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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated [/quote]
Triggered AP alert![/quote]

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this. [/quote]

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse. [/quote]

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth. 
[/quote]

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.[/quote]

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.
[/quote]

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?[/quote]

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. [b]They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.[/b]

[/quote]

You don't know any of this.[/quote]

Umm. Yes. The OW stalks the wife.  She finds out info to use against her.  She actively wishes her harm, sometimes even death so she can have the man.  She actively begs him to divorce her, etc.

But, oh, they are such noble creatures who didn’t mean to hurt anyone  :roll: [/quote]

You know that not every OW actually wants the man? That sometimes that’s why they pick unavailable men? [/quote]

Lmaof. They always pick married men. It’s why they are “cheating”.  Unavailable men are exactly who the cheat with.  If the guy was single they wouldn’t be the OW-duh!!!

And banging another woman’s husband is exactly what they get off on doing.  It is how they get self esteem…getting a guy to cheat on their wives must mean they are better, right  :roll: ? [b]These men also are generally high value and they want the wife’s life and lifestyle.  They want the $, the house and if they are married themselves they are usually looking to upgrade.[/b] [/quote]

I am on team OP here all the way.  I think she should tell the other spouse.  And lots of hugs to her as she deals with the aftermath of the tsunami that her selfish husband brought down on their lives.

But the quoted is just pathetic.  Nobody wants these “high value men” with the morals of an alley cat.  If you choose to stay with the cheater, go for it.  But do the hard work to fix your marriage and don’t go around thinking that your scum bag DH is some sort of prize.  He isn’t.  He is damned lucky if you choose to work through things with him.  [/quote]

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