shift away from the savior construction and more into the welfare of families who want to be families.

Yes, THANK YOU! I think it’s absolutely nuts, for instance, that there is a tax credit for adoptions. I can see government providing an incentive to adopt from foster care or children with disabilities, but why in earth would we incentivize people adopting healthy infants from other countries? Healthy infants from our own?

That $ could solve a first mother’s temporary challenges that may make her feel unable to parent. Wealthy parents who can afford private adoptions don’t need a tax credit, and there is no societal benefit in them adopting healthy infants. They already get 100% of the befit of having their dreams fulfilled, often at the expense of a lifetime of pain for others.

You don’t even realize the misogyny inherent in assuming every birth mom wants to raise the child. Or the fallacy that only rich people adopt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was already on the fence about adoption because of the experiences of some adoptees who are close to me, but after reading this thread and learning more, I am feeling adamantly opposed to it. I hope there will be big changes.

It's unbelievable that adoption still widely enjoys a good reputation, of providing a better life, etc, when it is actually so sordid, corrupt and toxic.

I don’t understand your point of view. Do you think the alternative of foster care is better? Because that’s what happens when the adoption option is gone. You think that’s better for the kids?

I think it would be best if adoption were very rare. As it is now, it is greatly declined in the past 20 years. More mothers are keeping their babies.

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2021/10/adopt-baby-cost-process-hard/620258/

As for women who are giving up their children today, we know that at least some of them are pressured or coerced. We know that at least some of them were in temporary bad situations (lost job, lost partner, etc) and that they regretted the decision either immediately or very soon after.

And we know that adoptees suffer many losses, which they weather with varying degrees of success.

So, some adoptions may be unavoidable, because a child really does need parents and cannot have that from her biological family. But it seems that many adoptions ARE avoidable, involving birth mothers who want their babies but are taken advantage of in a corrupt system that profits from their loss. That's what I would like to see end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was already on the fence about adoption because of the experiences of some adoptees who are close to me, but after reading this thread and learning more, I am feeling adamantly opposed to it. I hope there will be big changes.

It's unbelievable that adoption still widely enjoys a good reputation, of providing a better life, etc, when it is actually so sordid, corrupt and toxic.

I don’t understand your point of view. Do you think the alternative of foster care is better? Because that’s what happens when the adoption option is gone. You think that’s better for the kids?

I think it would be best if adoption were very rare. As it is now, it is greatly declined in the past 20 years. More mothers are keeping their babies.

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2021/10/adopt-baby-cost-process-hard/620258/

As for women who are giving up their children today, we know that at least some of them are pressured or coerced. We know that at least some of them were in temporary bad situations (lost job, lost partner, etc) and that they regretted the decision either immediately or very soon after.

And we know that adoptees suffer many losses, which they weather with varying degrees of success.

So, some adoptions may be unavoidable, because a child really does need parents and cannot have that from her biological family. But it seems that many adoptions ARE avoidable, involving birth mothers who want their babies but are taken advantage of in a corrupt system that profits from their loss. That's what I would like to see end.

Perhaps we aren’t so far apart then. I do agree that no one should be forced or coerced to place their children for adoption (although I also think that sometimes mothers are coerced to raise kids they don’t want to and that’s a problem also — and those kids also suffer).