Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.

[Anonymous]

Partner and I are talking about marrying next year. The topic of surnames came up and he just assumed that I'm taking his. I said I'd rather keep mine and he said he didn't liked the idea and hit me with the "what name are the children gonna have?". I told him we can double-barrel as it seems to be working fine for latinos/spanish people to which he took offense. He said tht as a family unit we need to have a single last name, so I proposed that he takes mine and he was visibly very uncomfortable. We didn't finish talking about this, but I'm already feeling disappointed and wondering what other ideas he's got about gender. I'm not sure what to expect next.

[Anonymous]

Are you a same sex couple?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you a same sex couple?

OP.
Nope. I'm a woman and he's a man.

[Anonymous]

If he was surprised by the conversation, his first reaction may not have been the best reaction. Don’t blow this out of proportion.

Double barrel names aren’t common outside of certain cultures and they can be a burden.

This is a good chance to use communication skills that will serve you both well in marriage. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was surprised by the conversation, his first reaction may not have been the best reaction. Don’t blow this out of proportion.

Double barrel names aren’t common outside of certain cultures and they can be a burden.

This is a good chance to use communication skills that will serve you both well in marriage. Good luck!

Long live the patriarchy, right?

[Anonymous]

Try and talk to him again when both of you calm down. If his position is still the same then you need to think if this is something you're willing to accept.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're being just as dramatic as he is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was surprised by the conversation, his first reaction may not have been the best reaction. Don’t blow this out of proportion.

Double barrel names aren’t common outside of certain cultures and they can be a burden.

This is a good chance to use communication skills that will serve you both well in marriage. Good luck!

I'm a woman with a double surname and have never had a single problem.

[Anonymous]

Just call the whole thing off. I'm serious. If you can't even do this to reach a mutual goal, how will you handle all life will throw at you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was surprised by the conversation, his first reaction may not have been the best reaction. Don’t blow this out of proportion.

Double barrel names aren’t common outside of certain cultures and they can be a burden.

This is a good chance to use communication skills that will serve you both well in marriage. Good luck!

Long live the patriarchy, right?

The OP could always ask him to change his name and give hers to the child.
Oh wait!

[Anonymous]

I find this ridiculous, my mom kept her last name, as did I. My sons have my last name as a middle name and my husband's as a surname. My spouse and I have been married over 15 years, my parents have been married over 60 years.

I don't personally care if someone socially calls me Mrs. Husband's name, but I didn't want the legal hassle and I quite like my name. Literally never had issues.

It's your name, it's your day to day life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just call the whole thing off. I'm serious. If you can't even do this to reach a mutual goal, how will you handle all life will throw at you?

Not OP, but how exactly would you handle this? He's the own that refuses to compromise. She offered to hyphenate and he didn't want to. She offered him to change his name, he didn't want to, but he expects her to change hers. there's not much to agree on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this ridiculous, my mom kept her last name, as did I. My sons have my last name as a middle name and my husband's as a surname. My spouse and I have been married over 15 years, my parents have been married over 60 years.

I don't personally care if someone socially calls me Mrs. Husband's name, but I didn't want the legal hassle and I quite like my name. Literally never had issues.

It's your name, it's your day to day life.

You didn't marry a man like OP's partner.

[Anonymous]

Tell him you’re keeping your own name and the kids that come out of your body will also have your name. (This is very normal these days.) He’s welcome to join if he wants consistency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him you’re keeping your own name and the kids that come out of your body will also have your name. (This is very normal these days.) He’s welcome to join if he wants consistency.

I already told him that and he didn't like it. He found the proposal offensive.