husband wants to keep baby and I don't

[Anonymous]

The number of checklist couples is astonishing to me. I have cut two close friends off because of this BS.

Life isn’t about checking boxes.

But OP it is your body, do what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm saying it again Pro Choice is a choice. You don't want an abortion don't have one. You don't get to judge someone who does. Again get educated! It's called SCIENCE

I get to judge anyone I choose. Killing your baby is evil.

Same here. You're evil. I judge you for valuing the life of a fetus over the life of a woman. Every pregnancy puts the life of a full grown woman at risk. Pregnancies go wrong at the last minute, all the time. Pregnancy and labor are one of the top ten killers of women in the United States and worldwide. You are demanding that women risk their lives for a fetus. Even if that fetus is considered the equivalent of a full person, you don't get to demand that. We don't demand that people risk their lives for other people in any other situation. Even our military is volunteer only. You don't get to draft women into being mothers. Having a uterus doesn't make women slaves.

NP here. Fine you both are free to judge each other for each other’s attitudes. See how that works? But it’s rather obvious based on the responses here that the majority of people would be disapproving of a woman choosing to terminate her baby under the circumstances OP has described.

Not true. 75% of this country believes in pro choice. Guess what growing daily.

How do you know everything going on in that house? You do not.

And it doesn't matter anyway. It's not your CHOICE!

Pro Choice doesn’t mean you morally agree with every reason a person would have an abortion for. I agree that OP has the legal right to abort under these circumstances Morally, based on the details she has given, I think it’s awful. Something can be legal and immoral as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you guys are feeding this for 20 pages. Do you seriously think someone would consider abortion over their child inheriting less? OP is trying to propagate the idea that pro-choice women are just cold, greedy and selfish. Prolifers think all women who have an abortion are heartless and selfish and every one of you who is pro choice know that’s not true. Please stop feeding this troll.

My sister had an abortion when she found out she was having a boy. She and her husband only want one child and they want that child to be a girl.

Not in the US, no.

[Anonymous]

I find it immoral to judge others based on one’s personal morals.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the poster that mentioned how manipulative the husband is being here. My pregnancy was hell and I never want to do it again. Ever.

OP, I would terminate and tell your husband you miscarried and then be done with it. And consult a divorce lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you guys are feeding this for 20 pages. Do you seriously think someone would consider abortion over their child inheriting less? OP is trying to propagate the idea that pro-choice women are just cold, greedy and selfish. Prolifers think all women who have an abortion are heartless and selfish and every one of you who is pro choice know that’s not true. Please stop feeding this troll.

My sister had an abortion when she found out she was having a boy. She and her husband only want one child and they want that child to be a girl.

Not in the US, no.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think the husband is an a-hole. For both men and women, we have thoughts in the abstract about what we want to do and are happy with and then there’s the reality when the actual situation is present. Many women as well as men change their minds about abortion when presented with an actual viable pregnancy. Many women - who are pro choice and support abortion rights - find that when it’s them and their decision just can’t do it. They’re not “manipulative a-holes”, just human. Husband was probably fine with one and done when it was not an issue, but is having trouble dealing with the idea of a termination.

This board is always sympathetic for women who don’t want to abort when it’s the male partner who doesn’t want another child.. Let’s not demonize the man who finds himself in a similar position - he may not have to carry it, but it’s his kid too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the poster that mentioned how manipulative the husband is being here. My pregnancy was hell and I never want to do it again. Ever.

OP, I would terminate and tell your husband you miscarried and then be done with it. And consult a divorce lawyer.

OP never said her pregnancy was hell. And how is it manipulative for the husband to not want OP to abort their baby?

[Anonymous]

I hope this is a troll post for OPs sake. Looks like a lot of infertility patients and pro life PPs on this thread. I thought this was a liberal website? Liberal except for a woman’s right to choose?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the husband is an a-hole. For both men and women, we have thoughts in the abstract about what we want to do and are happy with and then there’s the reality when the actual situation is present. Many women as well as men change their minds about abortion when presented with an actual viable pregnancy. Many women - who are pro choice and support abortion rights - find that when it’s them and their decision just can’t do it. They’re not “manipulative a-holes”, just human. Husband was probably fine with one and done when it was not an issue, but is having trouble dealing with the idea of a termination.

This board is always sympathetic for women who don’t want to abort when it’s the male partner who doesn’t want another child.. Let’s not demonize the man who finds himself in a similar position - he may not have to carry it, but it’s his kid too.

Exactly. DH already has an 11 year old whom he presumably loves very much. He realizes that he would love this baby just as much even if he didn’t really want another child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope this is a troll post for OPs sake. Looks like a lot of infertility patients and pro life PPs on this thread. I thought this was a liberal website? Liberal except for a woman’s right to choose?

Aww, you're seeing opinions you don't like. The horror!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should have had an abortion and not told her husband.

In the old days, women would go to see their mother and mom would tell them where to find an illegal abortion, and then would stay with Mom until recovered. Either that or have the unwanted child and be bitter the rest of your life..

In “the old days” plenty of women viewed abortion as akin to murder.

It totally depends on where you were. My grandmother grew up on the LES in New York in the early 20th century. There was no birth control and men couldn't be relied upon to control themselves, so all the women in her neighborhood had 10, 11, 12 abortions, in addition to the 6-10 children they were raising. It was a financial and health necessity. Now that we have more money and fewer children, people have become precious about abortion, but in many places and times, it was NBD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope this is a troll post for OPs sake. Looks like a lot of infertility patients and pro life PPs on this thread. I thought this was a liberal website? Liberal except for a woman’s right to choose?

I’m liberal and pro choice and I am one of the posters who has said that I don’t think op should abort under these circumstances. Being pro choice doesn’t mean that one takes abortion lightly. Ending a developing human life is no small matter.
Yes it is ultimately OPs decision, but it doesn’t mean that I personally have to morally approve of it, especially under the circumstances that OP has given.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope this is a troll post for OPs sake. Looks like a lot of infertility patients and pro life PPs on this thread. I thought this was a liberal website? Liberal except for a woman’s right to choose?

Women have the right to choose. But life is messy and they way you’re presenting it is that she should never take into consideration her particular circumstances and the people around her who are supposedly the most important people in her life. They’re a team, supposedly, and if she sees herself as having the only opinion that matters and he’s a jerk for having feelings, there’s an issue. She’ll be a “right” divorced lonely person whose going to,lose half her money anyway. But she’ll have “exercised her right to choose” so it’s all good. The perfect answer - never having gotten pregnant - is off the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you guys are feeding this for 20 pages. Do you seriously think someone would consider abortion over their child inheriting less? OP is trying to propagate the idea that pro-choice women are just cold, greedy and selfish. Prolifers think all women who have an abortion are heartless and selfish and every one of you who is pro choice know that’s not true. Please stop feeding this troll.

My sister had an abortion when she found out she was having a boy. She and her husband only want one child and they want that child to be a girl.

Not in the US, no.

Yes, in the U.S.

You can find out the gender in a routine genetic screening in the first trimester. They send you the results over email. I did it at 10 weeks, but it’s just a blood test so it’s possible to find out much earlier. All you’d have to do is tell your doctor you’re interested in the genetic screening. Along with the genetic risk, they also tell you the baby’s gender. After you get the results you can easily make an appointment at a clinic to get an abortion.

I agree that your OB wouldn’t give you an abortion if you said you wanted to do it for gender. But it’s easy enough to get all the information you need and make a separate appointments with an OB and an abortion clinic. Then, depending on the results of the test, you tell one or the other that you changed your mind about the pregnancy.

People can easily do this in the U.S. and I bet most never tell anyone.