MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Just stay in a hotel.

My parents "insisted" we stay at their house too, but we're just too set in their ways to accommodate other people. It happens.

[Anonymous]

Bet OP’s mom is local and/or sees the baby as often as she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first time the parents made it clear they didn't want MIL to interfere, MIL should have left them alone. She's being clueless and interfering. But, I don't think she has mean intentions.

Then th y should have stayed home or got a hotel can't demand people act a certain way in their own house.

They offered to stay in a hotel and ILs insisted. Oh well! No more giving in to that desire. MIL and FIL can get limited time and limited closeness. I guess they'll save overnight grandparent visits for OP's parents.

Seriously, the petty b*lls*t that people go all scorched earth over on this board is really astounding.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

+1
The whole set in stone routine of who does why, when each adult goes to the bathroom, etc is weird. Part of having kids is to go with the flow and teach the kids flexibility, too. It shouldn’t take 2 adults to do a quick middle of the night change/feed

Yeah, that’s how husbands wind up doing nothing. My first kid was wide awake after night feeds and it would take an hour to get him back to sleep. You’d better believe we had a routine like OP describes for the first few months. No way was I going to do all the feedings and then also stay up an extra hour each time to get him back to sleep. Especially because I also snap awake and have trouble going back to sleep, and DH doesn’t.

Second kid was more chill (or maybe I was more chill) and I did them myself, but I don’t judge or blame new parents for doing what works for them.

Agree! People nitpicking OP's nighttime routine are so ridiculous. I had something similar for the early days with both my kids - I would get baby up and feed on one side, then pass baby off to DH for diaper change. Then I fed on the other side so baby could nurse back to sleep.

If you wanted to do it all yourself, great, but some people want their DHs to take part of the nighttime work (and some DHs actually want to help!).

This is not the "early days." This baby is FOUR MONTHS old. The fact that OP demands her husband's participation in this tells me everything I need to know. And this is not "how husbands wind up doing nothing." My husband did plenty. But if I'm nursing and have to be awake anyway, there is no reason BOTH parents have to have their sleep disturbed for something easilly done by one person. Maybe the first week or two with the first kid, but after that its just a terribly inefficient use of parental resources. But OP totally seems like the type to demand her husband gets up out of "fairness" aka spite.

You’re really reaching. My husband woke up with the baby whenever I did for the time we had her in our room, because babies are loud. Then yes we took turns using the bathroom and sometimes he would even (gasp!) get me a glass of water. Or even a snack. It’s Ok for husbands to care for their wives and be part of a team. OPs husband seems to be the kind that cares about the comfort of his wife and child, as suggested by his unwillingness to repeat this experience with his mother.

[Anonymous]

Hotel doesn't mean the relationship is less-than

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, look in your beautiful baby’s eyes and imagine yourself as the grandmother of her kids. Wouldn’t you want to be included? Letting a grandparent help with basic things, also makes future relationships so much closer. God willing, you will be older one day. I hope your kids/spouses show you more grace.

Found the clueless MIL.

Please….you guys are so tiring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly you are being a jerk. I understand you are new at this and u get frazzled when the routine is broken. She has not had a baby in many years, maybe she was trying to see how she could help. You were just plain rude.

This. I am shocked at how these women in their 30s are behaving.

Not a MIL yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, look in your beautiful baby’s eyes and imagine yourself as the grandmother of her kids. Wouldn’t you want to be included? Letting a grandparent help with basic things, also makes future relationships so much closer. God willing, you will be older one day. I hope your kids/spouses show you more grace.

Grandparent hours are from the time the *parents* say it is wake-up time until the *parents* say it is bedtime. It is also not grandparent time when baby needs to be breastfed (unless mom is comfortable with grandparents in the room) or during nap time (unless parents say it is OK for the grandparent to put the baby down).

4 a.m. is not grandparent time. Deal with it.

I don’t have to deal with it. My dil is not a raging B like the moms on here.

[Anonymous]

No one in a hotel wants to hear a screaming baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She just wants to hold your baby.

And she is welcome to during the daytime. Do you get it?

You are quite bossy. OP needs to just stay in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

I would find it very sweet that MIL was worried. Must be first grandkid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL and FIL- hotel.
Visit at pre-arranged times and meals, no surprises.
Not her child, not her business.

Please read OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one in a hotel wants to hear a screaming baby.

And yet babies are allowed in hotels so I guess they take that risk when they book.

[Anonymous]

She can do what she wants in her house.

She was not really doing anything, except walking around.

She did not complain about the noise or being awoken.

You were a guest in their home, for just a few days.

YOU were making a big deal out of these fleeting interactions not her.

The baby is only this young for a short time. You may not even stay with them again when the kid is in that stage.

Why not just roll with it instead of being rude??

Perhaps you are sleep deprived, but I think it is not excusable for you to stop talking to her, given that she was doing nothing basically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She wanted to help. Give her a break and include her. Geez.

Help that isn't wanted isn't helpful. We include her all day every day and didn't want the help in the night, as we made perfectly clear even before the visit.[/quote

You sound really difficult.

You told her to go back to bed? She is an adult in her own house.

You are a guest.

How she chooses to respond when you wake her night after night is her prerogative.

You were annoyed that you could not control what she did in her own house. That is how life works. If you don't like it, don't be a houseguest.