MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

+1
The whole set in stone routine of who does why, when each adult goes to the bathroom, etc is weird. Part of having kids is to go with the flow and teach the kids flexibility, too. It shouldn’t take 2 adults to do a quick middle of the night change/feed

Yeah, that’s how husbands wind up doing nothing. My first kid was wide awake after night feeds and it would take an hour to get him back to sleep. You’d better believe we had a routine like OP describes for the first few months. No way was I going to do all the feedings and then also stay up an extra hour each time to get him back to sleep. Especially because I also snap awake and have trouble going back to sleep, and DH doesn’t.

Second kid was more chill (or maybe I was more chill) and I did them myself, but I don’t judge or blame new parents for doing what works for them.

Um, except OPs baby goes right back to sleep. It has nothing to do with DH waking up and diaper changing. But ok

Dad picking up crying baby and doing a quick sniff-test to see if the diaper needs to be changed while mom goes to pee is totally fine. If nothing else, baby is comforted by being held, even if baby still cries until the boob is in the mouth.

Your husband would seriously just leave a baby who was two feet away in a pack and play on travel to cry while you took two minutes to pee? Mine would never do that. Ever. It's not about anyone being "incapable" or what have you, it's...why would you not at least reach in to pat the baby until boob is ready?

The diaper change is when the baby cries apparently. With the dh.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am a light sleeper and would be awakened easily by a crying baby down the hall. The groggy sleep of the dead isn't easy for us Olds. My H and I will sometimes have perfectly coherent conversations in the night when one of us simply turns over in bed.

So her impulse to get up and see if she can help probably seems perfectly normal to her. Try to show some compassion for aging parents if you can.

Once AGAIN, they told her repeatedly every night that they did not need or want help and to please go back to bed.

It is not her baby. She is not the parent. Her loud-talking “help” is not required.

I would have altered my routine such that there was as little crying as possible to avoid waking up the MIL since the "routine" obviously played out the same way every night. Screw the bathroom and diaper change, nurse the baby right away, back to sleep, then use the bathroom. Seems like everyone just kept making the same mistakes again and again and expecting a different outcome.

Anyone who expected me to leave my baby in a soiled diaper so they don’t hear four minutes of crying is someone I can visit overnight once my child is potty trained. My goodness.

A good mom wouldn't let the baby cry for 4 minutes in any of this. Do better.

I don’t need to, thankfully, my parents and in laws are respectful, kind people who love their granddaughter.

Oh, you only have one? Figures. You sounds inexperienced and new to this.

Yup! But learning very quickly to be thankful for my parents and in-laws who would never behave like this!

Mine aren't like that either, but the whole "it's MY baby not yours" sounds like very brand new mom speak. When you have more kids and are spread thin you become a little more grateful for the help you can get and aren't so worried about being judged for your parenting skills as a first time mom.

Oh I’m grateful for help, when it’s help! Someone loudly disturbing my baby during her middle of the night feeding isn’t help. Doing it repeatedly for several days is downright counterproductive. My mom and MiL are great help, which is to say they contribute actual assistance.

The baby was already up, and wasn't being disturbed you are twisting and making up facts to support your all MILs are evil agenda.
She offered help. That is not a crime. It is also not a reason for OP to push her or be nasty.

Perhaps it’s my youthful inexperience but my baby woke up once, had her diaper changed, ate and slept again peacefully. If someone or something disturbed her during that time, she took much longer to settle back down. Someone loudly talking outside the door would have disturbed her.

I don’t think MiLs are evil. Mine is great. She would also never stand outside my bedroom in the middle of the night talking loudly whether I had a baby or not.

Wait until you have your next baby and your now toddler screams outside the baby's door. This perfect routine only exists when there is 1 baby in the house, you have to learn to be much less rigid and flexible when you have another or more. The rigidity isn't helping, especially when traveling.

My baby travels fine thanks. She has stayed with her grandparents and she has even fussed in the middle of the night without them standing outside the door talking. You know what was super helpful? When my mom took her in the morning after she’d nursed so I could sleep for two more hours. Bliss! And? Actual help.

So did your mom just magically know to do this or did you tell her what would be helpful? If she had come to ask w if she could help would you have yelled at her and pushed her?

We talked about it, just like OP and her husband seem to have tried to do. I have asked both my mom and my MiL not to do certain things that were very normal in their day, and they have never done them, and it’s never been a problem. They are confident in their roles and don’t need to be pushy. If I asked them not to do something and they did it over and over, I might not have yelled but I certainly wouldn’t have continued to stay with them.

Doesn't sound like there was a discussion in this case just a rundown of the routine and what MIL was not allowed to do in her house. Not exactly great communication. I wonder if the routine was printed and handed out when they arrived?

These snide comments really don't strengthen your case, you know. Just makes you look like a nasty lunatic.

Oh, you got me now Your name calling is so pleasant, polite, and rational. Don't you have a MIL to shove?

I don't consider violence an option, unlike you, apparently. And I call it like I see it. What a vile creature you are.

[Anonymous]

This thread has become a repository for all of the bad feelings the MILs and DILs of DCUM have towards each other. Get it out here so you don't get in a fight over the holidays!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

+1
The whole set in stone routine of who does why, when each adult goes to the bathroom, etc is weird. Part of having kids is to go with the flow and teach the kids flexibility, too. It shouldn’t take 2 adults to do a quick middle of the night change/feed

Yeah, that’s how husbands wind up doing nothing. My first kid was wide awake after night feeds and it would take an hour to get him back to sleep. You’d better believe we had a routine like OP describes for the first few months. No way was I going to do all the feedings and then also stay up an extra hour each time to get him back to sleep. Especially because I also snap awake and have trouble going back to sleep, and DH doesn’t.

Second kid was more chill (or maybe I was more chill) and I did them myself, but I don’t judge or blame new parents for doing what works for them.

Um, except OPs baby goes right back to sleep. It has nothing to do with DH waking up and diaper changing. But ok

Dad picking up crying baby and doing a quick sniff-test to see if the diaper needs to be changed while mom goes to pee is totally fine. If nothing else, baby is comforted by being held, even if baby still cries until the boob is in the mouth.

Your husband would seriously just leave a baby who was two feet away in a pack and play on travel to cry while you took two minutes to pee? Mine would never do that. Ever. It's not about anyone being "incapable" or what have you, it's...why would you not at least reach in to pat the baby until boob is ready?

The diaper change is when the baby cries apparently. With the dh.

What are you talking about? It's not like the dad sets an alarm to wake the baby up to change the diaper. Baby cries because she or he is 4 months old and still needs a night feeding. Baby cries, postpartum mom relieves her bladder before being locked into BF for 15 minutes; as she does so, Dad picks up baby to soothe and changes the diaper if needed. Makes sense to me. I have three and this all makes sense to me.

[Anonymous]

OMG, this whole thread is so dumb, you guys are a bunch of crazies!

The gist of OP's post is that she just doesn't want to talk to anyone in the middle of the night. Get over it OP, it won't kill you to say "everything's fine, go back to sleep".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, this whole thread is so dumb, you guys are a bunch of crazies!

The gist of OP's post is that she just doesn't want to talk to anyone in the middle of the night. Get over it OP, it won't kill you to say "everything's fine, go back to sleep".

It also wouldn't kill MIL to listen to and respect what her son and DIL have repeatedly told her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

+1
The whole set in stone routine of who does why, when each adult goes to the bathroom, etc is weird. Part of having kids is to go with the flow and teach the kids flexibility, too. It shouldn’t take 2 adults to do a quick middle of the night change/feed

Yeah, that’s how husbands wind up doing nothing. My first kid was wide awake after night feeds and it would take an hour to get him back to sleep. You’d better believe we had a routine like OP describes for the first few months. No way was I going to do all the feedings and then also stay up an extra hour each time to get him back to sleep. Especially because I also snap awake and have trouble going back to sleep, and DH doesn’t.

Second kid was more chill (or maybe I was more chill) and I did them myself, but I don’t judge or blame new parents for doing what works for them.

Agree! People nitpicking OP's nighttime routine are so ridiculous. I had something similar for the early days with both my kids - I would get baby up and feed on one side, then pass baby off to DH for diaper change. Then I fed on the other side so baby could nurse back to sleep.

If you wanted to do it all yourself, great, but some people want their DHs to take part of the nighttime work (and some DHs actually want to help!).

This is not the "early days." This baby is FOUR MONTHS old. The fact that OP demands her husband's participation in this tells me everything I need to know. And this is not "how husbands wind up doing nothing." My husband did plenty. But if I'm nursing and have to be awake anyway, there is no reason BOTH parents have to have their sleep disturbed for something easilly done by one person. Maybe the first week or two with the first kid, but after that its just a terribly inefficient use of parental resources. But OP totally seems like the type to demand her husband gets up out of "fairness" aka spite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

+1
The whole set in stone routine of who does why, when each adult goes to the bathroom, etc is weird. Part of having kids is to go with the flow and teach the kids flexibility, too. It shouldn’t take 2 adults to do a quick middle of the night change/feed

Yeah, that’s how husbands wind up doing nothing. My first kid was wide awake after night feeds and it would take an hour to get him back to sleep. You’d better believe we had a routine like OP describes for the first few months. No way was I going to do all the feedings and then also stay up an extra hour each time to get him back to sleep. Especially because I also snap awake and have trouble going back to sleep, and DH doesn’t.

Second kid was more chill (or maybe I was more chill) and I did them myself, but I don’t judge or blame new parents for doing what works for them.

Agree! People nitpicking OP's nighttime routine are so ridiculous. I had something similar for the early days with both my kids - I would get baby up and feed on one side, then pass baby off to DH for diaper change. Then I fed on the other side so baby could nurse back to sleep.

If you wanted to do it all yourself, great, but some people want their DHs to take part of the nighttime work (and some DHs actually want to help!).

This is not the "early days." This baby is FOUR MONTHS old. The fact that OP demands her husband's participation in this tells me everything I need to know. And this is not "how husbands wind up doing nothing." My husband did plenty. But if I'm nursing and have to be awake anyway, there is no reason BOTH parents have to have their sleep disturbed for something easilly done by one person. Maybe the first week or two with the first kid, but after that its just a terribly inefficient use of parental resources. But OP totally seems like the type to demand her husband gets up out of "fairness" aka spite.

Can you point out exactly where OP said she is demanding her husbands participation? I must have missed that post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

+1
The whole set in stone routine of who does why, when each adult goes to the bathroom, etc is weird. Part of having kids is to go with the flow and teach the kids flexibility, too. It shouldn’t take 2 adults to do a quick middle of the night change/feed

Yeah, that’s how husbands wind up doing nothing. My first kid was wide awake after night feeds and it would take an hour to get him back to sleep. You’d better believe we had a routine like OP describes for the first few months. No way was I going to do all the feedings and then also stay up an extra hour each time to get him back to sleep. Especially because I also snap awake and have trouble going back to sleep, and DH doesn’t.

Second kid was more chill (or maybe I was more chill) and I did them myself, but I don’t judge or blame new parents for doing what works for them.

Agree! People nitpicking OP's nighttime routine are so ridiculous. I had something similar for the early days with both my kids - I would get baby up and feed on one side, then pass baby off to DH for diaper change. Then I fed on the other side so baby could nurse back to sleep.

If you wanted to do it all yourself, great, but some people want their DHs to take part of the nighttime work (and some DHs actually want to help!).

This is not the "early days." This baby is FOUR MONTHS old. The fact that OP demands her husband's participation in this tells me everything I need to know. And this is not "how husbands wind up doing nothing." My husband did plenty. But if I'm nursing and have to be awake anyway, there is no reason BOTH parents have to have their sleep disturbed for something easilly done by one person. Maybe the first week or two with the first kid, but after that its just a terribly inefficient use of parental resources. But OP totally seems like the type to demand her husband gets up out of "fairness" aka spite.

Can you point out exactly where OP said she is demanding her husbands participation? I must have missed that post.

Yeah, he's totally getting up voluntarily to change the diaper of a 4 month old baby even though his wife told him sincerely that she didn't need him to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

+1
The whole set in stone routine of who does why, when each adult goes to the bathroom, etc is weird. Part of having kids is to go with the flow and teach the kids flexibility, too. It shouldn’t take 2 adults to do a quick middle of the night change/feed

Yeah, that’s how husbands wind up doing nothing. My first kid was wide awake after night feeds and it would take an hour to get him back to sleep. You’d better believe we had a routine like OP describes for the first few months. No way was I going to do all the feedings and then also stay up an extra hour each time to get him back to sleep. Especially because I also snap awake and have trouble going back to sleep, and DH doesn’t.

Second kid was more chill (or maybe I was more chill) and I did them myself, but I don’t judge or blame new parents for doing what works for them.

Agree! People nitpicking OP's nighttime routine are so ridiculous. I had something similar for the early days with both my kids - I would get baby up and feed on one side, then pass baby off to DH for diaper change. Then I fed on the other side so baby could nurse back to sleep.

If you wanted to do it all yourself, great, but some people want their DHs to take part of the nighttime work (and some DHs actually want to help!).

This is not the "early days." This baby is FOUR MONTHS old. The fact that OP demands her husband's participation in this tells me everything I need to know. And this is not "how husbands wind up doing nothing." My husband did plenty. But if I'm nursing and have to be awake anyway, there is no reason BOTH parents have to have their sleep disturbed for something easilly done by one person. Maybe the first week or two with the first kid, but after that its just a terribly inefficient use of parental resources. But OP totally seems like the type to demand her husband gets up out of "fairness" aka spite.

Can you point out exactly where OP said she is demanding her husbands participation? I must have missed that post.

Yeah, he's totally getting up voluntarily to change the diaper of a 4 month old baby even though his wife told him sincerely that she didn't need him to.

NP. My husband absolutely would, if we were all in a room traveling together. The baby's sleeping, what, 3 feet away in a bassinet or whatever? My husband would either pat the baby or pick up and change if needed. Why wouldn't he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, life is full of ups and downs. You had a bad visit. Get over it and move on. Your MIL was just trying to be helpful. Also, don’t tell people how to keep their doors at night or offer white noise machines. That’s rude. Your MIL probably was hoping you would ask her to change the baby and comfort her until you and DH had used the bathroom, but was unsure of how to ask. It wouldn’t have killed you to let her change the baby or soothe her back to sleep. I’m sure she was so excited to have the baby there. You are way too rigid. Stop making it a her vs you situation.

This isn’t the grave insult you guys think it is. There is nowhere in the universe a gracious hostess stands outside her guests bedroom door talking loudly in the middle of the night, night after night, after being asked not to. Asking for peace and quiet at night is not “rigid” whether you have a baby or not!

It sounds like the MIL asked questions in a normal tone of voice at a time when every person in the house was awake.

The parents of the baby were capable of handling the situation. What was the need for MIL to insert herself repeatedly?

Maybe the MIL was concerned something wrong because it doesn’t take two adults to change a diaper and feed a baby.

+1
The whole set in stone routine of who does why, when each adult goes to the bathroom, etc is weird. Part of having kids is to go with the flow and teach the kids flexibility, too. It shouldn’t take 2 adults to do a quick middle of the night change/feed

Yeah, that’s how husbands wind up doing nothing. My first kid was wide awake after night feeds and it would take an hour to get him back to sleep. You’d better believe we had a routine like OP describes for the first few months. No way was I going to do all the feedings and then also stay up an extra hour each time to get him back to sleep. Especially because I also snap awake and have trouble going back to sleep, and DH doesn’t.

Second kid was more chill (or maybe I was more chill) and I did them myself, but I don’t judge or blame new parents for doing what works for them.

Agree! People nitpicking OP's nighttime routine are so ridiculous. I had something similar for the early days with both my kids - I would get baby up and feed on one side, then pass baby off to DH for diaper change. Then I fed on the other side so baby could nurse back to sleep.

If you wanted to do it all yourself, great, but some people want their DHs to take part of the nighttime work (and some DHs actually want to help!).

This is not the "early days." This baby is FOUR MONTHS old. The fact that OP demands her husband's participation in this tells me everything I need to know. And this is not "how husbands wind up doing nothing." My husband did plenty. But if I'm nursing and have to be awake anyway, there is no reason BOTH parents have to have their sleep disturbed for something easilly done by one person. Maybe the first week or two with the first kid, but after that its just a terribly inefficient use of parental resources. But OP totally seems like the type to demand her husband gets up out of "fairness" aka spite.

Can you point out exactly where OP said she is demanding her husbands participation? I must have missed that post.

Yeah, he's totally getting up voluntarily to change the diaper of a 4 month old baby even though his wife told him sincerely that she didn't need him to.

I must have missed that post too. I better work on my reading comprehension. All this information you guys have that I don’t.

[Anonymous]

This whole thread is effing nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The first time the parents made it clear they didn't want MIL to interfere, MIL should have left them alone. She's being clueless and interfering. But, I don't think she has mean intentions.

Then th y should have stayed home or got a hotel can't demand people act a certain way in their own house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first time the parents made it clear they didn't want MIL to interfere, MIL should have left them alone. She's being clueless and interfering. But, I don't think she has mean intentions.

Then th y should have stayed home or got a hotel can't demand people act a certain way in their own house.

They offered to stay in a hotel and ILs insisted. Oh well! No more giving in to that desire. MIL and FIL can get limited time and limited closeness. I guess they'll save overnight grandparent visits for OP's parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first time the parents made it clear they didn't want MIL to interfere, MIL should have left them alone. She's being clueless and interfering. But, I don't think she has mean intentions.

Then th y should have stayed home or got a hotel can't demand people act a certain way in their own house.

They offered to stay in a hotel and ILs insisted. Oh well! No more giving in to that desire. MIL and FIL can get limited time and limited closeness. I guess they'll save overnight grandparent visits for OP's parents.

Ugh, this dynamic. The whole first two years of my kids life. We'd want to stay in a hotel, ILs would get offended and demand we stay with them. We'd stay with them, they'd get annoyed when the baby cried, made messes, was awake at night, etc. We'd explain that some of this would get better with time, so maybe we stay in a hotel or airBnB until it did, for everyone's comfort. Offense, demands. Repeat. Exhausting. Made those visits, which likely would have been not super fun for me anyway, a total nightmare.

Fast forward a few years. We visit a couple times a year (less than they want). We stay in an AirBnB. We are happy. They are still unhappy. Since it appears they will be unhappy no matter what we do, I simply no longer care.