I’m 20w pregnant. My fiance told me he has herpes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Wouldn’t you feel better if you just got the blood test? The reason they don’t recommend testing without symptoms has nothing to do with the accuracy of the test-it’s because it sometimes causes depression/emotional reactions when people learn they are positive. Because technically Herpes isn’t actually harmful except in babies (which is a reason i’m surprised your doctor doesn’t want to test you), the benefits of testing don’t outweigh the risks. It’s very common for people to drop into deep depressions and have serious issues with relationships when they find out. Just get the blood test! I simply don’t understand this. You can even order them online and do them yourself in your own house and send them off.

Everyone please watch these two videos from a board certified family medical doctor. She does a really good job at explaining, and she has an entire herpes series.

Video 1
Why blood tests for herpes is NOT reliable and not recommended for testing herpes. You can even test positive if you’ve had chickenpox.

She goes into way more detail

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh44UtH8/

Video 2
A positive herpes test does NOT mean you have herpes.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh448vS1/

We all know the best most reputable doctors are making tiktoks.

Imagine being this desperate to convince yourself that your positive results are imaginary.

And the CDC and OB? They’re wrong too, right?

I don’t believe OP ever saw her OB about this. Based on her description of the visit it sounds completely made up.

Did you actually read what the CDC says about Herpes testing? Because although it says it doesn’t recommend testing for the general population, it states they recommend testing for those with a partner who has genital herpes. Which is exactly the OP’s scenario.

Did you read what the CDC said?? It’s amazing how you can spread misinformation that can easily be refuted. It says right on the CDC website:

“ CDC does not recommend herpes testing for people without symptoms in most situations.
This is because of the limits of a herpes blood test and the possibility of a wrong test result. The chances of wrong test results are higher for people who are at low risk of infection.”.

https://imgur.com/a/LNW7IKb

I have 0% symptoms. This aligns with what my doctor exactly said.

So you decided to ignore the part where it recommends testing for those with partners with genital herpes-got it. It doesn’t fit your narrative so you will just decide it’s not warranted.

“The CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention does not recommend routine blood testing for herpes in individuals without symptoms, even if a partner is infected”

https://imgur.com/a/m47v2e5

I am literally on the cdc website where it clearly states “blood tests may be useful if you have or had a sexual partner with genital herpes”

Why are you so convinced the blood test wouldn’t be accurate for you and you would be in the 1-5% of false results and not the 95-99% with accurate results? You realize that’s not rational right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nonchalant attitude so many of you have towards a highly infectious permanent condition that requires some folks to take daily medication to manage is kind of insane.

I am truly confused how some of you seem to think this is just no big deal at all. If someone gave me genital herpes because they decided their previous (not 1 but 2) positive results were unimportant would be infuriating to me. There is no way I would stay with such a person. Like How frekan dare you.

The nonchalant attitude the rest of you have about encouraging OP to kick her baby daddy to the curb before her baby even enters the world is equally insane

Agree. They think somehow OP will be a winner in this zero sum game. But- these posters don't have to live her upcoming life.
Ha! What does she win? Let's see:
1. She leaves a guy who loves her. And it's clear he does. Mistakes were made, but he loves her and the baby.

2. She will have a baby that she will have only partial custody of.

3. Boyfriend will immediately move on and there will be step mom, there absolutely will, right in the inception of this baby's life, so, yes, she is Mom, too.

4. OP will have zero, and I mean ZERO control over what happens when she drops off this 3 month old, 3 years old, 10 year old, 16 year old kid to him. All medical decisions will have to go through him. School, church, even scouts.

5. OP will not necessarily move on. She's a single mom now of an infant, toddler, kid, teenager. And we all know how that plays out on Tinder. Plus, her backstory will be that she left him as he had herpes- she will likely test positive at some point, because that will always be a possibility- added bonus points on the dating scene there, right?

6. She will be in court for the next 22 years working out child support , custody, college, because raising a kid in her own will be more $$ than she ever thought it will be. And she will always have to deal with Mom # 2- you know, the one who didn't care about the herpes at all, and married the Dad because he wants to have a family. Millions of people have herpes. Millions.
Meanwhile, she will start off broke because getting a lawyer over this will be very expensive...and they aren't even married. She thinks she will have some legal upper hand with money or custody over this herpes disclosure, and I am here to say, no- she will have nothing. It's not a deal breaker in court at all.

7. Boyfriend will have more kids with new wife, and that will be baby's family. Those kids will be siblings.
8. She will never be able to move away from the area, and Daddy (and step mom) will have requests and opinions that she doesn't like ..everything from school to camp to sports to clothes, vacations, friends. All out of OP's control now. But most woman assume they are in control, and are shocked to find out how quickly they have no control over their kid really. It'a staggeringly depressing and really frightening, so let's add the declining mental state to her list of developments.

She will have not won anything. She's angry now, but let's assume after this revelation she will have counseling and make an appropriate decision.


Don't dive into the gene pool without a life guard, people.

How can you say he loves her when he lied to her, infected her with an incurable disease and only came clean 4 years later? You're actually so insane for suggesting this is NBD and OP should stick by her lying diseased untrustworthy baby daddy.

All the rest of your reasons are just crap. Don't leave the liar who infected you with an incurable disease because... he may have more children? Jesus Christ your bar is beyond hell. I seriously hope that women never take this kind of advice. There is zero, I repeat ZERO reason that OP is better off staying with a lying AH who sexually assaulted her. What a shit take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The nonchalant attitude so many of you have towards a highly infectious permanent condition that requires some folks to take daily medication to manage is kind of insane.

I am truly confused how some of you seem to think this is just no big deal at all. If someone gave me genital herpes because they decided their previous (not 1 but 2) positive results were unimportant would be infuriating to me. There is no way I would stay with such a person. Like How frekan dare you.

+1
It's clear they are infecting others and trying to bring OP down with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Wouldn’t you feel better if you just got the blood test? The reason they don’t recommend testing without symptoms has nothing to do with the accuracy of the test-it’s because it sometimes causes depression/emotional reactions when people learn they are positive. Because technically Herpes isn’t actually harmful except in babies (which is a reason i’m surprised your doctor doesn’t want to test you), the benefits of testing don’t outweigh the risks. It’s very common for people to drop into deep depressions and have serious issues with relationships when they find out. Just get the blood test! I simply don’t understand this. You can even order them online and do them yourself in your own house and send them off.

Everyone please watch these two videos from a board certified family medical doctor. She does a really good job at explaining, and she has an entire herpes series.

Video 1
Why blood tests for herpes is NOT reliable and not recommended for testing herpes. You can even test positive if you’ve had chickenpox.

She goes into way more detail

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh44UtH8/

Video 2
A positive herpes test does NOT mean you have herpes.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh448vS1/

We all know the best most reputable doctors are making tiktoks.

Imagine being this desperate to convince yourself that your positive results are imaginary.

And the CDC and OB? They’re wrong too, right?

I don’t believe OP ever saw her OB about this. Based on her description of the visit it sounds completely made up.

Did you actually read what the CDC says about Herpes testing? Because although it says it doesn’t recommend testing for the general population, it states they recommend testing for those with a partner who has genital herpes. Which is exactly the OP’s scenario.

Did you read what the CDC said?? It’s amazing how you can spread misinformation that can easily be refuted. It says right on the CDC website:

“ CDC does not recommend herpes testing for people without symptoms in most situations.
This is because of the limits of a herpes blood test and the possibility of a wrong test result. The chances of wrong test results are higher for people who are at low risk of infection.”.

https://imgur.com/a/LNW7IKb

I have 0% symptoms. This aligns with what my doctor exactly said.

If you truly believe that the blood tests are worthless-why are you putting so much stake in your fiancé’s blood test results?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Wouldn’t you feel better if you just got the blood test? The reason they don’t recommend testing without symptoms has nothing to do with the accuracy of the test-it’s because it sometimes causes depression/emotional reactions when people learn they are positive. Because technically Herpes isn’t actually harmful except in babies (which is a reason i’m surprised your doctor doesn’t want to test you), the benefits of testing don’t outweigh the risks. It’s very common for people to drop into deep depressions and have serious issues with relationships when they find out. Just get the blood test! I simply don’t understand this. You can even order them online and do them yourself in your own house and send them off.

Everyone please watch these two videos from a board certified family medical doctor. She does a really good job at explaining, and she has an entire herpes series.

Video 1
Why blood tests for herpes is NOT reliable and not recommended for testing herpes. You can even test positive if you’ve had chickenpox.

She goes into way more detail

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh44UtH8/

Video 2
A positive herpes test does NOT mean you have herpes.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh448vS1/

We all know the best most reputable doctors are making tiktoks.

Imagine being this desperate to convince yourself that your positive results are imaginary.

And the CDC and OB? They’re wrong too, right?

I don’t believe OP ever saw her OB about this. Based on her description of the visit it sounds completely made up.

Did you actually read what the CDC says about Herpes testing? Because although it says it doesn’t recommend testing for the general population, it states they recommend testing for those with a partner who has genital herpes. Which is exactly the OP’s scenario.

Did you read what the CDC said?? It’s amazing how you can spread misinformation that can easily be refuted. It says right on the CDC website:

“ CDC does not recommend herpes testing for people without symptoms in most situations.
This is because of the limits of a herpes blood test and the possibility of a wrong test result. The chances of wrong test results are higher for people who are at low risk of infection.”.

https://imgur.com/a/LNW7IKb

I have 0% symptoms. This aligns with what my doctor exactly said.

If you truly believe that the blood tests are worthless-why are you putting so much stake in your fiancé’s blood test results?

1. How do we know if he’s had a blood test with symptoms or if he was swabbed because of an active lesion/sore?

2. Doesn’t change the fact that he believes that he has it and decided not to disclose. This is the bigger issue, the lack of honesty.

[Anonymous]

Genital herpes and pregnancy tell obstetrician https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/herpes-and-pregnancy/

Pregnant women 25 and older at increased risk
https://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment-guidelines/screening-recommendations.htm

This "loving man" lied by omission and commission. What else will he by lying about over the years?
Fidelity? Job security? Where the money goes? Other health things? Habits?
Take this as a sign. Get rid of him.
As a legal matter baby daddies do NOT automatically get 50 percent physical custody. Talk to a lawyer for a few hundred dollars,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Wouldn’t you feel better if you just got the blood test? The reason they don’t recommend testing without symptoms has nothing to do with the accuracy of the test-it’s because it sometimes causes depression/emotional reactions when people learn they are positive. Because technically Herpes isn’t actually harmful except in babies (which is a reason i’m surprised your doctor doesn’t want to test you), the benefits of testing don’t outweigh the risks. It’s very common for people to drop into deep depressions and have serious issues with relationships when they find out. Just get the blood test! I simply don’t understand this. You can even order them online and do them yourself in your own house and send them off.

Everyone please watch these two videos from a board certified family medical doctor. She does a really good job at explaining, and she has an entire herpes series.

Video 1
Why blood tests for herpes is NOT reliable and not recommended for testing herpes. You can even test positive if you’ve had chickenpox.

She goes into way more detail

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh44UtH8/

Video 2
A positive herpes test does NOT mean you have herpes.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh448vS1/

We all know the best most reputable doctors are making tiktoks.

Imagine being this desperate to convince yourself that your positive results are imaginary.

And the CDC and OB? They’re wrong too, right?

I don’t believe OP ever saw her OB about this. Based on her description of the visit it sounds completely made up.

Did you actually read what the CDC says about Herpes testing? Because although it says it doesn’t recommend testing for the general population, it states they recommend testing for those with a partner who has genital herpes. Which is exactly the OP’s scenario.

Did you read what the CDC said?? It’s amazing how you can spread misinformation that can easily be refuted. It says right on the CDC website:

“ CDC does not recommend herpes testing for people without symptoms in most situations.
This is because of the limits of a herpes blood test and the possibility of a wrong test result. The chances of wrong test results are higher for people who are at low risk of infection.”.

https://imgur.com/a/LNW7IKb

I have 0% symptoms. This aligns with what my doctor exactly said.

If you truly believe that the blood tests are worthless-why are you putting so much stake in your fiancé’s blood test results?

1. How do we know if he’s had a blood test with symptoms or if he was swabbed because of an active lesion/sore?

2. Doesn’t change the fact that he believes that he has it and decided not to disclose. This is the bigger issue, the lack of honesty.

Hence why my doctor wants to see his paperwork and talk to him in person at my next visit in 2 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Wouldn’t you feel better if you just got the blood test? The reason they don’t recommend testing without symptoms has nothing to do with the accuracy of the test-it’s because it sometimes causes depression/emotional reactions when people learn they are positive. Because technically Herpes isn’t actually harmful except in babies (which is a reason i’m surprised your doctor doesn’t want to test you), the benefits of testing don’t outweigh the risks. It’s very common for people to drop into deep depressions and have serious issues with relationships when they find out. Just get the blood test! I simply don’t understand this. You can even order them online and do them yourself in your own house and send them off.

Everyone please watch these two videos from a board certified family medical doctor. She does a really good job at explaining, and she has an entire herpes series.

Video 1
Why blood tests for herpes is NOT reliable and not recommended for testing herpes. You can even test positive if you’ve had chickenpox.

She goes into way more detail

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh44UtH8/

Video 2
A positive herpes test does NOT mean you have herpes.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh448vS1/

We all know the best most reputable doctors are making tiktoks.

Imagine being this desperate to convince yourself that your positive results are imaginary.

And the CDC and OB? They’re wrong too, right?

I don’t believe OP ever saw her OB about this. Based on her description of the visit it sounds completely made up.

Did you actually read what the CDC says about Herpes testing? Because although it says it doesn’t recommend testing for the general population, it states they recommend testing for those with a partner who has genital herpes. Which is exactly the OP’s scenario.

Did you read what the CDC said?? It’s amazing how you can spread misinformation that can easily be refuted. It says right on the CDC website:

“ CDC does not recommend herpes testing for people without symptoms in most situations.
This is because of the limits of a herpes blood test and the possibility of a wrong test result. The chances of wrong test results are higher for people who are at low risk of infection.”.

https://imgur.com/a/LNW7IKb

I have 0% symptoms. This aligns with what my doctor exactly said.

If you truly believe that the blood tests are worthless-why are you putting so much stake in your fiancé’s blood test results?

1. How do we know if he’s had a blood test with symptoms or if he was swabbed because of an active lesion/sore?

2. Doesn’t change the fact that he believes that he has it and decided not to disclose. This is the bigger issue, the lack of honesty.

Because OP said upthread that he told her he never had any symptoms-so what would they swab? I mean sure he could be lying of course. But i’m just saying since she is so against the blood test she needs to use the same logic for his in that case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Wouldn’t you feel better if you just got the blood test? The reason they don’t recommend testing without symptoms has nothing to do with the accuracy of the test-it’s because it sometimes causes depression/emotional reactions when people learn they are positive. Because technically Herpes isn’t actually harmful except in babies (which is a reason i’m surprised your doctor doesn’t want to test you), the benefits of testing don’t outweigh the risks. It’s very common for people to drop into deep depressions and have serious issues with relationships when they find out. Just get the blood test! I simply don’t understand this. You can even order them online and do them yourself in your own house and send them off.

Everyone please watch these two videos from a board certified family medical doctor. She does a really good job at explaining, and she has an entire herpes series.

Video 1
Why blood tests for herpes is NOT reliable and not recommended for testing herpes. You can even test positive if you’ve had chickenpox.

She goes into way more detail

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh44UtH8/

Video 2
A positive herpes test does NOT mean you have herpes.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh448vS1/

We all know the best most reputable doctors are making tiktoks.

Imagine being this desperate to convince yourself that your positive results are imaginary.

And the CDC and OB? They’re wrong too, right?

I don’t believe OP ever saw her OB about this. Based on her description of the visit it sounds completely made up.

Did you actually read what the CDC says about Herpes testing? Because although it says it doesn’t recommend testing for the general population, it states they recommend testing for those with a partner who has genital herpes. Which is exactly the OP’s scenario.

Did you read what the CDC said?? It’s amazing how you can spread misinformation that can easily be refuted. It says right on the CDC website:

“ CDC does not recommend herpes testing for people without symptoms in most situations.
This is because of the limits of a herpes blood test and the possibility of a wrong test result. The chances of wrong test results are higher for people who are at low risk of infection.”.

https://imgur.com/a/LNW7IKb

I have 0% symptoms. This aligns with what my doctor exactly said.

If you truly believe that the blood tests are worthless-why are you putting so much stake in your fiancé’s blood test results?

1. How do we know if he’s had a blood test with symptoms or if he was swabbed because of an active lesion/sore?

2. Doesn’t change the fact that he believes that he has it and decided not to disclose. This is the bigger issue, the lack of honesty.

Because OP said upthread that he told her he never had any symptoms-so what would they swab? I mean sure he could be lying of course. But i’m just saying since she is so against the blood test she needs to use the same logic for his in that case.

Op here, yes that’s what he’s saying. I’m not taking his word. Until my doctor sees his paperwork I’m not going to put stock into that. Even I do the blood test and comes back positive, and I still have no symptoms the medical care will still be the same as it is now. I won’t take anything and I’ll only take antivirals towards the end of my pregnancy, which my doctor already plans on doing just to be on the safe side even though it’s not necessary.

Him having herpes isn’t the issue. Him being dishonest is. If he truly found out months ago and came to me we would’ve figured something out because although not ideal, it’s manageable. That’s not what happened, so harping on if he did the blood test, if he had an outbreak, if he was swabbed, doesn’t exactly matter right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Wouldn’t you feel better if you just got the blood test? The reason they don’t recommend testing without symptoms has nothing to do with the accuracy of the test-it’s because it sometimes causes depression/emotional reactions when people learn they are positive. Because technically Herpes isn’t actually harmful except in babies (which is a reason i’m surprised your doctor doesn’t want to test you), the benefits of testing don’t outweigh the risks. It’s very common for people to drop into deep depressions and have serious issues with relationships when they find out. Just get the blood test! I simply don’t understand this. You can even order them online and do them yourself in your own house and send them off.

Everyone please watch these two videos from a board certified family medical doctor. She does a really good job at explaining, and she has an entire herpes series.

Video 1
Why blood tests for herpes is NOT reliable and not recommended for testing herpes. You can even test positive if you’ve had chickenpox.

She goes into way more detail

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh44UtH8/

Video 2
A positive herpes test does NOT mean you have herpes.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh448vS1/

We all know the best most reputable doctors are making tiktoks.

Imagine being this desperate to convince yourself that your positive results are imaginary.

And the CDC and OB? They’re wrong too, right?

I don’t believe OP ever saw her OB about this. Based on her description of the visit it sounds completely made up.

Did you actually read what the CDC says about Herpes testing? Because although it says it doesn’t recommend testing for the general population, it states they recommend testing for those with a partner who has genital herpes. Which is exactly the OP’s scenario.

Did you read what the CDC said?? It’s amazing how you can spread misinformation that can easily be refuted. It says right on the CDC website:

“ CDC does not recommend herpes testing for people without symptoms in most situations.
This is because of the limits of a herpes blood test and the possibility of a wrong test result. The chances of wrong test results are higher for people who are at low risk of infection.”.

https://imgur.com/a/LNW7IKb

I have 0% symptoms. This aligns with what my doctor exactly said.

If you truly believe that the blood tests are worthless-why are you putting so much stake in your fiancé’s blood test results?

1. How do we know if he’s had a blood test with symptoms or if he was swabbed because of an active lesion/sore?

2. Doesn’t change the fact that he believes that he has it and decided not to disclose. This is the bigger issue, the lack of honesty.

Hence why my doctor wants to see his paperwork and talk to him in person at my next visit in 2 weeks.

OP if this is you, good. All best for your health and the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Wouldn’t you feel better if you just got the blood test? The reason they don’t recommend testing without symptoms has nothing to do with the accuracy of the test-it’s because it sometimes causes depression/emotional reactions when people learn they are positive. Because technically Herpes isn’t actually harmful except in babies (which is a reason i’m surprised your doctor doesn’t want to test you), the benefits of testing don’t outweigh the risks. It’s very common for people to drop into deep depressions and have serious issues with relationships when they find out. Just get the blood test! I simply don’t understand this. You can even order them online and do them yourself in your own house and send them off.

Everyone please watch these two videos from a board certified family medical doctor. She does a really good job at explaining, and she has an entire herpes series.

Video 1
Why blood tests for herpes is NOT reliable and not recommended for testing herpes. You can even test positive if you’ve had chickenpox.

She goes into way more detail

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh44UtH8/

Video 2
A positive herpes test does NOT mean you have herpes.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh448vS1/

We all know the best most reputable doctors are making tiktoks.

Imagine being this desperate to convince yourself that your positive results are imaginary.

And the CDC and OB? They’re wrong too, right?

I don’t believe OP ever saw her OB about this. Based on her description of the visit it sounds completely made up.

Did you actually read what the CDC says about Herpes testing? Because although it says it doesn’t recommend testing for the general population, it states they recommend testing for those with a partner who has genital herpes. Which is exactly the OP’s scenario.

Did you read what the CDC said?? It’s amazing how you can spread misinformation that can easily be refuted. It says right on the CDC website:

“ CDC does not recommend herpes testing for people without symptoms in most situations.
This is because of the limits of a herpes blood test and the possibility of a wrong test result. The chances of wrong test results are higher for people who are at low risk of infection.”.

https://imgur.com/a/LNW7IKb

I have 0% symptoms. This aligns with what my doctor exactly said.

If you truly believe that the blood tests are worthless-why are you putting so much stake in your fiancé’s blood test results?

1. How do we know if he’s had a blood test with symptoms or if he was swabbed because of an active lesion/sore?

2. Doesn’t change the fact that he believes that he has it and decided not to disclose. This is the bigger issue, the lack of honesty.

Because OP said upthread that he told her he never had any symptoms-so what would they swab? I mean sure he could be lying of course. But i’m just saying since she is so against the blood test she needs to use the same logic for his in that case.

Op here, yes that’s what he’s saying. I’m not taking his word. Until my doctor sees his paperwork I’m not going to put stock into that. Even I do the blood test and comes back positive, and I still have no symptoms the medical care will still be the same as it is now. I won’t take anything and I’ll only take antivirals towards the end of my pregnancy, which my doctor already plans on doing just to be on the safe side even though it’s not necessary.

Him having herpes isn’t the issue. Him being dishonest is. If he truly found out months ago and came to me we would’ve figured something out because although not ideal, it’s manageable. That’s not what happened, so harping on if he did the blood test, if he had an outbreak, if he was swabbed, doesn’t exactly matter right now.

It absolutely matters. But whatever, good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Wouldn’t you feel better if you just got the blood test? The reason they don’t recommend testing without symptoms has nothing to do with the accuracy of the test-it’s because it sometimes causes depression/emotional reactions when people learn they are positive. Because technically Herpes isn’t actually harmful except in babies (which is a reason i’m surprised your doctor doesn’t want to test you), the benefits of testing don’t outweigh the risks. It’s very common for people to drop into deep depressions and have serious issues with relationships when they find out. Just get the blood test! I simply don’t understand this. You can even order them online and do them yourself in your own house and send them off.

Everyone please watch these two videos from a board certified family medical doctor. She does a really good job at explaining, and she has an entire herpes series.

Video 1
Why blood tests for herpes is NOT reliable and not recommended for testing herpes. You can even test positive if you’ve had chickenpox.

She goes into way more detail

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh44UtH8/

Video 2
A positive herpes test does NOT mean you have herpes.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh448vS1/

We all know the best most reputable doctors are making tiktoks.

Imagine being this desperate to convince yourself that your positive results are imaginary.

And the CDC and OB? They’re wrong too, right?

I don’t believe OP ever saw her OB about this. Based on her description of the visit it sounds completely made up.

Did you actually read what the CDC says about Herpes testing? Because although it says it doesn’t recommend testing for the general population, it states they recommend testing for those with a partner who has genital herpes. Which is exactly the OP’s scenario.

Did you read what the CDC said?? It’s amazing how you can spread misinformation that can easily be refuted. It says right on the CDC website:

“ CDC does not recommend herpes testing for people without symptoms in most situations.
This is because of the limits of a herpes blood test and the possibility of a wrong test result. The chances of wrong test results are higher for people who are at low risk of infection.”.

https://imgur.com/a/LNW7IKb

I have 0% symptoms. This aligns with what my doctor exactly said.

If you truly believe that the blood tests are worthless-why are you putting so much stake in your fiancé’s blood test results?

1. How do we know if he’s had a blood test with symptoms or if he was swabbed because of an active lesion/sore?

2. Doesn’t change the fact that he believes that he has it and decided not to disclose. This is the bigger issue, the lack of honesty.

Because OP said upthread that he told her he never had any symptoms-so what would they swab? I mean sure he could be lying of course. But i’m just saying since she is so against the blood test she needs to use the same logic for his in that case.

Op here, yes that’s what he’s saying. I’m not taking his word. Until my doctor sees his paperwork I’m not going to put stock into that. Even I do the blood test and comes back positive, and I still have no symptoms the medical care will still be the same as it is now. I won’t take anything and I’ll only take antivirals towards the end of my pregnancy, which my doctor already plans on doing just to be on the safe side even though it’s not necessary.

Him having herpes isn’t the issue. Him being dishonest is. If he truly found out months ago and came to me we would’ve figured something out because although not ideal, it’s manageable. That’s not what happened, so harping on if he did the blood test, if he had an outbreak, if he was swabbed, doesn’t exactly matter right now.

+10000. You are a good mom already, OP.

The dishonesty and his rationalization of it (delay, not want to worry you, whatever other bs he spins), is the ultimate red flag. The doc will get what they need to give you and the baby good care. And document things. Not he said she said.

Move forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

That sounds fully credible OP. Up to you if you want to tank the relationship or not. Since you aren’t married and he is divorced, my guess is that this relationship was never going to go the distance anyway. I suggest just breaking up and working on a custody agreement. Easier on everyone.

Divorced people can’t get remarried and it work out?

I think a well-educated divorced man who hasn’t actually married his pregnant girlfriend by 20 weeks is probably not really that into the whole deal. Maybe he would have married her eventually but sounds like he is not really that enthusiastic.

Op here,

We got engaged in December. Our babymoon is (was supposed to be) next month - a few days in Miami then finishing the trip in PR. We planned on getting married on the beach, just the two of us. Then have a wedding with family and friends June 2027.

Have you started cancelling this stuff and rescheduling your flight for something else?

Luckily, I didn’t pay for anything. I plan on taking a trip with my girlfriends but I haven’t said or done anything yet. Needed time to wrap my head around things and get through my appointment first.

OP you need to come down to earth. Are you prepared to see your baby only 50% of the time? Because 50-50 custody is the norm, and no, a judge will not give you sole custody because you are breastfeeding or you are over-reacting to this.

I suggest you go to family therapy with your fiance to better understand what happened. While I would certainly be upset if I were you, unless there were other big issues, there is no way I would walk out on my baby’s father just for this. You truly are having a very intense reaction that many people would not have, and you need to wrap your head around that. There is more than one way to see this situation.

Thank you. I don’t think I’m overreacting at all, and I think a lot of people would have this reaction, especially a pregnant woman. You were willing to put my health, but more importantly our baby’s health at risk because you’re too much of a coward? If I hadn’t pressed that night when was he going to tell me? It wasn’t when he proposed, it wasn’t when he found out I was pregnant- so no major life event did it, so when? I just can’t wrap my mind around that. Then there’s the added layer of what else are you hiding? Along with a ton of resentment. He broke my trust in a major way. You can’t be with someone you don’t trust.

I don’t mind going to therapy for the sake of our baby, even if it’s just for coparenting but as of right now that’s all I can see for us. Maybe cooler heads will prevail because I definitely see what you’re saying. Maybe I’ll feel differently when the baby is actually here.

You ARE reacting a lot more intensely than other people would. That is the point. You feel how you feel but it is not the only possible option here. You are being very dramatic and it is not clear that it is warranted. He told you the truth but just not on the timeline you wanted.

Again if you want to lose custody of your baby 50% of the time because you prefer to play the victim instead of working things out, go ahead.

PP you are the epitome of the low standards accepting woman on this site that then comes whining about how terrible their life is. Stop trying to bring others down to your level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nonchalant attitude so many of you have towards a highly infectious permanent condition that requires some folks to take daily medication to manage is kind of insane.

I am truly confused how some of you seem to think this is just no big deal at all. If someone gave me genital herpes because they decided their previous (not 1 but 2) positive results were unimportant would be infuriating to me. There is no way I would stay with such a person. Like How frekan dare you.

The nonchalant attitude the rest of you have about encouraging OP to kick her baby daddy to the curb before her baby even enters the world is equally insane

Agree. They think somehow OP will be a winner in this zero sum game. But- these posters don't have to live her upcoming life.
Ha! What does she win? Let's see:
1. She leaves a guy who loves her. And it's clear he does. Mistakes were made, but he loves her and the baby.

2. She will have a baby that she will have only partial custody of.

3. Boyfriend will immediately move on and there will be step mom, there absolutely will, right in the inception of this baby's life, so, yes, she is Mom, too.

4. OP will have zero, and I mean ZERO control over what happens when she drops off this 3 month old, 3 years old, 10 year old, 16 year old kid to him. All medical decisions will have to go through him. School, church, even scouts.

5. OP will not necessarily move on. She's a single mom now of an infant, toddler, kid, teenager. And we all know how that plays out on Tinder. Plus, her backstory will be that she left him as he had herpes- she will likely test positive at some point, because that will always be a possibility- added bonus points on the dating scene there, right?

6. She will be in court for the next 22 years working out child support , custody, college, because raising a kid in her own will be more $$ than she ever thought it will be. And she will always have to deal with Mom # 2- you know, the one who didn't care about the herpes at all, and married the Dad because he wants to have a family. Millions of people have herpes. Millions.
Meanwhile, she will start off broke because getting a lawyer over this will be very expensive...and they aren't even married. She thinks she will have some legal upper hand with money or custody over this herpes disclosure, and I am here to say, no- she will have nothing. It's not a deal breaker in court at all.

7. Boyfriend will have more kids with new wife, and that will be baby's family. Those kids will be siblings.
8. She will never be able to move away from the area, and Daddy (and step mom) will have requests and opinions that she doesn't like ..everything from school to camp to sports to clothes, vacations, friends. All out of OP's control now. But most woman assume they are in control, and are shocked to find out how quickly they have no control over their kid really. It'a staggeringly depressing and really frightening, so let's add the declining mental state to her list of developments.

She will have not won anything. She's angry now, but let's assume after this revelation she will have counseling and make an appropriate decision.


Don't dive into the gene pool without a life guard, people.

Lady, work on your self esteem and develop self respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there is one thing I have learned from this thread it’s that people with HSV-2 love to tell people that everyone has it and its no big deal.

100% on every herpes thread they are here banging the drum that it’s normal, nbd, everyone has it etc.