Mothers - How many sex partners would you want your daughter to have prior to marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so strange to me. I met and married my husband when we were both in our 30s. I don't think we ever discussed our numbers with each other, other than maybe in a joking, "more than 10 and less than 100" way. We certainly discussed safe sex, birth control, and monogamy, which was what was important.

We've been married almost 10 years now. No daughters, but we expect our sons to practice safe sex and to be respectful in their dating practices and cognizant of the complexities of sexual relationships.

No, no, no -- this reasonable, logical argument has been STRICTLY PROHIBITED by the OP. He DEMANDS that you generate a number, because he needs to organize all the women in his life into "Slut" and "Not Slut" categories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people want to be free to act with judgment from others?

You can do whatever you want, but you're going to be judged for it.

Your potential future partners will judge you for it.

What you seem to be (willfully) missing is that not everyone will judge women the way you do. While some men might go off on your "congrats for sucking 50 dicks" tangent, other men (yes, even (gasp) "good" men) might not care about the number and focus more on the person, or be impressed with the breadth of experience, or just not care that much at all. Please repeat this to yourself: Other People Are Not Me.

Please make the case how sucking 50 dicks makes you a better person in any way?

You're the one who thinks it matters. How does it make you a worse person?

I don't think the number of dicks sucked in one's life makes a bit difference as to whether you are a better person or a worse person. It doesn't matter.

it shows poor judgment. there is no way a woman who is 24 years old could have found 50 different men she thought were high quality and she really liked in say 7 years of sexual activity. its just impossible.

it is precisely indicative of the qualifications people are making: i.e. well as long as she doesnt do it for the "Wrong" reasons - there is no problem!

well, if you do it the "right" way, then no chance in hell she could find 50 guys in 7 years to fuck the "right way" -
maybe she doesnt even have one single boyfriend? or no committed relationships? well those are red flags too

people are getting so stuck on calling me a woman hater without thinking things through all the way

its temporally impossible to fuck 50 dudes in 7 years the "right way" i.e. "as long as she is not doing it because she has low self esteem, or is pressured, or whatever"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people want to be free to act with judgment from others?

You can do whatever you want, but you're going to be judged for it.

Your potential future partners will judge you for it.

Turn this around. Why do you want to be free to judge women on the number of sexual partners they have without being labeled a misogynstic, anti-sex, prick/bitch?

Because you do. Because you want to think of yourself as a good person. Because you want others to think of you as a good person, or at least, leave you alone.

Human nature.

You don't seem to understand it, though.

Because I am not anti sex or anti woman and in fact I love women quite a bit.

Everyone judges. they just wont admit it here or are not being realistic as to what number would cause judgment.

Translation: Everyone here shares my morals, either explicitly or secretly! I am a good person, therefore, I cannot be sexist no matter what I believe!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people want to be free to act with judgment from others?

You can do whatever you want, but you're going to be judged for it.

Your potential future partners will judge you for it.

What you seem to be (willfully) missing is that not everyone will judge women the way you do. While some men might go off on your "congrats for sucking 50 dicks" tangent, other men (yes, even (gasp) "good" men) might not care about the number and focus more on the person, or be impressed with the breadth of experience, or just not care that much at all. Please repeat this to yourself: Other People Are Not Me.

Please make the case how sucking 50 dicks makes you a better person in any way?

You're the one who thinks it matters. How does it make you a worse person?

I don't think the number of dicks sucked in one's life makes a bit difference as to whether you are a better person or a worse person. It doesn't matter.

it shows poor judgment. there is no way a woman who is 24 years old could have found 50 different men she thought were high quality and she really liked in say 7 years of sexual activity. its just impossible.

it is precisely indicative of the qualifications people are making: i.e. well as long as she doesnt do it for the "Wrong" reasons - there is no problem!

well, if you do it the "right" way, then no chance in hell she could find 50 guys in 7 years to fuck the "right way" -
maybe she doesnt even have one single boyfriend? or no committed relationships? well those are red flags too

people are getting so stuck on calling me a woman hater without thinking things through all the way

its temporally impossible to fuck 50 dudes in 7 years the "right way" i.e. "as long as she is not doing it because she has low self esteem, or is pressured, or whatever"

What do you mean "high quality?" What is the "right" way?

[Anonymous]

high quality are people that are worthy of her and the "Right" way is whatever all the female slut champions on here mean what they say, as long as she doesn't do it because she has low self esteem or is pressured or whatever whatever - then its fine!

whatever way they are implying there

a woman that doesnt have one single boyfriend between 17-24 and fucks 50 dudes is damaged. no sane person would argue, yet on here - People argue it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:high quality are people that are worthy of her and the "Right" way is whatever all the female slut champions on here mean what they say, as long as she doesn't do it because she has low self esteem or is pressured or whatever whatever - then its fine!

whatever way they are implying there

a woman that doesnt have one single boyfriend between 17-24 and fucks 50 dudes is damaged. no sane person would argue, yet on here - People argue it!

Just because you -- in your very limited experience -- hasn't met a 24 year old who doesn't date but does hook-up and isn't damaged doesn't make it so. Lots of women like this exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:high quality are people that are worthy of her and the "Right" way is whatever all the female slut champions on here mean what they say, as long as she doesn't do it because she has low self esteem or is pressured or whatever whatever - then its fine!

whatever way they are implying there

a woman that doesnt have one single boyfriend between 17-24 and fucks 50 dudes is damaged. no sane person would argue, yet on here - People argue it!

Ok, well, you have your world view, others have theirs. Mine is that you don't judge a person solely on the number of people they've slept with. This seems to offend you deeply. I hope you can find peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so strange to me. I met and married my husband when we were both in our 30s. I don't think we ever discussed our numbers with each other, other than maybe in a joking, "more than 10 and less than 100" way. We certainly discussed safe sex, birth control, and monogamy, which was what was important.

We've been married almost 10 years now. No daughters, but we expect our sons to practice safe sex and to be respectful in their dating practices and cognizant of the complexities of sexual relationships.

No, no, no -- this reasonable, logical argument has been STRICTLY PROHIBITED by the OP. He DEMANDS that you generate a number, because he needs to organize all the women in his life into "Slut" and "Not Slut" categories.

Sorry! My bad. Put me down for "Slut" then.

[Anonymous]

Before I married DH, I had slept with more than 30 people. He is older than me and his number was higher. Some of my partners were within the confines of a relationship, but a lot weren't. If I had it all to do over again, I would probably not sleep with about half of them, but I can say that with the hindsight that those sexual encounters were not as fulfilling as I hoped they would be. By which I mean, I did not feel sexually satisfied by the partners I chose/was chosen by for a variety of reasons - lack of attention, inexperience, physically incompatible. None of those things are things I could have automatically know prior to sleeping with them, which is why I say "with hindsight". DH knows how many people I've slept with. He knows that most of this was outside "relationships" as usually defined. He is fine with it, though is excited when we try things I haven't done, or when I tell him that such and such was like the first time all over again. I think everyone wants to feel like they're special. In his case, he really is the best lover I've had.

His number of sexual partners doesn't bother me either. At first, I was concerned that he seemed to be going through women like Kleenex in his early 20s. His explanation was that he was good looking, talented, and in a popular band. He is also very considerate in bed - puts the lady's pleasure before his own, etc. - and he thinks this was not common for dudes in his town/scene/time. He is flummoxed by this, telling me "What is the point if she isn't enjoying it more than I am?"

We have a daughter now. She is 4. My hope for her is that she has as many sexual partners as she needs to feel like she knows what she wants. If her very first lover is the one, and that doesn't fade the way it faded for me and everyone else I know personally, that's great. If she spends a decade figuring out what she wants sexually and trying new things, I am also okay with that. I would hope that she is having sex for the right reasons - because she is attracted to the person, because they make her feel special, because she cares about them, etc. I would hope that she is not having sex because everyone else is doing it, because she is being pressured or because she is trying to fill a quota.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before I married DH, I had slept with more than 30 people. He is older than me and his number was higher. Some of my partners were within the confines of a relationship, but a lot weren't. If I had it all to do over again, I would probably not sleep with about half of them, but I can say that with the hindsight that those sexual encounters were not as fulfilling as I hoped they would be. By which I mean, I did not feel sexually satisfied by the partners I chose/was chosen by for a variety of reasons - lack of attention, inexperience, physically incompatible. None of those things are things I could have automatically know prior to sleeping with them, which is why I say "with hindsight". DH knows how many people I've slept with. He knows that most of this was outside "relationships" as usually defined. He is fine with it, though is excited when we try things I haven't done, or when I tell him that such and such was like the first time all over again. I think everyone wants to feel like they're special. In his case, he really is the best lover I've had.

His number of sexual partners doesn't bother me either. At first, I was concerned that he seemed to be going through women like Kleenex in his early 20s. His explanation was that he was good looking, talented, and in a popular band. He is also very considerate in bed - puts the lady's pleasure before his own, etc. - and he thinks this was not common for dudes in his town/scene/time. He is flummoxed by this, telling me "What is the point if she isn't enjoying it more than I am?"

We have a daughter now. She is 4. My hope for her is that she has as many sexual partners as she needs to feel like she knows what she wants. If her very first lover is the one, and that doesn't fade the way it faded for me and everyone else I know personally, that's great. If she spends a decade figuring out what she wants sexually and trying new things, I am also okay with that. I would hope that she is having sex for the right reasons - because she is attracted to the person, because they make her feel special, because she cares about them, etc. I would hope that she is not having sex because everyone else is doing it, because she is being pressured or because she is trying to fill a quota.

PP here. Clearly this puts me in the "SLUT" category, but frankly, the OP and the other "YOU ALL ARE SLUTS" posters' opinions of my bedroom behavior do not matter to me. The only one whose opinion I care about is the man I sleep next to every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:high quality are people that are worthy of her and the "Right" way is whatever all the female slut champions on here mean what they say, as long as she doesn't do it because she has low self esteem or is pressured or whatever whatever - then its fine!

whatever way they are implying there

a woman that doesnt have one single boyfriend between 17-24 and fucks 50 dudes is damaged. no sane person would argue, yet on here - People argue it!

That's her business. Not yours.

If she is damaged or happy or indifferent. It's not your business. It's not her parents' business. It's her life. She gets to make her choices.

[Anonymous]

OP here: thank you for the thoughtful post. Your insights are valuable and I think make the point perfectly well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before I married DH, I had slept with more than 30 people. He is older than me and his number was higher. Some of my partners were within the confines of a relationship, but a lot weren't. If I had it all to do over again, I would probably not sleep with about half of them, but I can say that with the hindsight that those sexual encounters were not as fulfilling as I hoped they would be. By which I mean, I did not feel sexually satisfied by the partners I chose/was chosen by for a variety of reasons - lack of attention, inexperience, physically incompatible. None of those things are things I could have automatically know prior to sleeping with them, which is why I say "with hindsight". DH knows how many people I've slept with. He knows that most of this was outside "relationships" as usually defined. He is fine with it, though is excited when we try things I haven't done, or when I tell him that such and such was like the first time all over again. I think everyone wants to feel like they're special. In his case, he really is the best lover I've had.

His number of sexual partners doesn't bother me either. At first, I was concerned that he seemed to be going through women like Kleenex in his early 20s. His explanation was that he was good looking, talented, and in a popular band. He is also very considerate in bed - puts the lady's pleasure before his own, etc. - and he thinks this was not common for dudes in his town/scene/time. He is flummoxed by this, telling me "What is the point if she isn't enjoying it more than I am?"

We have a daughter now. She is 4. My hope for her is that she has as many sexual partners as she needs to feel like she knows what she wants. If her very first lover is the one, and that doesn't fade the way it faded for me and everyone else I know personally, that's great. If she spends a decade figuring out what she wants sexually and trying new things, I am also okay with that. I would hope that she is having sex for the right reasons - because she is attracted to the person, because they make her feel special, because she cares about them, etc. I would hope that she is not having sex because everyone else is doing it, because she is being pressured or because she is trying to fill a quota.

PP here. Clearly this puts me in the "SLUT" category, but frankly, the OP and the other "YOU ALL ARE SLUTS" posters' opinions of my bedroom behavior do not matter to me. The only one whose opinion I care about is the man I sleep next to every night.

According to the OP, your husband does not exist. Please check to confirm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before I married DH, I had slept with more than 30 people. He is older than me and his number was higher. Some of my partners were within the confines of a relationship, but a lot weren't. If I had it all to do over again, I would probably not sleep with about half of them, but I can say that with the hindsight that those sexual encounters were not as fulfilling as I hoped they would be. By which I mean, I did not feel sexually satisfied by the partners I chose/was chosen by for a variety of reasons - lack of attention, inexperience, physically incompatible. None of those things are things I could have automatically know prior to sleeping with them, which is why I say "with hindsight". DH knows how many people I've slept with. He knows that most of this was outside "relationships" as usually defined. He is fine with it, though is excited when we try things I haven't done, or when I tell him that such and such was like the first time all over again. I think everyone wants to feel like they're special. In his case, he really is the best lover I've had.

His number of sexual partners doesn't bother me either. At first, I was concerned that he seemed to be going through women like Kleenex in his early 20s. His explanation was that he was good looking, talented, and in a popular band. He is also very considerate in bed - puts the lady's pleasure before his own, etc. - and he thinks this was not common for dudes in his town/scene/time. He is flummoxed by this, telling me "What is the point if she isn't enjoying it more than I am?"

We have a daughter now. She is 4. My hope for her is that she has as many sexual partners as she needs to feel like she knows what she wants. If her very first lover is the one, and that doesn't fade the way it faded for me and everyone else I know personally, that's great. If she spends a decade figuring out what she wants sexually and trying new things, I am also okay with that. I would hope that she is having sex for the right reasons - because she is attracted to the person, because they make her feel special, because she cares about them, etc. I would hope that she is not having sex because everyone else is doing it, because she is being pressured or because she is trying to fill a quota.

PP here. Clearly this puts me in the "SLUT" category, but frankly, the OP and the other "YOU ALL ARE SLUTS" posters' opinions of my bedroom behavior do not matter to me. The only one whose opinion I care about is the man I sleep next to every night.

According to the OP, your husband does not exist. Please check to confirm.

He was certainly real as of 8am today. I hope he still exists as he has our only car at his office and I was hoping to stop by the grocery

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before I married DH, I had slept with more than 30 people. He is older than me and his number was higher. Some of my partners were within the confines of a relationship, but a lot weren't. If I had it all to do over again, I would probably not sleep with about half of them, but I can say that with the hindsight that those sexual encounters were not as fulfilling as I hoped they would be. By which I mean, I did not feel sexually satisfied by the partners I chose/was chosen by for a variety of reasons - lack of attention, inexperience, physically incompatible. None of those things are things I could have automatically know prior to sleeping with them, which is why I say "with hindsight". DH knows how many people I've slept with. He knows that most of this was outside "relationships" as usually defined. He is fine with it, though is excited when we try things I haven't done, or when I tell him that such and such was like the first time all over again. I think everyone wants to feel like they're special. In his case, he really is the best lover I've had.

His number of sexual partners doesn't bother me either. At first, I was concerned that he seemed to be going through women like Kleenex in his early 20s. His explanation was that he was good looking, talented, and in a popular band. He is also very considerate in bed - puts the lady's pleasure before his own, etc. - and he thinks this was not common for dudes in his town/scene/time. He is flummoxed by this, telling me "What is the point if she isn't enjoying it more than I am?"

We have a daughter now. She is 4. My hope for her is that she has as many sexual partners as she needs to feel like she knows what she wants. If her very first lover is the one, and that doesn't fade the way it faded for me and everyone else I know personally, that's great. If she spends a decade figuring out what she wants sexually and trying new things, I am also okay with that. I would hope that she is having sex for the right reasons - because she is attracted to the person, because they make her feel special, because she cares about them, etc. I would hope that she is not having sex because everyone else is doing it, because she is being pressured or because she is trying to fill a quota.

PP here. Clearly this puts me in the "SLUT" category, but frankly, the OP and the other "YOU ALL ARE SLUTS" posters' opinions of my bedroom behavior do not matter to me. The only one whose opinion I care about is the man I sleep next to every night.

"Slut" is a pejorative that we should all reject as outmoded. The term keeps both women and men limited to archaic rules that don't apply any more. I personally had the opposite experience: I had only a few partners before marrying my DH, who only had a few more than I did. However, we've both reached similar conclusions. Numbers don't matter. Only love matters.