I’m 20w pregnant. My fiance told me he has herpes.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The nonchalant attitude so many of you have towards a highly infectious permanent condition that requires some folks to take daily medication to manage is kind of insane.

I am truly confused how some of you seem to think this is just no big deal at all. If someone gave me genital herpes because they decided their previous (not 1 but 2) positive results were unimportant would be infuriating to me. There is no way I would stay with such a person. Like How frekan dare you.

The nonchalant attitude the rest of you have about encouraging OP to kick her baby daddy to the curb before her baby even enters the world is equally insane

Agree. They think somehow OP will be a winner in this zero sum game. But- these posters don't have to live her upcoming life.
Ha! What does she win? Let's see:
1. She leaves a guy who loves her. And it's clear he does. Mistakes were made, but he loves her and the baby.

2. She will have a baby that she will have only partial custody of.

3. Boyfriend will immediately move on and there will be step mom, there absolutely will, right in the inception of this baby's life, so, yes, she is Mom, too.

4. OP will have zero, and I mean ZERO control over what happens when she drops off this 3 month old, 3 years old, 10 year old, 16 year old kid to him. All medical decisions will have to go through him. School, church, even scouts.

5. OP will not necessarily move on. She's a single mom now of an infant, toddler, kid, teenager. And we all know how that plays out on Tinder. Plus, her backstory will be that she left him as he had herpes- she will likely test positive at some point, because that will always be a possibility- added bonus points on the dating scene there, right?

6. She will be in court for the next 22 years working out child support , custody, college, because raising a kid in her own will be more $$ than she ever thought it will be. And she will always have to deal with Mom # 2- you know, the one who didn't care about the herpes at all, and married the Dad because he wants to have a family. Millions of people have herpes. Millions.
Meanwhile, she will start off broke because getting a lawyer over this will be very expensive...and they aren't even married. She thinks she will have some legal upper hand with money or custody over this herpes disclosure, and I am here to say, no- she will have nothing. It's not a deal breaker in court at all.

7. Boyfriend will have more kids with new wife, and that will be baby's family. Those kids will be siblings.
8. She will never be able to move away from the area, and Daddy (and step mom) will have requests and opinions that she doesn't like ..everything from school to camp to sports to clothes, vacations, friends. All out of OP's control now. But most woman assume they are in control, and are shocked to find out how quickly they have no control over their kid really. It'a staggeringly depressing and really frightening, so let's add the declining mental state to her list of developments.

She will have not won anything. She's angry now, but let's assume after this revelation she will have counseling and make an appropriate decision.


Don't dive into the gene pool without a life guard, people.

How can you say he loves her when he lied to her, infected her with an incurable disease and only came clean 4 years later? You're actually so insane for suggesting this is NBD and OP should stick by her lying diseased untrustworthy baby daddy.

All the rest of your reasons are just crap. Don't leave the liar who infected you with an incurable disease because... he may have more children? Jesus Christ your bar is beyond hell. I seriously hope that women never take this kind of advice. There is zero, I repeat ZERO reason that OP is better off staying with a lying AH who sexually assaulted her. What a shit take.

Because you are the one jumping to conclusions here about lying. Even with OP's bias here, and she of course has one- it's plain as day that he did not realize he had herpes 4 years ago. He actually said that. He did not understand it at all, like a lot of people here...just read this whole thread- this isn't a clear cut issue. He did realize it 4 months ago when something happened to make him check, and that would be the baby coming. So many people think they have it only when it shows up. This guy went through a very tough time trying to figure out what to say or do. No, he's not getting a pat in the back, but because he had no symptoms he could have NEVER said anything, ever. He realized now this could possibly affect the baby. It was clear by OP's post that he was in deep turmoil. He put the baby first.

He really didn't get it, that was clear. He isn't a liar, he isn't an abuser, he isn't a narcissist. He's dumb about herpes, so is OP. You are the one filling in a context that isn't there.

Both here are really naive, actually, and OP doesn't get to hold a torch of responsibility up because she is also late to the party. She never tested and didn't ask him to. Don't bring your personal issues into something that doesn't fit.

This thread should end. OP and boyfriend need counseling, and a doctor. That's all.

“So I tested positive for herpes 4 yrs ago but thought NAH can’t be me”
“I tested positive for herpes 1 year ago but thought NAH can’t be me”

Be so fu##ing for real right now.
Idk if he’s a narc, but he’s sure as fu## an abuser and a liar. 1000x he is. You are an abuse enabler by trying to coerce op to stay with her abuser. Disgusting.

And you are immature with no reading comprehension. Lol

Where's the issue in reading comprehension? He got tested years ago, was positive. Got tested more recently, positive again. He knew he had it and didn't tell op. He's a liar and potentially gave her an STD. Not sure how many you have that it's NBD, maybe youre a collector of sorts. Most of us aren't.

Anyone who dealt with medical professionals on this one would tell that doctors play herpes down a lot. He could have not placed any significant value in his positive tests until OP got pregnant. And then the doctors advised him it could affect the baby or he read online himself. So at that point he felt that it would be important to tell OP

Medical disclosures and their boundaries are grey area. I wouldn’t necessarily consider his decision making unethical unless OP clearly stated to him prior to having sex that heroes status was important to her

They play it down because of the mental health aspects of it.

They play it down because it is just a rash and you can take good meds for it. It is a nothing burger medically.

What are the side effects of the meds? Who wants to be dependent on meds? You can take good meds for hiv too. Herpes causes dementia just like a bunch of other STDs like HIV and syphilis. It’s ok not to want herpes.

Sure it’s OK not to want herpes. That doesn’t change the fact that doctors don’t see it as serious (in the range of things you can have) and doesn’t justify extreme reactions (like leaving your husband because he has cold sores!)

I don’t live with doctors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, he chose actions that hid the truth. For years. Whilst banging and cunnilinging away.
Who wants to keep a baby daddy like that?
Why have a spouse or live in like that?
What else will he choose to hide other things?
And no, not everyone has HSV2. Under 20% of US pop and declining by age group.
Not everyone has HSV1 either.
I don't. DH doesn't. Tested and rechecked because we have concierge doc and paid.

Your personal experience does not generalize to the entire pop. SORRY.

And you also cannot read and are inserting your own conclusions.

Sorry you are on the normalize herpes and lying bandwagons.
Don't try to generalize those either.

😝🤪😜

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, he chose actions that hid the truth. For years. Whilst banging and cunnilinging away.
Who wants to keep a baby daddy like that?
Why have a spouse or live in like that?
What else will he choose to hide other things?
And no, not everyone has HSV2. Under 20% of US pop and declining by age group.
Not everyone has HSV1 either.
I don't. DH doesn't. Tested and rechecked because we have concierge doc and paid.

Your personal experience does not generalize to the entire pop. SORRY.

And you also cannot read and are inserting your own conclusions.

You are the one inserting conclusions. He has two positive tests, one from years ago. He knew he had a contagious STD and chose not to tell his girlfriend. He got her pregnant and chose not to tell her. He proposed and chose not to tell her. I don't care that some percent of people have this disease. It's my choice if I want to be with someone who has it, and he removed that choice. He committed sexual assault.

Knowingly giving someone herpes without their consent can be considered sexual assault or a criminal offense in many jurisdictions, as it violates the ability to give informed consent to sexual activity. Legal ramifications, including criminal charges and civil lawsuits, often stem from a failure to disclose a known STI before sexual contact.

Key Legal and Personal Considerations:
Legal Duty: Individuals with a known STI have a duty to inform sexual partners to allow them to make an informed decision.
Criminal Charges: Cases have occurred where failing to disclose herpes led to aggravated sexual assault charges.
Civil Liability: Victims may pursue civil action to receive compensation for medical bills, pain, and suffering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, he chose actions that hid the truth. For years. Whilst banging and cunnilinging away.
Who wants to keep a baby daddy like that?
Why have a spouse or live in like that?
What else will he choose to hide other things?
And no, not everyone has HSV2. Under 20% of US pop and declining by age group.
Not everyone has HSV1 either.
I don't. DH doesn't. Tested and rechecked because we have concierge doc and paid.

Your personal experience does not generalize to the entire pop. SORRY.

And you also cannot read and are inserting your own conclusions.

You are the one inserting conclusions. He has two positive tests, one from years ago. He knew he had a contagious STD and chose not to tell his girlfriend. He got her pregnant and chose not to tell her. He proposed and chose not to tell her. I don't care that some percent of people have this disease. It's my choice if I want to be with someone who has it, and he removed that choice. He committed sexual assault.

Knowingly giving someone herpes without their consent can be considered sexual assault or a criminal offense in many jurisdictions, as it violates the ability to give informed consent to sexual activity. Legal ramifications, including criminal charges and civil lawsuits, often stem from a failure to disclose a known STI before sexual contact.

Key Legal and Personal Considerations:
Legal Duty: Individuals with a known STI have a duty to inform sexual partners to allow them to make an informed decision.
Criminal Charges: Cases have occurred where failing to disclose herpes led to aggravated sexual assault charges.
Civil Liability: Victims may pursue civil action to receive compensation for medical bills, pain, and suffering.

Great idea - she should sue him for civil assault then try to get full custody.

wtf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, he chose actions that hid the truth. For years. Whilst banging and cunnilinging away.
Who wants to keep a baby daddy like that?
Why have a spouse or live in like that?
What else will he choose to hide other things?
And no, not everyone has HSV2. Under 20% of US pop and declining by age group.
Not everyone has HSV1 either.
I don't. DH doesn't. Tested and rechecked because we have concierge doc and paid.

Your personal experience does not generalize to the entire pop. SORRY.

And you also cannot read and are inserting your own conclusions.

You are the one inserting conclusions. He has two positive tests, one from years ago. He knew he had a contagious STD and chose not to tell his girlfriend. He got her pregnant and chose not to tell her. He proposed and chose not to tell her. I don't care that some percent of people have this disease. It's my choice if I want to be with someone who has it, and he removed that choice. He committed sexual assault.

Knowingly giving someone herpes without their consent can be considered sexual assault or a criminal offense in many jurisdictions, as it violates the ability to give informed consent to sexual activity. Legal ramifications, including criminal charges and civil lawsuits, often stem from a failure to disclose a known STI before sexual contact.

Key Legal and Personal Considerations:
Legal Duty: Individuals with a known STI have a duty to inform sexual partners to allow them to make an informed decision.
Criminal Charges: Cases have occurred where failing to disclose herpes led to aggravated sexual assault charges.
Civil Liability: Victims may pursue civil action to receive compensation for medical bills, pain, and suffering.

Great idea - she should sue him for civil assault then try to get full custody.

wtf

I know you're not serious, but it would be great for OP. Get some cash and her baby and gtfo.

[Anonymous]

These are one of those times that I am grateful to have health anxiety. It would never allow me to be intimate with someone without both of us being fully tested first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are one of those times that I am grateful to have health anxiety. It would never allow me to be intimate with someone without both of us being fully tested first.

Serious question, every time you’ve been intimate with someone you’ve asked to see their full panel? (herpes included since it’s not standard).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are one of those times that I am grateful to have health anxiety. It would never allow me to be intimate with someone without both of us being fully tested first.

Serious question, every time you’ve been intimate with someone you’ve asked to see their full panel? (herpes included since it’s not standard).

Yup. Not saying it’s healthy. but yes.

[Anonymous]

Tort Law 101: You need evidence of a harm in order to establish a claim. She does not have herpes..So, he didnt pass it to her. So, case dismissed. No.harm, no foul.

[Anonymous]

Did the OP ever provide an update? I don't want to read through 33 pages to find out what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tort Law 101: You need evidence of a harm in order to establish a claim. She does not have herpes..So, he didnt pass it to her. So, case dismissed. No.harm, no foul.

She hasn’t even taken the test so we have no idea if she has it or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tort Law 101: You need evidence of a harm in order to establish a claim. She does not have herpes..So, he didnt pass it to her. So, case dismissed. No.harm, no foul.

She hasn’t even taken the test so we have no idea if she has it or not.

For the 100th time now taking a blood test is not reliable. The CDC does not recommend blood test, only swab testing for an outbreak. You can test positive with the blood test if you’ve ever had chickenpox.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are one of those times that I am grateful to have health anxiety. It would never allow me to be intimate with someone without both of us being fully tested first.

Serious question, every time you’ve been intimate with someone you’ve asked to see their full panel? (herpes included since it’s not standard).

Really, are you sleeping with a lot of random people to the point where it would be ridiculous to test yourself and partner everytime? If so, why are you even on this thread? You are ok with a variety of possible outcomes, and are not concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, he chose actions that hid the truth. For years. Whilst banging and cunnilinging away.
Who wants to keep a baby daddy like that?
Why have a spouse or live in like that?
What else will he choose to hide other things?
And no, not everyone has HSV2. Under 20% of US pop and declining by age group.
Not everyone has HSV1 either.
I don't. DH doesn't. Tested and rechecked because we have concierge doc and paid.

Your personal experience does not generalize to the entire pop. SORRY.

And you also cannot read and are inserting your own conclusions.

You are the one inserting conclusions. He has two positive tests, one from years ago. He knew he had a contagious STD and chose not to tell his girlfriend. He got her pregnant and chose not to tell her. He proposed and chose not to tell her. I don't care that some percent of people have this disease. It's my choice if I want to be with someone who has it, and he removed that choice. He committed sexual assault.

Knowingly giving someone herpes without their consent can be considered sexual assault or a criminal offense in many jurisdictions, as it violates the ability to give informed consent to sexual activity. Legal ramifications, including criminal charges and civil lawsuits, often stem from a failure to disclose a known STI before sexual contact.

Key Legal and Personal Considerations:
Legal Duty: Individuals with a known STI have a duty to inform sexual partners to allow them to make an informed decision.
Criminal Charges: Cases have occurred where failing to disclose herpes led to aggravated sexual assault charges.
Civil Liability: Victims may pursue civil action to receive compensation for medical bills, pain, and suffering.

Great idea - she should sue him for civil assault then try to get full custody.

wtf

I know you're not serious, but it would be great for OP. Get some cash and her baby and gtfo.

You guys are living in ignorance. This is herpes, not HIV. That will never happen. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, he chose actions that hid the truth. For years. Whilst banging and cunnilinging away.
Who wants to keep a baby daddy like that?
Why have a spouse or live in like that?
What else will he choose to hide other things?
And no, not everyone has HSV2. Under 20% of US pop and declining by age group.
Not everyone has HSV1 either.
I don't. DH doesn't. Tested and rechecked because we have concierge doc and paid.

Your personal experience does not generalize to the entire pop. SORRY.

And you also cannot read and are inserting your own conclusions.

You are the one inserting conclusions. He has two positive tests, one from years ago. He knew he had a contagious STD and chose not to tell his girlfriend. He got her pregnant and chose not to tell her. He proposed and chose not to tell her. I don't care that some percent of people have this disease. It's my choice if I want to be with someone who has it, and he removed that choice. He committed sexual assault.

Knowingly giving someone herpes without their consent can be considered sexual assault or a criminal offense in many jurisdictions, as it violates the ability to give informed consent to sexual activity. Legal ramifications, including criminal charges and civil lawsuits, often stem from a failure to disclose a known STI before sexual contact.

Key Legal and Personal Considerations:
Legal Duty: Individuals with a known STI have a duty to inform sexual partners to allow them to make an informed decision.
Criminal Charges: Cases have occurred where failing to disclose herpes led to aggravated sexual assault charges.
Civil Liability: Victims may pursue civil action to receive compensation for medical bills, pain, and suffering.

Again, you cannot read information correctly. That's not what was written. This is about the 4th time you've been told this.
Secondly, no, there is absolutely no legal ramifications for him or anyone here. None whatsoever. Google is really not your friend here as you are taking specific instances and suppositions out of context, well, because that is how you read material.