Revealing affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wrong. OP reported that after they told the other spouse. Told them without any regard for them.

When OP told the other spouse, OP did not care whether they were going to hurt another innocent person.

I must have missed where OP said she had no regard for them - or maybe you are just making up your own story like a psycho??

OP likely agonized over telling the other betrayed spouse precisely because she knows exactly how painful the information is - since she had to deal with it herself - and dreaded being the bearer of bad news. But that’s all OP was - a truth sharer who was watching out for another person because she knows the pain will be worse the longer the other person is kept in the dark. OP restored agency to the other spouse. Any damage or resulting divorce is ENTIRELY the fault of the cheaters.

Seriously, are you okay, PP? You seem strangely invented, and all your argue wants (I’d like to call it discussion, but it’s not) contain personalized, mental health related slurs like this one. You’ve also used delusional, I think crazy, and certainly referred to women who stay as weak.

With that, I just want to point out that it takes a hell of a lot of backbone to stick by someone who hurts you to the core, and I would never refer to someone who stays as weak. To me, that’s the exact realization of the marriage vows. Humans aren't perfect, and life is a long time.

The fact that you can see no nuance in any situation, and are so rigid that you lash out with name calling and slurs to defend your point makes me sad for you. Life is a bigger place than you seem to want know or understand. “But for the grace…”.

Nah, you just didn't want to get a job.

Because Beyoncé and HRC didn’t have jobs? You think every woman who stays is a SAH?

So you didn't get a job, and stayed and use beyonce and hilary to prop up your position? Whatever helps you sleep at night I guess.

Wtf is with you, your assumptions and your personal attacks? Does it actually serve you well in life?

We’ll, I’ve been employed since 14, and I’m well over triple that, but thanks to you and your judgement for Coming out. People can not have your personal opinion on life, do you know that?

I guess right back at your “whatever lets you sleep at night” but I don’t think I could being such a hateful, spiteful, and rigid person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wrong. OP reported that after they told the other spouse. Told them without any regard for them.

When OP told the other spouse, OP did not care whether they were going to hurt another innocent person.

I must have missed where OP said she had no regard for them - or maybe you are just making up your own story like a psycho??

OP likely agonized over telling the other betrayed spouse precisely because she knows exactly how painful the information is - since she had to deal with it herself - and dreaded being the bearer of bad news. But that’s all OP was - a truth sharer who was watching out for another person because she knows the pain will be worse the longer the other person is kept in the dark. OP restored agency to the other spouse. Any damage or resulting divorce is ENTIRELY the fault of the cheaters.

Seriously, are you okay, PP? You seem strangely invented, and all your argue wants (I’d like to call it discussion, but it’s not) contain personalized, mental health related slurs like this one. You’ve also used delusional, I think crazy, and certainly referred to women who stay as weak.

With that, I just want to point out that it takes a hell of a lot of backbone to stick by someone who hurts you to the core, and I would never refer to someone who stays as weak. To me, that’s the exact realization of the marriage vows. Humans aren't perfect, and life is a long time.

The fact that you can see no nuance in any situation, and are so rigid that you lash out with name calling and slurs to defend your point makes me sad for you. Life is a bigger place than you seem to want know or understand. “But for the grace…”.

Nah, you just didn't want to get a job.

Because Beyoncé and HRC didn’t have jobs? You think every woman who stays is a SAH?

So you didn't get a job, and stayed and use beyonce and hilary to prop up your position? Whatever helps you sleep at night I guess.

Wtf is with you, your assumptions and your personal attacks? Does it actually serve you well in life?

We’ll, I’ve been employed since 14, and I’m well over triple that, but thanks to you and your judgement for Coming out. People can not have your personal opinion on life, do you know that?

I guess right back at your “whatever lets you sleep at night” but I don’t think I could being such a hateful, spiteful, and rigid person.

Where was the personal attack? Is not having a job an "attack"? Sad you think that way.

You're the one attacking OP for sharing the info. Sounds like you wish you didn't know the info so you could keep your head in the sand. No need to shoot the messenger. It's out. Time to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wrong. OP reported that after they told the other spouse. Told them without any regard for them.

When OP told the other spouse, OP did not care whether they were going to hurt another innocent person.

I must have missed where OP said she had no regard for them - or maybe you are just making up your own story like a psycho??

OP likely agonized over telling the other betrayed spouse precisely because she knows exactly how painful the information is - since she had to deal with it herself - and dreaded being the bearer of bad news. But that’s all OP was - a truth sharer who was watching out for another person because she knows the pain will be worse the longer the other person is kept in the dark. OP restored agency to the other spouse. Any damage or resulting divorce is ENTIRELY the fault of the cheaters.

Seriously, are you okay, PP? You seem strangely invented, and all your argue wants (I’d like to call it discussion, but it’s not) contain personalized, mental health related slurs like this one. You’ve also used delusional, I think crazy, and certainly referred to women who stay as weak.

With that, I just want to point out that it takes a hell of a lot of backbone to stick by someone who hurts you to the core, and I would never refer to someone who stays as weak. To me, that’s the exact realization of the marriage vows. Humans aren't perfect, and life is a long time.

The fact that you can see no nuance in any situation, and are so rigid that you lash out with name calling and slurs to defend your point makes me sad for you. Life is a bigger place than you seem to want know or understand. “But for the grace…”.

Nah, you just didn't want to get a job.

Because Beyoncé and HRC didn’t have jobs? You think every woman who stays is a SAH?

So you didn't get a job, and stayed and use beyonce and hilary to prop up your position? Whatever helps you sleep at night I guess.

Wtf is with you, your assumptions and your personal attacks? Does it actually serve you well in life?

We’ll, I’ve been employed since 14, and I’m well over triple that, but thanks to you and your judgement for Coming out. People can not have your personal opinion on life, do you know that?

I guess right back at your “whatever lets you sleep at night” but I don’t think I could being such a hateful, spiteful, and rigid person.

Now who's doing the personal attacks Can dish it out but can't take it? Go back to your cheating husbands bed, I'm sure it's already warm from someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wrong. OP reported that after they told the other spouse. Told them without any regard for them.

When OP told the other spouse, OP did not care whether they were going to hurt another innocent person.

I must have missed where OP said she had no regard for them - or maybe you are just making up your own story like a psycho??

OP likely agonized over telling the other betrayed spouse precisely because she knows exactly how painful the information is - since she had to deal with it herself - and dreaded being the bearer of bad news. But that’s all OP was - a truth sharer who was watching out for another person because she knows the pain will be worse the longer the other person is kept in the dark. OP restored agency to the other spouse. Any damage or resulting divorce is ENTIRELY the fault of the cheaters.

Seriously, are you okay, PP? You seem strangely invented, and all your argue wants (I’d like to call it discussion, but it’s not) contain personalized, mental health related slurs like this one. You’ve also used delusional, I think crazy, and certainly referred to women who stay as weak.

With that, I just want to point out that it takes a hell of a lot of backbone to stick by someone who hurts you to the core, and I would never refer to someone who stays as weak. To me, that’s the exact realization of the marriage vows. Humans aren't perfect, and life is a long time.

The fact that you can see no nuance in any situation, and are so rigid that you lash out with name calling and slurs to defend your point makes me sad for you. Life is a bigger place than you seem to want know or understand. “But for the grace…”.

Nah, you just didn't want to get a job.

Because Beyoncé and HRC didn’t have jobs? You think every woman who stays is a SAH?

So you didn't get a job, and stayed and use beyonce and hilary to prop up your position? Whatever helps you sleep at night I guess.

Wtf is with you, your assumptions and your personal attacks? Does it actually serve you well in life?

We’ll, I’ve been employed since 14, and I’m well over triple that, but thanks to you and your judgement for Coming out. People can not have your personal opinion on life, do you know that?

I guess right back at your “whatever lets you sleep at night” but I don’t think I could being such a hateful, spiteful, and rigid person.

Now who's doing the personal attacks Can dish it out but can't take it? Go back to your cheating husbands bed, I'm sure it's already warm from someone else.

These kinds of responses from people screaming about “morality” and “doing the right thing”. Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

You don’t know that. Most of us that caught our friends husband cheating, and told them we’re just so glad to get that **** out of our lives.

And many women stay. It doesn’t make them weak or less. It makes them
Different than you.

Staying after infidelity is their choice. You know what isn't? Being lied to and gaslit and not having all the information. If I want to stay with my husband after he cheats on me, that is my choice, but at least I'm making it with ALL the information out in the open. I'd rather make that decision actually knowing what's going on.

It's clear that the other posters know they'd never leave even if their husbands cheated on them because they can't and they don't want anyone else to know that they're too weak to do anything about it.

DING DING DING

They have no options so they’d rather live in a delulu “good marriage” than know the truth.

Yes, everyone knows Hillary Clinton and Beyonce are "too weak" and "delulu".

Don't try to use their f'd up marriages as examples of a standard marriages most of us want. With fame and politics involved, people make different choices. It's sick that you try to normalize this.

Yes these are women who are damaged in some way regardless of wealth, and fame.

I'ts not like PP could use regular people as an example, but I guarantee you that you know and love someone who has been the victim of infidelity and stayed and didn't tell you.

I also guarantee you that no one, NO ONE, isn't "damaged" as you say. Even the most well adjusted people I know who were raised in loving and peaceful homes have things that are messed up about them.

Well, even though we're all damaged, as you say, many of us wouldn't stay with cheating spouses. Stop trying to make it seem like people who wouldn't tolerate that are the crazy ones...

Many of you are staying with so much worse. An affair is a betrayal, but so are many other things. It’s the cultural attitude in the U.S. to make the affair the gravest of possible transgressions and make sure life falls apart after.

You have a bizarre obsession with trying to convince yourself that everyone is just as miserable as you are. I bet a lot of the women who would leave upon discovering an affair would also leave if there was addiction, abuse, etc. We're not all patsies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wrong. OP reported that after they told the other spouse. Told them without any regard for them.

When OP told the other spouse, OP did not care whether they were going to hurt another innocent person.

I must have missed where OP said she had no regard for them - or maybe you are just making up your own story like a psycho??

OP likely agonized over telling the other betrayed spouse precisely because she knows exactly how painful the information is - since she had to deal with it herself - and dreaded being the bearer of bad news. But that’s all OP was - a truth sharer who was watching out for another person because she knows the pain will be worse the longer the other person is kept in the dark. OP restored agency to the other spouse. Any damage or resulting divorce is ENTIRELY the fault of the cheaters.

This is exactly what they're doing. They have to make up facts to make their point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

You don't know any of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

Answer the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this person has is "doesnt this other persons feelings matter" and yes, they do - that's why OP told them, so theyd know they were being lied to by their spouse. That is mercy, no matter how you look at it.

This person isn't even worth responding to, they have nothing to add except insults to OP.

See, you all keep trying to turn around not being able to infer OPs intent, and I see none of this in her posts. She didn’t care for one second (in her posts) about the other person- there is no mention of their wellness or safety, or concern for them getting an STD, or any of it. OP needed to be free of knowing herself, of holding whatever secret she already knew (which by virtue of them
Knowing made it no longer a secret). She was just happy to unload it and snitch because she has so much to deal with herswlf. That’s basically her first post, as people seem to be inferring things that aren’t there.

Hello?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wrong. OP reported that after they told the other spouse. Told them without any regard for them.

When OP told the other spouse, OP did not care whether they were going to hurt another innocent person.

I must have missed where OP said she had no regard for them - or maybe you are just making up your own story like a psycho??

OP likely agonized over telling the other betrayed spouse precisely because she knows exactly how painful the information is - since she had to deal with it herself - and dreaded being the bearer of bad news. But that’s all OP was - a truth sharer who was watching out for another person because she knows the pain will be worse the longer the other person is kept in the dark. OP restored agency to the other spouse. Any damage or resulting divorce is ENTIRELY the fault of the cheaters.

Seriously, are you okay, PP? You seem strangely invented, and all your argue wants (I’d like to call it discussion, but it’s not) contain personalized, mental health related slurs like this one. You’ve also used delusional, I think crazy, and certainly referred to women who stay as weak.

With that, I just want to point out that it takes a hell of a lot of backbone to stick by someone who hurts you to the core, and I would never refer to someone who stays as weak. To me, that’s the exact realization of the marriage vows. Humans aren't perfect, and life is a long time.

The fact that you can see no nuance in any situation, and are so rigid that you lash out with name calling and slurs to defend your point makes me sad for you. Life is a bigger place than you seem to want know or understand. “But for the grace…”.

Um, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

No, it was the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

You don't know any of this.

Umm. Yes. The OW stalks the wife. She finds out info to use against her. She actively wishes her harm, sometimes even death so she can have the man. She actively begs him to divorce her, etc.

But, oh, they are such noble creatures who didn’t mean to hurt anyone

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated [/quote]
Triggered AP alert![/quote]

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this. [/quote]

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse. [/quote]

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.
[/quote]

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.[/quote]

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.
[/quote]

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?[/quote]

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

[/quote]

No, it was the right thing to do.[/quote]

Based on what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

You don't know any of this.

Umm. Yes. The OW stalks the wife. She finds out info to use against her. She actively wishes her harm, sometimes even death so she can have the man. She actively begs him to divorce her, etc.

But, oh, they are such noble creatures who didn’t mean to hurt anyone

You know that not every OW actually wants the man? That sometimes that’s why they pick unavailable men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

You don't know any of this.

Umm. Yes. The OW stalks the wife. She finds out info to use against her. She actively wishes her harm, sometimes even death so she can have the man. She actively begs him to divorce her, etc.

But, oh, they are such noble creatures who didn’t mean to hurt anyone

You know that not every OW actually wants the man? That sometimes that’s why they pick unavailable men?

DP, but yes of course. And they are still scum.