I’m 20w pregnant. My fiance told me he has herpes.

[Anonymous]

The nonchalant attitude so many of you have towards a highly infectious permanent condition that requires some folks to take daily medication to manage is kind of insane.

I am truly confused how some of you seem to think this is just no big deal at all. If someone gave me genital herpes because they decided their previous (not 1 but 2) positive results were unimportant would be infuriating to me. There is no way I would stay with such a person. Like How frekan dare you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go into counseling OP, you are too emotional right now to think clearly and to make decisions. I wouldn't make a recommendation with regard to splitting up your new family without a lot of time and education first. You are just mad and that isn't a reason to leave this now. There’s a hundred reasons why this happened and it's not really about deception, the way you are making it sound like. There's a lot missing here, and you need to do the work for your baby now. Good luck, dear.

1) being mad about your man lying to you and infecting you with a lifelong disease is 100% enough reason to leave.
2) it's deception at BEST

Sorry, he didn't lie. He didn't understand his results at first. He never presented. He did understand later and told her, albiet late, but they already had sex, already became pregnant, so what would have changed. I mean he's clearly upset about it, this isn't something intentional. He was just naive. So was she, so come on.

Who tf is writing these copes? Did that ahole find the post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go into counseling OP, you are too emotional right now to think clearly and to make decisions. I wouldn't make a recommendation with regard to splitting up your new family without a lot of time and education first. You are just mad and that isn't a reason to leave this now. There’s a hundred reasons why this happened and it's not really about deception, the way you are making it sound like. There's a lot missing here, and you need to do the work for your baby now. Good luck, dear.

1) being mad about your man lying to you and infecting you with a lifelong disease is 100% enough reason to leave.
2) it's deception at BEST

Sorry, he didn't lie. He didn't understand his results at first. He never presented. He did understand later and told her, albiet late, but they already had sex, already became pregnant, so what would have changed. I mean he's clearly upset about it, this isn't something intentional. He was just naive. So was she, so come on.

Do you know what a lie is? He has two positive tests and didn't tell her, and you want to say he wasn't lying? Of course he lied. Sure he did tell her, eventually. But he knew. For 4 years. And then again in jan 2025. And then he had unprotected sex with her (sexual assault). And then he got her pregnant. And then he proposed. And then he told her. I can't think of any way he could be a bigger fucking liar.

All bolded areas above are facts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who got HSV-2 (genital herpes) after receiving oral sex from a guy who had HSV-1 (cold sores). He didn't even have a visible cold sore at the time. She later learned from her doctor that there can be shedding without a visible cold sore, and that is still a contagious time.

Cool story but HSV-1 doesn’t turn into HsV-2 it’s one or the other. She could get HSV-1 on her genitals though.

You're right. That's how she told it to me, and maybe it's because she was so distraught, but I just looked it up, and you are correct. BTW, it's not a "cool story." She was absolutly devastated, it caused her to sink into a deep depression, and because (of course) she is open and honest with men, she hasn't had a meaningful relationship in 10 years.

There’s a website for herpes people to unite

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he cheated on you. Sorry. And I think you know that. Hence your intense reaction.

Not necessarily. Someone can have herpes for years with no flareups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Wouldn’t you feel better if you just got the blood test? The reason they don’t recommend testing without symptoms has nothing to do with the accuracy of the test-it’s because it sometimes causes depression/emotional reactions when people learn they are positive. Because technically Herpes isn’t actually harmful except in babies (which is a reason i’m surprised your doctor doesn’t want to test you), the benefits of testing don’t outweigh the risks. It’s very common for people to drop into deep depressions and have serious issues with relationships when they find out. Just get the blood test! I simply don’t understand this. You can even order them online and do them yourself in your own house and send them off.

Everyone please watch these two videos from a board certified family medical doctor. She does a really good job at explaining, and she has an entire herpes series.

Video 1
Why blood tests for herpes is NOT reliable and not recommended for testing herpes. You can even test positive if you’ve had chickenpox.

She goes into way more detail

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh44UtH8/

Video 2
A positive herpes test does NOT mean you have herpes.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh448vS1/

We all know the best most reputable doctors are making tiktoks.

Imagine being this desperate to convince yourself that your positive results are imaginary.

And the CDC and OB? They’re wrong too, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For HSV having a positive antibody test means you have the antibodies for the virus in your blood. Which means you have it. It means the virus is in your blood. Could be dormant, you could have zero outbreaks, one outbreak or outbreaks all the time. It means you have the virus and can spread it to others. If you test positive for the antibody test you will always test positive for it-because it’s permanent. It’s totally fine if some of you are comfortable with that but it doesn’t change the fact that the person has it. Maybe they will never have an outbreak and will never spread it but honestly there is no way to know that. Someone can have it dormant for years and then have an outbreak.

But that’s not true

Thank you for explaining this. 20 years ago, I tested positive for antibody when I was in HS and I was so confused because I was still a virgin.

I’ve never had a cold sore in my life. When i tested for the hsv again in college (this time i was sexual), I didn’t have the antibody

Most people get HSV-1 during childhood so it wouldn’t be weird at all for you to test positive for it in high school. People get it from being kissed by parents/family members. That being said false negatives/false positives were definitely a thing with the tests 20 years ago so it also was probably just a false positive.

Also they for sure test pregnant women for HSV-2 but only if you tell them you have it/Have possibly been exposed. They asked me about it in all 3 of my pregnancies.

They clearly don’t. If you’re not showing any signs of an outbreak. You can request but they don’t “for sure test”.

Because the OP said her doctor didn’t? Obviously her doctor isn’t a good one. They absolutely test you if you tell them you have it or might have it. Doctors want to protect the babies.

But yeah-who cares. It’s just herpes. It can actually kill babies but no really it’s fine. Some of you are really insane.

Also some of you need to look up what the word permanent means. Because you seem confused.

The last two pages are full of replies from multiple people stating how it’s not standard to test if you’re not showing signs of symptoms. It’s not a reliable test if you’re not showing symptoms because many people will test positive for antibodies - it’s not a reliable test for infection, exposure timeline, etc., only that you’ve simply been exposed, which most of the population has. We’re simply repeating the typical protocol from doctors and health organizations.

Why are you acting like testing positive for the antibodies doesn’t mean you have herpes? That’s literally what it means. Positive antibodies = you have herpes and must inform all partner you have.

Which OP now has to do. She was exposed the same way he was, and he didn't even know he was infected.

She has to do that once it’s confirmed that she has antibodies or herpes. We aren’t sure if she was “exposed” because we aren’t sure if he was shedding or had an outbreak or a viral load in his semen when he had sex with her and also she has described that she hasn’t come in contact with his semen for a while here. Although somehow she is pregnant 20 weeks ago so go figure.

Anyway, I was reading about the documented cases of HIV when it spread in the porn industry from Brazil. All of the people who had unprotected sex with the HIV positive actor did not catch HIV. Nor did they test positive for HIV antibodies. They simply did not catch it. Infected people do not shed virus at a constant or continuous rate, sometimes their semen doesn’t have HIV in it, sometimes it does. You can never tell. So some of them had sex with an HIV positive person but were not exposed to the virus.

See, now you’re just making stuff up. When did I ever say or even allude to anyone’s semen? All you need to do is coming into contact with someone’s skin to get herpes, not their semen. Quite literally said on page 1 how we had sex Saturday and how he couldn’t stay erect.

I’m not “making stuff up” you can get herpes from contact with legions. You can also get it from saliva and semen. If you would’ve known all that….

she has described that she hasn’t come in contact with his semen for a while here

This is what you made up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Wouldn’t you feel better if you just got the blood test? The reason they don’t recommend testing without symptoms has nothing to do with the accuracy of the test-it’s because it sometimes causes depression/emotional reactions when people learn they are positive. Because technically Herpes isn’t actually harmful except in babies (which is a reason i’m surprised your doctor doesn’t want to test you), the benefits of testing don’t outweigh the risks. It’s very common for people to drop into deep depressions and have serious issues with relationships when they find out. Just get the blood test! I simply don’t understand this. You can even order them online and do them yourself in your own house and send them off.

Everyone please watch these two videos from a board certified family medical doctor. She does a really good job at explaining, and she has an entire herpes series.

Video 1
Why blood tests for herpes is NOT reliable and not recommended for testing herpes. You can even test positive if you’ve had chickenpox.

She goes into way more detail

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh44UtH8/

Video 2
A positive herpes test does NOT mean you have herpes.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh448vS1/

We all know the best most reputable doctors are making tiktoks.

Imagine being this desperate to convince yourself that your positive results are imaginary.

And the CDC and OB? They’re wrong too, right?

I don’t believe OP ever saw her OB about this. Based on her description of the visit it sounds completely made up.

Did you actually read what the CDC says about Herpes testing? Because although it says it doesn’t recommend testing for the general population, it states they recommend testing for those with a partner who has genital herpes. Which is exactly the OP’s scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The nonchalant attitude so many of you have towards a highly infectious permanent condition that requires some folks to take daily medication to manage is kind of insane.

I am truly confused how some of you seem to think this is just no big deal at all. If someone gave me genital herpes because they decided their previous (not 1 but 2) positive results were unimportant would be infuriating to me. There is no way I would stay with such a person. Like How frekan dare you.

The nonchalant attitude the rest of you have about encouraging OP to kick her baby daddy to the curb before her baby even enters the world is equally insane

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who got HSV-2 (genital herpes) after receiving oral sex from a guy who had HSV-1 (cold sores). He didn't even have a visible cold sore at the time. She later learned from her doctor that there can be shedding without a visible cold sore, and that is still a contagious time.

Cool story but HSV-1 doesn’t turn into HsV-2 it’s one or the other. She could get HSV-1 on her genitals though.

You're right. That's how she told it to me, and maybe it's because she was so distraught, but I just looked it up, and you are correct. BTW, it's not a "cool story." She was absolutly devastated, it caused her to sink into a deep depression, and because (of course) she is open and honest with men, she hasn't had a meaningful relationship in 10 years.

There’s a website for herpes people to unite

Do you all see now that very few people understand this particular virus and the ramifications? People do not know the difference between 1 and 2, that they BOTH can be genital, that someone can have it technically and never present with symptoms, that NO, one does not have to be on medication daily for life- where the heck did THAT come from(?), that you can test negative now but positive later, that not having symptoms doesn't mean you don't have it, that HSV positive means little to someone if it isn't explained, that not having symptoms doesn't mean it can't be spread, that not everyone will get it from a sexual encounter, that you can have a healthy sex life with it, have kids with it.

This entire thread should show OP that both she and her baby daddy just really didn't understand a lot. Time for a reset, education, and move ahead with life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Wouldn’t you feel better if you just got the blood test? The reason they don’t recommend testing without symptoms has nothing to do with the accuracy of the test-it’s because it sometimes causes depression/emotional reactions when people learn they are positive. Because technically Herpes isn’t actually harmful except in babies (which is a reason i’m surprised your doctor doesn’t want to test you), the benefits of testing don’t outweigh the risks. It’s very common for people to drop into deep depressions and have serious issues with relationships when they find out. Just get the blood test! I simply don’t understand this. You can even order them online and do them yourself in your own house and send them off.

Everyone please watch these two videos from a board certified family medical doctor. She does a really good job at explaining, and she has an entire herpes series.

Video 1
Why blood tests for herpes is NOT reliable and not recommended for testing herpes. You can even test positive if you’ve had chickenpox.

She goes into way more detail

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh44UtH8/

Video 2
A positive herpes test does NOT mean you have herpes.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh448vS1/

We all know the best most reputable doctors are making tiktoks.

Imagine being this desperate to convince yourself that your positive results are imaginary.

And the CDC and OB? They’re wrong too, right?

I don’t believe OP ever saw her OB about this. Based on her description of the visit it sounds completely made up.

Did you actually read what the CDC says about Herpes testing? Because although it says it doesn’t recommend testing for the general population, it states they recommend testing for those with a partner who has genital herpes. Which is exactly the OP’s scenario.

Did you read what the CDC said?? It’s amazing how you can spread misinformation that can easily be refuted. It says right on the CDC website:

“ CDC does not recommend herpes testing for people without symptoms in most situations.
This is because of the limits of a herpes blood test and the possibility of a wrong test result. The chances of wrong test results are higher for people who are at low risk of infection.”.

https://imgur.com/a/LNW7IKb

I have 0% symptoms. This aligns with what my doctor exactly said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Wouldn’t you feel better if you just got the blood test? The reason they don’t recommend testing without symptoms has nothing to do with the accuracy of the test-it’s because it sometimes causes depression/emotional reactions when people learn they are positive. Because technically Herpes isn’t actually harmful except in babies (which is a reason i’m surprised your doctor doesn’t want to test you), the benefits of testing don’t outweigh the risks. It’s very common for people to drop into deep depressions and have serious issues with relationships when they find out. Just get the blood test! I simply don’t understand this. You can even order them online and do them yourself in your own house and send them off.

Everyone please watch these two videos from a board certified family medical doctor. She does a really good job at explaining, and she has an entire herpes series.

Video 1
Why blood tests for herpes is NOT reliable and not recommended for testing herpes. You can even test positive if you’ve had chickenpox.

She goes into way more detail

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh44UtH8/

Video 2
A positive herpes test does NOT mean you have herpes.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh448vS1/

We all know the best most reputable doctors are making tiktoks.

Imagine being this desperate to convince yourself that your positive results are imaginary.

And the CDC and OB? They’re wrong too, right?

I don’t believe OP ever saw her OB about this. Based on her description of the visit it sounds completely made up.

Did you actually read what the CDC says about Herpes testing? Because although it says it doesn’t recommend testing for the general population, it states they recommend testing for those with a partner who has genital herpes. Which is exactly the OP’s scenario.

Did you read what the CDC said?? It’s amazing how you can spread misinformation that can easily be refuted. It says right on the CDC website:

“ CDC does not recommend herpes testing for people without symptoms in most situations.
This is because of the limits of a herpes blood test and the possibility of a wrong test result. The chances of wrong test results are higher for people who are at low risk of infection.”.

https://imgur.com/a/LNW7IKb

I have 0% symptoms. This aligns with what my doctor exactly said.

So you decided to ignore the part where it recommends testing for those with partners with genital herpes-got it. It doesn’t fit your narrative so you will just decide it’s not warranted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Wouldn’t you feel better if you just got the blood test? The reason they don’t recommend testing without symptoms has nothing to do with the accuracy of the test-it’s because it sometimes causes depression/emotional reactions when people learn they are positive. Because technically Herpes isn’t actually harmful except in babies (which is a reason i’m surprised your doctor doesn’t want to test you), the benefits of testing don’t outweigh the risks. It’s very common for people to drop into deep depressions and have serious issues with relationships when they find out. Just get the blood test! I simply don’t understand this. You can even order them online and do them yourself in your own house and send them off.

Everyone please watch these two videos from a board certified family medical doctor. She does a really good job at explaining, and she has an entire herpes series.

Video 1
Why blood tests for herpes is NOT reliable and not recommended for testing herpes. You can even test positive if you’ve had chickenpox.

She goes into way more detail

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh44UtH8/

Video 2
A positive herpes test does NOT mean you have herpes.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh448vS1/

We all know the best most reputable doctors are making tiktoks.

Imagine being this desperate to convince yourself that your positive results are imaginary.

And the CDC and OB? They’re wrong too, right?

I don’t believe OP ever saw her OB about this. Based on her description of the visit it sounds completely made up.

Did you actually read what the CDC says about Herpes testing? Because although it says it doesn’t recommend testing for the general population, it states they recommend testing for those with a partner who has genital herpes. Which is exactly the OP’s scenario.

Did you read what the CDC said?? It’s amazing how you can spread misinformation that can easily be refuted. It says right on the CDC website:

“ CDC does not recommend herpes testing for people without symptoms in most situations.
This is because of the limits of a herpes blood test and the possibility of a wrong test result. The chances of wrong test results are higher for people who are at low risk of infection.”.

https://imgur.com/a/LNW7IKb

I have 0% symptoms. This aligns with what my doctor exactly said.

We get it, you are scared to find out. I would be too but i’d still do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Wouldn’t you feel better if you just got the blood test? The reason they don’t recommend testing without symptoms has nothing to do with the accuracy of the test-it’s because it sometimes causes depression/emotional reactions when people learn they are positive. Because technically Herpes isn’t actually harmful except in babies (which is a reason i’m surprised your doctor doesn’t want to test you), the benefits of testing don’t outweigh the risks. It’s very common for people to drop into deep depressions and have serious issues with relationships when they find out. Just get the blood test! I simply don’t understand this. You can even order them online and do them yourself in your own house and send them off.

Everyone please watch these two videos from a board certified family medical doctor. She does a really good job at explaining, and she has an entire herpes series.

Video 1
Why blood tests for herpes is NOT reliable and not recommended for testing herpes. You can even test positive if you’ve had chickenpox.

She goes into way more detail

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh44UtH8/

Video 2
A positive herpes test does NOT mean you have herpes.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTh448vS1/

We all know the best most reputable doctors are making tiktoks.

Imagine being this desperate to convince yourself that your positive results are imaginary.

And the CDC and OB? They’re wrong too, right?

I don’t believe OP ever saw her OB about this. Based on her description of the visit it sounds completely made up.

Did you actually read what the CDC says about Herpes testing? Because although it says it doesn’t recommend testing for the general population, it states they recommend testing for those with a partner who has genital herpes. Which is exactly the OP’s scenario.

Did you read what the CDC said?? It’s amazing how you can spread misinformation that can easily be refuted. It says right on the CDC website:

“ CDC does not recommend herpes testing for people without symptoms in most situations.
This is because of the limits of a herpes blood test and the possibility of a wrong test result. The chances of wrong test results are higher for people who are at low risk of infection.”.

https://imgur.com/a/LNW7IKb

I have 0% symptoms. This aligns with what my doctor exactly said.

So you decided to ignore the part where it recommends testing for those with partners with genital herpes-got it. It doesn’t fit your narrative so you will just decide it’s not warranted.

“The CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention does not recommend routine blood testing for herpes in individuals without symptoms, even if a partner is infected”

https://imgur.com/a/m47v2e5

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nonchalant attitude so many of you have towards a highly infectious permanent condition that requires some folks to take daily medication to manage is kind of insane.

I am truly confused how some of you seem to think this is just no big deal at all. If someone gave me genital herpes because they decided their previous (not 1 but 2) positive results were unimportant would be infuriating to me. There is no way I would stay with such a person. Like How frekan dare you.

The nonchalant attitude the rest of you have about encouraging OP to kick her baby daddy to the curb before her baby even enters the world is equally insane

Agree. They think somehow OP will be a winner in this zero sum game. But- these posters don't have to live her upcoming life.
Ha! What does she win? Let's see:
1. She leaves a guy who loves her. And it's clear he does. Mistakes were made, but he loves her and the baby.

2. She will have a baby that she will have only partial custody of.

3. Boyfriend will immediately move on and there will be step mom, there absolutely will, right in the inception of this baby's life, so, yes, she is Mom, too.

4. OP will have zero, and I mean ZERO control over what happens when she drops off this 3 month old, 3 years old, 10 year old, 16 year old kid to him. All medical decisions will have to go through him. School, church, even scouts.

5. OP will not necessarily move on. She's a single mom now of an infant, toddler, kid, teenager. And we all know how that plays out on Tinder. Plus, her backstory will be that she left him as he had herpes- she will likely test positive at some point, because that will always be a possibility- added bonus points on the dating scene there, right?

6. She will be in court for the next 22 years working out child support , custody, college, because raising a kid in her own will be more $$ than she ever thought it will be. And she will always have to deal with Mom # 2- you know, the one who didn't care about the herpes at all, and married the Dad because he wants to have a family. Millions of people have herpes. Millions.
Meanwhile, she will start off broke because getting a lawyer over this will be very expensive...and they aren't even married. She thinks she will have some legal upper hand with money or custody over this herpes disclosure, and I am here to say, no- she will have nothing. It's not a deal breaker in court at all.

7. Boyfriend will have more kids with new wife, and that will be baby's family. Those kids will be siblings.
8. She will never be able to move away from the area, and Daddy (and step mom) will have requests and opinions that she doesn't like ..everything from school to camp to sports to clothes, vacations, friends. All out of OP's control now. But most woman assume they are in control, and are shocked to find out how quickly they have no control over their kid really. It'a staggeringly depressing and really frightening, so let's add the declining mental state to her list of developments.

She will have not won anything. She's angry now, but let's assume after this revelation she will have counseling and make an appropriate decision.


Don't dive into the gene pool without a life guard, people.