Son and DIL insulting vacation we paid for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They sound annoying, OP. This a type of people. The type of people who like to run things down and don't see the need to contribute to the positive atmosphere of the group. It's a family trip and it's nice when people pitch in with good spirits.

An ex-boyfriend and his brother always split the cost for a beach vacation for their family, including his mom. His mom was a complainer. If the beach house wasn't up to her standards, she complained nonstop. It was annoying. These were guys in their 20s getting a beach house, primarily for their mom, and they couldn't afford top of the line.

If you want, you could give them a role in picking the house next year. Maybe if they have some ownership of the decision, they'll be less likely to be annoying about it.

Until then, just ignore.

I agree, they are being annoying and I would be irritated. I also think the suggestion to let them pick the rental next time is good

Good suggestion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]It’s honestly sad when you realize that you won’t have another relaxing, fun vacation until your kids are older. Traveling with little kids is so exhausting. Your DIL probably doesn’t realize how much she’s complaining, but you should try not to take it personally and give them a lot of slack.[/b] And if it’s too stressful or unfun for YOU to have them as guests when they’re stressed by their little kids, just don’t invite them for a few years.

+1

I'm surprised that parents thought children wouldn't change their lives, including their vacations a bit. Our vacations with our (now grown) kids were so much fun, a little different than pre-kids, but I wouldn't have missed those for the world. Especially as we were both working demanding jobs, those vacations were precious bonding time.

We did have limited vacation time, so I understand that not all adult kids want to spend it with the grandparents. We never got to do that as young parents, so I'm a little envious. It does seem that the trips with extended family give the parents some extra hands when it comes to entertaining the little ones. I guess that's a trade-off, even if the accommodations are not luxurious.

I would guess that some of the grown children invited to these weeks do not have parents/grandparents who are involved and engaged - but rather, some just like bragging rights of "I took them to the beach". They leave out that there wasn't enough room for everyone, and the son and DIL got a room where they could not sleep.

If it really isn't a big deal, as so many MIL posters seem to think, why don't they switch rooms with the DIL and son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]It’s honestly sad when you realize that you won’t have another relaxing, fun vacation until your kids are older. Traveling with little kids is so exhausting. Your DIL probably doesn’t realize how much she’s complaining, but you should try not to take it personally and give them a lot of slack.[/b] And if it’s too stressful or unfun for YOU to have them as guests when they’re stressed by their little kids, just don’t invite them for a few years.

+1

I'm surprised that parents thought children wouldn't change their lives, including their vacations a bit. Our vacations with our (now grown) kids were so much fun, a little different than pre-kids, but I wouldn't have missed those for the world. Especially as we were both working demanding jobs, those vacations were precious bonding time.

We did have limited vacation time, so I understand that not all adult kids want to spend it with the grandparents. We never got to do that as young parents, so I'm a little envious. It does seem that the trips with extended family give the parents some extra hands when it comes to entertaining the little ones. I guess that's a trade-off, even if the accommodations are not luxurious.

I would guess that some of the grown children invited to these weeks do not have parents/grandparents who are involved and engaged - but rather, some just like bragging rights of "I took them to the beach". They leave out that there wasn't enough room for everyone, and the son and DIL got a room where they could not sleep.

If it really isn't a big deal, as so many MIL posters seem to think, why don't they switch rooms with the DIL and son?

I would guess the opposite. Some grandparents are helpful, hands on and love being around kids. The glass is not always half empty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re clearly being rude but the sentiments are fine. We occasionally cave to intense pressure and guilt trips to go on a vacation my in laws pay for (at their insistence) to a place we don’t enjoy, staying in accommodations that they like but we would never choose. We would never say out loud what your son and dil do but the fact is we are there as a favor to them, using our precious vacation time and it in no way feels like vacation.

Say something if you like but be prepared for them to never join you again.

A more constructive approach might be discussing some type of rotating of who gets final say on family vacation plan-when it’s your year you pick beach, their year they can pick lake house if they prefer, etc.

Or maybe son/DIL can quit the moaning and wait until after the trip to talk about what would work better next time. In the mean time they're being rude jerks. They accepted the invite that doesn't make voicing their "sentiments" at every turn appropriate or necessary. If you have nothing nice to say.....

I completely agree they are bring rude but I also know they (especially the dil!) likely have a very different version of events.

Likely a totally inaccurate view, though.

Im the DIL generation and my DH and I cover the whole rental cost for between 2 and 4 weeks at the beach for us, my parents , and guests. Two summers in a row we had my brother, SIL and their DC. SIL complained about everything and contributed nothing, and it got old. It’s just not a helpful or pleasant perspective, and it’s weird for a 40something woman to whine.

Sorry, OP.

OTOH, we live near the beach and friends all have beach houses, because that is the culture there - family in and out of the houses all summer, and they make sure everyone is comfortable. They would be embarrassed ONLY if they failed to make a guest feel welcome. If it wasn't their house - if it was a rental, no way would they take it personally because (wait for it) - it's not their house.

Was the DIL whining, or does the MIL want those who hear (MIL's) side to THINK that DIL was whining? I think I know the answer to that, because I have seen some MIL's in my time.

OP, if it was your daughter, would you have reacted the same way? Probably not - and you never would have mentioned whining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]It’s honestly sad when you realize that you won’t have another relaxing, fun vacation until your kids are older. Traveling with little kids is so exhausting. Your DIL probably doesn’t realize how much she’s complaining, but you should try not to take it personally and give them a lot of slack.[/b] And if it’s too stressful or unfun for YOU to have them as guests when they’re stressed by their little kids, just don’t invite them for a few years.

+1

I'm surprised that parents thought children wouldn't change their lives, including their vacations a bit. Our vacations with our (now grown) kids were so much fun, a little different than pre-kids, but I wouldn't have missed those for the world. Especially as we were both working demanding jobs, those vacations were precious bonding time.

We did have limited vacation time, so I understand that not all adult kids want to spend it with the grandparents. We never got to do that as young parents, so I'm a little envious. It does seem that the trips with extended family give the parents some extra hands when it comes to entertaining the little ones. I guess that's a trade-off, even if the accommodations are not luxurious.

I would guess that some of the grown children invited to these weeks do not have parents/grandparents who are involved and engaged - but rather, some just like bragging rights of "I took them to the beach". They leave out that there wasn't enough room for everyone, and the son and DIL got a room where they could not sleep.

If it really isn't a big deal, as so many MIL posters seem to think, why don't they switch rooms with the DIL and son?

I would guess the opposite. Some grandparents are helpful, hands on and love being around kids. The glass is not always half empty.

Correct. Tell that to OP.

[Anonymous]

There's a big difference between DS/DIL complaining all the d*mn time and making comments about shortcomings in the rental.

If it is the former, OP is right to be annoyed.

If it is the latter, then no toilet paper/ lacking or ancient cookware/ flimsy curtains are common criticisms on a rental and something that guests tend to be unhappy with. If OP thinks DS/SIL are not allowed to remark on those and should keep their mouths shut because she's the one paying, then that does not make for a good family dynamic during the vacation.
My teenagers can have and voice opinions on hotels, rental properties, food in restaurants, despite DH and I are the ones paying for those things.

If OP thinks that her covering the full cost of rental is an unfair arrangement, then she shouldn't offer to pay all in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]It’s honestly sad when you realize that you won’t have another relaxing, fun vacation until your kids are older. Traveling with little kids is so exhausting. Your DIL probably doesn’t realize how much she’s complaining, but you should try not to take it personally and give them a lot of slack.[/b] And if it’s too stressful or unfun for YOU to have them as guests when they’re stressed by their little kids, just don’t invite them for a few years.

+1

I'm surprised that parents thought children wouldn't change their lives, including their vacations a bit. Our vacations with our (now grown) kids were so much fun, a little different than pre-kids, but I wouldn't have missed those for the world. Especially as we were both working demanding jobs, those vacations were precious bonding time.

We did have limited vacation time, so I understand that not all adult kids want to spend it with the grandparents. We never got to do that as young parents, so I'm a little envious. It does seem that the trips with extended family give the parents some extra hands when it comes to entertaining the little ones. I guess that's a trade-off, even if the accommodations are not luxurious.

I would guess that some of the grown children invited to these weeks do not have parents/grandparents who are involved and engaged - but rather, some just like bragging rights of "I took them to the beach". They leave out that there wasn't enough room for everyone, and the son and DIL got a room where they could not sleep.

If it really isn't a big deal, as so many MIL posters seem to think, why don't they switch rooms with the DIL and son?

I would guess the opposite. Some grandparents are helpful, hands on and love being around kids. The glass is not always half empty.

Correct. Tell that to OP.

Is she your friend? How in the world would you know what type of person she is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son and DIL haven’t joined us for our annual beach house vacation since before COVID, so we were thrilled that the came along this year and brought their two boys. DH and I pay for the rental, which is several thousand. We think it’s a very nice house and location. Our kids and their spouses contribute groceries and meals.

The son/DIL who haven’t joined in years have been complaining nonstop, calling it a “trip” and saying things like “these curtains are so flimsy, we can’t sleep in the morning” and saying “anytime you have to make up the bed and bring your own toilet paper, it’s not a vacation, it’s a trip.” They some of it jokingly, but have real complaints and annoyances about the house. No rental is perfect, but what can you expect? Should we ask them to stop?

Didn't you post before and we told you not everyone likes the beach nor finds a shared house comfortable. That is not really a vacation if you have to cook and clean. Did you take their needs and feelings into consideration?

It's an opportunity for the family to spend time in the same house. That's the point of it -- mature people like OP get this. Immature people like you and OP's son are still childish and think a family vacation should include roller coaster rides and cotton candy.

It's spending time together. They're lucky OP and their father care enough to do this for the family.

This is wonderful satire. Well-done.

I'm sure there are well adjusted, healthy, loving and emotionally functional adults who can see that it's not satire. Bitterness and sarcasm is a red flag, PP....

Can’t decide if satire or possibly brunch grandma…

Man, you’re swinging and missing like crazy. This thread is bananas.
If OPs son was so put out by the invitation and the subpar accommodations, surely he could handle it differently, right?

Except that son drove for hours, to find all the rooms taken - when this room was available, son and DIL tried to suck it up. But really, isn't the only thing most people want on vacation REST/SLEEP?

Why is this so hard to understand?

When you kids are little kids, they don't care where they sleep. Grown ups generally do.

Really drove for hours? All the rooms were taken? I missed that post, can you quote it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son and DIL haven’t joined us for our annual beach house vacation since before COVID, so we were thrilled that the came along this year and brought their two boys. DH and I pay for the rental, which is several thousand. We think it’s a very nice house and location. Our kids and their spouses contribute groceries and meals.

The son/DIL who haven’t joined in years have been complaining nonstop, calling it a “trip” and saying things like “these curtains are so flimsy, we can’t sleep in the morning” and saying “anytime you have to make up the bed and bring your own toilet paper, it’s not a vacation, it’s a trip.” They some of it jokingly, but have real complaints and annoyances about the house. No rental is perfect, but what can you expect? Should we ask them to stop?

Didn't you post before and we told you not everyone likes the beach nor finds a shared house comfortable. That is not really a vacation if you have to cook and clean. Did you take their needs and feelings into consideration?

It's an opportunity for the family to spend time in the same house. That's the point of it -- mature people like OP get this. Immature people like you and OP's son are still childish and think a family vacation should include roller coaster rides and cotton candy.

It's spending time together. They're lucky OP and their father care enough to do this for the family.

This is wonderful satire. Well-done.

I'm sure there are well adjusted, healthy, loving and emotionally functional adults who can see that it's not satire. Bitterness and sarcasm is a red flag, PP....

Can’t decide if satire or possibly brunch grandma…

Man, you’re swinging and missing like crazy. This thread is bananas.
If OPs son was so put out by the invitation and the subpar accommodations, surely he could handle it differently, right?

Except that son drove for hours, to find all the rooms taken - when this room was available, son and DIL tried to suck it up. But really, isn't the only thing most people want on vacation REST/SLEEP?

Why is this so hard to understand?

When you kids are little kids, they don't care where they sleep. Grown ups generally do.

Really drove for hours? All the rooms were taken? I missed that post, can you quote it?

How far is the beach from here?

There is your answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son and DIL haven’t joined us for our annual beach house vacation since before COVID, so we were thrilled that the came along this year and brought their two boys. DH and I pay for the rental, which is several thousand. We think it’s a very nice house and location. Our kids and their spouses contribute groceries and meals.

The son/DIL who haven’t joined in years have been complaining nonstop, calling it a “trip” and saying things like “these curtains are so flimsy, we can’t sleep in the morning” and saying “anytime you have to make up the bed and bring your own toilet paper, it’s not a vacation, it’s a trip.” They some of it jokingly, but have real complaints and annoyances about the house. No rental is perfect, but what can you expect? Should we ask them to stop?

Didn't you post before and we told you not everyone likes the beach nor finds a shared house comfortable. That is not really a vacation if you have to cook and clean. Did you take their needs and feelings into consideration?

It's an opportunity for the family to spend time in the same house. That's the point of it -- mature people like OP get this. Immature people like you and OP's son are still childish and think a family vacation should include roller coaster rides and cotton candy.

It's spending time together. They're lucky OP and their father care enough to do this for the family.

This is wonderful satire. Well-done.

I'm sure there are well adjusted, healthy, loving and emotionally functional adults who can see that it's not satire. Bitterness and sarcasm is a red flag, PP....

Can’t decide if satire or possibly brunch grandma…

Man, you’re swinging and missing like crazy. This thread is bananas.
If OPs son was so put out by the invitation and the subpar accommodations, surely he could handle it differently, right?

Except that son drove for hours, to find all the rooms taken - when this room was available, son and DIL tried to suck it up. But really, isn't the only thing most people want on vacation REST/SLEEP?

Why is this so hard to understand?

When you kids are little kids, they don't care where they sleep. Grown ups generally do.

Really drove for hours? All the rooms were taken? I missed that post, can you quote it?

How far is the beach from here?

There is your answer.

Where is here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son and DIL haven’t joined us for our annual beach house vacation since before COVID, so we were thrilled that the came along this year and brought their two boys. DH and I pay for the rental, which is several thousand. We think it’s a very nice house and location. Our kids and their spouses contribute groceries and meals.

The son/DIL who haven’t joined in years have been complaining nonstop, calling it a “trip” and saying things like “these curtains are so flimsy, we can’t sleep in the morning” and saying “anytime you have to make up the bed and bring your own toilet paper, it’s not a vacation, it’s a trip.” They some of it jokingly, but have real complaints and annoyances about the house. No rental is perfect, but what can you expect? Should we ask them to stop?

Didn't you post before and we told you not everyone likes the beach nor finds a shared house comfortable. That is not really a vacation if you have to cook and clean. Did you take their needs and feelings into consideration?

It's an opportunity for the family to spend time in the same house. That's the point of it -- mature people like OP get this. Immature people like you and OP's son are still childish and think a family vacation should include roller coaster rides and cotton candy.

It's spending time together. They're lucky OP and their father care enough to do this for the family.

This is wonderful satire. Well-done.

I'm sure there are well adjusted, healthy, loving and emotionally functional adults who can see that it's not satire. Bitterness and sarcasm is a red flag, PP....

Can’t decide if satire or possibly brunch grandma…

Man, you’re swinging and missing like crazy. This thread is bananas.
If OPs son was so put out by the invitation and the subpar accommodations, surely he could handle it differently, right?

Except that son drove for hours, to find all the rooms taken - when this room was available, son and DIL tried to suck it up. But really, isn't the only thing most people want on vacation REST/SLEEP?

Why is this so hard to understand?

When you kids are little kids, they don't care where they sleep. Grown ups generally do.

Really drove for hours? All the rooms were taken? I missed that post, can you quote it?

How far is the beach from here?

There is your answer.

Where is here?

What is the name of this board? Want to play games?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son and DIL haven’t joined us for our annual beach house vacation since before COVID, so we were thrilled that the came along this year and brought their two boys. DH and I pay for the rental, which is several thousand. We think it’s a very nice house and location. Our kids and their spouses contribute groceries and meals.

The son/DIL who haven’t joined in years have been complaining nonstop, calling it a “trip” and saying things like “these curtains are so flimsy, we can’t sleep in the morning” and saying “anytime you have to make up the bed and bring your own toilet paper, it’s not a vacation, it’s a trip.” They some of it jokingly, but have real complaints and annoyances about the house. No rental is perfect, but what can you expect? Should we ask them to stop?

Didn't you post before and we told you not everyone likes the beach nor finds a shared house comfortable. That is not really a vacation if you have to cook and clean. Did you take their needs and feelings into consideration?

It's an opportunity for the family to spend time in the same house. That's the point of it -- mature people like OP get this. Immature people like you and OP's son are still childish and think a family vacation should include roller coaster rides and cotton candy.

It's spending time together. They're lucky OP and their father care enough to do this for the family.

This is wonderful satire. Well-done.

I'm sure there are well adjusted, healthy, loving and emotionally functional adults who can see that it's not satire. Bitterness and sarcasm is a red flag, PP....

Can’t decide if satire or possibly brunch grandma…

Man, you’re swinging and missing like crazy. This thread is bananas.
If OPs son was so put out by the invitation and the subpar accommodations, surely he could handle it differently, right?

Except that son drove for hours, to find all the rooms taken - when this room was available, son and DIL tried to suck it up. But really, isn't the only thing most people want on vacation REST/SLEEP?

Why is this so hard to understand?

When you kids are little kids, they don't care where they sleep. Grown ups generally do.

Really drove for hours? All the rooms were taken? I missed that post, can you quote it?

How far is the beach from here?

There is your answer.

Where is here?

What is the name of this board? Want to play games?

Are you clairvoyant? You seem to have a lot of additional information not included in the OP and are really running with it.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you don't like your son and DIL, don't invite them - says more about you than them if you exclude them.

Grow up.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the pages, but it's rude to insult someone's gift.

Did son and DIL want to go on the family vacation? Or did they really not want to go and feel pressured/strongly encouraged to go? If they didn't want to go, they should've declined the invite. Vacation time is limited for many people and they may prefer to do something else, which is fine. Not okay to accept, let someone else pay, and just complain about everything the whole time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the pages, but it's rude to insult someone's gift.

Did son and DIL want to go on the family vacation? Or did they really not want to go and feel pressured/strongly encouraged to go? If they didn't want to go, they should've declined the invite. Vacation time is limited for many people and they may prefer to do something else, which is fine. Not okay to accept, let someone else pay, and just complain about everything the whole time.

Yeah, but if you read OP's posts, you can tell that son and DIL are damned if they do, and damned if they don't. Op is going to either say - "nope! she didn't join us!!!" like it's a big deal - or no matter what DIL says - it's going to be made into a huge deal, instead of OP saying something non-snarky.

OP is looking for fault.