husband wants to keep baby and I don't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize greatly with you. Your husband is being incredibly unfair and manipulative, and I wouldn’t stand for that for one minute in my marriage. I would abort and divorce. What I would never do is stay in a marriage in which I had to do something against my will - particularly something as important as having a child - in order to save the marriage. That is bullshit of the highest order. You are entitled not to want another child and you are entitled to terminate the pregnancy. It’s one thing to have a genuine disagreement with a spouse and quite another to be threatened with divorce as a mode of psychological manipulation. You deserve better. Good luck.

I agree 100% with this. No way would I accept such an ultimatum from my husband. It would be a sign that the marriage wasn't worth being in, if he thought he could dictate in such a way to me. Abort and divorce.

[Anonymous]

I’m my view husband lost his rights when he declared have this baby or divorce. Anyone who would say that after waffling back and forth is equally likely to walk when things get tough anyway. He just wants to be baby daddy. Divorce may be in the cards anyway. Her body, her choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize greatly with you. Your husband is being incredibly unfair and manipulative, and I wouldn’t stand for that for one minute in my marriage. I would abort and divorce. What I would never do is stay in a marriage in which I had to do something against my will - particularly something as important as having a child - in order to save the marriage. That is bullshit of the highest order. You are entitled not to want another child and you are entitled to terminate the pregnancy. It’s one thing to have a genuine disagreement with a spouse and quite another to be threatened with divorce as a mode of psychological manipulation. You deserve better. Good luck.

This. I can’t believe all the people calling OP selfish for wanting to use a constitutional right very early in her pregnancy. People do this all the time - and the lovely thing about the constitution is you can do it for any reason. Not wanting a baby - for whatever reason- is a plenty good reason.

The DH on the other hand is being a manipulative selfish a hole. He’s the bad guy in this scenario. Not OP. Now that OP knows it, regardless of her decision on this pregnancy, she needs to leave her husband because he’s emotionally horrible.

No normal man would be ok with his wife aborting their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should have had an abortion and not told her husband.

In the old days, women would go to see their mother and mom would tell them where to find an illegal abortion, and then would stay with Mom until recovered. Either that or have the unwanted child and be bitter the rest of your life..

In “the old days” plenty of women viewed abortion as akin to murder.

It totally depends on where you were. My grandmother grew up on the LES in New York in the early 20th century. There was no birth control and men couldn't be relied upon to control themselves, so all the women in her neighborhood had 10, 11, 12 abortions, in addition to the 6-10 children they were raising. It was a financial and health necessity. Now that we have more money and fewer children, people have become precious about abortion, but in many places and times, it was NBD.

Yes, it totally depends on where you were. Which was my point. It’s disingenuous for pp to simply assume that in the old days one’s mother would have been a okay with helping her daughter get an abortion. Maybe she would have but it’s not a given.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize greatly with you. Your husband is being incredibly unfair and manipulative, and I wouldn’t stand for that for one minute in my marriage. I would abort and divorce. What I would never do is stay in a marriage in which I had to do something against my will - particularly something as important as having a child - in order to save the marriage. That is bullshit of the highest order. You are entitled not to want another child and you are entitled to terminate the pregnancy. It’s one thing to have a genuine disagreement with a spouse and quite another to be threatened with divorce as a mode of psychological manipulation. You deserve better. Good luck.

This. I can’t believe all the people calling OP selfish for wanting to use a constitutional right very early in her pregnancy. People do this all the time - and the lovely thing about the constitution is you can do it for any reason. Not wanting a baby - for whatever reason- is a plenty good reason.

The DH on the other hand is being a manipulative selfish a hole. He’s the bad guy in this scenario. Not OP. Now that OP knows it, regardless of her decision on this pregnancy, she needs to leave her husband because he’s emotionally horrible.

No normal man would be ok with his wife aborting their child.

Exactly, especially if they are financially stable and in a loving marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it immoral to judge others based on one’s personal morals.

Oh I’m sure you’ve never judged anyone on their morals

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the poster that mentioned how manipulative the husband is being here. My pregnancy was hell and I never want to do it again. Ever.

OP, I would terminate and tell your husband you miscarried and then be done with it. And consult a divorce lawyer.

If she’s going to divorce, why lie? So many of you keep saying it’s her choice, so she should own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the husband is an a-hole. For both men and women, we have thoughts in the abstract about what we want to do and are happy with and then there’s the reality when the actual situation is present. Many women as well as men change their minds about abortion when presented with an actual viable pregnancy. Many women - who are pro choice and support abortion rights - find that when it’s them and their decision just can’t do it. They’re not “manipulative a-holes”, just human. Husband was probably fine with one and done when it was not an issue, but is having trouble dealing with the idea of a termination.

This board is always sympathetic for women who don’t want to abort when it’s the male partner who doesn’t want another child.. Let’s not demonize the man who finds himself in a similar position - he may not have to carry it, but it’s his kid too.

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Skipped to the end here: OP originally said no kids. Then had one who is now 11, and has an accidental pregnancy. I can fully understand not wanting to start all over again with an infant that was unplanned. I think that OP would probably get over the regret of an abortion faster than the many many years ahead of raiding another child. It’s her body and we all know that the woman does both the pregnancy and the work of child rearing. Yes Dads help but the burden is on the woman. It’s ok OP to make a hard decision.

I am a therapist, and you will be surprised how many woman cannot get over past abortion, even 20+ years later. And this is not religious woman (for those I think is much easier to find a forgiveness and piece). A lot of women don't understand what mental damage it may cause in a long term.

I am also a therapist and many women deeply and permanently regret having more children than they wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope this is a troll post for OPs sake. Looks like a lot of infertility patients and pro life PPs on this thread. I thought this was a liberal website? Liberal except for a woman’s right to choose?

No-one says she doesn’t have a right to choose. She does, but there are many factors to consider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Skipped to the end here: OP originally said no kids. Then had one who is now 11, and has an accidental pregnancy. I can fully understand not wanting to start all over again with an infant that was unplanned. I think that OP would probably get over the regret of an abortion faster than the many many years ahead of raiding another child. It’s her body and we all know that the woman does both the pregnancy and the work of child rearing. Yes Dads help but the burden is on the woman. It’s ok OP to make a hard decision.

I am a therapist, and you will be surprised how many woman cannot get over past abortion, even 20+ years later. And this is not religious woman (for those I think is much easier to find a forgiveness and piece). A lot of women don't understand what mental damage it may cause in a long term.

I am also a therapist and many women deeply and permanently regret having more children than they wanted.

And many more people are permanently damaged by being raised by parents that didn’t want them. This board is filled with those people and that is a trauma that doesn’t heal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope this is a troll post for OPs sake. Looks like a lot of infertility patients and pro life PPs on this thread. I thought this was a liberal website? Liberal except for a woman’s right to choose?

No-one says she doesn’t have a right to choose. She does, but there are many factors to consider.

Re-read the entire thread. There are a number of posters saying that OP’s husband and daughter have the right to decide as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Skipped to the end here: OP originally said no kids. Then had one who is now 11, and has an accidental pregnancy. I can fully understand not wanting to start all over again with an infant that was unplanned. I think that OP would probably get over the regret of an abortion faster than the many many years ahead of raiding another child. It’s her body and we all know that the woman does both the pregnancy and the work of child rearing. Yes Dads help but the burden is on the woman. It’s ok OP to make a hard decision.

I am a therapist, and you will be surprised how many woman cannot get over past abortion, even 20+ years later. And this is not religious woman (for those I think is much easier to find a forgiveness and piece). A lot of women don't understand what mental damage it may cause in a long term.

I am also a therapist and many women deeply and permanently regret having more children than they wanted.

And many more people are permanently damaged by being raised by parents that didn’t want them. This board is filled with those people and that is a trauma that doesn’t heal.

Having your life ended is a trauma that doesn’t heal as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you guys are feeding this for 20 pages. Do you seriously think someone would consider abortion over their child inheriting less? OP is trying to propagate the idea that pro-choice women are just cold, greedy and selfish. Prolifers think all women who have an abortion are heartless and selfish and every one of you who is pro choice know that’s not true. Please stop feeding this troll.

I don’t think OP is a troll. I think that she is someone who didn’t want to be a mom in the first place and now that she is reluctantly a mom, thinks a big inheritance is all she has to offer her DD. I’m the poster who have gave up a $250k inheritance voluntarily. My dad saw it as compensation for my sh!tty childhood. The thought of what it took for him to amass that money made me angry and nauseated. I could not live with the karmic weight of it or what it said to him if I accepted it.

Which makes sense that OP would not want to have another child, given she doesn't think she's capable of loving it. Makes a lot of sense IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope this is a troll post for OPs sake. Looks like a lot of infertility patients and pro life PPs on this thread. I thought this was a liberal website? Liberal except for a woman’s right to choose?

No-one says she doesn’t have a right to choose. She does, but there are many factors to consider.

Re-read the entire thread. There are a number of posters saying that OP’s husband and daughter have the right to decide as well.

OP's husband definitely has a say in this. If OP didn't want to get pregnant, she should have thought of that long ago.