S/O How do you justify having an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

Sure, there are outliers where both APs are on equal footing financially and socially; where the women is in it for the sex and sex only, but I sincerely doubt that is the norm. Misogyny and a power differential is sort built into most affairs. When the majority of women APs cheat with hipster Starbucks baristas instead of corporate Captains of the Universe, I will think differently. These women aren’t victims or admirable feminists, but it is men who appear callous and cruel.
All this verbiage about bike riding, used tube socks, discarded trash and throwing under the bus. Ugly, anti-woman sentiment.

You have no idea. More women are having affairs these days because they have opportunity and independence, like on work travel. As women continue to acquire the same freedoms as men, we will likely see the rate of women participating in affairs increase. The notion that they are all sad little housewives or secretaries, hoping to improve their economic situation, is quite passe.

Yes, the notion is passé and infantilizing, but anecdotally we can point to many posts here from single women looking to marry wealthy men and we hear from betrayed wives how the AP was looking for an upgrade. This article discusses women quitting their jobs at c suite level at 3x the rate of men. Many women are burnt out and want to quit. workinghttps://www.forbes.com/sites/lizelting/2019/08/21/why-women-quit/?sh=20b91c4f16fa

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

Sure, there are outliers where both APs are on equal footing financially and socially; where the women is in it for the sex and sex only, but I sincerely doubt that is the norm. Misogyny and a power differential is sort built into most affairs. When the majority of women APs cheat with hipster Starbucks baristas instead of corporate Captains of the Universe, I will think differently. These women aren’t victims or admirable feminists, but it is men who appear callous and cruel.
All this verbiage about bike riding, used tube socks, discarded trash and throwing under the bus. Ugly, anti-woman sentiment.

You have no idea. More women are having affairs these days because they have opportunity and independence, like on work travel. As women continue to acquire the same freedoms as men, we will likely see the rate of women participating in affairs increase. The notion that they are all sad little housewives or secretaries, hoping to improve their economic situation, is quite passe.

Yes, the notion is passé and infantilizing, but anecdotally we can point to many posts here from single women looking to marry wealthy men and we hear from betrayed wives how the AP was looking for an upgrade. This article discusses women quitting their jobs at c suite level at 3x the rate of men. Many women are burnt out and want to quit. workinghttps://www.forbes.com/sites/lizelting/2019/08/21/why-women-quit/?sh=20b91c4f16fa

Just heard a long piece on NPR today from a well-respected economics researcher with years of data from all countries that people don't tend to marry others different from themselves. How Hollywood and books like Pride and Prejudice romanticize the poor woman marrying the man of wealth and influence, but that is not how it works in real life. The lawyer is more likely to be marry another lawyer than his administrative assistant. People almost always find their future spouses at work or university---or high school and the McDonalds kitchen. All of these dumb women with no career aspirations and crap degrees or no degrees from crap schools who write posts about 'HOW DO I meet a rich man to marry?' will not find him. They might find him willing to screw on the side and toss out when he's done, but he's not going to marry him. They said it's true that birds of a feather flock together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

Sure, there are outliers where both APs are on equal footing financially and socially; where the women is in it for the sex and sex only, but I sincerely doubt that is the norm. Misogyny and a power differential is sort built into most affairs. When the majority of women APs cheat with hipster Starbucks baristas instead of corporate Captains of the Universe, I will think differently. These women aren’t victims or admirable feminists, but it is men who appear callous and cruel.
All this verbiage about bike riding, used tube socks, discarded trash and throwing under the bus. Ugly, anti-woman sentiment.

You have no idea. More women are having affairs these days because they have opportunity and independence, like on work travel. As women continue to acquire the same freedoms as men, we will likely see the rate of women participating in affairs increase. The notion that they are all sad little housewives or secretaries, hoping to improve their economic situation, is quite passe.

Yes, the notion is passé and infantilizing, but anecdotally we can point to many posts here from single women looking to marry wealthy men and we hear from betrayed wives how the AP was looking for an upgrade. This article discusses women quitting their jobs at c suite level at 3x the rate of men. Many women are burnt out and want to quit. workinghttps://www.forbes.com/sites/lizelting/2019/08/21/why-women-quit/?sh=20b91c4f16fa

Just heard a long piece on NPR today from a well-respected economics researcher with years of data from all countries that people don't tend to marry others different from themselves. How Hollywood and books like Pride and Prejudice romanticize the poor woman marrying the man of wealth and influence, but that is not how it works in real life. The lawyer is more likely to be marry another lawyer than his administrative assistant. People almost always find their future spouses at work or university---or high school and the McDonalds kitchen. All of these dumb women with no career aspirations and crap degrees or no degrees from crap schools who write posts about 'HOW DO I meet a rich man to marry?' will not find him. They might find him willing to screw on the side and toss out when he's done, but he's not going to marry him. They said it's true that birds of a feather flock together.

The economics guy is right. My wife and I got together in law school and were a great couple until she pushed me to have kids. Then she stayed home with them when she was supposed to keep working, focused too much on them, and I just outstripped her. I got in way better shape than her even though she was the one at home while I was working like a dog. I needed to dress well for work and found that I felt better and that women really liked my new-found style. I enjoy attention from women in their twenties that I never would have dreamed of when I thought my wife was the best I was going to do. But it's one thing to fool around with a hot stripper who wants your junk. It's another to hook up with a college graduate who does real estate and models (like Emma Hernan from that real estate show). The Emma Hernan woman is much more at my level than the stripper, and it's Emma who I'd leave my wife for, not the stripper no matter how much she rocks my world. But I'm not pulling the trigger on filing until I know that the girl I'm with now or someone else is someone I want for the next 15-20 years or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I got together in law school and were a great couple until she pushed me to have kids.

Maybe initially she told you she didn't want kids then changed her mind (which is on her)...but part of being a great couple is being on the same page regarding kids before getting married.

[Anonymous]

I guess I justify it in that he’s choosing to be with me over his wife. He is the one who has the broken marriage and is betraying someone. I never made a commitment to her and don’t see how that is a betrayal on my part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

Sure, there are outliers where both APs are on equal footing financially and socially; where the women is in it for the sex and sex only, but I sincerely doubt that is the norm. Misogyny and a power differential is sort built into most affairs. When the majority of women APs cheat with hipster Starbucks baristas instead of corporate Captains of the Universe, I will think differently. These women aren’t victims or admirable feminists, but it is men who appear callous and cruel.
All this verbiage about bike riding, used tube socks, discarded trash and throwing under the bus. Ugly, anti-woman sentiment.

You have no idea. More women are having affairs these days because they have opportunity and independence, like on work travel. As women continue to acquire the same freedoms as men, we will likely see the rate of women participating in affairs increase. The notion that they are all sad little housewives or secretaries, hoping to improve their economic situation, is quite passe.

Yes, the notion is passé and infantilizing, but anecdotally we can point to many posts here from single women looking to marry wealthy men and we hear from betrayed wives how the AP was looking for an upgrade. This article discusses women quitting their jobs at c suite level at 3x the rate of men. Many women are burnt out and want to quit. workinghttps://www.forbes.com/sites/lizelting/2019/08/21/why-women-quit/?sh=20b91c4f16fa

Just heard a long piece on NPR today from a well-respected economics researcher with years of data from all countries that people don't tend to marry others different from themselves. How Hollywood and books like Pride and Prejudice romanticize the poor woman marrying the man of wealth and influence, but that is not how it works in real life. The lawyer is more likely to be marry another lawyer than his administrative assistant. People almost always find their future spouses at work or university---or high school and the McDonalds kitchen. All of these dumb women with no career aspirations and crap degrees or no degrees from crap schools who write posts about 'HOW DO I meet a rich man to marry?' will not find him. They might find him willing to screw on the side and toss out when he's done, but he's not going to marry him. They said it's true that birds of a feather flock together.

The economics guy is right. My wife and I got together in law school and were a great couple until she pushed me to have kids. Then she stayed home with them when she was supposed to keep working, focused too much on them, and I just outstripped her. I got in way better shape than her even though she was the one at home while I was working like a dog. I needed to dress well for work and found that I felt better and that women really liked my new-found style. I enjoy attention from women in their twenties that I never would have dreamed of when I thought my wife was the best I was going to do. But it's one thing to fool around with a hot stripper who wants your junk. It's another to hook up with a college graduate who does real estate and models (like Emma Hernan from that real estate show). The Emma Hernan woman is much more at my level than the stripper, and it's Emma who I'd leave my wife for, not the stripper no matter how much she rocks my world. But I'm not pulling the trigger on filing until I know that the girl I'm with now or someone else is someone I want for the next 15-20 years or so.

If this is someone in their 20s, you might be very disappointed why they want you. And they would ask to have more children, where you are someone irritated by kids and not appreciating the role of the parent who is focused on household. In your 60s you will have a young nagging wife who's possibly cheating on you with a gardener, or will be alone. I've seen that happen several times with guys like you. My exH is 60 and he lives alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

Sure, there are outliers where both APs are on equal footing financially and socially; where the women is in it for the sex and sex only, but I sincerely doubt that is the norm. Misogyny and a power differential is sort built into most affairs. When the majority of women APs cheat with hipster Starbucks baristas instead of corporate Captains of the Universe, I will think differently. These women aren’t victims or admirable feminists, but it is men who appear callous and cruel.
All this verbiage about bike riding, used tube socks, discarded trash and throwing under the bus. Ugly, anti-woman sentiment.

You have no idea. More women are having affairs these days because they have opportunity and independence, like on work travel. As women continue to acquire the same freedoms as men, we will likely see the rate of women participating in affairs increase. The notion that they are all sad little housewives or secretaries, hoping to improve their economic situation, is quite passe.

Yes, the notion is passé and infantilizing, but anecdotally we can point to many posts here from single women looking to marry wealthy men and we hear from betrayed wives how the AP was looking for an upgrade. This article discusses women quitting their jobs at c suite level at 3x the rate of men. Many women are burnt out and want to quit. workinghttps://www.forbes.com/sites/lizelting/2019/08/21/why-women-quit/?sh=20b91c4f16fa

Just heard a long piece on NPR today from a well-respected economics researcher with years of data from all countries that people don't tend to marry others different from themselves. How Hollywood and books like Pride and Prejudice romanticize the poor woman marrying the man of wealth and influence, but that is not how it works in real life. The lawyer is more likely to be marry another lawyer than his administrative assistant. People almost always find their future spouses at work or university---or high school and the McDonalds kitchen. All of these dumb women with no career aspirations and crap degrees or no degrees from crap schools who write posts about 'HOW DO I meet a rich man to marry?' will not find him. They might find him willing to screw on the side and toss out when he's done, but he's not going to marry him. They said it's true that birds of a feather flock together.

The economics guy is right. My wife and I got together in law school and were a great couple until she pushed me to have kids. Then she stayed home with them when she was supposed to keep working, focused too much on them, and I just outstripped her. I got in way better shape than her even though she was the one at home while I was working like a dog. I needed to dress well for work and found that I felt better and that women really liked my new-found style. I enjoy attention from women in their twenties that I never would have dreamed of when I thought my wife was the best I was going to do. But it's one thing to fool around with a hot stripper who wants your junk. It's another to hook up with a college graduate who does real estate and models (like Emma Hernan from that real estate show). The Emma Hernan woman is much more at my level than the stripper, and it's Emma who I'd leave my wife for, not the stripper no matter how much she rocks my world. But I'm not pulling the trigger on filing until I know that the girl I'm with now or someone else is someone I want for the next 15-20 years or so.

Make sure you tell all future partners (post and pre-divorce) your femme idéale ie Emma Hernan- it will really be a litmus test for you and a red flag wrapped gift for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

Sure, there are outliers where both APs are on equal footing financially and socially; where the women is in it for the sex and sex only, but I sincerely doubt that is the norm. Misogyny and a power differential is sort built into most affairs. When the majority of women APs cheat with hipster Starbucks baristas instead of corporate Captains of the Universe, I will think differently. These women aren’t victims or admirable feminists, but it is men who appear callous and cruel.
All this verbiage about bike riding, used tube socks, discarded trash and throwing under the bus. Ugly, anti-woman sentiment.

You have no idea. More women are having affairs these days because they have opportunity and independence, like on work travel. As women continue to acquire the same freedoms as men, we will likely see the rate of women participating in affairs increase. The notion that they are all sad little housewives or secretaries, hoping to improve their economic situation, is quite passe.

Yes, the notion is passé and infantilizing, but anecdotally we can point to many posts here from single women looking to marry wealthy men and we hear from betrayed wives how the AP was looking for an upgrade. This article discusses women quitting their jobs at c suite level at 3x the rate of men. Many women are burnt out and want to quit. workinghttps://www.forbes.com/sites/lizelting/2019/08/21/why-women-quit/?sh=20b91c4f16fa

Just heard a long piece on NPR today from a well-respected economics researcher with years of data from all countries that people don't tend to marry others different from themselves. How Hollywood and books like Pride and Prejudice romanticize the poor woman marrying the man of wealth and influence, but that is not how it works in real life. The lawyer is more likely to be marry another lawyer than his administrative assistant. People almost always find their future spouses at work or university---or high school and the McDonalds kitchen. All of these dumb women with no career aspirations and crap degrees or no degrees from crap schools who write posts about 'HOW DO I meet a rich man to marry?' will not find him. They might find him willing to screw on the side and toss out when he's done, but he's not going to marry him. They said it's true that birds of a feather flock together.

The economics guy is right. My wife and I got together in law school and were a great couple until she pushed me to have kids. Then she stayed home with them when she was supposed to keep working, focused too much on them, and I just outstripped her. I got in way better shape than her even though she was the one at home while I was working like a dog. I needed to dress well for work and found that I felt better and that women really liked my new-found style. I enjoy attention from women in their twenties that I never would have dreamed of when I thought my wife was the best I was going to do. But it's one thing to fool around with a hot stripper who wants your junk. It's another to hook up with a college graduate who does real estate and models (like Emma Hernan from that real estate show). The Emma Hernan woman is much more at my level than the stripper, and it's Emma who I'd leave my wife for, not the stripper no matter how much she rocks my world. But I'm not pulling the trigger on filing until I know that the girl I'm with now or someone else is someone I want for the next 15-20 years or so.

While not the PP's intention, this post also demonstrates how a man might replace his first wife with someone younger, but he's unlikely to find someone with a strong moral compass this way. Mr. I'm Hot Stuff and Wife #2 definitely deserve each other in the morality department, and it will be fun to see who comes on out on top in their eventual divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

Sure, there are outliers where both APs are on equal footing financially and socially; where the women is in it for the sex and sex only, but I sincerely doubt that is the norm. Misogyny and a power differential is sort built into most affairs. When the majority of women APs cheat with hipster Starbucks baristas instead of corporate Captains of the Universe, I will think differently. These women aren’t victims or admirable feminists, but it is men who appear callous and cruel.
All this verbiage about bike riding, used tube socks, discarded trash and throwing under the bus. Ugly, anti-woman sentiment.

You have no idea. More women are having affairs these days because they have opportunity and independence, like on work travel. As women continue to acquire the same freedoms as men, we will likely see the rate of women participating in affairs increase. The notion that they are all sad little housewives or secretaries, hoping to improve their economic situation, is quite passe.

Yes, the notion is passé and infantilizing, but anecdotally we can point to many posts here from single women looking to marry wealthy men and we hear from betrayed wives how the AP was looking for an upgrade. This article discusses women quitting their jobs at c suite level at 3x the rate of men. Many women are burnt out and want to quit. workinghttps://www.forbes.com/sites/lizelting/2019/08/21/why-women-quit/?sh=20b91c4f16fa

Just heard a long piece on NPR today from a well-respected economics researcher with years of data from all countries that people don't tend to marry others different from themselves. How Hollywood and books like Pride and Prejudice romanticize the poor woman marrying the man of wealth and influence, but that is not how it works in real life. The lawyer is more likely to be marry another lawyer than his administrative assistant. People almost always find their future spouses at work or university---or high school and the McDonalds kitchen. All of these dumb women with no career aspirations and crap degrees or no degrees from crap schools who write posts about 'HOW DO I meet a rich man to marry?' will not find him. They might find him willing to screw on the side and toss out when he's done, but he's not going to marry him. They said it's true that birds of a feather flock together.

The economics guy is right. My wife and I got together in law school and were a great couple until she pushed me to have kids. Then she stayed home with them when she was supposed to keep working, focused too much on them, and I just outstripped her. I got in way better shape than her even though she was the one at home while I was working like a dog. I needed to dress well for work and found that I felt better and that women really liked my new-found style. I enjoy attention from women in their twenties that I never would have dreamed of when I thought my wife was the best I was going to do. But it's one thing to fool around with a hot stripper who wants your junk. It's another to hook up with a college graduate who does real estate and models (like Emma Hernan from that real estate show). The Emma Hernan woman is much more at my level than the stripper, and it's Emma who I'd leave my wife for, not the stripper no matter how much she rocks my world. But I'm not pulling the trigger on filing until I know that the girl I'm with now or someone else is someone I want for the next 15-20 years or so.

I am sort of in a similar situation to this guy, although not actually cheating. I have gotten more attractive as I have aged and I now get lots of interest from beautiful women right out of college. My wife was beautiful, career-driven, and independent when we first met. But now has embraced motherhood to the exclusion of all else. It is really tempting not to take advantage of my situation. Thus does not mean cheating would be justified, but I understand how hard it is to resist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

Sure, there are outliers where both APs are on equal footing financially and socially; where the women is in it for the sex and sex only, but I sincerely doubt that is the norm. Misogyny and a power differential is sort built into most affairs. When the majority of women APs cheat with hipster Starbucks baristas instead of corporate Captains of the Universe, I will think differently. These women aren’t victims or admirable feminists, but it is men who appear callous and cruel.
All this verbiage about bike riding, used tube socks, discarded trash and throwing under the bus. Ugly, anti-woman sentiment.

You have no idea. More women are having affairs these days because they have opportunity and independence, like on work travel. As women continue to acquire the same freedoms as men, we will likely see the rate of women participating in affairs increase. The notion that they are all sad little housewives or secretaries, hoping to improve their economic situation, is quite passe.

Yes, the notion is passé and infantilizing, but anecdotally we can point to many posts here from single women looking to marry wealthy men and we hear from betrayed wives how the AP was looking for an upgrade. This article discusses women quitting their jobs at c suite level at 3x the rate of men. Many women are burnt out and want to quit. workinghttps://www.forbes.com/sites/lizelting/2019/08/21/why-women-quit/?sh=20b91c4f16fa

That's unreliable narrators. If you listen to the wives, they are always prettier, thinner and smarter than AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think some people justify the affair as being better than the alternative - a divorce that a spouse would not want, that would be uprooting/damaging to the children, and create lifestyle implications via needing to run two separate households. I do think some spouses know and choose to look the other way because of the above. It’s a terrible position to put your spouse in.

I had an affair after I realized that my husband had high functioning Asperger's. I thought he was an introvert who liked to drink. He caught me and was lilke, "just don't do it again." I told him that he couldn't fulfill my emotional needs even for conversation and he didn't deny it. We decided to have a don't ask don't tell policy after that, because he's a failure at daily life but the kids love him. That's the short version.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

Sure, there are outliers where both APs are on equal footing financially and socially; where the women is in it for the sex and sex only, but I sincerely doubt that is the norm. Misogyny and a power differential is sort built into most affairs. When the majority of women APs cheat with hipster Starbucks baristas instead of corporate Captains of the Universe, I will think differently. These women aren’t victims or admirable feminists, but it is men who appear callous and cruel.
All this verbiage about bike riding, used tube socks, discarded trash and throwing under the bus. Ugly, anti-woman sentiment.

You have no idea. More women are having affairs these days because they have opportunity and independence, like on work travel. As women continue to acquire the same freedoms as men, we will likely see the rate of women participating in affairs increase. The notion that they are all sad little housewives or secretaries, hoping to improve their economic situation, is quite passe.

Yes, the notion is passé and infantilizing, but anecdotally we can point to many posts here from single women looking to marry wealthy men and we hear from betrayed wives how the AP was looking for an upgrade. This article discusses women quitting their jobs at c suite level at 3x the rate of men. Many women are burnt out and want to quit. workinghttps://www.forbes.com/sites/lizelting/2019/08/21/why-women-quit/?sh=20b91c4f16fa

Just heard a long piece on NPR today from a well-respected economics researcher with years of data from all countries that people don't tend to marry others different from themselves. How Hollywood and books like Pride and Prejudice romanticize the poor woman marrying the man of wealth and influence, but that is not how it works in real life. The lawyer is more likely to be marry another lawyer than his administrative assistant. People almost always find their future spouses at work or university---or high school and the McDonalds kitchen. All of these dumb women with no career aspirations and crap degrees or no degrees from crap schools who write posts about 'HOW DO I meet a rich man to marry?' will not find him. They might find him willing to screw on the side and toss out when he's done, but he's not going to marry him. They said it's true that birds of a feather flock together.

You forgot the class aspect, and that's where birds of the feather really flock together. All those fancy pre-school teachers marrying investment bankers? They are the girls from the good families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

Sure, there are outliers where both APs are on equal footing financially and socially; where the women is in it for the sex and sex only, but I sincerely doubt that is the norm. Misogyny and a power differential is sort built into most affairs. When the majority of women APs cheat with hipster Starbucks baristas instead of corporate Captains of the Universe, I will think differently. These women aren’t victims or admirable feminists, but it is men who appear callous and cruel.
All this verbiage about bike riding, used tube socks, discarded trash and throwing under the bus. Ugly, anti-woman sentiment.

You have no idea. More women are having affairs these days because they have opportunity and independence, like on work travel. As women continue to acquire the same freedoms as men, we will likely see the rate of women participating in affairs increase. The notion that they are all sad little housewives or secretaries, hoping to improve their economic situation, is quite passe.

Yes, the notion is passé and infantilizing, but anecdotally we can point to many posts here from single women looking to marry wealthy men and we hear from betrayed wives how the AP was looking for an upgrade. This article discusses women quitting their jobs at c suite level at 3x the rate of men. Many women are burnt out and want to quit. workinghttps://www.forbes.com/sites/lizelting/2019/08/21/why-women-quit/?sh=20b91c4f16fa

Just heard a long piece on NPR today from a well-respected economics researcher with years of data from all countries that people don't tend to marry others different from themselves. How Hollywood and books like Pride and Prejudice romanticize the poor woman marrying the man of wealth and influence, but that is not how it works in real life. The lawyer is more likely to be marry another lawyer than his administrative assistant. People almost always find their future spouses at work or university---or high school and the McDonalds kitchen. All of these dumb women with no career aspirations and crap degrees or no degrees from crap schools who write posts about 'HOW DO I meet a rich man to marry?' will not find him. They might find him willing to screw on the side and toss out when he's done, but he's not going to marry him. They said it's true that birds of a feather flock together.

You forgot the class aspect, and that's where birds of the feather really flock together. All those fancy pre-school teachers marrying investment bankers? They are the girls from the good families.

Men don't care about income but they do care about woman's family. It even works cross boarder in international marriages. My American DH did all the background investigation: my education, political family in my home country, checked on my prior dating history, met with my colleagues and parents, and was very impressed by my 2 grandpas with PhD degrees and my career back at times. He later said he wouldn't have married me if I was from a trashy family. Of course they sleep with baristas but they marry into families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ABC cared because their employees and America cared. I mean if you don’t care what others think just keep doing you without trying to justify lying and sneaking around. I mean if you don’t care, why are you hiding in the shadows? Is it because whoever you are banging doesn’t want anyone to see you? Are you that hideous? I mean, why not just tell the guy’s wife? It doesn’t matter right? Or are you afraid to do that because he will dump you and call you a psycho? I guess I don’t understand people that can’t find D that is available.

Its often about the lifestyle and money, as PP noted. My exH AP was his direct subordinate at work, dependent on him with her salary, consulting contracts and so on. It happens more often than you think: married men don't get laid for free

I can assure you they get laid for free.

Then why do so many men pay for sex? Paying to be able to leave, as the comedy joke says?

Yes. They want someone who won’t cause problems or have emotional entanglements. Many men see this as more ethical than an affair.

They're also less likely to get caught. A professional is much more likely to keep her mouth shut and not have any contact with your social or work circle.

Honestly I agree with this perspective. Much better a pro than a love affair.

Agree. But the men that don't want to pay (because it ain't cheap) and don't want spouse to find out--settle for a married woman thinking she has too much to lose to tell. But--that is where it gets messy. They are looking for exit affairs and think it means more, then he has to lie to keep it going--kick the can down the road. Then-they wish they had just paid in the first place as it gets way too complicated to easily get out of. The fear of her getting mad and telling the wife.

No, using a sex worker is insane. You have a MUCH, MUCH higher chance of passing along a serious disease this way.

Wow. When you are being used because someone did the calculation and came to the conclusion that you might be 'safer' than a sex worker, and of course it's free.

Why do you assume someone is always being "used" and "discarded" etc etc? It's a mutually beneficial exchange for those people. Doesn't make it right, but it's downright misogynist to always assume the female AP is being used like a piece of trash.

Sure, there are outliers where both APs are on equal footing financially and socially; where the women is in it for the sex and sex only, but I sincerely doubt that is the norm. Misogyny and a power differential is sort built into most affairs. When the majority of women APs cheat with hipster Starbucks baristas instead of corporate Captains of the Universe, I will think differently. These women aren’t victims or admirable feminists, but it is men who appear callous and cruel.
All this verbiage about bike riding, used tube socks, discarded trash and throwing under the bus. Ugly, anti-woman sentiment.

You have no idea. More women are having affairs these days because they have opportunity and independence, like on work travel. As women continue to acquire the same freedoms as men, we will likely see the rate of women participating in affairs increase. The notion that they are all sad little housewives or secretaries, hoping to improve their economic situation, is quite passe.

Yes, the notion is passé and infantilizing, but anecdotally we can point to many posts here from single women looking to marry wealthy men and we hear from betrayed wives how the AP was looking for an upgrade. This article discusses women quitting their jobs at c suite level at 3x the rate of men. Many women are burnt out and want to quit. workinghttps://www.forbes.com/sites/lizelting/2019/08/21/why-women-quit/?sh=20b91c4f16fa

Just heard a long piece on NPR today from a well-respected economics researcher with years of data from all countries that people don't tend to marry others different from themselves. How Hollywood and books like Pride and Prejudice romanticize the poor woman marrying the man of wealth and influence, but that is not how it works in real life. The lawyer is more likely to be marry another lawyer than his administrative assistant. People almost always find their future spouses at work or university---or high school and the McDonalds kitchen. All of these dumb women with no career aspirations and crap degrees or no degrees from crap schools who write posts about 'HOW DO I meet a rich man to marry?' will not find him. They might find him willing to screw on the side and toss out when he's done, but he's not going to marry him. They said it's true that birds of a feather flock together.

You forgot the class aspect, and that's where birds of the feather really flock together. All those fancy pre-school teachers marrying investment bankers? They are the girls from the good families.

Men don't care about income but they do care about woman's family. It even works cross boarder in international marriages. My American DH did all the background investigation: my education, political family in my home country, checked on my prior dating history, met with my colleagues and parents, and was very impressed by my 2 grandpas with PhD degrees and my career back at times. He later said he wouldn't have married me if I was from a trashy family. Of course they sleep with baristas but they marry into families.

crossborder, typo.

[Anonymous]

I am not happy in my marriage but divorce would be very difficult for the kids and a strain on our finances. I cannot divorce and reduce the disposable money available to my kids. Also the parental time/attention they get. But on the other hand, I cannot bring myself to have sex with dh. Too much has passed between us and I cannot mend things.