When sorority rush goes wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering how recruitment has wrapped up for those going through it at UVA. My daughter was really surprised at the houses that asked her back for preference round, as at one of them specifically she hasn’t felt like there’s been really great conversations/connections made. I am not really sure how the process works there, but does that mean that that chapter rated her higher on their list than another chapter that she had maybe ranked higher and didn’t get asked back to did? The ones she got back for the last round are both great chapters, but she really cannot see herself at one of them based on the girls she has met through the earlier rounds. I told her that the chapters are huge and she’s only met a handful of the girls in it, and if she ends up getting a bid to that one then she’d be going in with so many other new girls/it’s a great chance to meet more people. I have been pretty uninvolved in the whole thing, so hoping I gave her good advice.

FWIW she really is going through rush to find her tribe. She joined clubs, club sports etc already 1st semester, but hasn’t really found her people yet and was hopeful a sorority would help do that. Anyone with UVA specific experience to shed light on how the computer matches girls in the final round?

Which sororities does she have left?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering how recruitment has wrapped up for those going through it at UVA. My daughter was really surprised at the houses that asked her back for preference round, as at one of them specifically she hasn’t felt like there’s been really great conversations/connections made. I am not really sure how the process works there, but does that mean that that chapter rated her higher on their list than another chapter that she had maybe ranked higher and didn’t get asked back to did? The ones she got back for the last round are both great chapters, but she really cannot see herself at one of them based on the girls she has met through the earlier rounds. I told her that the chapters are huge and she’s only met a handful of the girls in it, and if she ends up getting a bid to that one then she’d be going in with so many other new girls/it’s a great chance to meet more people. I have been pretty uninvolved in the whole thing, so hoping I gave her good advice.

FWIW she really is going through rush to find her tribe. She joined clubs, club sports etc already 1st semester, but hasn’t really found her people yet and was hopeful a sorority would help do that. Anyone with UVA specific experience to shed light on how the computer matches girls in the final round?

It works the same everywhere, the more popular houses have to make more cuts. By bid night, the “top” houses should have shorter lists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering how recruitment has wrapped up for those going through it at UVA. My daughter was really surprised at the houses that asked her back for preference round, as at one of them specifically she hasn’t felt like there’s been really great conversations/connections made. I am not really sure how the process works there, but does that mean that that chapter rated her higher on their list than another chapter that she had maybe ranked higher and didn’t get asked back to did? The ones she got back for the last round are both great chapters, but she really cannot see herself at one of them based on the girls she has met through the earlier rounds. I told her that the chapters are huge and she’s only met a handful of the girls in it, and if she ends up getting a bid to that one then she’d be going in with so many other new girls/it’s a great chance to meet more people. I have been pretty uninvolved in the whole thing, so hoping I gave her good advice.

FWIW she really is going through rush to find her tribe. She joined clubs, club sports etc already 1st semester, but hasn’t really found her people yet and was hopeful a sorority would help do that. Anyone with UVA specific experience to shed light on how the computer matches girls in the final round?

Which sororities does she have left?

All seemed very random when my DD rushed last year, although I know it isn't. She definitely felt deeper connections at some houses that dropped her, and got asked back to houses where she didn't feel she had connections. There are so many girls rushing and so much that can sway a vote depending on who you talk to during the rounds. She is very happy where she landed and has made some great friends. And because of how large many of the UVA sororities are (including hers) she is still meeting people. Good advice to tell your daughter to give it a chance.

[Anonymous]

I chose a lower tier sorority and had the best 4 years. I was a big fish in a small pond and was friends with everyone. Every rush there would be a girl who was crying and they’d have me go talk to her. Man I miss my sorority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering how recruitment has wrapped up for those going through it at UVA. My daughter was really surprised at the houses that asked her back for preference round, as at one of them specifically she hasn’t felt like there’s been really great conversations/connections made. I am not really sure how the process works there, but does that mean that that chapter rated her higher on their list than another chapter that she had maybe ranked higher and didn’t get asked back to did? The ones she got back for the last round are both great chapters, but she really cannot see herself at one of them based on the girls she has met through the earlier rounds. I told her that the chapters are huge and she’s only met a handful of the girls in it, and if she ends up getting a bid to that one then she’d be going in with so many other new girls/it’s a great chance to meet more people. I have been pretty uninvolved in the whole thing, so hoping I gave her good advice.

FWIW she really is going through rush to find her tribe. She joined clubs, club sports etc already 1st semester, but hasn’t really found her people yet and was hopeful a sorority would help do that. Anyone with UVA specific experience to shed light on how the computer matches girls in the final round?

Which sororities does she have left?

All seemed very random when my DD rushed last year, although I know it isn't. She definitely felt deeper connections at some houses that dropped her, and got asked back to houses where she didn't feel she had connections. There are so many girls rushing and so much that can sway a vote depending on who you talk to during the rounds. She is very happy where she landed and has made some great friends. And because of how large many of the UVA sororities are (including hers) she is still meeting people. Good advice to tell your daughter to give it a chance.

Thanks for this insight; it’s really helpful to hear that the process at UVA can work out for those going in with an open mind. I am hopeful for her that she’ll use the preference round to really look at ones maybe she hadn’t been considering as much in the previous rounds and end up finding her people wherever she gets a bid (hoping she gets one).

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but this is part of the ugliness inherent in Greek life.

If you think about it, you knew this would happen to some girls, but did not think it would happen to yours.

I am glad my kid only chose places where all clubs had to be open to all students.

For others hoping to avoid this Lord of the Flies social scene, directories like Princeton Review print the proportion of kids on campus enrolled in Greek Life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering how recruitment has wrapped up for those going through it at UVA. My daughter was really surprised at the houses that asked her back for preference round, as at one of them specifically she hasn’t felt like there’s been really great conversations/connections made. I am not really sure how the process works there, but does that mean that that chapter rated her higher on their list than another chapter that she had maybe ranked higher and didn’t get asked back to did? The ones she got back for the last round are both great chapters, but she really cannot see herself at one of them based on the girls she has met through the earlier rounds. I told her that the chapters are huge and she’s only met a handful of the girls in it, and if she ends up getting a bid to that one then she’d be going in with so many other new girls/it’s a great chance to meet more people. I have been pretty uninvolved in the whole thing, so hoping I gave her good advice.

FWIW she really is going through rush to find her tribe. She joined clubs, club sports etc already 1st semester, but hasn’t really found her people yet and was hopeful a sorority would help do that. Anyone with UVA specific experience to shed light on how the computer matches girls in the final round?

Which sororities does she have left?

All seemed very random when my DD rushed last year, although I know it isn't. She definitely felt deeper connections at some houses that dropped her, and got asked back to houses where she didn't feel she had connections. There are so many girls rushing and so much that can sway a vote depending on who you talk to during the rounds. She is very happy where she landed and has made some great friends. And because of how large many of the UVA sororities are (including hers) she is still meeting people. Good advice to tell your daughter to give it a chance.

Thanks for this insight; it’s really helpful to hear that the process at UVA can work out for those going in with an open mind. I am hopeful for her that she’ll use the preference round to really look at ones maybe she hadn’t been considering as much in the previous rounds and end up finding her people wherever she gets a bid (hoping she gets one).

If she ranks all her options she’ll get one or the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but this is part of the ugliness inherent in Greek life.

If you think about it, you knew this would happen to some girls, but did not think it would happen to yours.

I am glad my kid only chose places where all clubs had to be open to all students.

For others hoping to avoid this Lord of the Flies social scene, directories like Princeton Review print the proportion of kids on campus enrolled in Greek Life.

Yes, there are some kids for whom only no-cut sports and clubs with open membership are best; it sounds like that might be something your kid and you both value. But there are also some kids for whom Greek life is something they want to experience, and it comes with the possibility of not being invited to join with a bid to a house. I am just glad that if it is something that my DD is interested in, she checks it out and puts herself out there rather than being afraid to go through the process because it might not go her way.

[Anonymous]

I think anyone who puts their name in the hat for rush, assuming they don't have a backdoor in, is very brave. It's a stressful process that isn't transparent at all. So much is left to chance, the PNM has little to no control throughout much of it and the likelihood of getting your feeling hurt is pretty high. But they still try and it's brave.

[Anonymous]

Yes, there are some kids for whom only no-cut sports and clubs with open membership are best; it sounds like that might be something your kid and you both value. But there are also some kids for whom Greek life is something they want to experience, and it comes with the possibility of not being invited to join with a bid to a house. I am just glad that if it is something that my DD is interested in, she checks it out and puts herself out there rather than being afraid to go through the process because it might not go her way.

Yes! And I’m sorry but this is how life works sometimes. Not everyone gets everything they want, and there is always value in trying and putting yourself out there. You learn resilience if it doesn’t go your way, you meet new people/friends along the way, and learn more about yourself too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, there are some kids for whom only no-cut sports and clubs with open membership are best; it sounds like that might be something your kid and you both value. But there are also some kids for whom Greek life is something they want to experience, and it comes with the possibility of not being invited to join with a bid to a house. I am just glad that if it is something that my DD is interested in, she checks it out and puts herself out there rather than being afraid to go through the process because it might not go her way.

Yes! And I’m sorry but this is how life works sometimes. Not everyone gets everything they want, and there is always value in trying and putting yourself out there. You learn resilience if it doesn’t go your way, you meet new people/friends along the way, and learn more about yourself too.

+1000% College is for building those life skills as well as earning your degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The lowest tier houses mean she'll be separated from all her current friends. And the lower tier houses are not a guarantee themselves. She could very likely not be either of them either.

I guess my true question is (let's not get caught up in house tiering) is: what happened to your kid if they were either not matched to any house or separated from all their current friends? Did they bounce back socially? Did they transfer?

This was kind of me in college. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to rush and didn’t prioritize making it back in time for the first round, then ended up dropping out before bid day because I wasn’t excited about my options.

It worked out fine. A few of my friends ended up in the same sorority and we stayed close, I’d go to some of their events, etc. More so though I became very involved in a club where I made my closest friends. I will say though that I did not hit my grove socially until partway through sophomore year.

This was at a school with an active but not dominant Greek life. Imagine it could have been worse at a school where everyone lived in sorority houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear of people getting references/letters from alums, but the Panhellenic chapters at the college said absolutely do not bother to send them in because sororities no longer consider references at all. Is this true or is it one of those IYKYK and DD should have been getting letters from all my Mom friends that were members of the various top houses?

Letters go directly to the sorority. They should not go through Panhellenic. I believe it’s more of a check the box thing. If a chapter wants a girl they will find a reference for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering how recruitment has wrapped up for those going through it at UVA. My daughter was really surprised at the houses that asked her back for preference round, as at one of them specifically she hasn’t felt like there’s been really great conversations/connections made. I am not really sure how the process works there, but does that mean that that chapter rated her higher on their list than another chapter that she had maybe ranked higher and didn’t get asked back to did? The ones she got back for the last round are both great chapters, but she really cannot see herself at one of them based on the girls she has met through the earlier rounds. I told her that the chapters are huge and she’s only met a handful of the girls in it, and if she ends up getting a bid to that one then she’d be going in with so many other new girls/it’s a great chance to meet more people. I have been pretty uninvolved in the whole thing, so hoping I gave her good advice.

FWIW she really is going through rush to find her tribe. She joined clubs, club sports etc already 1st semester, but hasn’t really found her people yet and was hopeful a sorority would help do that. Anyone with UVA specific experience to shed light on how the computer matches girls in the final round?

Which sororities does she have left?

All seemed very random when my DD rushed last year, although I know it isn't. She definitely felt deeper connections at some houses that dropped her, and got asked back to houses where she didn't feel she had connections. There are so many girls rushing and so much that can sway a vote depending on who you talk to during the rounds. She is very happy where she landed and has made some great friends. And because of how large many of the UVA sororities are (including hers) she is still meeting people. Good advice to tell your daughter to give it a chance.

Thanks for this insight; it’s really helpful to hear that the process at UVA can work out for those going in with an open mind. I am hopeful for her that she’ll use the preference round to really look at ones maybe she hadn’t been considering as much in the previous rounds and end up finding her people wherever she gets a bid (hoping she gets one).

If she ranks all her options she’ll get one or the other.

Thanks for the response- this is helpful to know that’s how the process works at Virginia.

[Anonymous]

I’m truly sorry to hear about everyone’s negative experiences with rushing. I went to a college that didn’t have Greek life and now my kid is at a college where Greek life is low key. Even outside of the Greek scene, there are kids who didn’t make the team, didn’t get that job, didn’t make the acapella group, lost some election, etc. I wish OP’s kid and all of your kids the best. They’ve come this far, attending schools like Michigan and UVA. They have what it takes to find their people!