Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More than half of the women on this forum are divorced or contemplating a divorce or against marriage so statistically changing names is a bad idea. Only real question is whose last name kids should have.

It’s a small sample size but all of the divorced women I know took their ex husband’s name. Hmm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s say your kid has to go to the er..do they make you show a birth certificate or some other proof that you’re the legal guardian? Or crossing the border into Canada? Seems like it would be a lot easier for everyone if you had the same last name.

Never had that happen. I traveled to Asia all the time with my kids who had diff last names because we lived overseas. Not once had an issue traveling, with doctors, teachers.

PSA: If you don't want to change your name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His reaction, although dramatic is mostly reasonable. Most women still take their husband's name and our society operates during the assumption that families will go by the father's name. This isn't different from women taking offense at men's suggestion to skip the ring. You're entitled to your name but this issue will likely be a tedious uphill battle for you as most men won't be happy with their wives keeping their names.

Nope. I kept my name.

-A woman

You kept your dad’s last name, not mom’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given that most (79%) of hetero marriages in the US involve a woman taking the man's last name this thread is a great example of the liberal bias on DCUM. The fact that most posters are offended that the woman is being asked to do what most women do and the man wants to follow what is the common norm in our country is pretty silly.

It’s proof that women on this forum are educated, independent and don’t fall for patriarchal BS that you so desperately want to hang on to. I bet you tell women to smile more too.

I am an educated liberal woman and I find this debate embarrassing. Keep your own name, that's fine, but the idea that most of America just isn't as smart and independent as you is so patronizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s say your kid has to go to the er..do they make you show a birth certificate or some other proof that you’re the legal guardian? Or crossing the border into Canada? Seems like it would be a lot easier for everyone if you had the same last name.

Never had that happen. I traveled to Asia all the time with my kids who had diff last names because we lived overseas. Not once had an issue traveling, with doctors, teachers.

PSA: If you don't want to change your name.

Didn’t have this issue in ER and we don’t cross borders without our passports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More than half of the women on this forum are divorced or contemplating a divorce or against marriage so statistically changing names is a bad idea. Only real question is whose last name kids should have.

It’s a small sample size but all of the divorced women I know took their ex husband’s name. Hmm.

^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given that most (79%) of hetero marriages in the US involve a woman taking the man's last name this thread is a great example of the liberal bias on DCUM. The fact that most posters are offended that the woman is being asked to do what most women do and the man wants to follow what is the common norm in our country is pretty silly.

We don't live in representative samples of the U.S., we all live in specific communities that are a function of geography, level of education, etc.. In mine, not changing your name is normal.
I don't come to whatever the message boards are for your community and lecture you about first cousin marriage or whatever's normal there, and the least you can do is show me the same consideration.

What a intolerant snob you are, assuming because most of America chooses to continue this tradition they believe in "first cousin marriage or whatever's normal there". Do you hear yourself? What an awful way to view the rest of the country because they are different than you. This is what an "open-minded" liberal sounds like whenever you deviate from their mandatory viewpoint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No a woman refusing to change her name to her husband's is making a specific and very political and psychological point in the context if modern relationships: I am the dominant party in this relationship.

Not necessarily. May be she doesn’t want to go through the process of changing her name on all personal and professional documents and knows that it would be her headache to do that.

+1. Like the dude is going to help her with the paperwork?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate the patriarchy but took my husbands name gladly. The reason was that I wasn’t particularly close with my family of origin due to their patriarchal structure. So I figured why not choose a new name for me, of the man I love. It wasn’t even that I loved his family at that time, it was just a new fresh start for me. Still happy with the choose.

Your issues are not patriarchal, you didn’t like your family and wanted a new identity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given that most (79%) of hetero marriages in the US involve a woman taking the man's last name this thread is a great example of the liberal bias on DCUM. The fact that most posters are offended that the woman is being asked to do what most women do and the man wants to follow what is the common norm in our country is pretty silly.

It’s proof that women on this forum are educated, independent and don’t fall for patriarchal BS that you so desperately want to hang on to. I bet you tell women to smile more too.

I am an educated liberal woman and I find this debate embarrassing. Keep your own name, that's fine, but the idea that most of America just isn't as smart and independent as you is so patronizing.

Where did I make that claim?

[Anonymous]

It was easier to change names when this trend started as most women married between 16-24 and didn’t have many degrees, bank accounts, professional licenses, LinkedIn, passports, driving license, homeownership, credit history etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given that most (79%) of hetero marriages in the US involve a woman taking the man's last name this thread is a great example of the liberal bias on DCUM. The fact that most posters are offended that the woman is being asked to do what most women do and the man wants to follow what is the common norm in our country is pretty silly.

It’s proof that women on this forum are educated, independent and don’t fall for patriarchal BS that you so desperately want to hang on to. I bet you tell women to smile more too.

I am an educated liberal woman and I find this debate embarrassing. Keep your own name, that's fine, but the idea that most of America just isn't as smart and independent as you is so patronizing.

Where did I make that claim?

"It’s proof that women on this forum are educated, independent and don’t fall for patriarchal BS that you so desperately want to hang on to. I bet you tell women to smile more too."

By comparison the rest of women aren't as "educated, independent and fall for patriarchal BS". Thank god you're here to save all women from their terrible views since you know best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate the patriarchy but took my husbands name gladly. The reason was that I wasn’t particularly close with my family of origin due to their patriarchal structure. So I figured why not choose a new name for me, of the man I love. It wasn’t even that I loved his family at that time, it was just a new fresh start for me. Still happy with the choose.

Exactly. Women who actually love the man they marry have no issues with asking his name.

What? That was not my point at all. In fact, if my daughter continues to feel bonded and connected to us (her family of origin) I hope that she takes her current name upon marriage. I just didn’t relate that well to my own family and never saw myself wrapped up in the name of my family of origin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given that most (79%) of hetero marriages in the US involve a woman taking the man's last name this thread is a great example of the liberal bias on DCUM. The fact that most posters are offended that the woman is being asked to do what most women do and the man wants to follow what is the common norm in our country is pretty silly.

It’s proof that women on this forum are educated, independent and don’t fall for patriarchal BS that you so desperately want to hang on to. I bet you tell women to smile more too.

I am an educated liberal woman and I find this debate embarrassing. Keep your own name, that's fine, but the idea that most of America just isn't as smart and independent as you is so patronizing.

Where did I make that claim?

"It’s proof that women on this forum are educated, independent and don’t fall for patriarchal BS that you so desperately want to hang on to. I bet you tell women to smile more too."

By comparison the rest of women aren't as "educated, independent and fall for patriarchal BS". Thank god you're here to save all women from their terrible views since you know best.

Oh in that case you’re right. I am smarter than you. You’re welcome.

PS Read who I was responding to before you write another brilliant response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given that most (79%) of hetero marriages in the US involve a woman taking the man's last name this thread is a great example of the liberal bias on DCUM. The fact that most posters are offended that the woman is being asked to do what most women do and the man wants to follow what is the common norm in our country is pretty silly.

It’s proof that women on this forum are educated, independent and don’t fall for patriarchal BS that you so desperately want to hang on to. I bet you tell women to smile more too.

I am an educated liberal woman and I find this debate embarrassing. Keep your own name, that's fine, but the idea that most of America just isn't as smart and independent as you is so patronizing.

Where did I make that claim?

"It’s proof that women on this forum are educated, independent and don’t fall for patriarchal BS that you so desperately want to hang on to. I bet you tell women to smile more too."

By comparison the rest of women aren't as "educated, independent and fall for patriarchal BS". Thank god you're here to save all women from their terrible views since you know best.

Oh in that case you’re right. I am smarter than you. You’re welcome.

PS Read who I was responding to before you write another brilliant response.

Thanks for the sarcasm, definitely the sign of mature intelligence.

It can be so hard to track who is saying what over a 23 page thread. I'm just a stupid lady! Maybe we could use our last names to identify ourselves?