Son and DIL insulting vacation we paid for

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Our son and DIL haven’t joined us for our annual beach house vacation since before COVID, so we were thrilled that the came along this year and brought their two boys. DH and I pay for the rental, which is several thousand. We think it’s a very nice house and location. Our kids and their spouses contribute groceries and meals.

The son/DIL who haven’t joined in years have been complaining nonstop, calling it a “trip” and saying things like “these curtains are so flimsy, we can’t sleep in the morning” and saying “anytime you have to make up the bed and bring your own toilet paper, it’s not a vacation, it’s a trip.” They some of it jokingly, but have real complaints and annoyances about the house. No rental is perfect, but what can you expect? Should we ask them to stop?

Didn't you post before and we told you not everyone likes the beach nor finds a shared house comfortable. That is not really a vacation if you have to cook and clean. Did you take their needs and feelings into consideration?

It's an opportunity for the family to spend time in the same house. That's the point of it -- mature people like OP get this. Immature people like you and OP's son are still childish and think a family vacation should include roller coaster rides and cotton candy.

It's spending time together. They're lucky OP and their father care enough to do this for the family.

This is wonderful satire. Well-done.

I'm sure there are well adjusted, healthy, loving and emotionally functional adults who can see that it's not satire. Bitterness and sarcasm is a red flag, PP....

Can’t decide if satire or possibly brunch grandma…

Man, you’re swinging and missing like crazy. This thread is bananas.
If OPs son was so put out by the invitation and the subpar accommodations, surely he could handle it differently, right?

Except that son drove for hours, to find all the rooms taken - when this room was available, son and DIL tried to suck it up. But really, isn't the only thing most people want on vacation REST/SLEEP?

Why is this so hard to understand?

When you kids are little kids, they don't care where they sleep. Grown ups generally do.

Really drove for hours? All the rooms were taken? I missed that post, can you quote it?

How far is the beach from here?

There is your answer.

Where is here?

What is the name of this board? Want to play games?

Are you clairvoyant? You seem to have a lot of additional information not included in the OP and are really running with it.

It's pretty obvious it is one of those big smelly OBX houses, with inappropriate space for the number of beds advertised. Might say "sleeps 12" but most of those are twin beds/bunks or in the musty basement or on the highway. Maybe you would like one of those, but most adults would not care for that on their limited vacation time. Most adults are not small children who don't care where they sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another instance of boomers expecting to be given praise for their crappy contributions. Get over yourself and learn what a vacation is instead of hording all your money.

Actually it is an example of the entitlement of the younger generation. If you don't like the accomendations than politely decline. Your parents are human and while they may not want praise 24-7 they do not deserve to be ripped a new one for trying to make some happy memories for your family.

I don't think that DIL was informed of the sub par accommodations until they arrived, after no doubt a rather long road trip. Would LOVE to hear the DIL's side!

To add, DIL's side: So, I don't have much time off from work, but I knew this was important to MIL, and she can be quite difficult. I am damned if I do, and damned if I don't, so I decided, for my DH, that we should go to their idea of beach week. But - DH hates it, because his family was quite rotten to him growing up, and they all fall into their their old dysfunctional roles, each time they are together. It sets DH's therapy back years each time. I really need to stop convincing him he needs to attend and stop trying to please or pacify these cruel and ungrateful people. When will I learn that true family is more like mine - at the bare minimum, they love and accept you, and show it. They don't praise strangers, they enjoy and appreciate their own family. They have positive togetherness stories to share, not just about how they mistreated DH when mom and dad were checked out once again, and how they found it so very amusing. It is nice to have a positive example, and I am grateful every day. Next year, we will spend precious time off with people who actually want us around - like my family and cousins, who include us each year. We are lucky to have them!

WTF? You got all that from or you're just projecting your crap here? Start your own thread.

+ 1,000. This board has the nastiest posters. Can someone explain why some of the women here are so mad at and mean to OP?

[Anonymous]

I think what may be going on here is that Son and DIL think they are criticizing the vacation house/owners, not meaning to make it a criticism of OP, but OP takes it personally because she picked out the house.

I get annoyed when an AirBnB requires you to make up the beds yourself, or has no real curtains in a bedroom, or has 12 wine glasses but no water glasses, or whatever weird quirks. I don't mean it to be a criticism of the person who booked the AirBnb - they couldn't have known (and even if they did, it may be a perfectly reasonable choice given the options). I often make these comments about houses I booked myself.

Of course, I don't harp on it constantly. But maybe they just think they are making wry observations about the house without realizing that OP sees it as a personal attack.

[Anonymous]

Meet up at a resort next year. Nobody has to cook, clean, or pack TP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what may be going on here is that Son and DIL think they are criticizing the vacation house/owners, not meaning to make it a criticism of OP, but OP takes it personally because she picked out the house.

I get annoyed when an AirBnB requires you to make up the beds yourself, or has no real curtains in a bedroom, or has 12 wine glasses but no water glasses, or whatever weird quirks. I don't mean it to be a criticism of the person who booked the AirBnb - they couldn't have known (and even if they did, it may be a perfectly reasonable choice given the options). I often make these comments about houses I booked myself.

Of course, I don't harp on it constantly. But maybe they just think they are making wry observations about the house without realizing that OP sees it as a personal attack.

My MIL does this, and it's exhausting. It's just so negative. I get making the comments to your spouse or one other person, but in this scenario, if I were the OP and one of my kids and their spouses were just constantly nitpicking, yeah, I'd be annoyed, too. It's not a relaxing dynamic, at all.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What is this weird obsession with differentiating between trip and vacation? I don't even understand the difference. Maybe because I've done that sort of beach rental/OBx kind of thing only once?

It’s a jokey thing parents with young kids say because traveling with kids is a trip (can be fun but is work) not a vacation (relaxing). Destination may even be amazing but, unless you have childcare, there is no sleeping in and lounging lazily on the beach. Anyway, not sure where it originated but it’s just a saying and is not specific to beach rentals.

This. It’s not knocking the place it’s saying going with little kids isn’t a true vacation because they are so much work. If anything, it’s an “ugh these kids are a handful, remember when we could actually relax on vacation?” comment.

Once is a joke but repeating the same joke over and over would be annoying to those forced to listen. I'm sure they got it the first time.

But it is totally true. DP here. It is especially true if the grandparents were awful parents- then they are awful grandparents, and do nothing with the grandchildren. What is the point of the parents packing up, schlepping to someplace they don't even like, taking extra time off, and having extra work, when the grandparents don't even engage? Most DILs would gladly pick a place, pay for the rental and do the work, without complaint, if the grandparents were decent.

Even worse when the grandparents live 20 minutes away and barely see the grandkids. As if this whole beach trip from hell thing is just for bragging rights and complaining about the DIL's - and it seems like OP is one of those. Go tell your bridge club how rotten your DIL is, OP. I am sure they would love to match stories with you, for something to talk about.

Stop projecting your BS here. Nobody cares about your dysfunctional family.

HAHHAHAHAHA except it's not my family. Hilarious! Thank you for this!

DP. But there’s also no evidence whatsoever that your very sad scenario described OP’s family, and your post does read like florid projection.

[Anonymous]

They were probably given the worst room in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another instance of boomers expecting to be given praise for their crappy contributions. Get over yourself and learn what a vacation is instead of hording all your money.

Actually it is an example of the entitlement of the younger generation. If you don't like the accomendations than politely decline. Your parents are human and while they may not want praise 24-7 they do not deserve to be ripped a new one for trying to make some happy memories for your family.

I don't think that DIL was informed of the sub par accommodations until they arrived, after no doubt a rather long road trip. Would LOVE to hear the DIL's side!

To add, DIL's side: So, I don't have much time off from work, but I knew this was important to MIL, and she can be quite difficult. I am damned if I do, and damned if I don't, so I decided, for my DH, that we should go to their idea of beach week. But - DH hates it, because his family was quite rotten to him growing up, and they all fall into their their old dysfunctional roles, each time they are together. It sets DH's therapy back years each time. I really need to stop convincing him he needs to attend and stop trying to please or pacify these cruel and ungrateful people. When will I learn that true family is more like mine - at the bare minimum, they love and accept you, and show it. They don't praise strangers, they enjoy and appreciate their own family. They have positive togetherness stories to share, not just about how they mistreated DH when mom and dad were checked out once again, and how they found it so very amusing. It is nice to have a positive example, and I am grateful every day. Next year, we will spend precious time off with people who actually want us around - like my family and cousins, who include us each year. We are lucky to have them!

WTF? You got all that from or you're just projecting your crap here? Start your own thread.

+ 1,000. This board has the nastiest posters. Can someone explain why some of the women here are so mad at and mean to OP?

It's bizarre. They concoct these wild scenarios in their warped minds because that's exactly what their family is like and that's the only way things can be. OP has long abandoned the thread and they just keep unloading page after page with the same comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another instance of boomers expecting to be given praise for their crappy contributions. Get over yourself and learn what a vacation is instead of hording all your money.

Actually it is an example of the entitlement of the younger generation. If you don't like the accomendations than politely decline. Your parents are human and while they may not want praise 24-7 they do not deserve to be ripped a new one for trying to make some happy memories for your family.

I don't think that DIL was informed of the sub par accommodations until they arrived, after no doubt a rather long road trip. Would LOVE to hear the DIL's side!

To add, DIL's side: So, I don't have much time off from work, but I knew this was important to MIL, and she can be quite difficult. I am damned if I do, and damned if I don't, so I decided, for my DH, that we should go to their idea of beach week. But - DH hates it, because his family was quite rotten to him growing up, and they all fall into their their old dysfunctional roles, each time they are together. It sets DH's therapy back years each time. I really need to stop convincing him he needs to attend and stop trying to please or pacify these cruel and ungrateful people. When will I learn that true family is more like mine - at the bare minimum, they love and accept you, and show it. They don't praise strangers, they enjoy and appreciate their own family. They have positive togetherness stories to share, not just about how they mistreated DH when mom and dad were checked out once again, and how they found it so very amusing. It is nice to have a positive example, and I am grateful every day. Next year, we will spend precious time off with people who actually want us around - like my family and cousins, who include us each year. We are lucky to have them!

WTF? You got all that from or you're just projecting your crap here? Start your own thread.

+ 1,000. This board has the nastiest posters. Can someone explain why some of the women here are so mad at and mean to OP?

It's bizarre. They concoct these wild scenarios in their warped minds because that's exactly what their family is like and that's the only way things can be. OP has long abandoned the thread and they just keep unloading page after page with the same comments.

Got to get those feelings out somewhere

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another instance of boomers expecting to be given praise for their crappy contributions. Get over yourself and learn what a vacation is instead of hording all your money.

Actually it is an example of the entitlement of the younger generation. If you don't like the accomendations than politely decline. Your parents are human and while they may not want praise 24-7 they do not deserve to be ripped a new one for trying to make some happy memories for your family.

I don't think that DIL was informed of the sub par accommodations until they arrived, after no doubt a rather long road trip. Would LOVE to hear the DIL's side!

To add, DIL's side: So, I don't have much time off from work, but I knew this was important to MIL, and she can be quite difficult. I am damned if I do, and damned if I don't, so I decided, for my DH, that we should go to their idea of beach week. But - DH hates it, because his family was quite rotten to him growing up, and they all fall into their their old dysfunctional roles, each time they are together. It sets DH's therapy back years each time. I really need to stop convincing him he needs to attend and stop trying to please or pacify these cruel and ungrateful people. When will I learn that true family is more like mine - at the bare minimum, they love and accept you, and show it. They don't praise strangers, they enjoy and appreciate their own family. They have positive togetherness stories to share, not just about how they mistreated DH when mom and dad were checked out once again, and how they found it so very amusing. It is nice to have a positive example, and I am grateful every day. Next year, we will spend precious time off with people who actually want us around - like my family and cousins, who include us each year. We are lucky to have them!

WTF? You got all that from or you're just projecting your crap here? Start your own thread.

+ 1,000. This board has the nastiest posters. Can someone explain why some of the women here are so mad at and mean to OP?

It's bizarre. They concoct these wild scenarios in their warped minds because that's exactly what their family is like and that's the only way things can be. OP has long abandoned the thread and they just keep unloading page after page with the same comments.

Yes. I read the thread and think OP posted 2 or 3 times and the rest has been this insane picking at and projecting and accusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son and DIL haven’t joined us for our annual beach house vacation since before COVID, so we were thrilled that the came along this year and brought their two boys. DH and I pay for the rental, which is several thousand. We think it’s a very nice house and location. Our kids and their spouses contribute groceries and meals.

The son/DIL who haven’t joined in years have been complaining nonstop, calling it a “trip” and saying things like “these curtains are so flimsy, we can’t sleep in the morning” and saying “anytime you have to make up the bed and bring your own toilet paper, it’s not a vacation, it’s a trip.” They some of it jokingly, but have real complaints and annoyances about the house. No rental is perfect, but what can you expect? Should we ask them to stop?

Didn't you post before and we told you not everyone likes the beach nor finds a shared house comfortable. That is not really a vacation if you have to cook and clean. Did you take their needs and feelings into consideration?

It's an opportunity for the family to spend time in the same house. That's the point of it -- mature people like OP get this. Immature people like you and OP's son are still childish and think a family vacation should include roller coaster rides and cotton candy.

It's spending time together. They're lucky OP and their father care enough to do this for the family.

This is wonderful satire. Well-done.

I'm sure there are well adjusted, healthy, loving and emotionally functional adults who can see that it's not satire. Bitterness and sarcasm is a red flag, PP....

Can’t decide if satire or possibly brunch grandma…

Man, you’re swinging and missing like crazy. This thread is bananas.
If OPs son was so put out by the invitation and the subpar accommodations, surely he could handle it differently, right?

Except that son drove for hours, to find all the rooms taken - when this room was available, son and DIL tried to suck it up. But really, isn't the only thing most people want on vacation REST/SLEEP?

Why is this so hard to understand?

When you kids are little kids, they don't care where they sleep. Grown ups generally do.

Really drove for hours? All the rooms were taken? I missed that post, can you quote it?

How far is the beach from here?

There is your answer.

Where is here?

What is the name of this board? Want to play games?

dp People post here from everywhere! Op didn't say where she was driving from DC or whene she was driving. Nor son/dil

[Anonymous]

I can identify with the OP’s son and DIL. My in-laws like to have a family vacation rental and it happens every 5-6 years. They have middle class tastes even though they have a decent retirement nest egg and income from a generous pension and SS. None of their children’s families are well-off except for my family. Some of the families are struggling. In-laws will spring for a rental, but not airfare so we are relegated to a place within driving distance (5 hours gets complaints) of DMV. One year, they rented a 5 bedroom 2 bath place for 18 people! We had to rotate families to cook all meals. No one wanted to do anything but sit around and drink all day and night. They have the illusion of a close, happy family, but it really isn’t. Having a family “vacation” feeds into their fantasy. I resent these trips because they are not relaxing, we have to take time off from work, and pay for groceries, not to mention cook and clean. It’s not fun for anyone.

[Anonymous]

The rental was "several thousand"...where do you see 5k?

Any beach house for only "several thousand" in the summer time is a dump.

[Anonymous]

I hate complainers, so I wouldn’t complain about the house in OP’s hearing.

And OP, unless you paid for food, lodging, transportation, activities, etc - you did not pay for a vacation. You paid for a rental house and invited them to come at their expense. They took you up on it, but are not likely to do so again.

[Anonymous]

This type of vacation is a dream for OP and her DH, they are older and miss their adult kids. They get to spend a week with the kids and grand kids doing nothing but making memories of how her children come visit.

Reality: It's not much fun for the adult kids. It's stressful and a lot of work if they have little kids.

Maybe OP should cook and clean all week and see if it's still as fun.