MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Crying babies make me feel incredibly anxious. I always assumed that was Mother Nature. MIL is probably the same. It’s like an automatic response of “must soothe baby.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Crying babies make me feel incredibly anxious. I always assumed that was Mother Nature. MIL is probably the same. It’s like an automatic response of “must soothe baby.”

No one is saying impulses are unnatural or bad. But we must control our impulses every day in polite society, yes? MIL was warned ahead of time and asked for several nights to leave the parents alone to handle the night waking. How far does your “but Mother Nature” excuse-making go? Dudes grabbing women every day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't see what mil did wrong. So what if op told her what would happen ahead of time. Baby cries, people wake up.

I think op is extremely insecure to see this as so offensive. Big deal, your baby is waking people up in the middle of the night, op. Your mil isn't upset with you about it. She's not being controlling of the situation.
She's waking up. What exactly are you concerned about anyway?

She wasn’t just waking up, she was full-voiced talking, which of course would only disturb the baby further. Did you not read?

[Anonymous]

Next morning, Grandma checks into the local Holiday Inn with visiting hours you schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next morning, Grandma checks into the local Holiday Inn with visiting hours you schedule.

Another person who didn’t correctly read the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see what mil did wrong. So what if op told her what would happen ahead of time. Baby cries, people wake up.

I think op is extremely insecure to see this as so offensive. Big deal, your baby is waking people up in the middle of the night, op. Your mil isn't upset with you about it. She's not being controlling of the situation.
She's waking up. What exactly are you concerned about anyway?

She wasn’t just waking up, she was full-voiced talking, which of course would only disturb the baby further. Did you not read?

I read. But why would op be so angry about it? MIL was being annoying. Not pushy or disagreeable or saying anything disrespectful. This is a "MIL is annoying" thing, not a thing you get all indignant about.

Btw, what's the deal with other posters and op reiterating that mil was "warned." I warned you Barb! Get out of here Barb, I warned you!" It's just weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see what mil did wrong. So what if op told her what would happen ahead of time. Baby cries, people wake up.

I think op is extremely insecure to see this as so offensive. Big deal, your baby is waking people up in the middle of the night, op. Your mil isn't upset with you about it. She's not being controlling of the situation.
She's waking up. What exactly are you concerned about anyway?

She wasn’t just waking up, she was full-voiced talking, which of course would only disturb the baby further. Did you not read?

I read. But why would op be so angry about it? MIL was being annoying. Not pushy or disagreeable or saying anything disrespectful. This is a "MIL is annoying" thing, not a thing you get all indignant about.

Btw, what's the deal with other posters and op reiterating that mil was "warned." I warned you Barb! Get out of here Barb, I warned you!" It's just weird.

If you don’t get that ignoring the express and repeated wishes of parents when it comes to the care of their own child, you are in for a bumpy ride as a MIL/grandparent. Best of luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Crying babies make me feel incredibly anxious. I always assumed that was Mother Nature. MIL is probably the same. It’s like an automatic response of “must soothe baby.”

No one is saying impulses are unnatural or bad. But we must control our impulses every day in polite society, yes? MIL was warned ahead of time and asked for several nights to leave the parents alone to handle the night waking. How far does your “but Mother Nature” excuse-making go? Dudes grabbing women every day?

They told mil that the baby would cry at night. Op never said they told mil to leave them alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see what mil did wrong. So what if op told her what would happen ahead of time. Baby cries, people wake up.

I think op is extremely insecure to see this as so offensive. Big deal, your baby is waking people up in the middle of the night, op. Your mil isn't upset with you about it. She's not being controlling of the situation.
She's waking up. What exactly are you concerned about anyway?

She wasn’t just waking up, she was full-voiced talking, which of course would only disturb the baby further. Did you not read?

I read. But why would op be so angry about it? MIL was being annoying. Not pushy or disagreeable or saying anything disrespectful. This is a "MIL is annoying" thing, not a thing you get all indignant about.

Btw, what's the deal with other posters and op reiterating that mil was "warned." I warned you Barb! Get out of here Barb, I warned you!" It's just weird.

If you don’t get that ignoring the express and repeated wishes of parents when it comes to the care of their own child, you are in for a bumpy ride as a MIL/grandparent. Best of luck with that.

And what express and repeated wishes are you talking about? The directive op gave to mil to go back to bed?

Op and her husband should have said "hey mil, when baby cries we try to be super quiet, so we'd really appreciate it if you didn't get up with us in the middle of the night. Otherwise it's too hard to get baby back to sleep. "

She didn't.

[Anonymous]

OP is probably sleep deprived, so I give her a pass on any middle-of-the-night interactions.

MIL wanted to help, but was unable to take a hint or observe that her help was very undesired. OP/DH likely never directly told MIL that it would be best to leave them alone, and being very quiet was a MUST - no talking to baby or the OP or husband.

I did not read 32 pages of this though.... what happened to make this last 32 pages?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is probably sleep deprived, so I give her a pass on any middle-of-the-night interactions.

MIL wanted to help, but was unable to take a hint or observe that her help was very undesired. OP/DH likely never directly told MIL that it would be best to leave them alone, and being very quiet was a MUST - no talking to baby or the OP or husband.

I did not read 32 pages of this though.... what happened to make this last 32 pages?!

Well if you had actually read, you would have read that:

1) OP and her DH did, in fact, very directly talk to MIL the morning after the first night and told her quite specifically not to talk loudly and to leave them alone to handle the situation.

2) OP stated on like page 5 that she wasn’t coming back, and hasn’t, and this thread somehow continues. I personally find it very entertaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see what mil did wrong. So what if op told her what would happen ahead of time. Baby cries, people wake up.

I think op is extremely insecure to see this as so offensive. Big deal, your baby is waking people up in the middle of the night, op. Your mil isn't upset with you about it. She's not being controlling of the situation.
She's waking up. What exactly are you concerned about anyway?

She wasn’t just waking up, she was full-voiced talking, which of course would only disturb the baby further. Did you not read?

I read. But why would op be so angry about it? MIL was being annoying. Not pushy or disagreeable or saying anything disrespectful. This is a "MIL is annoying" thing, not a thing you get all indignant about.

Btw, what's the deal with other posters and op reiterating that mil was "warned." I warned you Barb! Get out of here Barb, I warned you!" It's just weird.

If you don’t get that ignoring the express and repeated wishes of parents when it comes to the care of their own child, you are in for a bumpy ride as a MIL/grandparent. Best of luck with that.

And what express and repeated wishes are you talking about? The directive op gave to mil to go back to bed?

Op and her husband should have said "hey mil, when baby cries we try to be super quiet, so we'd really appreciate it if you didn't get up with us in the middle of the night. Otherwise it's too hard to get baby back to sleep. "

She didn't.

OP did, in fact, say that she and her husband both asked MIL to lower her voice so as to not disturb the baby. So sorry about your fiction, but that’s the fact.

[Anonymous]

As new parents who are trying to establish a STTN routine, I get why OP was flustered (especially in the middle of the night). But it sounds like MIL was just trying to help. I would have just let her do the diaper change and make her feel useful/involved. It may have saved a lot of hassle in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As new parents who are trying to establish a STTN routine, I get why OP was flustered (especially in the middle of the night). But it sounds like MIL was just trying to help. I would have just let her do the diaper change and make her feel useful/involved. It may have saved a lot of hassle in the end.

Isn't that what people pay night nannies to do? I would have loved to be able to nurse the baby then hand it off to someone and go back to sleep. That someone was often my husband if the baby was extra fussy, but I'm sure he would agree that handing a fussy baby to his mom so he could also go back to sleep also, would have been great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next morning, Grandma checks into the local Holiday Inn with visiting hours you schedule.

Another person who didn’t correctly read the OP.

Since this is all happening in Grandma's house, I figured that the Holiday Inn comment was humor.