MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As new parents who are trying to establish a STTN routine, I get why OP was flustered (especially in the middle of the night). But it sounds like MIL was just trying to help. I would have just let her do the diaper change and make her feel useful/involved. It may have saved a lot of hassle in the end.

Isn't that what people pay night nannies to do? I would have loved to be able to nurse the baby then hand it off to someone and go back to sleep. That someone was often my husband if the baby was extra fussy, but I'm sure he would agree that handing a fussy baby to his mom so he could also go back to sleep also, would have been great.

Why would you not just start the diaper change immediately? Why wait for Grandma to also wake up and come down the hallway. Like, make the baby wait longer for the boob so that she can feel helpful? Baby is wet and/or poopy and wants to be fed. Let's not delay that just so grandma can feel useful. That's what daytime is for!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As new parents who are trying to establish a STTN routine, I get why OP was flustered (especially in the middle of the night). But it sounds like MIL was just trying to help. I would have just let her do the diaper change and make her feel useful/involved. It may have saved a lot of hassle in the end.

Isn't that what people pay night nannies to do? I would have loved to be able to nurse the baby then hand it off to someone and go back to sleep. That someone was often my husband if the baby was extra fussy, but I'm sure he would agree that handing a fussy baby to his mom so he could also go back to sleep also, would have been great.

Why would you not just start the diaper change immediately? Why wait for Grandma to also wake up and come down the hallway. Like, make the baby wait longer for the boob so that she can feel helpful? Baby is wet and/or poopy and wants to be fed. Let's not delay that just so grandma can feel useful. That's what daytime is for!

I'm not talking about diaper changes, I'm saying I would have loved a Grandma/Night Nanny to deal with the rocking, soothing and possibly diaper changes as needed after I was done nursing. Night nannies do all of that, it's not a new concept, and people will pay dearly for it. This isn't specifically about OPs hangups regarding her MIL not respecting her authoritay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As new parents who are trying to establish a STTN routine, I get why OP was flustered (especially in the middle of the night). But it sounds like MIL was just trying to help. I would have just let her do the diaper change and make her feel useful/involved. It may have saved a lot of hassle in the end.

Isn't that what people pay night nannies to do? I would have loved to be able to nurse the baby then hand it off to someone and go back to sleep. That someone was often my husband if the baby was extra fussy, but I'm sure he would agree that handing a fussy baby to his mom so he could also go back to sleep also, would have been great.

Why would you not just start the diaper change immediately? Why wait for Grandma to also wake up and come down the hallway. Like, make the baby wait longer for the boob so that she can feel helpful? Baby is wet and/or poopy and wants to be fed. Let's not delay that just so grandma can feel useful. That's what daytime is for!

I'm not talking about diaper changes, I'm saying I would have loved a Grandma/Night Nanny to deal with the rocking, soothing and possibly diaper changes as needed after I was done nursing. Night nannies do all of that, it's not a new concept, and people will pay dearly for it. This isn't specifically about OPs hangups regarding her MIL not respecting her authoritay.

It sounds like OP's baby falls asleep right after feeding when they do things their way---no need for a night nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As new parents who are trying to establish a STTN routine, I get why OP was flustered (especially in the middle of the night). But it sounds like MIL was just trying to help. I would have just let her do the diaper change and make her feel useful/involved. It may have saved a lot of hassle in the end.

Isn't that what people pay night nannies to do? I would have loved to be able to nurse the baby then hand it off to someone and go back to sleep. That someone was often my husband if the baby was extra fussy, but I'm sure he would agree that handing a fussy baby to his mom so he could also go back to sleep also, would have been great.

Why would you not just start the diaper change immediately? Why wait for Grandma to also wake up and come down the hallway. Like, make the baby wait longer for the boob so that she can feel helpful? Baby is wet and/or poopy and wants to be fed. Let's not delay that just so grandma can feel useful. That's what daytime is for!

I'm not talking about diaper changes, I'm saying I would have loved a Grandma/Night Nanny to deal with the rocking, soothing and possibly diaper changes as needed after I was done nursing. Night nannies do all of that, it's not a new concept, and people will pay dearly for it. This isn't specifically about OPs hangups regarding her MIL not respecting her authoritay.

It sounds like OP's baby falls asleep right after feeding when they do things their way---no need for a night nanny.

Good for OP, but people are different and some like the help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As new parents who are trying to establish a STTN routine, I get why OP was flustered (especially in the middle of the night). But it sounds like MIL was just trying to help. I would have just let her do the diaper change and make her feel useful/involved. It may have saved a lot of hassle in the end.

Isn't that what people pay night nannies to do? I would have loved to be able to nurse the baby then hand it off to someone and go back to sleep. That someone was often my husband if the baby was extra fussy, but I'm sure he would agree that handing a fussy baby to his mom so he could also go back to sleep also, would have been great.

Why would you not just start the diaper change immediately? Why wait for Grandma to also wake up and come down the hallway. Like, make the baby wait longer for the boob so that she can feel helpful? Baby is wet and/or poopy and wants to be fed. Let's not delay that just so grandma can feel useful. That's what daytime is for!

I'm not talking about diaper changes, I'm saying I would have loved a Grandma/Night Nanny to deal with the rocking, soothing and possibly diaper changes as needed after I was done nursing. Night nannies do all of that, it's not a new concept, and people will pay dearly for it. This isn't specifically about OPs hangups regarding her MIL not respecting her authoritay.

It sounds like OP's baby falls asleep right after feeding when they do things their way---no need for a night nanny.

Good for OP, but people are different and some like the help.

OK? This thread is about the OP and what she and her husband want when traveling with a 4mo baby who is breastfed. -np

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As new parents who are trying to establish a STTN routine, I get why OP was flustered (especially in the middle of the night). But it sounds like MIL was just trying to help. I would have just let her do the diaper change and make her feel useful/involved. It may have saved a lot of hassle in the end.

Isn't that what people pay night nannies to do? I would have loved to be able to nurse the baby then hand it off to someone and go back to sleep. That someone was often my husband if the baby was extra fussy, but I'm sure he would agree that handing a fussy baby to his mom so he could also go back to sleep also, would have been great.

Why would you not just start the diaper change immediately? Why wait for Grandma to also wake up and come down the hallway. Like, make the baby wait longer for the boob so that she can feel helpful? Baby is wet and/or poopy and wants to be fed. Let's not delay that just so grandma can feel useful. That's what daytime is for!

I'm not talking about diaper changes, I'm saying I would have loved a Grandma/Night Nanny to deal with the rocking, soothing and possibly diaper changes as needed after I was done nursing. Night nannies do all of that, it's not a new concept, and people will pay dearly for it. This isn't specifically about OPs hangups regarding her MIL not respecting her authoritay.

It sounds like OP's baby falls asleep right after feeding when they do things their way---no need for a night nanny.

Good for OP, but people are different and some like the help.

OK? This thread is about the OP and what she and her husband want when traveling with a 4mo baby who is breastfed. -np

OP abandoned this thread a long time ago. It's moved way past OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't see what mil did wrong. So what if op told her what would happen ahead of time. Baby cries, people wake up.

I think op is extremely insecure to see this as so offensive. Big deal, your baby is waking people up in the middle of the night, op. Your mil isn't upset with you about it. She's not being controlling of the situation.
She's waking up. What exactly are you concerned about anyway?

She can “wake up” and stay in her room/the rest of the house and not interrupt the parents as they asked her to do MULTIPLE times.

I agree with the PPs who said MIL’s continual disregard for the parents’ wishes is nothing more than attention-seeking behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As new parents who are trying to establish a STTN routine, I get why OP was flustered (especially in the middle of the night). But it sounds like MIL was just trying to help. I would have just let her do the diaper change and make her feel useful/involved. It may have saved a lot of hassle in the end.

Isn't that what people pay night nannies to do? I would have loved to be able to nurse the baby then hand it off to someone and go back to sleep. That someone was often my husband if the baby was extra fussy, but I'm sure he would agree that handing a fussy baby to his mom so he could also go back to sleep also, would have been great.

Why would you not just start the diaper change immediately? Why wait for Grandma to also wake up and come down the hallway. Like, make the baby wait longer for the boob so that she can feel helpful? Baby is wet and/or poopy and wants to be fed. Let's not delay that just so grandma can feel useful. That's what daytime is for!

I'm not talking about diaper changes, I'm saying I would have loved a Grandma/Night Nanny to deal with the rocking, soothing and possibly diaper changes as needed after I was done nursing. Night nannies do all of that, it's not a new concept, and people will pay dearly for it. This isn't specifically about OPs hangups regarding her MIL not respecting her authoritay.

It sounds like OP's baby falls asleep right after feeding when they do things their way---no need for a night nanny.

Good for OP, but people are different and some like the help.

And some people are NOT different, like OP and her DH, which they repeatedly communicated to MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is probably sleep deprived, so I give her a pass on any middle-of-the-night interactions.

MIL wanted to help, but was unable to take a hint or observe that her help was very undesired. OP/DH likely never directly told MIL that it would be best to leave them alone, and being very quiet was a MUST - no talking to baby or the OP or husband.

I did not read 32 pages of this though.... what happened to make this last 32 pages?!

It's the polarization! I find it fascinating that there are so many pro-MIL posters, when it seemed so clear to me she was being obnoxious and I'm 100% team OP. Wonder how much of this has to do with how far posters are from their personal experience of traveling with a 4 month old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is probably sleep deprived, so I give her a pass on any middle-of-the-night interactions.

MIL wanted to help, but was unable to take a hint or observe that her help was very undesired. OP/DH likely never directly told MIL that it would be best to leave them alone, and being very quiet was a MUST - no talking to baby or the OP or husband.

I did not read 32 pages of this though.... what happened to make this last 32 pages?!

It's the polarization! I find it fascinating that there are so many pro-MIL posters, when it seemed so clear to me she was being obnoxious and I'm 100% team OP. Wonder how much of this has to do with how far posters are from their personal experience of traveling with a 4 month old.

Maybe the MIL is just....like this? I keep thinking about my best friend's mom who is fluttery, overly talkative and can't take a hint to save her life. She has always been like this. She will even say, "I know, I know, my kids always tell me I tell the same story over and over, but it really was so funny when..." She would absolutely be twittering around offering unwanted help in a loud voice, no matter how many times you told her no. She has five married kids and is a wonderful and helpful grandma, but can be a bit much.

TL;DR - this is your husband's mom and you can only change your expectations and your response. I would recommend doing this with as much forbearance and kindness you can muster. Laughter helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, sounds like you were the rude one.

Nope, not after several nights of telling her all was well and that they would handle it, AND telling them even before the visit that all would be well and they would handle it. Nope, continuing to bother people when they have a situation totally in hand is not helpful, it's just trying to get attention and "be important." Get your validation elsewhere, and leave parents of babies alone.

Why must you assume the worst of her? Are you that hateful and sad with your life that you assume others are as bad as you? OP, she likely just wants to be involved. Rather than tell her you got it, ask her if she'd like to hold the baby after you're done feeding? Or if she would mind changing the diaper while you go to the bathroom. Wanting to be involved doesn't mean she's trying to be important - it may mean she loves the baby.

NOPE, that just makes life harder for tired mom and dad! They have their routine, they've got it. Grandma can hold the baby during the day and can be helpful during the day. Parents have already said that they don't want "help" in the middle of the night. It was made clear several times. Anyone who wants to "help" parents of babies can start by listening to what the parents say will actually be helpful.

Mom and dad need to figure out a routine where they BOTH aren't getting up together in the middle of the night to tend to 1 baby.

…says who? If they’re all sleeping in a back bedroom it’s not like one would here baby cry. Mom quickly pees before settling down to BF makes total sense.

Says.... anyone who doesn't want to be exhausted? Both mom and dad are getting up to pee, at the same time, using a bathroom down the hall to to deal with 1 crying baby. No wonder they are exhausted. Maybe take turns? Don't change the baby every time? Pump and use a bottle? So many options that don't require 2 adults to do the job of 1 every night.

Yeah dad should just lay there in a guest bedroom while mom takes two minutes to pee, just leaving baby to cry without comfort in a strange environment. While the pack and play is inches away. Makes sense!

How bad does mom have to pee? This isn't that hard. Dad isn't quieting the baby down he's just changing the diaper and the baby is still crying. He's pretty useless in the whole arrangement. Or he could not change the diaper and just sleep and be less tired. How is dad helping in any way?

I know I am late to this party. But this is the stupidest thing ever.

[Anonymous]

Ugh you sound just like my former DIL. We took them on a trip with 6 month old grand baby and what a nightmare! I sleep with door closed, white noise but nothing could drown out the baby crying for not 4 mts but a good hour or more. The two of them would sleep right thru it. I’d end up bringing the baby in bed with me so I could get some sleep. They would put the baby down for the night at 7 and expect her to sleep till their lazy butts got up at 8 in the morning. My DH was livid because I was sleep deprived and upset. He then strategically made sure we all stayed out late each night to ensure grand baby couldn’t be put down too early. It worked beautifully.
I doubt your baby cried for just 4 mts btw. I was 50 at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh you sound just like my former DIL. We took them on a trip with 6 month old grand baby and what a nightmare! I sleep with door closed, white noise but nothing could drown out the baby crying for not 4 mts but a good hour or more. The two of them would sleep right thru it. I’d end up bringing the baby in bed with me so I could get some sleep. They would put the baby down for the night at 7 and expect her to sleep till their lazy butts got up at 8 in the morning. My DH was livid because I was sleep deprived and upset. He then strategically made sure we all stayed out late each night to ensure grand baby couldn’t be put down too early. It worked beautifully.
I doubt your baby cried for just 4 mts btw. I was 50 at the time.

So you know what OP’s baby did better than OP herself? LOL.
Stick to knitting socks, grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh you sound just like my former DIL. We took them on a trip with 6 month old grand baby and what a nightmare! I sleep with door closed, white noise but nothing could drown out the baby crying for not 4 mts but a good hour or more. The two of them would sleep right thru it. I’d end up bringing the baby in bed with me so I could get some sleep. They would put the baby down for the night at 7 and expect her to sleep till their lazy butts got up at 8 in the morning. My DH was livid because I was sleep deprived and upset. He then strategically made sure we all stayed out late each night to ensure grand baby couldn’t be put down too early. It worked beautifully.
I doubt your baby cried for just 4 mts btw. I was 50 at the time.

NP. You sound really tired now, with all this word salad. Get some sleep, Grandma! Or are you great-grandma by now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh you sound just like my former DIL. We took them on a trip with 6 month old grand baby and what a nightmare! I sleep with door closed, white noise but nothing could drown out the baby crying for not 4 mts but a good hour or more. The two of them would sleep right thru it. I’d end up bringing the baby in bed with me so I could get some sleep. They would put the baby down for the night at 7 and expect her to sleep till their lazy butts got up at 8 in the morning. My DH was livid because I was sleep deprived and upset. He then strategically made sure we all stayed out late each night to ensure grand baby couldn’t be put down too early. It worked beautifully.
I doubt your baby cried for just 4 mts btw. I was 50 at the time.

Some parents choose to sleep train their babies. But this is why traveling with infants is just hard at best and a bad idea at worse. I'm so grateful for my family's patience.