I’m 20w pregnant. My fiance told me he has herpes.

[Anonymous]

I’m 20w pregnant and our sex life has been off since I got pregnant - he just hasn’t been interested and the times he has it hasn’t lasted long or he just couldn’t get or stay erect. I brought it up multiple times over the months - he said he’s just got a lot on his mind, it’s not me, and is just a “blip” that he’ll got over. This has lead to arguments, me in tears for thinking he’s not attracted to me, yadda yadda.

Valentine’s Day I put on lingerie and he couldn’t get erect. He eventually did but after a few strokes he lost his erection again. I had enough and asked him whats going on. He repeated the same thing. I wasn’t going to accept that again and he said he’s trying to find the words. After a few minutes of silence, while spooning me, he told me he had herpes. In shock, I kept saying what and left the room. He begged me to come talk to him and he randomly said, “I didn’t cheat. I’ve had it for years”. This is when I really lost my cool.

I told him he’s put my health and our baby’s health at risk. I took off my ring and started to pack my things. I told him I was done. We went a mini get away hours away, but I told him to take me home immediately. By then it was 1 am but I didn’t care. Of course he kept begging.

I’ve been staying elsewhere since and planning on staying away for the foreseeable future. He’s been calling and texting. One text stood out to me:

“ I know you need space but I want you to know that
I take full responsibility for not telling you when I first found out. There's no excuse for that. I'm deeply sorry. I was scared and that was cowardly. I didn't want to lose you

I'm here when and if you're ready to talk. Please don't give up on us.”

When you first found out??? If you’ve had it for years how were you going to tell me when you first found out (we’ve been together for almost 2/known each other for 10 years)?? So, I called him and asked him when he found out and he said this past November. He said he decided to look up medical history then and saw he had tested positive for herpes a few years ago but didn’t notice until now. I texted him afterwards and told him nothing he’s saying makes sense and is still be dishonest.

I’m absolutely crushed and devastated right now. I have my anatomy scan on Wednesday, so I’ll get tested then. I’ve also told him not to come to that.

[Anonymous]

Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

I’m not sure. I was so shocked and angry that I haven’t asked. I know that I should’ve…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

you KNOW which version!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

I’m not sure. I was so shocked and angry that I haven’t asked. I know that I should’ve…

OP, you are wildly overdramatic. Your doctor will tell you this, so listen up, but there are two kinds, and one is more serious than the other. Also, there is a pill you can take while pregnant and it will be a non-event.

I got HSV-1 when I was a baby and a relative with a cold sore kissed me on the mouth. I was really sick at the time but recovered and ever since then I will have flare ups of cold sores maybe 1-2 times a year during periods of high stress. If I had them more I could take a daily pill, but as it is I just take some when I feel one coming on and it immediately goes away.

You sound very immature and frankly probably shouldn't be getting married (much less having a child!). Seek help.

[Anonymous]

Girlllll.
He’s not your husband.
You’re preggo and he didn’t share he has Herpes .. Ick!

All the Red flags 🚩

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

I’m not sure. I was so shocked and angry that I haven’t asked. I know that I should’ve…

OP, you are wildly overdramatic. Your doctor will tell you this, so listen up, but there are two kinds, and one is more serious than the other. Also, there is a pill you can take while pregnant and it will be a non-event.

I got HSV-1 when I was a baby and a relative with a cold sore kissed me on the mouth. I was really sick at the time but recovered and ever since then I will have flare ups of cold sores maybe 1-2 times a year during periods of high stress. If I had them more I could take a daily pill, but as it is I just take some when I feel one coming on and it immediately goes away.

You sound very immature and frankly probably shouldn't be getting married (much less having a child!). Seek help.

He's obviously not talking about cold sores on his mouth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

I’m not sure. I was so shocked and angry that I haven’t asked. I know that I should’ve…

OP, you are wildly overdramatic. Your doctor will tell you this, so listen up, but there are two kinds, and one is more serious than the other. Also, there is a pill you can take while pregnant and it will be a non-event.

I got HSV-1 when I was a baby and a relative with a cold sore kissed me on the mouth. I was really sick at the time but recovered and ever since then I will have flare ups of cold sores maybe 1-2 times a year during periods of high stress. If I had them more I could take a daily pill, but as it is I just take some when I feel one coming on and it immediately goes away.

You sound very immature and frankly probably shouldn't be getting married (much less having a child!). Seek help.

I’m overdramatic because the person I trusted selfishly withheld important information from and removed my ability to consent to something, which makes me question what else is he hiding or could hide if we stayed together? Are you nuts?

Then call me over dramatic then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

I’m not sure. I was so shocked and angry that I haven’t asked. I know that I should’ve…

OP, you are wildly overdramatic. Your doctor will tell you this, so listen up, but there are two kinds, and one is more serious than the other. Also, there is a pill you can take while pregnant and it will be a non-event.

I got HSV-1 when I was a baby and a relative with a cold sore kissed me on the mouth. I was really sick at the time but recovered and ever since then I will have flare ups of cold sores maybe 1-2 times a year during periods of high stress. If I had them more I could take a daily pill, but as it is I just take some when I feel one coming on and it immediately goes away.

You sound very immature and frankly probably shouldn't be getting married (much less having a child!). Seek help.

I’m overdramatic because the person I trusted selfishly withheld important information from and removed my ability to consent to something, which makes me question what else is he hiding or could hide if we stayed together? Are you nuts?

Then call me over dramatic then.

You're overdramatic.

You didn't even ask which kind he has? And how quickly did you get knocked up by him? You never noticed an outbreak?

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's overdramatic, can't the baby be born blind? I'd be furious.

Plus, the thing about having being tested years ago and looking it up in his chart 5 months ago and finding out makes no sense and is obviously a lie.

OP, you need to go to the doctor and hope for the best.

[Anonymous]

Your timeline is so vague. When did he find out? To never said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your timeline is so vague. When did he find out? To never said.

So, I called him and asked him when he found out and he said this past November. He said he decided to look up medical history then and saw he had tested positive for herpes a few years ago but didn’t notice until now. I texted him afterwards and told him nothing he’s saying makes sense and is still be dishonest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

That's not herpes. Not the same thing at all.

[Anonymous]

Now I see why he couldn't get erect. He was envisioning this meltdown. OP delivered!

Let's be honest, even though OP's fiance was dishonest (red flag), her response is a red flag too. It was also a red flag to have a baby without having these conversations first. It is also another red flag to be unable to communicate afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now I see why he couldn't get erect. He was envisioning this meltdown. OP delivered!

Let's be honest, even though OP's fiance was dishonest (red flag), her response is a red flag too. It was also a red flag to have a baby without having these conversations first. It is also another red flag to be unable to communicate afterwards.

You do know you can ask to see someone’s STI panel and it won’t have herpes on it. They’ll even test for HIV, but Herpes.

But yes, find a way to blame the woman when he lied, decided to propose , and get someone pregnant without saying a word about him having heroes. Yup, it’s her fault.